Mike
@hammerito
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Following
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Strength and conditioning coach. Scranton Posting, Philly sports, left politics, short-shorts advocate, knuck-if-you-buck enthusiast, he/him
Philadelphia, PA
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Come to Lahey Family Fun Park in the next ten minutes if you want get taken 390 to left center
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Hahahahahhaha someone parked their cybertruck at the coffee shop and every single person who comes in is talking about how dumb it looks and the guy is sitting there fuming this is the best morning ever
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There’s a men’s basketball team in Utah named after a style of music that has never once been played in Utah
As the WNBA gains more attention, it's time to confront an uncomfortable reality: It's kind of weird to name a sports team (or anything really) the Fever?
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Bags another national championship and now doesn’t have to hear this dipshit’s takes? Coach Dawn stays winning 🏆
This is perfect. Men playing women’s sports?
@dawnstaley
is all for it. Me saying men shouldn’t play women sports? Immediate block.
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The first Irish Catholic ATM
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Wait. I’m sorry, I’m piecing together that the A’s are punishing players who wore a bracelet for Last Dive Bar who sponsored the anti-ownership fanfest? Do I have that right?
Esteury Ruiz, who hit .429 this past week, is being optioned to Triple-A.
This is not an April Fools joke.
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Dudes rock (women are a type of dude)
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Cee Dee Lamb this, Cee Dee Lamb that, why don’t you go to Midnight Mass and see de Lamb of God be born this night in Bethlehem
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I get that it’s a bad look but it’s not like a plane full of Rockies players was ever going to hit anything
The Colorado Rockies are under federal investigation after hitting coach Hensley Muelens posted this video in the cockpit of the team’s flight
"We are deeply disturbed by what we see in that video.” -United Airlines spokesperson
(via
@chrisvanderveen
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While you’re here, Free Palestine 🇵🇸
Can you chip in a few bucks to raise $1M for the PCRF, MAP, UNRWA, and HEAL Palestine?
The famine, and the lack of clean water, medical supplies and treatment is beyond devastating.
Every single donation matters and makes a difference.
Donate here:
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a CrossFit gym that doesn't have to pay taxes and will eventually have a militia
Orange County churches are the future of faith in America. Gym, cafe, sports courts— tons of people just hanging out all day. You don’t see this in any other church community
Soho House for people with a soul that you actually want to talk to.
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@AvengerWyatt
@phillyTRU
And now he has to wait up to two weeks to see if the cops just gave him COVID on top of everything else, this country is insane
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Bryce, in the maternity ward:
The Phillies placed first baseman Bryce Harper on the paternity list.
To fill his spot on the 26-man roster, the club recalled infielder Kody Clemens from AAA Lehigh Valley.
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Watching the Six*rs try to get an offensive rebound
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A.J. Brown is training to whoop those autistic kids’ asses
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John Kruk relaying the time he got shot at by a West Virginia farmer who owned one of Secretariat's offspring for stealing beer out of the guy's carpeted barn, average Phillies broadcast
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LET👏🏻DEER👏🏻VOTE👏🏻😤
Biden campaign field offices in Pennsylvania. Hmmm I wonder what part of the state he's focusing on.
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@DavidAFrench
why are all of you just unprompted saying "i too had dinner with the Nazi guy"? Seriously, even just at the level you usually operate at it's such an own goal to do this the one time Thomas even bothers to respond to an allegation of massive wrongdoing
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It’s so over
contrary to popular belief, lesbian visibility week means YOU are now visible to all lesbians. start running now. we hunt at dusk
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Luckily I live in a country where billionaires can’t threaten to sue people out of existence for speaking the truth (yet!) so: JK Rowling is a Holocaust denier and a transphobe
On 13 March I tweeted that JK Rowling “is a Holocaust denier”. That allegation was false and offensive. I have deleted it and apologise to JK Rowling.
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Imagine if baseball had a real commissioner. David Stern would have had John Fisher in Guantanamo for this shit
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The Phillies are not just good at baseball, they make for incredibly good TV
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Booing while he’s running and cheering when he crosses the plate is a hilariously nuanced response, best fans in baseball by a long shot
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This should be the city connect uniform
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This is how I found out
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@coolp1np
@pale_tonyb
A lotta yall still dont get it. Ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape. So if you have 1 astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes.
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@TexasGOP
Whoa, he was in a band?
No thank you. I want a senator who buys a hundred cans of soup on his wedding night and doesn't understand the moral of 'The Cat in the Hat'
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Breaking: the Yankees have released a photo of Gerrit Cole, who is feeling very good actually
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@LegallyAutumn
Same, four weeks ago. I hope you find closure without blaming Black people, Trans people, or Black Trans people.
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@chrislhayes
One more possibly unrelated question: where's Rudy Giuliani been all these long months?
