iamnotshane
@iamnotshane
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485
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Remember to spend Valentine’s Day with the one you love most
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For those who haven't yet seen me spank my buttocks in church please RT to save a life and cleanse the world of sin
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Question 4. Who did the Micheal Jackson gravity lean in their recent music video?
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I wanna cuddle with you on the couch but please sit at the opposite end and don’t touch me or even look at me
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I joke that I’m a slut but I can’t even make eye contact with people with out being awkward and physical contact gives me nightmares
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That awkward moment when you play hard to get but nobody is attempting to get you
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Oh no I just realized I have no friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I did one push up this morning and almost died don’t try this at home kids it’s very dangerous I don’t recommend exercising it hurts
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Prom is only fun if you hide under the tables and bite peoples ankles
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If you ever feel uncomfortable at a strangers house party just lock yourself in their bathroom and take a bubble bath
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Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by your own mirror reflection
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Oh no I just realized I’m a slut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hello
@NBCOlympics
if I get over 3 Re tweets can I enter the Olympics and completely take over pls
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I’ve never been in love because that requires dating and dating requires getting out of bed and that is not possible for me I’m afraid
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I’m really romantic I just don’t like dating, physical contact, stay out of my bubble and don’t touch me
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Anytime I hear a noise in my house late at night I fall off the bed stealthily and slither on the ground in the shadows with my phone and butcher knife that I keep under my pillow whilst whispering in parseltongue and if that doesn’t scare the intruder away I marry them
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Everyone is fake!!! I hate fake people!! I’m fake!! I hate myself!!
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I might be naked right now but I'm not a slut because I'm wearing socks
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I don't understand why I haven't been kidnapped yet I'm very desirable why can't someone risk spending their life in prison for me
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The sun is out and it’s beautiful but my bed is more beautiful and I’m closing the blinds
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Not to be dramatic but if mermaids aren’t real I don’t see the point in living anymore
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School didn't teach me anything. I learned how to spank myself all by myself and look what a successful slut I've become. Follow your dreams kids.
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I WANT TO PLAY IN EVERY CITY AND MEET ALL OF YOU and WILL in the near future but until then I have to keep hustling as an underground pop star stripper until people start paying attention
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Sometimes I watch my booty bounce in the mirror, and am frightened by the power
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I think for Valentine’s Day I’ll put myself up for sale on eBay to the highest bidder
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I never tell who I’m dating that I’m dating them because if they don’t know we’re dating, the odds of breaking up are slim
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Remember your bf or gf can't leave you if you chain them to the wall. That's the key to a successful relationship
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I’m a rock n roll slut but also a virgin and very well mannered
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On Mondays I'm normal, Tuesdays I'm a slut, on Wednesdays I like to think of myself as a cook, on Thursdays I'm a serial killer, Fri-Saturday I'm a pop star and on Sundays I go to church
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I knock on people's doors and ask for candy dressed as a slut every day of the year Idk why Halloween is so special
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Unfortunately I do not have time to exercise due to my busy eating schedule
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My New Year’s resolution is to change absolutely nothing because I’m perfect
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I'm a stripper but instead of taking off my clothes I put them on slowly for the crowd
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Can summer be over please I’m sick of the sun harassing me everywhere I go- I vote we cancel the sun
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I'm going to create a mermaid dating app I'm sick of dating people with legs and people who drown
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I'm slightly embarrassed of my recent google searches but mostly proud
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Yes I go sunbathing with all my clothes on because I’m not a whore
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I just realized I’m perfect and I’m suing anyone who told me otherwise
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My serial killer side is really showing on this project I hope you’re ready for dark Shane music
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I’m romantically involved with cheese I’ve canceled plans so I can nibble on cheese
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I quit being a slut because I just found out I am a virgin
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I don’t understand why I’m single!!!!!! I cook, clean the house, and I’m super quiet when i bring home a dead body and bury it in the basement
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Every night before bed I close the blinds, light some candles, put on tranquil music and belly dance into the early hours of the morning
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I can't wait to tell my grandchildren that I changed the course of history with one slap of the buttocks
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I’d rather jump off a cliff than start dating again I don’t recommend it, requires you to be nice and think of someone else constantly it’s exhausting!!!
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American horror story: I sprained my pelvis from dancing too slutty
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What slutty vegetable should I be for Halloween this year?
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I tried to eat healthy once and it was the worst 5 minutes of my life
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I’m so proud of myself this year- I’m already more desperate, lonely and less cool! Excited to see what this year brings!
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Lock your doors, lock your windows, normal people are everywhere it's not safe
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Shout out to all my catfishes on tinder for photoshopping my face on another body. I love you James, Cooper, Hunter and Marcus I’ll check out your band
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I'm worried my parents are going to give me a Psychiatric test for Christmas
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Please let everyone on Twitter know that I’m Omw to steal your girl
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I WANT TO BE IN EUROPE RIGHT NOW AND SPANKED ON TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER AND politely spanked in front of Big Ben and I want to twerk on the leaning tower of Pisa and slut drop in a German haunted castle
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My New Years resolution is to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing all year
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Happy 3 year anniversary to the love of my life who doesn’t know we’re dating yet
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Well last night was probably the best night of ma life I semi regret straddling my funeral portrait on stage but not really
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I can't wait to tell my grandchildren what a loser I was
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