Allie Morgan but spooky
@grumpwitch
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Writer /ˈraɪ.tər/ (derogatory): Monsters, neurodivergence, metal, keebs, cats. Married to the EPCOT ball. All opinions my own, even those that aren't. (she/her)
Scotland
Joined February 2009
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This is doing the rounds again. If you liked that, you'll love the book version. Available in all formats, including a wonderfully narrated audio version. (No, it's not my nasally voice and yes it's on
@audible_com
.)
#ShamelessSelfPromotion
Things I have learned about the general public whilst working at the library:
1. A huge number of people under 20 can't read face clocks, having grown up with only digital one.
2. Many people don't know how to spell "library." It's in our email address. This causes problems
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Things I have learned about the general public whilst working at the library:
1. A huge number of people under 20 can't read face clocks, having grown up with only digital one.
2. Many people don't know how to spell "library." It's in our email address. This causes problems
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16. Libraries remain the only place where you can spend hours in a publicly-accessible building without being expected to spend money. Parents come to entertain their children for free on wet days. People in poverty come for a warm place to sit. Libraries are a haven.
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I got pulled up by my direct manager yesterday for contravening some of our COVID safety rules. I fully admit that I did do that and will probably continue to do it every now and again because the specific rule is, quite frankly, inhumane.
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I also love the autistic kids with special interests. I will crawl over hot coals to get you a book about the specific type of train you are interested in, tiny child. I will listen to you tell me about it in great detail. I will try to remember for the next time you come in.
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28. And finally, because I've spammed you long enough and because my typos are mounting up, remember this:
Library staff can overcome many challenges but Book Gods help you if you deprive us of caffeine. You don't want to see what happens then.
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7. Libraries are a godsend for blind and deaf people and not just for audiobooks. They can come for help with filling out forms and getting directions.
8. Some elderly people go through books at a TERRIFYING rate. They are to be feared and respected.
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24. Old ladies keep libraries in business. Old ladies who read are the best. Old ladies who can tell you exactly which page features the most gruesome murder scene are the very best.
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27. The single best moment, for me, is when a library user graduates from Young Adult to Adult and suddenly the entire library is open to them! They can read anything! No more tiny teen section! All of the classics! Sci fi! Horror!
They often get overwhelmed.
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15. Libraries aren't quiet anymore. They're community hubs now. They may have quiet study areas but most libraries are bustling with activity. Between kids' classes, singing and memory groups for those with Dementia, craft sessions and noisy office equipment, don't expect silence
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11. The DWP fuck over everyone but especially the most vulnerable and I haven't met a single library worker who hasn't helped struggling library users with food or phone calls or even a cup of tea when it's cold and they can't afford heating.
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13. Most banks assume that everyone has an email now. In fact, some people have trouble proving that they exist at all without one.
14. Library folk are good folk. We do this because we are passionate about it. We have to be.
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12. The Jobcentre regularly lie to people and like to tell them they can get services at libraries that simply do not exist. We will try our very best to help you get what you should have been given at the Jobcentre.
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3. A disturbing number of young people don't actually know how book-lending at the library works. They assume it costs money! Teach your children about libraries!
4. Crime and thriller are basically the same thing in many cases. In fact, we have doubles of books because of that.
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5. People use hidden codes like asterisks to mark which books they've read. Please don't do that! The system will let you know if you've already borrowed something! Just ask.
6. If an automatic door breaks, people will walk into it instead of reading the sign at face height.
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9. Some people are so afraid of computers that they will come to you with a query and then become upset if you offer to look it up on the computer instead of in a book.
10. Some people have never, ever used a telephone. Especially older women. Their husband did it for them.
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20. Staff are hitting their heads against walls volunteering to create events, classes and groups only to have them shot down because local councils don't understand social media or want to charge for it. I can't overemphasise just how much unpaid work staff do.
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22. Authors don't like to visit little libraries because they don't get paid. Bookstores often pay.
