the little boys name in my picture is called callum but everyone calls him the tale of the lonely figurine for short because he can make his face and the whole of his body look so still that he actually looks like he is a statue and i saw a documentary about him on my television ages ago and the interview man was saying go on then show us how still you can make yourself while i try and distract you and make you move and the little boy just said no problemo and then he made his face and the whole of his body go completely solid and the interview man kept on blowing in the little boys ear and lightly stroking a pencil down the side of his face but the little boy just stayed completely still and it was actually like he was a real life statue it was one of the most beautiful things that i have ever seen in my whole life and he didnt even move when the interview man was pulling on the little boys ears really tightly for ages and one of them even started to bleed as well but he didnt even move a inch it was actually one of the best things i have seen not move since sliced bread i loved it so much. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

if milton comes near my house i will just stab him xox #hurricanmilton

#hurricanemilton

@greg16676935420 enjoy xox

the sister who got her arms and her legs stuck in the pringles tubes is called gemma and she was trying to cheer her sister up by putting pringles tubes on her arms and her legs and pretending to be a big silly dog but the tubes was so tight that they got stuck and she had to go to the hospital to get them removed because her arms and her legs couldnt breathe and when the doctor first saw her he thought that she was a actual dog but then she said hello my name is gemma and the doctor knew instantly that she wasnt a actual dog at all and she was in fact a lady who was pretending to be a dog because no dogs are called gemma because that is a horses name and when the doctor was taking the tubes off he kept on having a little taste of her arms and her legs and every time a tube popped off he did a little lick and said mmm once you pop the fun dont stop but the fun did in fact stop because when the tubes was fully removed gemmas arms and legs was completely floppy and wet and weak and loads of nurses kept on coming into the room and laughing and one nurse said that it looked like gemmas legs was made out of floppy wet baguettes and that made everyone in the room burst out laughing even more and a doctor even lifted up gemmas leg and he flopped it over his shoulder and he did a french accent and said i am french i love to eat floppy baguettes and gemma and her sister and all of the people in the hospital room laughed so much they could hardly breathe and even though gemma sadly lost all of the use of her arms and her legs and she has to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life it was still worth it because no one has ever laughed as much as they did on the day that gemma got pringles tubes stuck on her arms and her legs when she was pretending to be a big silly dog. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

people always say that a stranger is a friend who you havent met yet but i always say a stranger is a friend whos earlobe you havent nibbled and sucked on yet and that is why when i am feeling stressed when i dont have a friend with me i always have a bit of a nibble or a suck on a strangers earlobe and when i was on the bus this morning i was feeling so stressed because loads of some teens was making fun of me because i fell over on the bus when i was walking to my seat and a sausage fell out of my trouser pocket and all of the teens was saying that my willy fell off and they was laughing so much they couldnt hear me trying to tell them that it was actually a uncooked sausage that i was keeping in my pocket to have for my lunch and they was making me feel so stressed for myself so when i sat down i had a bit of a nibble and a suck on the old mans earlobe who was sat beside me to help calm myself down and after about 15 minutes of doing light bites and thick sucks on the old mans earlobe i was instantly calmed down and i didnt care about the teens who was doing screaming laughs and making willy symbols with their fingers at me anymore because i was in a complete state of outer body calmness and the bus driver even had to stop the bus because a lady told him that i had actually died because i looked so calm but i hadnt died at all i was just so relaxed and now i am back at my own house and and am having a eat of my sausage with my new friend the old man from the bus and i keep on thanking him for being my friend to me but i dont think that he can hear me very well because i accidentally might have sucked most of all of his ear off and swallowed it by accident but i dont think that he minds because true friendship doesnt always have to be heard by our ears because it will always forever be felt inside of our hearts. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

remember to feed the vote goat because if you dont he will die and it will all be your fault xox

come on football xox

happy feathers day xox

the eurovision wrong contest xox

happy easter i hope you enjoy your freshly laid eggs xox

the reason why we call today good friday is because on a friday 300 years ago jesus managed to fit 30 mini chocolate eggs inside of his mouth and it was such a good friday we still celebrate it to this very day xox

thank you for your kind wishes and continued support over the last two months xox

happy leap year day to everyone who celebrates it xox

how to feel less alone on valentines day xox