Jan Mieszkowski
@janmpdx
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Comp Lit Prof – Author of Labors of Imagination (Fordham, 2006), Watching War (Stanford, 2012), and Crises of the Sentence (U of Chicago, 2019)
Portland
Joined June 2012
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It's Mary Shelley's birthday. Celebrate by creating something you can't control and wondering whether it wants to exalt you or kill you.
233
4K
9K
Is Twitter a waste of time?
Kant: What is "time"?
Bataille: What is "waste"?
Schelling: What is "is"?
Heidegger: What is "of"?
Wittgenstein: What is “a”?
Camus: Yes.
37
2K
5K
Worst Philosophers of All Time
20. It's
19. Absurd
18. To
17. Rank
16. Philosophers
15. As
14. If
13. They
12. Were
11. Films
10. Or
9. Light
8. Beers
7. Rather
6. Than
5. Our
4. Bravest
3. Conceptual
2. Warriors
1. Ayn Rand
54
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4K
Leibniz discovered calculus by accident, while trying to prove to a friend that his birthday was on July 1st.
29
464
4K
Is Twitter a waste of time?
Heidegger: What is "time"?
Bataille: What is "waste"?
Kant: What is "is"?
Husserl: What is "of"?
Camus: Yes.
55
1K
4K
Instead of sending friends and family a holiday card, I anonymously mail everyone a copy of the first page of Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” with Nabokov’s annotations.
15
548
4K
English poetry: I'm in love
Italian poetry: I was in love
French poetry: I lost my love
German poetry: I traded love for demonic powers
30
3K
3K
My father, a retired economist, has decided that at age 87 he's going to start studying literary theory. Having recently been reading Judith Butler, he remarked: I believe that a large part of me is performative.
15
217
4K
French literature: The devil wanted me to do it
British literature: The devil begged me to do it
German literature: The devil paid me to do it
Russian literature: I am the devil and I didn't do it!
17
654
3K
French poetry: I'm in love
English poetry: I was in love
American poetry: I wanna know love
German poetry: I traded love for demonic powers
32
376
3K
It's Mary Shelley's birthday. Celebrate by creating something you can't control and wondering whether it wants to exalt or kill you.
70
915
3K
Worst Philosophers of All Time
20. It's
19. Absurd
18. To
17. Rank
16. Philosophers
15. As
14. If
13. They
12. Were
11. Films
10. Or
9. Light
8. Beers
7. Rather
6. Than
5. Our
4. Bravest
3. Conceptual
2. Warriors
1. Ayn Rand
20
247
2K
August 30th: It's Mary Shelley's birthday. Celebrate by creating something you can't control. Bonus points if it wants to kill you.
30
528
2K
Queer Eye but it’s five adjunct faculty members following around an extremely well-paid administrator to see what it is that he actually does all day.
7
253
2K
Science: This
History: This then that
Literature: This means that
Philosophy: This therefore that
Economics: I’ll give you this for that
Politics: I'll keep this and take that
83
743
1K
Who is the worst modern philosopher and why is it Ayn Rand?
206
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Karl Marx and Søren Kierkegaard share a birthday today. Marx has the snazzier gravestone, but it will cost you £8 to see it.
#capitalism
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When you're the only humanities professor they put on the committee.
8
117
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Email from a student who failed to turn in the final paper: "I got embroiled in a two-day debate on Reddit and had nothing left to give."
17
167
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Foucault named his cat Insanity.
Derrida named his cat Logos.
Camus named his cat Cigarette.
#InternationalCatDay
21
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Beckett is furious with Giacometti for overdecorating the Christmas tree.
13
305
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Read Schopenhauer to understand Nietzsche.
Read Hegel to understand Schopenhauer.
Read Kant to understand Hegel.
Then read Spinoza to understand that you don't understand anything.
28
321
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LOL = Leibniz's Obscure Lemma
TGIF = Thank Gödel It's Finite
IMHO = In My Hegelian Opinion
NSFW = Nobody Should Forget Wittgenstein
9
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Buckingham Palace just released this photo of Samuel Beckett waiting for Kate Middleton.
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French philosophy: I must conquer radical doubt
Russian philosophy: I must conquer abject fear
British philosophy: I must conquer extreme apathy
German philosophy: I must conquer a vulnerable neighboring principality
8
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1K
Marx's notes on Hegel's Logic
Lenin's notes on Hegel's Logic
Your notes on Hegel's Logic
10
136
1K
Your paper when you finish it at 3AM.
Your paper when you reread it the next day.
5
275
1K
Philosophy in
Plato: public
Augustine: private
Descartes: the living room
Smith: the boardroom
Sade: the bedroom
Marx: the streets
Heidegger: the Black Forest
Sartre: a cafe
Arendt: a classroom
Žižek: your stockbroker’s office
10
265
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Sartre: It's hopeless
Beckett: It's beyond hopeless
Kafka: There's plenty of hope, infinite hope, but not for us
Camus: Shameless optimists!
9
585
1K
Ladies, if he:
- is an indivisible substance
- is endowed with perception and appetite
- is a perpetual living mirror of the universe
- never interacts with any of his kind
He's not your man. He's a monad.
8
205
962
American novel: I want to be a British novel!
British novel: I want to be a French novel!
French novel: I want to be a Russian novel!
Russian novel: Thank God I'm not a German novel!
6
186
958
Marx's notes on Hegel's Logic
Lenin's notes on Hegel's Logic
Your notes on Hegel's Logic
9
143
955
Beckett is furious with Giacometti for overdecorating the Christmas tree.
