reef jerky
@georgeskrait
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One of my dearest and best friends who is also my neighbor asked if he could get my spare keys to let my dog out while I was at work today and I just got home….
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what modern day thing do you think would kill a victorian era child? I think a single sip of 4loko would wipe them out
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When I say this is my best fuckin friend I’m tellin you this mf knows my favorite cake and my shirt size 😭
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How she looks at me when I explain why Shane Gillis hosting snl is the funniest thing to happen in 2024
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Got a permit for that stand you little fuckin dumbass???
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Damn now I gotta dip an Italian beef in the chicago river
Went to Roatan to dip my mango in the ocean like Rihanna! And it’s so good!!! 😩
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The Italian girl who took my order was so hot my voice cracked lmao
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My grown man ass happy crying bc my homie did something nice for me is on the front page of Reddit lmfao
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Also, shit you not, I parallel parked in front of a dude who was getting in his car to leave and after I parked and got out he goes “you know what the hell you’re doin don’t ya?” YES I DO MF lmao
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Ive had it with astrology twitter today and it’s not even 10am that’s a MF CAT! STFU!
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Please do not attempt to contact me new mollymoonn2 vid dropped
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Dog my uncle just proposed to his girlfriend at family Christmas and I was so baked that I cried lmfaooo idek her name hahaha
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I have a zoom interview to be an extra on the new season of the bear tomorrow LMFAO is that allowed?!
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Just told Timothy Olyphant girl next door changed my life as a kid
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If your fridge looks like this I’m stealing something out your house
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Can someone with no will to live please date my ex so she stops talking about me lmao
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Me driving thru west Michigan:
Christian billboards: GOD FUCKS
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Y’all I just locked down a sick ass job in Chicago!!!!!! VALIDATE ME 😭
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Taco Bell on Michigan street is firing on all cylinders rn, I repeat the A-squad is working. Alert the presses
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If Americans don’t use the metric system why do I have 3.5 grams and a 9mm in my pocket
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FYA this FYA that. Y don’t you go try to F A bitch or two????
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Ain’t ⁿᵒ way in hell 300 miles from home my waitress just brought me a beer and says “you’re not from Grand Rapids are you? I recognize you” lmfao
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Insane dickies/slipknot work shirt find on Facebook market place
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The masculine urge to only respond to one thing even tho she asked several questions lmao
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IT DID 😂
Hopefully going on a pilgrimage to find the Chicago rat hole fixes me today
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So I got a new job on a pot farm and straight up some weed just fell out of my belly button.....
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Bro if your blinds are open I’m lookin in your house idc. What we watchin on tv?
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Belmont harbor, Chicago IL. Breathtaking
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I’m a little high so it’s time to respond to every single ig story I see
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Good morning I just dropped an adderall in my cold brew like it was alka-seltzer. Rise and grind
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Bro whatever you do, DO NOT get that new pbr wild berry 8% seltzer from cherry market. I am absolutely shit faced rn
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Nothing like a quick drive down wealthy st on a Friday night to prove we will never recover from this pandemic
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This mf at karaoke said “this for all yalls girlfriends ah haha” and started singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse LMFAO
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Y’all I just got approved for my apartment in Chicago!!!!!! AIR HORN SOUND!!!
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Imagine being a grown ass man and saying “I can’t have cilantro” out loud to a girl bar tender lmfao
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This poor girl just got wheeled out the meanwhile on a stretcher to sicko mode
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I remember when Winstons cost $3 a fuckin pack, I also have PTSD
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You’re in her DMs. I’m in her slippers smoking outside her building
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Just got another dollar raise can I get a W in the chat my bröthers (this is the most money I’ve ever made in my life lol is that allowed?)
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I worked incredibly hard to make this sandwich and I had to take my shirt off to eat it
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So big news my gf is putting money down on a fucking H O U S E today. Life is absolutely bonkers mate
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This year I’m going to continue to eat like a god damn king and also finish every chapstick and lighter I buy
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All the bday pics flooding in from the homies. Not a single one where I’m not holding a beer gun weed or cigarette lmfao
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Man I would give my left nut to blow $50 on brunch and mimosas rn
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You know what fuck it I’d pass gretch da blunt
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Feb 2013 - May 2020 ain’t nothing wrong with her I just love this b*tch
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Real mind bender here. Fellas, is it gay to have a male dog?
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James Bond fans can expect a relatively unknown male in his 30s to take over the 007 role.
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Earlier at the chicken spot I ran into an old head regular from Marie’s who loved my specials. He said bye and left and then the waiter told me he paid my tab and I’m just 🥺
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Last night I got yelled at for smoking weed by the door of the meanwhile and tried to walk outside with a glass of wine in my hand lmao why do they even let me in there
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Casey Frey is funnier than literally any comedian in history lmfao an absolute maniac 😂😂😂
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My neighbor two doors down is mowing his lawn in the pitch black with a head lamp on lmfao
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This is where comedy peaked
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Coworker took a really good of me and all my soups this mornin
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Yo I was mad twisted at the bar last night and my behavior was not the best. So I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for NOTHING
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made up my own la croix flavor. its just an empty liter of faygo peach i filled with water
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I shit you not
Fellow drivers push Bubba Wallace's No. 43 car to the front in Talladega in solidarity after a noose was found in his garage stall.
#IStandWithBubba
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Just locked myself out of my gf’s apartment barefoot and had to ask the delivery driver to call her. I’ll never forget you Phisan
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Fellas, is it gay to walk on stairs? 🤔
Homophobes really are stupid. Just walk on the rainbow stairs dude.
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Love when there’s random stuff in the urinal that you get to piss on
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Today I’m gonna smoke way more weed than I normally do every day
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I encourage all of you, if you are hungry, to go the checker’s on Michigan street. The hospitality in there is angelic tonight
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Found this frame with some junk in it in my building’s lobby so I put some real art in it
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Don’t mind me, new neighbors, just walking into to my place with an actual trash bag filled with weed. Nothing to see here
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Don’t do anything illegal with me if chance the rapper helped you get thru tough times lmao
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This dude has brutally murdered at least 10 women
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It was 1999 okay
Reply with a baby photo that exudes the energy you have now
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Just had to share the elevator with someone while bringing this in to my building lmao
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Sending this to my boss so we can get the nipple to-go cup lids at the deli. This is a must cop
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