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*standing next to Pennypack creek holding up a meatball shorti, about to be the sickest anyone has ever been*
Went to Roatan to dip my mango in the ocean like Rihanna! And it’s so good!!! 😩
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Pretty wild how unprepared the Mets org was for this compared to the Phillies, dear god they’re just stomping them on the media front
Rob McElhenny, Kaitlin Olson, Jimmy Rollins, Shane Victorino, Chooch, Chase Utley, and members of Wrexham sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” 😂
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Apple TV’s green screen ads are making the Phillies’ butts twinkle against any dark-colored ads
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She must be brought to justice
🚨| Keleigh Teller and Kylie Kelce possibly shot by Taylor Swift!
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In just three weeks Florida has returned to normal. The earth is healing, we are the virus
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@EWErickson
How far is your office from the restaurant and are your wife and kids still there
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God I love this fucking team yeah go ahead and throw a very good sinker to our third-best bench utility infielder and see what happens
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All roads lead back to my pet issue: if you move a team you should NOT be able to take the nickname (and, I would argue, the team records), thank you
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Imagine if Boeing put their assassinating whistleblowers energy into building airplanes
Another Boeing whistleblower has died, this time of a "sudden, fast-spreading infection."
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God he rocks so much. Lock him up now, he should be a Phillie for as long as possible
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@Kofie
@ShamsCharania
Damn
Breaking: LaMarcus Aldridge is retiring from the NBA, writing on social media that he played his last game with an irregular heartbeat.
"For 15 years, I've put basketball first and now, it's time to put my health and family first."
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@MichaelRCaputo
Goodness, you should really have kept your illegal activities to a minimum then.
For instance, I've never conspired with Russians to swing a major election and I owe nothing in legal bills, it's amazing and I'd recommend it
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@generalslug
He’s managing to compress entire episodes of Mister Rogers into sixty seconds, he’s incredible
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@desusnice
My name is Nicki and I’m here to say
I don’t like that woman in any way
Skiddy bop bop bop bop bop ba-bop
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Wow a season-ending blister, our thoughts will be with him that's for sure
Rob Thomson said there is a “hot spot” on Taijuan Walker’s right index finger. It’s unclear if he’ll make his next start. Spencer Turnbull will obviously take his place if he can’t go. Phillies will know more in the next couple days.
“Hot spot” is baseball speak for a blister.
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@DevinSenaUI
@SenateDems
@SenateGOP
@RyanAFournier
@Cernovich
@LilaGraceRose
Buddy I've got great news for you....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................., this isn't true
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@realrobcopeland
@SouthPhillyJays
If I see your book for sale I’ll be sure to move all the copies to the manga section 👍
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Hangin out with the boys tonight
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@JohnAndrewRosie
@GBBranstetter
Actually cheap shot is when the cop car you’re handcuffed in the back of gets lit up by a pissbaby cop after he hears an acorn hit the hood, ACAB
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@gatewaypundit
I wonder if this technically makes you part of the extortion plot, guess we'll find out
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@NotABigJerk
If Chicagoans wanted to pay $12.50 to drink terrible cocktails and watch someone fumble a bag they would go to a Cubs game
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We made the cars too big and the drivers too angry and stupid; saved you 22 minutes 👍
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@nsgarnett
Hard to imagine how the judicial class came to believe that the law was a joke, nice job
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More shocking than the Phillies being a good baseball team is them being a good organization; drafting, scouting, development, and whatever Dave Dombrowski is blackmailing the Rays with to keep taking their pitching talent for a bag of magic beans
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I don't think I'll ever regret voting for anyone as much as I regret voting for Fetterman
Fetterman says Biden’s Democratic critics need to “shut the F up”
“I fundamentally believe he is going to win…He has earned and is absolutely entitled to have our full support”
“Who are you helping other than Trump if you’re going to be running your mouth about that stuff?”
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Wait maybe we do need Brent Rooker
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I say this as someone who has interacted with Terry Francona on multiple occasions: if you can make Terry Francona mad enough to yell at you you are unemployable
Trevor Bauer spent a decade unapologetically being one of the most difficult people to work with, and now he seems surprised that nobody wants to work with him.
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@RyanMarino
his Narcan tolerance is high because they freak out and do this to each other once a week
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@MaxKennerly
@SeanMcElwee
I recently met a turnip farmer at a Bob's Big Boy. Between spoonsful of sausage gravy, he told me that charter schools only exist because of the dire state of public ed. As he ate surplus cheddar from his goatee, he told me he'd vote straight Dem if they supported teachers unions
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Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created
Day two of decarbonating this Mtn Dew. Gonna take a gravity reading later today, titrate with baking soda to reduce the pH (to neutralize the sodium benzoate and allow fermentation), add enough honey/sugar to hopefully get it into the 13-15% abv range, and add some wine yeast.
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hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it
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Hey this might be a good time to unfollow the guy absolving Trevor Bauer based on Bauer’s word in regards to one of the four women accusing him of being a sexual abuser
this is actually insane. Trevor Bauer got his entire career ruined and was cheated out of a life-altering fortune by a woman willing to anything for a quick buck. He got screwed by the media and the court of public opinion.
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Cooperstown is going to be a war zone the weekend Chase is inducted into the Hall of Fame
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Alternate jokes:
- The Rockies plane only has roll and yaw because they can’t pitch
- Rockies? More like Andes!
- Bud Black did 9/11
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