graham irvin
@grahamjirvin
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midsommar isn’t even that scary. If I was on vacation and everyone was obsessed with me I wouldn’t care who got burnt in a barn.
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Waiter it seems there is some trash in my water
"That's a straw sir"
*blows bubbles in drink*
Well it's broken.
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"Dr. "
*drops pants*
"Is this an STD?"
Ah, no that is an LSD.
*walls melt*
*Dr. is an angry panther*
*penis is giant cactus*
"O Cool"
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In honor of the season. Here’s a poem I wrote ~9 months ago
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*twitter is a deep endless gorge*
*approaches cautiously*
"uh hi-
SHOUT YOUR PLEA
"Butts are just nippleless boobs!"
*216 echoes*
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I HAVE A GUN is coming out early next year with rejection letters.
I’m ready for y’all to read this. I put a lot of work into it.
It’s book time baby.
You can preorder too. Go ahead. Buy my book.
BOOK ANNOUNCEMENT:
@grahamjirvin
's I HAVE A GUN is officially part of the RL catalog, set for publication on 3/5/24!
PREORDERS ARE OPEN:
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Read my poem that the whole world loves
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The test physical copy of I Have a Gun came in over the weekend.
this looks good as hell
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My dad's a cop so don't do drugs or he'll arrest you. Also don't be a "big nerd" or he won't love you anymore.
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Shop local, eat organic, Wear clothes made of earth, Sleep in a gutter, bathe in a nearby mud puddle. Marry the first log you see.
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Ok so Like Sherlock Holmes but Watson is an ant & just gets real nervous whenever Holmes takes out the magnifying glass.
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here’s a story i wrote about the town i grew up in and people i used to hang out with.
@woodlandraised
helped clean it up and
@JoylandMagazine
published it. if you read it and like it i’ll love you forever.
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it’s Kaitlin’s birthday. I love you kaitlin. I couldn’t live this life without you. Please tell the most beautiful woman alive happy birthday.
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here is a long section of a book called I HAVE A GUN
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Happy 30th birthday kaitlin. You are a light to everyone you meet. You make me a better person. I love you so much.
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bumping my essay from last week. if you missed it you goofed. bump on it. grind on it. love it. it’s my essay and it’s good. thank you.
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just want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and my writing.
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It’s been about a month, maybe 5 weeks, since I’ve used any nicotine. Extremely easy so far. No problems with that. Just don’t make me give up candy!
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today is my beautiful girlfriend’s birthday. she is an amazing artist and a genius and she always makes me laugh. i’m lucky to be with someone so great. happy birthday
@ColdSlaw99
!
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pov: I’m telling you a story and you’re thinking, “this guy’s a rascal”
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i have a t-shirt that says “liver mush cured my depression” I got to cure my depression
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monday i stopped drinking again. i gave up not drinking briefly to be a better host. but i’m back and counting days this time
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Crow made an author website for me. The page for I Have a Gun has a mini shooting game on it. Check this shit out
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Yea whatever I’m reading tonight on zoom who cares come or don’t chumps
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Couldn’t be me
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So it's cool?
"Cool's such a fickle concept"
but she's alright?
"I'm not into labels man"
Doctor just tell me if my wife is alive!
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"Hey stud,what's your number?"
*take out piece of paper, scribble on it, give it to her*
"this just says 69?"
that's the only one I know
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I’ve been so tired lately. I’ve been unable to do anything except make it into work lately. I’ve struggled to read for longer than 20 minutes lately. But don’t worry. Tomorrow I’m going to paterson, nj. Surely I will be completely healed by paterson, nj.
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For lunch you should preorder my book. It would probably make you very happy to preorder my book while you eat your lunch
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imagine how people would act if the guy who wrote infinite jest died
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read this and think about why you write. why you want to be read. what you want to get from it.
Posted essay on Fuccboi. Doing podcast on it too. Would be willing to do one or two more podcasts if people are interested. And then I'll drop it and let Sean enjoy his
money.
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I’ve got pdf ARCs of I HAVE A GUN
this book looks good as hell
You want to review it? Interview me? Talk about the book on a podcast? Talk to me on a podcast about a book?
Let me know. Let
@dt_robbins
know.
We’ll slide you a little free ebook no problem baby.
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this blurb makes me feel invincible
well, well, well! look at this little blurb from
@formermissNJ
for
@grahamjirvin
’s I HAVE A GUN!
