maja
@heygortys
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I just tried to have “morning fun” and got told “No” in the MIDDLE of kissing and like that isn’t bad enough he THEN hit me with “God came to me tonight.”
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Did I tell you guys about the second time me and Aamir slept in the same house and we both left our doors open with a hallway in between the bedrooms hoping the other person would get the hint?
Both of us were pussies and ended up sleeping alone.
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I tried to romantically join the shower Aamir was in. I undressed and everything being the spicy spontaneous hottie I am.
I was met with a face of horror and the words ''Don't come in here my ass itches so bad!😭''
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today was the day my 50 year old parents called me up to say that they found the bullshitteries
at a dinner party with their friends.
my dad really liked the animation cartoon of me hitting aamir with a rock. my mom said he was swearing too much.
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Aamir made me laugh before he even knew I existed. His sense humor and voice comforted me during dark periods.
He was very far away from my reality. I knew about him for two years before our first messages to each other.
Tonight he’s very far away and I miss him.
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Happy birthday to the man who really really didn’t want me to remind anyone that it’s his birthday.
I’m so happy I met you.
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I woke up to feed the little man to find out Lucky Tony is now with his siblings did not make it.
Sleep well little champion.
♥️
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today is father's day in Sweden. people ask me how I deal with Aamir's absurd car obsession and to be honest I was moulded from birth. my wonderful dad has around 10 cars, most of them being ''projects'' that WILL run in the future... or that's what he says.
love you dad.
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you know when you have a BAD sexual dream about someone? and just cause of that everything feels fucking horrible?
yeah I can't watch James May on Top Gear anymore.
walked in on him and one of my friends. cheers James May.
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get a gamer girlfriend people told him. it’s amazing to have common interests. so coolio. grills.
people forget the fact that “games” is a very broad category and me and my bf would rather chew glue than play games the other one enjoys.
I want a a refund & quarterback bf now.
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Since you didn’t want to cuddle me this morning
@zfcyanide
I’d like to remind you that the things this lunatic of a man were saying are starting to make sense.
😶😶😶
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The first time Aamir kissed me we snuggled on a bed and he pressed his face against my cheek over and over again. Since he was a huge wuss I decided to kiss him and I cheekily asked if that was what he wanted.
He replied “I don’t know. 🥺”
Just putting it out there.
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aamir is sending me videos of german shepherds and toddlers and I need someone to SAVE me.
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Aamir cut his beard and I feel like I am cheating on him with another man.
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I hate British men. They always go in for the kiss on the cheek and me a Scandinavian goes in for the hug and then it’s just an awkward fumble of libs, no eye contact and things just turn weird.
Maybe I just hate myself for NEVER learning.
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It’s 15:28 Aamir just woke up and apparently I cheated on him in his dream.
I told him that I refuse to take responsibility for my fictional dream self and he’s now throwing a temper tantrum cause I won’t scratch his back when he needs “emotional support” and I’m the devil.
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Aamir didn’t pay the internet bill. Aamir leaves the country is a full time streamer and he didn’t pay his fucking internet bill. Did I mention that Aamir didn’t pay the fucking internet bill?
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To everyone who took a ban to promote my stream in Aamirs - I love you my matyrs. You will never be forgotten.
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today a teen referred to my Instagram as a Milfgram and I’ve never felt older in my life.
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Yes yes. Picture I know. Show glasses. This is me as your disappointed teacher or mom. Take your pick.
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when ur excited to see ur boyfriend but he’s been sitting in a sim rig for hours and smells like onions
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I went through my pictures and now I understand why people say my only quality is badonka donks
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I don’t like meeting people who’s content I watch, enjoy or am a fan of in real life cause last time I did that I got laid and had to move. I’m afraid what will happen next time.
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I leave my bed for 2 minutes to get water and this girl is ALREADY trying to move on my man. There is no loyalty.
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Happy Valentines to the most hardworking and caring dog dad in the world.
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He is still alive. Fed him and now I’m going to bed for two hours. The person who found him called him Lucky. Aamir is calling him Tony with a New York Italian mobster accent. Lucky Tony will avenge his family.
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I PANIC after seeing all the messages he’s been spamming and I RUN to the room he’s in. I find him on the bed, a teary eyed abandoned puppy.
“You didn’t cuddle me after sex..”
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This is my public apology to
@SovietWomble
. Cause this totally happened and I hope he didn’t notice.
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“If you killed me and you dismembered my body you STILL wouldn’t be able to transport my torso cause you’re weak and that means you need to go to the gym”
Unsure if hinting about me needing to work out or if
@zfcyanide
is being the ultimate masochist.
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She is finally home. She’s been her 2 hours and she’s purring, screaming for pets and ate like there was no tomorrow.
She’s a brat and she’ll fit right in.
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I'll never forget the time I tried to guilt my dad to drive me to my friends house at 16 saying
''But dad think about all the pedos in the dark''
and he hit me with ''I'm sorry to break it to you sweetie but I don't think the pedophiles want you anymore.''
