j 🇵🇸
@janhopi
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I owe my soul to the company store
Manchester
Joined May 2015
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I can think of at least seven
very few countries in the world you can have a coffee overlooking one of the seven wonders of the ancient world.
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we gotta replace that aryan proud boy "Yes." guy with this one, it's time for a change
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Gone at his picture of cheetahs crossing a river. Hating every second of it.
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sometimes worry that the Great British Weirdo is a dying breed, good to know that there's still some young talent coming through the pipeline. just need to give them the first team opportunities.
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feel like I saw a lot of mockery of this. but just to be clear this is bad and another part of our lives getting smaller, meaner and more lonely because there isn't any profit left to be squeezed from it once the landlords have had their cut.
Nightlife experts warn we're losing one club every two days at the moment - and if we stay on this trajectory, we will have none left by 2030
Read more 🔗
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if you had never heard of autism before and you came online you'd assume it meant something like "wizard"
if we took one autistic man w a special interest in transportation from each state and put them all in a room together america could have the most efficient public transportation system in the whole world
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I'm an 1897 gorilla joke truther. nobody was making gags like this in 1897. the language is all wrong.
I'll go months without seeing this and then fucking die laughing again
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immediately chartering a plane to fly out to Turkey so I can shake this man by the shoulders and scream at him to take the job in Portugal.
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Tony's Chocolonely, if that's even your real name, you've had your fun but it's time to grow up and put the chocolate in squares
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lot of people who seem to struggle to grasp that I exist outside of linear time. very embarrassing.
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I'm pretty Flight of the Conchords sympathetic but 00s comedy gangsta rap parodies were a really dark time for the culture
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turning on BBC News just to hear the royal correspondents, some of the maddest people on the planet. they know nothing and they couldn't say anything if they did, so it's just "her majesty is, of course, very sleepy, and a very busy lady. she is in her house."
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Guys, The whole fucking UK right now is the Willy Wonka Experience
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Is there a more easily impressed group of people on the planet than Marvel fans
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shout out to the lad who came in halfway through The Banshees of Inisherin, watched ten minutes of it, leaned over to me and asked, "Is this Black Adam?", dropped his phone under my recliner as he tried to leave and then his popcorn as he tried to retrieve the phone.
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is that canonical piece of art from the past 'mid' or are you just seeing it with all its influences, pastiches, rip-offs and rebuttals fully culturally digested so that nothing about it is surprising and any sense of what it was reacting to or in conversation with is lost to you
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really trying not to get too angry at Esther Ghey for what it's worth but the outcome of all of this will be greater harm caused and she needs to stop.
Brianna was addicted to social media: teens need online protection - today's front page from The Independent 📰
You can download a digital newspaper every morning with a subscription to Independent Premium
Subscribe here 👉
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reading about a pub in Salford that's so rough that in 2007 two men went in to kill someone and were instead shot by several unrelated customers who had their own guns but were trying to watch Newcastle vs Manchester United
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Wish I could remember who said on a podcast this year that Kompany refused to change his strategy because he doesn't care about Burnley, only Brand Kompany. Because they really nailed it.
Vincent Kompany just led Burnley to a 19th-placed finish and relegation from the Premier League.
His stock has fallen since last summer when he was courted by
#CFC
and
#THFC
.
So why is he now a leading candidate at Bayern Munich?
⬇️
@adjones_journo
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you're not bottling up your feelings enough. bottle even harder. and for god sake stop talking to your mates!
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Hmmm yeah can you take this beautiful old clock and turn it into something that looks like it just submitted a trip report to Erowid?
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heard your boyfriend doesn't use a teaspoon to peel the ginger. he's just going at it with a knife. look how hard he's concentrating. he's lost half of it already. that's good ginger going in the bin there. pathetic.
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sorry but this just isn't accurate, modern day archaeologists are always digging up child skeletons riddled with leprosy and they say "heh heh heh let's call this one Rincewind" and then go for a pint of stout.
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the bit in Goodfellas where Paulie slices the garlic so thin with a razor blade that it "liquefies" in the oil, also untrue. lots of garlic misinformation out there. stay safe.
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sorry for Arsenal meme but this season has been pretty wild for this shit
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BBC journalists deciding they can finally put on their big boy hats and start scrutinising and being rude to Sunak because he's already lost and it won't affect their access (or funding). I wonder if they realise how transparent it is. hate them!
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going to stick my neck out and say there has never been a funny protest sign in recorded history
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fascinated by the fact that TERRORIST DICTATORSHIP seem to be playing a more modern 4-3-3 formation
Being liberal & anti-Israel is an old paradigm. The world has changed. Change too.
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Imagine if, instead of standing around like turkeys waiting to be shot, the Labour left had used their networks, resources and popularity, the stadiums full of young people turning out for left wing politics, to build something better. oh well! better luck next time dickheads!
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I went to an afterparty in this loft bar a couple of weeks ago and they had a load of psychedelic designs projected on the walls. but because it was on youtube it kept cutting to adverts for IBS relief and Pot Noodle. an exceptional vibe.
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@joelgolby
Competed on Robot Wars but the episode never aired because they couldn't show Sir Kill-A-Lot being defeated. Said robot was never visible in very small back garden or shed. Always out for repairs etc.
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@BBCNews
Add to that wear more wool, use a flask don't buy starbucks/Costa. Cut out gigs, theatre, cinema, smoking, vaping, 'recreational' drugs, paying for gyms & peloton, deliveroo etc. Batch cook meals, use airers not tumbledryers, avoid dry cleaners, make do & mend - you'll survive.
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doesn't seem ideal that a functional and charged smartphone is a minimum requirement to participate in society. Black Mirror all is forgiven.