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I wish people into fisting understood that the general population has no interest in what we do, so when we speak we are speaking only to each other. The delusion that fisting is something powerful is a straight line to all kinds of toxic positivities that are really just us lyin
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Getting the Snarsky Snapshot is the biggest honor in online poetry.
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I am reading for x-r-a-y now and i’d like all you people, friends and soon to be friends, to send in some prose. I like funny stuff. I like strange stuff. make me say, “wha da hell?? ok... dang.” Everyone welcome, please!
It’s
@grahamjirvin
day !! He’s joined us as an assistant editor. We want to give Graham a special welcome, so we’ve opened his sub inbox—his alone!—for his inaugural week. If you want his eyes on your words first, you’ve got till Friday !!
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a salad is like a cigarette that sucks because it’s good for you
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in high school i was voted most ominous because of what happened
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Thanks to everyone who worked on this book.
@zacsmithtweeto
for edits to make it a better funnier read.
@CavinBGonzalez
for doing the ground work to get it printed, packaged, and shipped.
@thatsqueakypig
for the getting the cover so right. It wouldn’t exist without y’all
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every Friday I’m pissed about working during MLC but in 2 weeks I’ll be off and I’ll be reading with some of my best friends and one of the worst people I’ve ever known on the internet.
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hey everyone i don’t usually promote stuff until they’re out. but i have a liver mush essay coming out on
@xraylitmag
soon and a flash non mush story coming out on
@rejectionlit
at some point. they’re both good. im good. you’ll be good when you read them
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a type of book that’s never been made before is coming and you can preorder it now
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In the Sun also Rises the characters drink Pernod and champagne. They drink brandy with soda. They take day trips out of the city. They write good books but not great books. Brett and Mike are poly. Jake is impotent. This book really is about Philadelphia huh
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these are my exact thoughts about writing. And I don’t think it’s a negative opinion.
Writing isn’t inherently important or worthwhile bc it’s an artistic expression.
Powerful writing stops you and forces you to listen. It pulls you out of your own mind.
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thankful for my gf and thankful i get to do things with her like the wedding in chicago
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Lately, I’ve noticed, instead of preparing a balanced meal I’ll eat 4-5 starburst jellybeans. I’ll eat 2 entenmann’s chocolate chip cookies. A palm full of white cheddar cheezits. Just something I’ve noticed
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hey thanks everyone who enjoyed my poem the other day. Thanks also to people who followed me because of the poem. You can read more poems in my Liver Mush, my book:
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HAD call tomorrow 👀
HAD call tomorrow queen??
HAD call tomorrow 👀
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liver mush soon
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literature doesn’t need moral characters or valuable lessons or strong images or a unique voice. the only requirement for literature is that it’s 600-1000 words and some guy published it on a website.
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i tag levi’s in a tweet about my jeans being full of turds and go viral. levi’s asks me to send them the turds so a scientist can test them. i say i’m keeping one of the turds. i go viral again. i’m the turd man on twitter. levi’s tells me to call the cops about my turds.
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my gf is out of town so in her honor i drank too much cold brew and my stomach hurts
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I don’t like Nathaniel Duggan but I respect him. I don’t really respect him either. I realize though this online indie lit beef is getting me likes and reposts which equal book sales. I respect that. Poetry is about money. Money is a type of art that pays my rent
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if you ever need to write a poem just find a list of disparate shit and write “I am” in front of each thing
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I’m happy to be included in this.
My poem “heroin haibun” is here:
Read this and everything else
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I wrote this song about having a gun.
Thank you Tom and everyone at apocalypse confidential for sharing it.
“A GUN FROM MONTGUNERY” - Graham Irvin (
@grahamjirvin
)
"If I had a bulldog
his name would be gun
If I had a bulldog
he’d bite like a gun"
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people always talk about the song of the summer but what about the fong of the fall?
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From my new book I Have a Gun
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things I’m trying to get into:
Dungeon synth
Films set in Berlin
the devil, probably
Asking for blurbs
applying for jobs
appreciating my current situation
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The joke people always make at restaurants where they point to their empty plate and say, “I hated it” — there should be a version of that but for leaving the bar black out drunk
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for $20, i will edit any writing you send for 10 minutes. dm me if you're interested. this is for a good cause (getting rich off indie lit)
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my gf is like the jigsaw killer because she makes me appreciate my short time on earth through increasingly complex devices of torture
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People who identify as empaths will say “no i totally get that” then touch you like the top of a coffin.
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here’s a review of “something gross” by
@bigbruiserdopeb
. i wrote it. it’s on
@vol1brooklyn
. i hope the review makes you want to read the book. !
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