Robes Pierre
@itsflanagain
Followers
358
Following
356
Media
3,067
Statuses
84,791
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Pinned Tweet
Life is a highway and I’m texting and driving
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WAIT I didn’t realize Olympic shooting was this cunty…….
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Anytime I’m listening to Tove Lo on public transit I get the overwhelming urge to be her
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Red flags for a man's favorite sport:
Baseball: daddy issues
Hockey: cheater
NBA: potential gambling addiction
NFL: dumb
Wrestling: bisexual
Premier League: English
F1: cheater (European style)
Any college sport: evil
Golf: extremely racist
Tennis: gay
girlies. what’s ur biggest red flag sport for men? mines baseball
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I bet that DJ feels like a real idiot now
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Still gagged that she said this to a 5 year old.... queen
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Happy pride to the 3 guys from Saint Joe’s I used to hook up with behind their girlfriends’ backs who are now married/engaged to those same women they were cheating on
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Him: you better not be a cunty 1920s toaster when I get there
Me:
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When I say I've got that dawg in me this is what I mean
When you’re being mean to me this is who you’re being mean to
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Hugo and I got these delicious Chinese burgers on the recommendation of
@NotABigJerk
, whom we speak of as if she were a close friend or a cherished cousin and not simply someone we both follow on Twitter
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Gays see an actress ugly crying in one scene of a show or movie and think that means she should get an award
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Sorry I haven’t been able to get the phrase “Phrenology Shakira” out of my head
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If you’re upset by this please know I mean this 100% seriously and actually constructed this tweet to attack you, the person reading this, individually
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I can’t ever see this video without thinking how someone said she probably runs the clarinet section like the navy
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Bohemian Rhapsody is like, very, anti-queer and directed by a literal abuser and pedophile but sure let's give it awards lol
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How the electoral college map would look if only my vote counted
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Partly this is people not knowing how to pirate but it's also almost definitely a polite way for someone to say they have no interest in watching what you recommended
when u recommend a tv show to someone and they say "oh i don't have disney+ (or whatever streaming site it's on)" like oh my god... is the art of piracy really that lost or are people just stupid
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When I’m a hater it’s fun and refreshing and chic but when some of you guys are haters it’s sad and weird and embarrassing tbh!!!
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Every time I see this image I lose my fucking mind it’s so funny
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Henry Kissinger dying really made me reflect why I shouldn't have been drinking Henny and kissing her.... hope you're doing okay queen....
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Got a belly full of Malibu and I’m jerking off, call that a rum tum tugger
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Chris Rock and Jada Pinkett Smith embroiled in drama? Jessica Chastain and Hans Zimmer winning awards? What a night for the cast and crew of Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted!
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When are we gonna get 10 minutes of “He Said, She Said” by Ashley Tisdale
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I’m gonna start commenting “not your best” on people���s IG posts just to stir up some drama
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Told my roomate to move on from a guy & he goes "didn't you just drunkenly tell your ex you love him?"...like do as I say not as I do bitch
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I go to Wendy's so often that I literally just taught one of their new cashiers how to use the register
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Tried to tell my mom how I wasn't cut out for having a job and she said "oh you mean THIS job that you have right now?" and I had to explain to her how I am a lazy, beautiful idiot who both cannot handle and does not want ANY job
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The audience member screaming like Toad MarioParty when Shakira starts She Wolf..... my sister, my soulmate, my person
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Sent my parents my final capstone paper, the culmination of my undergraduate political science career, and all my mom responds with is "thanks for sharing" like it's a BuzzFeed article about a funny Kelly Clarkson interview on Ellen
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I got the elevator with a woman. I pressed floor 6, as she simultaneously pressed floor 9. We locked eyes and then went back to looking at our phones. This is the most profound interaction I’ve ever had with another person
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40 people, including Lori Loughlin, arrested in this college bribery scam? Guess that jail is about to be a FULL HOUSE!
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"I'm gonna vote for Taylor Swift because she got hit by that bus"
"I'm voting for Kim Kardashian because she pushed her"
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Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is, without a doubt, the finest movie ever made. I experienced the entire range of human emotions and have never thoroughly enjoyed a FILM more
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Not to be like “this is my gender” but like........ c’mon
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Fuck this, his disregard for Palestinian lives will have him go down as one of the most callous and cruel presidents in modern memory
Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude toward Joe Biden for making this sacrifice. His incredible presidency has surely been the best of my lifetime and one of the greatest in history. His achievements in office will make the country a better place for decades to come. What a legacy.