11
168
955
English poetry: I'm in love
Italian poetry: I was in love
American poetry: I thought I was in love
German poetry: I traded love for demonic powers
23
220
932
Is Twitter a waste of time?
Kant: What is "time"?
Bataille: What is "waste"?
Heidegger: What is "is"?
Hegel: What is "of"?
Wittgenstein: What is “a”?
Camus: Yes.
20
308
926
But how do I pay?
Goethe: With your immortal soul
Kafka: With your depraved embrace of eternal hopelessness
Beckett: $5 should cover it, no?
17
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905
Life is
Kierkegaard: anxiety
Schopenhauer: despair
Bataille: terror
Benjamin: guilt
Beckett: all that stuff, but really, really funny
5
281
874
July 3 – Franz Kafka's birthday. There is hope, plenty of hope, an infinite amount of hope, just not for us.
8
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872
Humanity's self-alienation has reached the point where it can experience its own annihilation as a supreme aesthetic pleasure.
–Walter Benjamin
7
228
868
Schopenhauer: The will to life
Nietzsche: The will to power
Heidegger: The will to will
Wittgenstein: What will it take to shut you all up?
11
362
837
No matter how long he sat alone at his table, Beckett's waiter would never ask him who he was waiting for.
12
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857
Humanity's self-alienation has reached the point where it can experience its own annihilation as a supreme aesthetic pleasure.
–Walter Benjamin
8
185
780
German philosophy: I might be a god
British philosophy: I might be mad
French philosophy: I might be a ghost
American philosophy: I might be picked to give a TED Talk
3
201
777
J. W. von Goethe's study as he left it.
Francis Bacon's studio as he left it.
22
197
798
Beckett is furious with Giacometti for overdecorating the Christmas tree.
8
203
796
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on the plane?
Me: Yes, but I'm not that kind of …
Flight attendant: The pilots are debating what Nietzsche really meant with that thing about staring so long into the abyss that it stares back.
Me: Okay, I’m here.
10
220
786
Science: What is it?
Philosophy: What is is?
Poetry: What it is!
10
187
784
Foucault and Sartre trying to look casual as they trail Deleuze and Guattari in hopes of seeing where they hid the body without organs.
5
156
785
Plato: Leave the cave
Heidegger: Leave the metropolis
Nietzsche: Leave me alone
13
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777
It's Albert Camus' birthday. Somewhere he's
a) worrying about Trump
b) musing about the absurd
c) shamelessly making smoking look glamorous
6
405
767
Roland Barthes reminding us that
a) my cat is not the meaning of the word "cat"
b) a pet is the objective correlative of the self's fantasy of an anonymous other
c) he failed art class in elementary school
12
272
761
The most successful people I've met:
1. own a lot more books than they've read
2. pretend to understand analytic philosophy
3. frequently use the words "ethics" and "leadership"
4. never explain what they mean by "ethics" or "leadership"
5. mean "I" whenever they say "we"
2
158
761
Is Twitter a waste of time?
Kant: What is "time"?
Bataille: What is "waste"?
Schelling: What is "is"?
Heidegger: What is "of"?
Wittgenstein: What is “a”?
Camus: Yes.
15
203
759
Science: This
History: This then that
Literature: This means that
Philosophy: This therefore that
Economics: I’ll give you this for that
Politics: I'll keep this and take that
Psychoanalysis: Mother
4
299
751
"writing day" (n.): a day like any other except you choose to feel miserable about the fact that you aren't getting any writing done
3
147
726
English philosophy: The world is good
French philosophy: My soul is good
Greek philosophy: Triangles and circles are good
German philosophy: I'm a monster
25
93
724
Philosophy can
350 BCE: teach me to lead the good life
1350: bring me closer to God
2016: be a great credential when I apply to law school
3
291
687
The Long Eighteenth Century: 1688 – 1815
The Long Nineteenth Century: 1789 – 1914
The Long Twentieth Century: 1870 – 2012
The Long Twenty-First Century: 2020 – 2021
7
160
718
What's wrong, Dr. Schrödinger? Were you expecting a cat?
11
299
702
A drawing Kafka saw fit to include in a love letter to Milena Jesenská.
13
85
700
Unsexiest Philosophy Halloween Costumes
1) Brain in a vat
2) Trolley problem
3) Prisoner's dilemma
4) Beetle in a box
5) Martin Heidegger
17
183
694
Philosophy has been all downhill since
Aristotle: Plato
Spinoza: Plato
Locke: Plato
Hume: Plato
Schopenhauer: Plato
Nietzsche: Nietzsche
12
117
687
English philosophy: I feel that the world is beautiful
French philosophy: I think that my soul is beautiful
German philosophy: I'm a monster
4
375
674
There are rejection letters, then there are the rejection letters publishers sent to Gertrude Stein.
16
156
672
Foucault can't stop laughing as Sartre fails to give away a single free copy of "Existentialism is a humanism."
6
185
652
Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever actually finished writing something before it was due?
16
107
659
Schopenhauer: We’re doomed
Beckett: We’re hopelessly doomed
Kafka: We’re doomed beyond hope and doom
Camus: Your collective optimism is nauseating
3
204
632
From a certain point on, there is no turning back. This is the point that needs to be reached.
–Franz Kafka, October 20, 1917
2
145
632
Our children may not be learning biology, but they are learning an ideological critique of science.
3
195
617
English lit: Why does beauty make me happy?
French lit: Why does beauty make me sad?
German lit: Why does power make me happy?
Russian lit: Why do I have an axe in my head?
10
180
617