23. The "sexy librarian" trope has actually done a LOT of harm and has caused countless incidences of sexual assault by men who can't tell the difference between porn and reality.
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18. A library lives and dies by the staff on the counter. You can have the best funding, all of the books and tech in the world but you'll only get footfall if your staff go above and beyond. Sometimes even that doesn't work, though and it's frustrating.
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19. We're funded based on footfall. I've seen staff cry because we lost a youth group to a private hall that has fancier facilities like a cafe. We need all the footfall we can get.
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26. I'm not supposed to have favourite library users but I do: I love library couples, who bicker over each others' reading tastes or share books and then argue about the themes.
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17. Some people will go their entire lives only reading 2-3 authors but still have enough material to read a book every month. (See also: Danielle Steel, James Patterson, Clive Cussler, etc.)
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25. Library staff ALWAYS want to know what you thought of the book. We want to know what to recommend to others!
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21. Most of the facilities are only working because staff pay out of pocket to get things working. My manager bought a new laminator when we couldn't afford one. She buys in colouring materials for kids. We sometimes bring in our own stationery. We even but lightbulbs in.
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I cannot and will not look at a man my dad's age, who's fighting back tears or trying not to faint from hunger and tell him that nah, sorry, you're on your own when all that's standing between him and his emergency payment is a couple of printed bank statements.
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But the alternative, the mere idea that I would be that person behind the desk saying no over and over to someone who will be rendered homeless or worse by my refusal to help is honestly too horrendous to contemplate.
No. Fuck that.
None of us should be in this situation.
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I don't normally speak about specific incidences like this but I have seen so much human misery these last few weeks in such a short time space that I can't help but be specific. We are all traumatised and trying our best.
#ProtectLibraryWorkers
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I will not idly stand as a young woman who will become homeless this week, with bruises on her face from her abusive partner, begs me to show her how to print off the text messages he sent her so she can get emergency help for domestic violence victims.
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I simply do not know how any person, any human being could have turned their back on that situation. That's not why I'm in this job. That's not why any of us are in this job.
We're all on warnings for it. Every single one of us.
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The crime here is that these are our only options! We should not be in this position! Nobody should end up this desperate and library staff should be empowered and equipped to help people safely.
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And it's all well and good to say "call the police, refer them to social work, refer them to xyz" when they've already been shunted around the system and they are starving NOW and are homeless NOW. The system is slow and unforgiving and god, all they need are prints or a form.
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Yesterday, I helped a woman with severe dyslexia print of photos of her battered child to take to a court case so that she could get sole custody of her tiny daughter.
My manager caught me helping transfer the photos from the phone to the printer and I was pulled up.
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Nah. No. Nope.
We have the facilities and the knowledge. Fuck anyone who would deny these desperate, starving people any of it.
Fuck that.
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I have begged for alternatives, by the way. Easier, direct printing for privacy. Bluetooth printer access. Remote computer access so we can help from a safe distance.
We have all begged and have been shot down.
So we help the only ways we can. One colleague has a laser pointer.
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I got caught, of course, and we all had a sit down.
I explained to the manager that I fully understand the reason for the rules but at least once a day now I am comforting sobbing adults, grown bloody adults who have never navigated the benefit system and are now destitute.
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P. S. Please don't use this thread as an argument against COVID precautions! I myself have had to test and isolate because I broke the "no help at computers" rule with someone who turned out to be COVID positive. Like I said, I understand the reasoning for the rules.
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Another colleague confirmed that this is a daily occurance. Maybe they can't read for various reasons. Maybe they are simply burnt out. Most haven't eaten in days. Some struggle to get out of the chairs because they're so weak. We're seeing this every. Day.
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We are not allowed to provide ANY help at the computers. None. We have a shitty "FAQ" sheet which explains nothing that we are meant to hand out. We must not stand behind IT users to view their screens. We must not provide assistance.