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Celebrating the engagement of Charli XCX as if she were a longtime friend
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I’m like... drunk but I’m literally so fucking giggly over the fact that I just like.... live in Paris???? This place I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little kid and I just??? Have an apartment here? I take the metro and buy wine and baguettes??? It honestly doesn’t feel real
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One time on a date a guy said: “you don’t have to act dumb around me to get me to like you, I know you’re smart”
This was upsetting because, though I have played dumb for men before, I actually wasn’t doing it that time
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Due to the fact that I had six vodka mixed drinks last night and made it to work early and with no hangover, I’m definitely a Catholic again because only a God who knows the Irish intimately would allow that to happen
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This Barbie sucks shit
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If anyone wants to send prayers/good thoughts/etc my mom's way I would really appreciate it💖
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“So I guess my question is: if I’m off the deep end (watch as I dive in), will I never meet the ground?”
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I will literally never stop thinking about the one time when a guy complimented my shirt at the bar and so I, naturally, went "thanks! I got it on sale" and he just looked me in the eyes and said "I didn't ask"
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Since I got my visa today, thought I might make it official- I am moving to Paris in January to start a Master’s of Communications with a fashion focus at the American University of Paris!!!!! @ Paris, France
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I just found out that no one in my family besides me likes orange juice and that for the 18 years I lived at home, my parents would still buy a gallon of orange juice every week that I apparently drank alone
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I wanted to make a funny “when the edible hits” tweet last night but then the edibles hit too hard and I couldn’t even unlock my phone
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To all you high schoolers who think college will be fun: I'm currently crying to a Hannah Montana song while making pasta at 1 am
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Life is full of highs and lows. For instance: I stood on a table and sang ABBA last night about an hour after I threw up in the bathroom sink at the bar
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I'm enjoying the Bookforum review of Lauren Oyler's book probably a little too much for someone who heard of Lauren Oyler from the aforementioned Bookforum review
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Am I cold? Of course
Am I leaving my coat unzipped regardless so that everyone on campus can see how cute my outfit is? Of course
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Ya boi is both employed AND moving back to the east coast
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Having an intelligent guy over for the first time and having to lay out all the "books" that I've been "reading" over the past few months so that he doesn't realize all I do in my free time is watch compilations of cringeworthy TikToks
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I wish I had the confidence of my mom, who just posted like 7 pictures in a row on Insta, all with no caption
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Why is he kinda giving Angela Merkel.......
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@confusionm8trix
Welcome to DC!!! Unpopular opinion but I think the structure is the national basilica
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I am more than 100% convinced that I would absolutely become inseparable, co-dependent best friends with Caroline Calloway should we ever meet
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Silence of the Lambs but Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality is the FBI agent on the case, not Clarice Starling
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If there’s one thing the oscars can do it’s bring people together <3
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My top two favorite conspiracy theories, ranked:
2) Avril Lavigne is dead and was replaced with a lookalike
1) Kurt Cobain was reincarnated as Zomboomafoo
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I am in disbelief over this headline in the Chicago Sun Times
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Real tweet but being a sexual assault/rape survivor is fucking hard and I give endless amounts of props to anyone else who is also fighting that battle right now. I'm with you and I love you
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Miss Philly? Miss Philly? Oh my fucking god she fucking dead
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Locking my account for now bc I just submitted my application for grad school à Paris
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@onikaperryyy
I’m 28, employed, and I think I’m doing okay! Hope you take some time to reflect on why you speak to strangers like this.
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I hadn't been to the class since March 1st and got a 52% on my final exam but still ended the class with a C!!!!! No weapon formed against me shall prosper!!! Every tongue that rises against me in judgement shall be condemned!!!!
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Don't you hate when the "mental health day" you took freshman year turns into 4 full years
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I got in fjfjsjfjhds now I just have to get a French visa
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Pros of leaving Philly: got to cry dramatically while staring out the window of a moving vehicle like I was in a music video
Cons of leaving Philly: cried in front of my dad in a Uhaul at 4:15 AM
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I just saw Kirsten Gillibrand in person and I'm literally weak in the knees holy fuck I said hi and she smiled at me and I'm DEAD she's the literal reason I got into politics
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I’ve developed a template for when your friends are reaching out but you’re at capacity- hope this helps!
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Me unmuting myself on Teams to make a joke that no one laughs at
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