dani janae 🕸
@figwidow
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dyke poet | music journo| she/her| bylines in linktree
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Joined July 2012
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Pinned Tweet
I hate lesbian vs bisexual discourse I just want to have sex
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My brother just told me my three year old niece has been saying “girls can only marry boys” and stuff so he said “you know aunt Dani likes girls!” And she spit out her juice and screamed “WHAT?!”
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A man: I looked at a pussy once and never recovered
A dyke: I looked at a pussy and wrote ten thousands lines of an ode to the color. I reveled in the taste, the fragrance, the folds! It was like velvet to me, and my fingers trembled.
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To be clear they have been trying to teach her otherwise and don’t know where she is getting this from but I’m still cracking up over it
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My favorite stage of watching a queer breakup unfold is when both parties start posting about “dealing with narcissists” without tagging each other
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“The Columbia kids are all rich and spoiled!”
I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this: it’s goood that kids that come from privilege are getting involved in movements. Would you rather them be politically inactive and hoard their wealth?!
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Janelle Monae is an interesting case study because they made music in a suit for a decade. Then when they brought the titties out, here come the critics that never followed their career before talking about “a black woman has to take her clothes off to sell records”
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@WrittenByHanna
“I had him first” girl that doesn’t bode well for your I’m not jealous or bitter claims
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There is a “looks like she wouldn’t date a fat woman” look and many lesbians have it
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Hey twitter, I can officially announce that I accepted a position as a staff writer at Pittsburgh City Paper and will start in February!
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if you were raptured at the Monroeville exit please get in contact with me
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hot trend alert: come out by announcing you're married
Candace Parker is gay and gay married with a gay pregnant wife!
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White queer tinder bios be like:
Sage, 27
Stinky gremlin boi. Virgo/cancer/sag. Looking for dates to the cemetery with vegan brunch. Let me repeat, I stink, I do not shower. ACAB
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When I eat pussy I lay on my stomach and kick my feet, twirling a little curl around my finger
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There’s a subsection of the internet that is wlw and sapphic that think lesbian sex is snuggling and holding hands and I can’t relate because I’m a degenerate apparently
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Straight men being intimidated by tall women is such cowardice. How you look at a 6ft+ queen and NOT want to wrap her around you like a scarf
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I will be leaving Pittsburgh after 29 years here not knowing the difference between waterfront and waterworks
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Pittsburgh queers be like “I wanna take you some place special 🥰” and it’s the cemetery
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Fast Car covers will never eclipse the original. You might have a favorite cover that you think is better and you are wrong.
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A person with some notoriety: “I’m in Pittsburgh!”
The worst person you can think of: “Make sure you stop at Primanti’s for a sandwich! 🤪”
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Imagine my dyke ass getting fired for being a dyke and not for starting an illicit affair with the CEOs wife and ruining his family
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Petition to ban straight women from using “girlfriend” in reference to platonic relationships
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Every Dr. Oz tweet about Pittsburgh is like
"What I love about this city is the green grass, the blue skies, the crisp, clean rivers, the friendly people."
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If you're a queer poet of color, I want to know about your book coming out this year so I can write about it for
@autostraddle
. Let me know about your collection!
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Today was technically my last day at autostraddle, though you may have noticed I haven’t written anything since May. After the subject editor positions were eliminated, I wanted to give senior leadership a chance to explain their decision
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I’m three years sober from drugs and alcohol today and I feel good as hell
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This kind of attitude is what puts sex workers in danger. Seeing a sw is perfectly normal. Shaming anyone for doing it is so gross and boring like honey get a grip
Literally no one has sex with sex workers... like that not something normal people do, it’s not normal! I mean how many men do you know frequent sex workers? Yet from the way this guy talks about it, it seems like he makes a habit of it!
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The hardest a student ever roasted me was on a summer day when I had on a long black dress and she was like “aren’t you a little old to be goth?”
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OMG y’all something I wrote for
@autostraddle
was mentioned on
@LateNightSeth
I’m cracking up
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@WrittenByHanna
I had such a visceral reaction to this. In slow motion? In front of your families?!
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I can’t stop thinking of the scene where she goes “WHAT I’m not a LeSbIaN!” In front of her girlfriend and still is in a relationship at the end
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Fetterman is a perfect example of American individualism like, how are we supposed to care about his battle with depression while he’s actively supporting a genocide
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If you don’t feel pressure to put full body pics or an “im fat” disclaimer on your dating profile so no one accuses you of tricking them when you meet in person? I doubt you know the experience of a fat person
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I know everyone is burned out but we could all bully our mayors a little bit more
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There’s a woman on tinder that has herself branded as the “last top in Pittsburgh” and I wanna go toe to toe with her in a battle for the title
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If you’re single today I recommend doing my favorite thing: being content that there’s no one in your house and in your business amen
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Not to be a fan but I think it’s so cool MUNA exists. Growing up queer and having like the fake Russian lesbians and Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl…we used to be starving! Now we got a group of queer pop stars making bangers
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I want lesbians to move beyond this 🥺🥺 energy and meet me at 😈😈 plaza where sinning is in
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I love a queer novelist who refuses to write about straight people
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Fat people don’t have to be philanthropic to deserve decency but it’s so wild to me how Lizzo appears to be a person who does kind shit all the time and people still just hate her, all because she’s fat.