@jackfifield
Hi Jack, it is your responsibility to ensure your device is charged and ready to show your ticket. We are unable to print off E-Tickets and wouldn't be able to access your account to do so anyway. ^SC
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if you don't want fringe candidates like Galloway elected, don't try and turn "opposing a genocide" into a fringe position. it's as simple as that.
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not being able to enjoy a historical Tory disaster because the party replacing them is still pro-genocide, pro-landlord, racist, transphobic, pro-privatisation, all total cunts who want you dead. that's a shame isn't it.
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say what you like about Vine but the number of people in the replies defending the driver is absolutely insane, these are the people passing you on your morning commute and this is what they think
This morning. About an hour ago.
Illegal right turn, then watch.
Unbelievable.
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I just can't work out how old he is? Could be anywhere between 14 and 50. Is that a bit of grey at the temples?
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you live alone, it's winter, it's pissing it down, it's a weeknight evening and you're bored and understimulated. nobody lives near you. what are your options? basically pub or just die really isn't it.
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Matt Healy is a long running experiment to try and create the human with the single worst vibe in history. Scientists are declaring it an unqualified success.
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Maybe this is how people felt about Iraq a few years ago but I don't know how I can go back to living in a world where these people are normal politicians and journalists. That's gone now.
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it's so mad to me that Kevin Garnett in Uncut Gems was a real basketball player, he's incredible in it. imagine Alan Shearer turning up in a movie and actually being good. incomprehensible.
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serious question, is there like a fundamental human need to be categorised?
saw this reel that said "no one thrives more in an airport than a solo travelling eldest daughter" and like YES so true
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you can tell you're talking to a real gastronome when they use "Chinese" or "Indian" to mean a single cuisine
There is no European cuisine that comes remotely close to touching Korean, Chinese, Indian, West African, or Caribbean food
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hate it when I make one cheese sandwich and I've got some leftover bread and cheese. what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? you can't use it for anything!
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Londoners screaming and shitting themselves at the prospect of having to be friendly to someone
Every SE London Houseshare advertisement
“Hey guys! We’re Abi, Pandora, and Flo. We’ve got a spare room going for someone who’s not just a housemate but also a friend. We’re always up for pub nights, but happy to chill and do our own thing too! Let us know about yourself x”
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If only there was a building for men who like having a pint, so you knew where to find them. You could serve drinks there.
Dating app style apps but for strictly finding blokes to have a pint with should be way more of a thing.
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stunning comic timing in this episode of Grand Designs. the homeowner is in the middle of telling Kev that she's gone for a "contemporary, modern, Icelandic" design just as a workman walks past carrying a huge statue of a grey alien smoking a spliff.
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wonder what it's like to live a life where you are unable to discern irony this obvious. must be quite unsettling really.
Facebook is handling the burning of the Crooked House very, very normally...
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don't have a strong opinion on the whole "neurodiversity as superpower" thing. can see how it makes some people feel better about themselves and some people feel worse. hakuna matata.
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every time I see a picture of a man in a hospital bed my visual cortex confidently informs me that I'm looking at Jair Bolsonaro, like a faulty neural network which has been fed the same input too many times
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anybody who analyses the UKIP project as anything less than a total and unmitigated success is lying to themselves, no matter how many politicians they have or had
🥳UKIP have lost ALL of their six remaining councillors.
This means UKIP has been *completely* wiped out as an electoral force.
As of today, there isn’t a single UKIP politician elected anywhere in the country.
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first time I ever went to Glasgow was on a 6 hour coach so when I got off I had to do a funny walk to stretch my legs out. First Glaswegian I encountered took one look at me and said "you're no a fuckin horsie mate"
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England fans adopting 'Free Palestine' as a meme one of the funnier developments in international football
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This is police state shit and every football fan demanding it is a turkey voting for Christmas
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Went to that German kebab chain that has suddenly become ubiquitous, crap. Same quality and twice the price of a local place, and nobody called me bossman or asked if I wanted extra spicy
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Next door's cat Jasper undertaking his daily pilgrimage to drink from the small pool of fetid water which collects in one particular fold of a bag of compost
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yeah hi Sean, so it would be great if you could say a couple of words of solidarity. yeah that's right. just something normal. don't overthink it.
Sean Penn says “so you want my scans and voice data & all that. Here’s what I think is fair: I want your daughter’s, because I want to create a virtual replica of her & invite my friends over to do whatever we want in a virtual party right now.”
(Source: )
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ADHD is when you have a large and gleamingly tidy house with a single box out of place
this box has been sitting in my hallway for *six weeks* and my husband has not asked me what it is, why I haven’t opened it, or if I should ever plan on moving it and this is what it’s like when both partners have ADHD.
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I know everyone is bored of talking about it but writing a whole piece like this without mentioning the media once is like discussing World War II without mentioning Germany
There are two basic truths about Britain’s experience in the past two decades. “The first is that the country has suffered grievously,”
@samknightwrites
. The second is that “a single party has been responsible.”
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just remembered when everyone would stand on their doorsteps and bang pans every week. absolutely out of this fucking world.
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[watching a study of male loneliness and swallowed anger set in rural Ireland in the early 20th century] when's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson getting here?
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do schoolkids still bring in films to watch around christmas? we once convinced our teacher to let us watch Team America: World Police after a couple of weeks of consistent disinformation.
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there is a lesson to be learned about not platforming the grieving but the unspoken part of that (see Brendan Cox too) is that they don't get that platform anyway unless they decline to blame the media and toe the party line.
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hate Partey as a person, hate Partey as a player. want him gone in every possible respect.
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