Jake Prizant
@jakeprizant_
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bacon egg and cheese style guy • sketch/ improv @The_Annoyance + @iochicago • jake_prizant on IG
Chicago baby!
Joined August 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Yeah and I could have gotten a 36 on my ACT but I was too stupid
James Corden could have been Samwise in The Lord of the Rings, but the audition went bad
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me and the improv homies after the worst show we’ve ever done
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POV: ur skipping through this guys story and realize his gf hates him
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Santa ass meal
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If the alphabet wasn’t a song... I straight up wouldn’t know it
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BRAVE: local man watching fireworks resists urge to say “this is the finale”
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HOW has there not been a real housewives of ROKU city yet??
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Brothers we gotta make sure we are washing our ass holes good. Love you all for real do better
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In my opinion, this year felt kinda weird for me personally
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[watching fireworks]
Me:
Every damn person around me: oh this is the finale
Me: ..
[fireworks continue]
Every damn person around me: ok wait THIS is the finale
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Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
to watch the day bleed
It bleeds so much
I was getting kinda used to living in a world where days don’t bleed.
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If you give a mouse a cookie he’ll start realizing there’s more to life than making money and having sex. He’ll start to appreciate the little things like fresh bed sheets and stop signs that have been run over.
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I've never truly been able to identify my sexual orientation. Ty
@portlandia
for opening my eyes to the tru me .
http://t.co/MlOOQBuZai
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I love in an improv show when someone says the specific make and model of a car the whole audience starts laughing so damn hard they pass out and freaking die.
I love that.
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Ok I know I’m late but Bo burnham’s “inside” is absolutely beautiful
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Due to personal reasons I will be lying down for a while. Thank you.
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*tipping me after I make balloons for his wife and kids*
MAN-I’m sorry this is all I have..it has profanity on it
ME- that’s.. ok?
MAN- I’m so sorry...there’s profanity on it
ME: um
MAN: I didn’t want to give it to our nice old waitress and it’s all I have left i’m-
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Bats shouldnt be the only animal who sleeps upside down. Goats should sleep upside down
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It’s awful to explain that improv can be really good actually
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Might go online later. I hear it’s lovely this time of year
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Me when I see grown men wearing basketball jerseys to a party/ bar/ social situation/ not at a basketball game
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I can't "shotgun" a beer but I can "drink" a beer "slowly" and at my own "leisure" so I don't "choke" and "die"
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For sale!!! This custom fingerboard my ex bought me 4 months before she got engaged to her meditation instructor she told me not to worry about! Really nice shape// carries some haunting memories. $40 OBO
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For me personally, this is insane
“ Relives Horrifying Moment He Stabbed Himself In Balls During School Play”
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Chicago is awesome cause there will be some improv show where everyone takes a gas station Boner pill then does long form and nobody is in the audience and it’s the greatest comedy show of all time
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Oh that's cute, you study engineering? well I'm taking a class next year called "listening to music" so it's clear who will be employed
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Me and my ex broke up in January and now she’s engaged 😍😍 how fucking cool is that you guys????
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┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻| _
┻┳| •.•) ....... hey fuqer
┳┻|⊂ﾉ
┻┳|
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I don’t have a resume I just show potential employers this video on a cracked iPad and cross my fingers
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Just got recognized from vine at a bar. I freaking rule still
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Don’t wake me before noon, I’m gonna be up late watching my stories
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I can’t believe my life rn: I was chosen as the lucky American that gets to fight Bobby flay at the Kentucky derby!
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I’m not “unemployed” I’m experiencing “the ultimate snow day”
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HELP: I can’t stop whispering “I am from Illinois” to myself
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The CDC says that I can have my mom call your mom to set something up
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I’m obsessed with parents seeing a sketch comedy show cause they say stuff like “ok that one was actually funny”
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I like to imagine that whoever runs Sports center’s Instagram frickin loves water slides
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My tik tok account got suspended because I made my bio “I’m 10 but I turn 11 in June”
I forgot you have to be 13 to use the app.
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Just deleted a tweet. I hope I come up with another one soon
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So excited to announce that I went viral!!! and I feel.... nothing 🙃
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Being a highschool teacher is:
10% frustrating
20% rewarding
70% “yes you can go to the bathroom”
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That’s too many songs I feel like
Dua Lipa wrote 97 songs for her upcoming album, Rolling Stone reports.
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Really jealous of everyone going on Kairos tomorrow. I hope you guys have a great time!
#wishihadacoolnecklace
http://t.co/F5Fuu4e2Dv
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Someone at a party last night explained what ‘whose line is it anyway’ to me for like 10 minutes. He was like “they just made it all up”
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Sneak preview of new solo show in the annoyance small theater!!!
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Bro literally stfu
I have 6 auditions in two days.... In case anyone is wondering college is awesome.
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No- I am a full grown adult. I cannot pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
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Sweet!!! Another day of drinking liquids based on the position of the sun! Time for the hot brown!
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Wagon wheel, covered by any artist, is unfortunately, my favorite song
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Just found out it’s my responsibility as former class president to plan all of our highschool reunions...which is very exciting. I have big plans for the Glenbrook North class of 2013! I plan to never see any of you ever again!
President Priz OUT!!
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I’ve been drinking vodka red Bull all day but Chicago is the greatest city in the world
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Facebook? Oh you mean birthday teller app. Yeah I don’t use it so much
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Invited my friends over to watch Roku city. It’s so beautiful this time of year
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My mom just told me I should write a show to pitch to Netflix!!!
What a fucking eye-opening brilliant, and most importantly, EASY idea!!!!!!!
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Just did an absolutely terrible improv comedy show tonight at the world famous iO theater restaurant bar and grill!
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Evry time ppl post/share their work and say "I did a thing", my blood boils hot, a dark Rage washes over me then I pass out. Evry time.
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Imagine being violently hungover but you have to go make balloons at a one year olds birthday party in an hour. Ha ha that would be nuts if someone had to do that in real life
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Holy shit it’s called 7-Eleven because that’s how tall it is
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