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P. P. S. I disabled the
@threadreaderapp
a couple of years ago for this account for reasons that made sense at the time so unfortunately it won't be able to run on this. I have no idea how to get it working again, sorry!
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Ah yes. The two genders. "Human" and "men."
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@AITA_reddit
AITA for trying to eat my ceramic heater instead of the rat right under my nose?
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Every time I see Jim Davidson trending I remember that he blocked me for calling him a racist woman-beater and it pleases me that he saw that comment.
Jim Davidson is a racist old woman-beater.
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Guys GUYS I did it! I got a permanent contract! No more worrying about having a job in four weeks. I could cry with relief. I can't believe how much it was weighing on me. The weight lifted, I could sleep for a week. My crops are flourishing, my kingdom is healed.
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A very important correction to the thread! Also from Val McDermid! Excuse me while I get a bit starstruck.
@grumpwitch
One small point in this otherwise magnificent thread: Bookstores don't often pay. Almost never, in fact. Many authors simply can't afford to give up their time for free; only about 2% of us make a living from writing.
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Dear Publishers,
Why do books in a series no longer have numbers on the spine?
Sincerely,
Every confused person in a library and bookshop, googling series names on their phone.
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At what point do I confess to my supervisor that I've been bumping up the due dates all month so that nobody needs to come in to the library between Christmas and New Year to return books?
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Turns out that if you name your chromecasts/group the same name as a song on Spotify it creates an infinite command loop.
@internetofshit
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Brasil Vogue's slogan was "we are all paralympians."
No. No we're not. They're elite athletes.
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#FolkloreThursday
Freyja, the Vanir goddess of love, fertility, magic and war has a chariot pulled by two cats.
Cats were taken on long journeys by Vikings and kittens were given as a gift to newlywed couples.
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Hello, I'm
@grumpwitch
. If you clicked on my profile because you couldn't remember why you followed me, it was probably this.
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My publisher would never forgive me if I didn't take this opportunity to say that I have a book coming out! It is essentially a long-form version of this thread but with more love, more jokes and at least 80% more stories about super-readers.
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Just had to switch off Google Home as it was DDOSing my phone, audio system and itself because I named the chromecast "Chrome sweet chrome"
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@MommaBearWife
@PrisonPlanet
And yet I know plenty of women who didn't become fully pro choice until they'd had children and understood that no one should have to go through the horror and trauma of an unwanted pregnancy/birth.
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I thought this headline was sarcastic but the writer really is arguing this lmao
They're lootboxes. You pay to have more eggs running at once. The RNG decides what loot you get. They're lootboxes.
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@redditships
Plot twist: ex-wife and OP become best friends, raise the baby together, support each other through life.
Ex-husband mysteriously disappears, luckily has life insurance. Baby is provided for for life.
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Okay I definitely have to say this because I can feel my colleagues cringing: I'm not a librarian. I am a library assistant. You need special qualifications to be a librarian now, or at least at a certain level of management. Phew! It's off my chest.
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Oh, this is lovely.
@neilhimself
understands what libraries are all about at a fundamental level and that is why he fights so vehemently for their survival.
I got a bit teary reading this. I'm so glad SOMEBODY gets it!
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Overheard in the library:
Adult: no, you can't get THAT many books. Look how many you have! How many is that?
Child: a MILLION!
Adult: you can have six
Child: SIX? But I LOVE BOOKS. I want them ALL. How will I choose?!
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@ScottHech
@MarieAtLaw
The only conclusion I can possibly take from this is that Michigan despises women.
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Drives me nuts that people are coming into my work with "just a cold" but when I ask if they've tested, they say no.
It has ripped through my department like wildfire and one is off with severe complications from it.
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There is a chapter on library work during COVID, too. I tried to keep it light because I am, despite everything, still optimistic about how we can help in a crisis like this.
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For posterity, Tampax made a rape joke about a product that children use.
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I read somewhere that biting into a lemon can help end a panic attack by making you focus on your senses and now all I can imagine is encountering a stressful situation in work, pulling a lemon out of my pocket and biting into it, all while maintaining eye contact with someone.