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I wore this dress out today and it changed my whole walk/attitude. Cheers to being a fat babe
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Trying to respect the grief of my friends while remembering/being educated on RBGs not so friendly record, especially for POC
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Inviting a bunch of queer people to the White House then doing this is wild
a whole lot of people owe me an apology and a job back today
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Sorry I’m not typing a cover letter for a job that won’t even tell me how much I’m making upfront!
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Babe where were you when the clothes were on?!?! I guess sex sells for YOU too
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Y’all talking about “therapists are just there to tell you what you want to hear” must not have ever been through trauma therapy before lol. Therapy made me contend with all the shit I didn’t want to hear, all the stuff I didn’t want to believe about myself and other people.
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Picture it: you’re at the OBGYN. You’ve just had a Pap smear. A clinical finger in the vag. As you’re leaving music plays. The song? Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
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I’m a dyke and if Usher serenaded me I would be giggling twirling a lil curl around my finger, it’s just how it is
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Living in Pennsylvania is just betting if the air quality, the water, or a bad driver will kill you first
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at no point in the pandemic have we been honest about the fact that no one should be expected to operate at 100% during this. I find it very weird that everyone's just like "i know thousands of people have died but its back to business baby"
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As a lifelong Pittsburgher: that Shakespeare Giant Eagle is not in Shadyside and I think it’s funny and a sign of the times that publications are saying it is
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@OsmanLadan
Woah wtf. I can’t believe everyone has been talking about how funny this interview is without mentioning this crucial part
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Oat milk is the only milk that doesn’t separate in hot coffee, making it superior to other options
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Been writing about Black Pittsburgh for a year at CP and I just got my first "black? what about WHITE people?" email. I've worked so hard for this moment!
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All this to say I will be leaving Autostraddle at the end of June so I’m looking for other places that will honor my voice/perspective
Are there any lit places looking for columnist right now? For context I have a full portfolio of writing about fatness, blackness, food, music, queerness, addiction/recovery and more.
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Every six months someone discovers Altoona style pizza and it goes viral and I have to pretend like I’m not from Pennsylvania
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Is it tho?
Eating pussy is hard. Why couldn't I have been a lesbian back in 1840 when all you had to do was write three aching letters and die of tuberculosis
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The phrase “so I did a thing 🤪” is OUT for 2022 and I better not see it again
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Hate me if you want but if you see a job post for writers or whatever at Autostraddle and you jump at the chance to replace people that were fired or those of us who quit: please reconsider.
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Two college students reached out to interview me about Anatomy of a Mango for their women’s studies class and I’m trying to find out who’s the gay one that reads autostraddle
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Realistically I know it probably sucked to be a latchkey kid, but having a parent who was hyper involved in every aspect of your life so that you could never escape them? Terrible!
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The perfect meal is a bowl of rice with a protein of your choice, lots of fresh crispy vegetables, something salty, and a saucy sauce
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A lot of people are retweeting this saying it’s common sense but like…for those of us raised in abusive households it’s a revelation because when we confronted our abusers we were met with “…well I loved you the best I could”
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Hi if you’re queer and have a poetry collection coming out in 2023 please email me deets, I’d love to review for
@autostraddle
dani @ Autostraddle dot com
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Here it is: for
@Refinery29
I wrote about how being fat and black effects my dating life as a lesbian woman.
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People are so intrigued by dating a writer when the reality is I’m sad, horny, and will never share what I write about you
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Wasn’t gonna talk about this on here but fuck it: I wrote this. In my original draft I mention the actor’s activism and name Israel’s violence in Palestine. The editor cut that part out tho and replaced it with the passive “war in Gaza” phrasing.
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I don’t miss anything about office culture but I certainly don’t miss endless diet talk, women eating lean cuisines and saying they are “bad” for having a donut
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Any writer who has a huge platform and isn’t using it to call for a ceasefire at the very least is failing at the only real purpose of writing which is using language to facilitate change
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White queer tinder bio: “I’m gross, If we meet in person I WILL stink. I hardly shower, I’m a gremlin, an absolute menace, BLM.”
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GUYS MY FIRST PIECE FOR AUTOSTRADDLE IS UP!!!!
10 low-key horror movies to watch with your sensitive butch date.
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6 years sober today.
Let’s fuckin GO
bout to make a coconut latte ✨💖😤🥰
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is anyone else getting tired of eating? like why do i have to keep doing this shit
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Tbh I think most Best of Pittsburgh voters are white Gen X Yinzers who still think Potato Patch fries are the best money can buy. The city’s food scene has definite gems but most of those gems are a little too “ethnic” for the average yinzer if you know what I mean
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I wish queer women understood that the only way to get through your fear of flirting with women is to…flirt with women.
Your heart can be in your throat the whole time but you gotta make that first step
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As someone who used to clean up poop and pee at a home for elderly people I think people with those kinds of jobs should be making the most money
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Making my first charcoochie board to impress a Taurus. Any tips are welcome
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Being fat and not hating yourself for it is a trip because people are shocked when you don’t loathe everything about your body
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I celebrated my birthday in Asheville and while I was wearing this my Lyft driver was a black queer woman and we geeked out about Janelle Monae the whole ride. Also today is my birthday 🥳
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