cal? - no ppv OF
@cal_gif
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prisoner of war in the battle between Toyotathon and Happy Honda Days š¦ NO PPV OF š https://t.co/LVvNY2wQ5k
Joined November 2017
went to therapy for the first time and cracked a joke and my therapist just started writing faster what the hell was that.
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So we lost an hour on international womenās day? Wow even our days arenāt equal.
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colleges saying they ācanāt affordā to cut tuition costs for online classes like lmao just take out a loan itās what yāall told me to do.
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āyou donāt need to wear a mask around meā sweet thanks for letting me know that I especially need to wear a mask around you.
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you either dated people in middle school or youāre funny now.
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youth pastor: You know whoās really āAmong Usā everywhere we go?.
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what modern day thing do you think would kill a victorian era child? I think a single sip of 4loko would wipe them out.
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The Masked Singer but Jason Derulo is a contestant and immediately sings his name.
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imagine how hard it is for the children of cops. imagine watching your mom or dad leave for work and not know if theyāre going to get their McDonalds or not.
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bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago.
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Sent a guy nudes and he said āokā so I said āI hope you like them!ā and he responded āyea no doubtā.
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Im so sick of effect vs affect letās just start using Ʀffect.
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Going to sit next to the richest looking middle aged man on my flight and scroll through my nudes for 3 hours straight.
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you're laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you're laughing.
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my opinion on changing your last name when you get married is just that if they have a cooler last name than mine Iāll change it. but if itās too lame or common Iām keeping mine.
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did anyone else find the death of Billy Mays the oxyclean guy to be a very significant part of their childhood or was that just me.
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Iām not a chef but boyardees days getting harder and harder to get through.
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please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1).
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people are really starting to treat Covid the same way I treat the last few days of my period.
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my favorite part of ratatouille is when the dude brings the rat home to his apartment and heās like shy and embarrassed and heās like āyea sorry itās not muchā¦ā like dude itās a rat.
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Sent a guy nudes and he replied with a video of himself crying.
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the internet peaked when it was simply all about playing free little games.
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when boats drop their anchors do they ever bonk fish the head :/.
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do yall ever wonder if the five guys who started five guys the burger chain ever explored eachothers bodies.
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This makes me want to eat uranium so fucking bad. Literally what would happen if I had this many calories. That sounds so cool.
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wouldnāt step one of home security be to not film and post every part of your houses security on the internet.
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Just taught a 22 year old man how to boil water. What the fuck.
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When I tried to break up with my high school boyfriend the summer before we left for college he just said āno thanksā and I didnāt know how to respond to that so we dated for 3 more months.
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I think we should be allowed to use counterfeit money like literally who cares.
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being alive is great because there are so many different aiolis to try. but then of course there are also the horrors.
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Once I was at my ex's for dinner and his mom accused him of gaslighting me all the time but I didn't know what that meant so I asked him later and he said "oh it just means you're hot!!!" And I believed him so we dated for another year as he continued to gaslight me.
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When I was younger I used to go on club penguin and pretend I was a boy just so I could take girls on dates to the pizza parlor and it still took me 18 years to realize I wasnāt straight.
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Me, during sex: hurt me. Him: we arenāt exclusive. Me, now on the verge of tears: haha ok not like that.
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Maybe if I catch feelings for the coronavirus then itāll disappear.
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Oh to be a woman in the 1800s, diagnosed with hysteria and getting a lobotomy.
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canāt believe Skyrim is still $60. should come free with all computers like solitaire or pinball at this point.
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Me: *pulls into gas station* just a quick stop for gas! . GPS: wwhat the fukc is happening.
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The ok boomer girl couldāve easily started making 10k a month on only fans but instead she decided to post her boyfriend.
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My brothers gf keeps bragging about how he spends more time with her than with me but like ok bitch who fucks him better?.
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āmanhole coverā umm I think theyāre just called boxers lol.
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STEM majors may be able to process computer data but can they process their own emotions.
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Just a quick shoutout to Buzzfeed! In a single, pointless, cash-grab article, they included a tweet of mine (without my knowledge or consent!) and absolutely destroyed my relationship with my mother!! Thank you so much buzzfeed, couldnāt have done it without you!.
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imagine being at a photo shoot and the photographer asks if youāre ok with nudity and you say yes so he just gets butt naked and keeps going.
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just had the most amazing night with my new lover. wont say much but heās rich and his initials are B.G.
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man it really sucks that thereās no songs about a girl where everyoneās first impression of her is that sheās really innocent, but when you get to know her sheās kind of got a dirty mind.
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@decentbirthday I wonder if being shot and the messy divorce have anything to do with each other.
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Deleting my zero like posts as if Iām an affluent Victorian family locking their problematic child in the attic to save their status in society.
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yea sorry I donāt know who Joe Roegan is Iām too pretty for that.
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for my own mental health, Iāll be logging off twitter today. I just found out 51 is divisible by 17 and I just need some time to process this.
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imagine your card gets declined at couples therapy so the therapist just fucks your wife in front of you.
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Every bathroom is gender neutral if you're there to do coke.
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My dream dates:.1. Rainforest Cafe but itās real.2. Olive Garden but the table next to us is having the family fallout of their lives where 35+ years of disagreements and arguments are being brought up.
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can you imagine giving a Panera charged lemonade to a Victorian child.
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Iām not sure how Iām supposed to walk through the quiet floor of the library because the clap of my ass cheeks is just way too loud.
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@pallas9822 if I were in an elevator with him I would have unfortunately probably embarrassed myself as well.
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My neighbor invited me over because my power went out but when I went over he told me he turned off the power to my apartment with the switch box outside. am I wrong in thinking this is creepy or is this actually romantic.
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Met a guy whoās actually really nice to me and treats me well and doesnāt expect anything in return and because of this I donāt trust him and I think I should sabotage the relationship.
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Ran into my roommate at the communal shredded cheese bag at 3am, I think this is love.
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guy at the gym asked me to stop wiping off my equipment.
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