I had to walk.
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''can you imagine if you had hair growing INSIDE of your vagina?? like it would actually be like getting a boob job from a yeti. pretty cool.''
@zfcyanide
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My mom have started to write her instagram captions in Swedish AND English so my boyfriend will understand her talking about cats and scenery pictures 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
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when you get called ''super hot girlfriend'' cause of a meme peoples expectations run super high. but the truth is you actually don't shower for around three days, is the shortest swede in swedenland, didn't work out in 9 years and gets cross-eyed if laying down.
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I'll always remember the day when my dad sat me down and I thought I was in trouble. I had never had a boyfriend. I got this lovely talk about how they love me and if I love this certain girl that is completely okay.
I had bought Novie too many flowers during that year.
Yup.
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“Turn around let me hug you around the back.”
“That’s usually not a great idea.”
“It’s fine, I promise”
Cuddle mode activated. 30 seconds pass.
23 year old Aamir,
“🥺 Oh no.. spaghettios...”
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Your aim is horrible, IRL and in Apex so for god sake just sit the fuck down in the BATHROOM.
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I am extremely disappointed by the fact that I found a 17000 word fanfic about my boyfriend and a certain friend of his and not once was I mentioned.
Him leaving me for the love of his life would have been such a good plot for forbidden love.
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Today I started talking about grocery shopping and Aamir got upset with me for no reason. I'm still confused.
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when you realise you have to stop being a feminist cause you can't open the jar of jam and you have to give it to your boyfriend with tears in your eyes.
what are you? a failure.
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I’ll never forget the disappointment when I realized I was older than Aamir and my daddy hunting reputation will now never recover.
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Kids do not tell men to show their pee pee when they are trying to be romantic
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my boyfriend left the house and i honestly don't know where he went and I can't find my phone someone should ask him ok thqnks
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so if I get an onlyfans account u guys will pay right? different cute outfits, being cheeky af and of course the pictures will be of grace. I can’t wait to get her a hotdog costume and take hq pictures in the yard. this really is the future.
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Mother I do NOT know this man. Mother I DEMAND his filthy paws OFF me.
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i feel like getting an only fans and then everyone can call my boyfriend a cuck cause apparently softcore porn is devil's work and even though people watch porn they still think people providing that content are beneath them and I want to tell everyone to go and fuck themselves.
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Aamir woke me up at 5 am in the morning, he couldn’t sleep and I told him to put all of his electronics down and just lay there. “I’ve already tried that a bunch of times”
It took 8 minutes for him to fall asleep.
But who is the real loser? Cause now I’m the one that’s awake.
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Dear young girls.
You are NOT special. You are NOT smarter.
You are NOT different from others around you. You are NOT mature for your age. You are NOT the most beautiful girl they have ever seen. You are NOT the only person
that understands them in this cold and cruel world
-
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My boyfriend tried to convince me that h3h3 was pronounced ”hehe” yesterday. Not knowing the fact I’ve been a fan of them for years and forgetting the fact that he did that little stunt publicly. Very publicly.
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Found an old gem of me interrupting computer boy when we just started dating.
I should have known it only gets worse. (Yes I was out of laundry.)
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can everyone tweet at
@zfcyanide
that it's COOL and HIP to have a mouthguard while sleeping cause I can't stand the teeth grinding anymore. tomorrow he's going to wake up, call me a liar, slowly come to terms with reality and end it with ''i'm not 12.''
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I tried to make car noises at him while watching F1 so maybe he would pay attention to me too.
I’ve never been as close to receiving a backhand in my life.
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Aamir runs in with my pink rose smelling razor “You need to fix it quickly” points at his unibrow. I refuse, that razor was expensive and needs to be used when wet.
“I DON’T want to show up looking like Vishnu from New Delhi.”
I gave in. But now I am morally conflicted.
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I got worried cause Aamir took so long being out with the car. He got stuck in traffic. :)
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Aamir drove all the way to McDonald’s and we decided to drive all the way home and eat the food in the living room.
Aamir’s burger didn’t have a patty.
My nuggets were delicious.
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I’m upset all female Halloween costumes are sexy and cute.
And I do not want to go against the norm and not be sexy cause all of my friends are hot buuuut I also want to be a ghost.
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Aamir phone is on silent, I can’t yell for him since we have a storm outside and he won’t be able to hear shit.
I need toilet paper. 🥺
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for all the ''cyanide's super hot girlfriend'' people who thinks I'm an insta thot. this is my TRUE FORM.
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years ago one my of friends texted me that I needed to break into their house and hide their sex toys that had been left out on the bed.
''why would your parents go through your bed???''
''no maja. they are in my parents bed.''
and that's when mission impossible started.
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Today I gave a thumbs up to Spider-Man from my car. He gave me one back.
I wonder where he is going today.
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We are very excited about this new special baby moving in at the end of November.
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maja what content do you actually do? nothing. I just rode the clout train.
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