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Aaaaaaah it's here it's here!
I did this! I wrote it!
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"A policy is not inclusive if it makes the space unworkable for more than half of the general population."
Yes yes YES.
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@wonder_cripple
Any plot that revolves around a character choosing death over disability and it being treated like a good/dignified thing.
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We need to start thinking of having children as an optional activity, rather than a duty.
It's not for everyone. It's difficult and for some it's very rewarding. Things can and do go wrong.
It's like an optional side-quest. You're not less of a person for skipping it.
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5. This one's a slow burner, but the payoff will be great.
If you start
@Hbomberguy
's CTRL+ALT+DEL at exactly 23.27.26 he will emerge, naked and covered in goo, from the 4-panel original "Loss" comic at midnight and really, that's the new year we deserve.
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@QuartzGeode
Oh wow this struck a nerve with me. I spent many a weekend hiding from bullies in a library. Joke's on them! I learned loads!
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Just had one of our intimidatingly well-read library users burst in and announce "oh thank GOD you're open. I didn't get a single book for Christmas!"
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Overheard, 2 builders:
"Social distancing, John!"
"What?"
"I said FUCK OFF, JOHN!"
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This morning I discovered the least accessible hotel breakfast known to man. As a product designer, I was torn between weeping and laughter as I struggled with it.
Want to see some of the most aggressively inaccessible design ever conceived?
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@MrKenShabby
@SuperRetroid
@spectator
The 2 women who are killed every week in the UK by their male partners would also say hi if they didn't keep going and getting murdered.
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@Ken53924456
Libraries are not run by a company. They're part of public infrastructure but I suspect that you're looking for more of an argument than anything factual from me.
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Hello again! I have written up a long-form post going into a bit more detail about the things I have learned from working at the library. Enjoy!
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I've been thinking about how many people have been surprised by all the other services public libraries provide. Wouldn't it be great to publicise that?
Maybe we could start a hashtag like
#WhatLibrariesDo
to talk about the things that they do beyond lending books. Thoughts?
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Apparently a year ago I posted "Catcher In The Rye is a toilet fire of a book and I wouldn't even use it to line the cat's litter tray." on Facebook.
I just want to stay
I stand by it. Every word.
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@rosstmiller
It's the end of the world but everybody's makeup is perfect.
Women waking up from a refreshing sleep with a full face of makeup.
No armpit hair even in a dystopian post-apocalypse. (Don't get me started on The Walking Dead)
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@TheSims
@CanYouPetTheDog
This is why I refuse to let my pets age. Entire generations keeping the same old cats and dogs.
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Positives from the library today:
Signing up a dyslexic woman and her young daughter. Mum wanted help overcoming her fear of books and didn't want to bring her daughter up with that fear. Ordering in some dyslexia-friendly books for mum and daughter to read through together.
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Found myself genuinely annoyed that Lockdown 2 and Electric Boogaloo are trending when Lockdown 2 Electric Avenue is the superior pun.
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Can non-disabled people all agree to stop saying "must be nice, being at home all day" to people with chronic illness, other disabilities or stay-at-home parents?
Because, as you can see, it's not "nice" being stuck in the house all the time, is it? It's soul-destroying.
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@MightyInkMatt
@rywriggs
@fentyvanity
Nah we have to face up to the fact that this is male violence. A lot of white supremacists are also misogynists.
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You joke but slipping on ice and smacking my head off a rock is the reason I'm doing physio to re-learn how to walk on any surface.
Don't worry about looking silly on ice. Worry about getting home without a brain injury.
NHS Scotland are urging people to 'walk like a penguin' during snowy and icy weather conditions this winter.
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Stop. Forcing. Adult. Books. On. People. 2019.
Let people read YA even if they're too old for it. Let teens read "kid" books if they're not studying it.
And for the love of all that is holy, teens, never listen to people who say that you MUST read anything. They're not you.
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