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@faylikesmilk

Followers
3,187
Following
295
Media
190
Statuses
7,949

allergic to milk. warm beer advocate. dm fee $1 billion | $faylikesmilk

Joined August 2011
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
i always pull up to the function with a bag of quartered tortillas in case i start getting too drunk
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
i may be a 4 in california but i’m an 11 in this north texas bucees right now
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@faylikesmilk
fay
10 days
today is my first day of school after a 3 year long leave of absence that i really thought i’d never come back from!!! yay me!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@LeeFjilm so basically i always pull up to the function with a bag of quartered tortillas in case i start getting too drunk. hope this helps!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@Kengoallnight the bouncers at my local bars literally know me as tortilla girl, but we should ALL be known as tortilla girl
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@aun_despierto i’m latina and it’s a tortilla. it’s in gods hands from there
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@faylikesmilk
fay
17 days
islander dna working overtime rn
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@doctormilfy i’m not kidding these tortillas have saved me from being arrested many times
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
got a bit burnt playing mermaids
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
@gracecamille_ this one did damage to my psyche
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
heard it’s national bikini day 💋❣️🍓🍒🎸
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
beer and a body of water. just as god intended
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
eating pussy is the second best thing a man can do with his mouth. first is shutting the fuck up!!!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@ForeProphet guerrero. cheap and filling. id never waste a good tortilla from the tortilleria on a night out
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
before y’all burn me at the stake this is not my man! carry on
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
most fuckable types of people: 1. trader joe’s cashiers 2. australians 3. oomfs on the other side of the country 4. airport crushes
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
@aun_despierto siempre como. cómo se dice lightweight
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
you delete your posts because they didn’t get enough likes. i delete my posts because i am an ever changing divine feminine entity who cannot be held by her thoughts from 10 minutes ago.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
going ✈️ beach
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
dudes with no furniture be like “get the fuck out of my house” bitch fuck you and this dance studio
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
goodmorning are we rocking with the eric cartman sleepy time shirt
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
rolling up in a blue bikini. just as charli prophesized
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
they’re saying my shower vibes could bring back christ
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
happy national beer day u know i’m celebrating (texas edition)
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men on twitter be like wow this is a photo of a beautiful woman! i should sexually harass her.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
and what if i said these freckles were fake
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just had sex in a way that could set feminism back about 50 years, give or take
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
they should create a beer that doesn’t make me want to bounce on it
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
you’ve obviously never had a fuckable co-worker before
@dicknsn
daniela
1 month
no man has ever been this funny
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@faylikesmilk
fay
29 days
@LadPsycho is your house big? is your car nice? is your girl fine?
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@faylikesmilk
fay
4 years
this is what senior photos in yakima look like, change my mind
@KimKardashian
Kim Kardashian
4 years
GQ GENIUS ✨
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
BOO!!! did i scare y’all??? i’m a job application
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@SCHIZO_FREQ
Lukas (computer) 🐂🔻
2 months
Every now and then I get added to some girls groupchat and no matter when I check it's just these brutal roasts of people they've never met before
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
after 3 beers i identify as a reply guy
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
dudes with mustaches and patchwork tattoos be like “you’ll never find another man like me” as if trader joe’s doesn’t exist
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
sorry i can’t, i’m drinking beer with my cows and admiring the beauty of nature
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
day 1 of driving the f150 (sorry dad)
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
before you dm me look in the mirror, and if u see a man staring back at u, don’t dm me
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
last night was a movie
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
my favorite part of going to trader joe’s is picking out what lingerie set i’m wearing under my clothes
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@faylikesmilk
fay
14 days
days before rodeo on streaming…juul bringing back flavored pods…terrifying presidential ballot… welcome back 2016
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
6 beers in i need to be reemed and creamed rn
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
what are y’all smoking on in texas for everyone to be going 115 on the fucking highway
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
u gon suck whatever i pull out of these saggy butt brandy melville sweatpants
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girl dinner!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
“do you sell content” no im just horny on main. please stop asking.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
once i found 6 bottles of poppers in my exs nightstand and he convinced me they were essential oils to help u relax
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@faylikesmilk
fay
10 days
ok
@RawYolkVolkist
Norman Lemming
10 days
@faylikesmilk Such a strong independent woman. That's why you beg for donations on the internet!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
so @KamalaHarris ….what is your stance on bringing back fingering
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@faylikesmilk
fay
29 days
bitches would fuck a squirrel if it had a mustache and traditional tattoos
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@faylikesmilk
fay
13 days
firmly against body shaming until someone pulls up with an outie bellybutton. what the FUCK is that!!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
just popped 4 Benadryl, the hat man better be oiled up and ready for me
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
alright guys. whats next for tonights bedtime wikipedia scroll
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
my family (conservative) is currently discussing that Jim Carrey is actually Joe Biden in a mask because Joe Biden is dead. reasoning for this is the new Biden has the same height and mannerisms as Jim Carrey. they are 100% dead serious.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
10 days
just found out i have to do math in this class. cant fucking believe this.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
fuck i forgot co workers
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
actual shorts being sold at brandy melville. how the fuck do i fit my cooter bronson in this
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
you’re a boy turn that mazzy star off
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@faylikesmilk
fay
12 days
Swifties being convinced that blonde lady is a good person when she surrounds herself with people such as Brittany Mahomes, Matty Healy, Blake Lively, etc… y’all r DUMB!!
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
13 days
Brittany Mahomes seemingly addresses backlash after liking Donald Trump’s post: “To be a hater as an adult, you have to have some deep rooted issues you refuse to heal from childhood.”
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
they laughed at me for bringing tortillas to the club but guess what they were all asking for fucking tortillas
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
“you’re so funny” thanks it’s the 12 beers in my bloodstream
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
the first photo my ass has ever looked small in. cant believe this
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@faylikesmilk
fay
17 days
planned on doing the stairmaster for 5 minutes and then when i stepped on the stairmaster i told myself my entire family would die if i got off before 30 minutes
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@faylikesmilk
fay
30 days
have you ever taken a computer science class
@Rebeccaa_garcia
oomf xcx
30 days
if you look like these two, dm me 🫦💖
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
“do u sell content?” what happened to hi. hello. how are you.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
17 days
so many men in my dms yet none in my cashapp. this is why none of u get responses.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
finally clocking out. another long day at the sitting on my ass and drinking beer factory
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
beautiful woman on the timeline existing: her dms: I'm over here stroking my dick I got lotion on my dick right now. I'm just stroking my shit I'm horny as fuck man I'm a freak
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@faylikesmilk
fay
13 days
just had shower sex that wasn’t bad
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@faylikesmilk
fay
29 days
it’s white boy summer? ok ‘white boy’, show me your garage refrigerator.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
20 days
just got kicked out of trader joe’s for squirting when the cashier asked if i had any plans this weekend
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
wasn’t gonna drink tonight but dua lipa keeps posting photos with her new man
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i know people from my high school HATE to see me on the timeline
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
“i found your twitter” okay but have you found kindness? have you found friendship? have you found love? have you found how to see the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wildflower?
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@faylikesmilk
fay
10 days
only listening to good music on campus because there’s one of those “what song are you listening too” tiktokers here
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@faylikesmilk
fay
16 days
real lovers hold toes
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@faylikesmilk
fay
27 days
calling in a bomb threat to the club he’s at
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@faylikesmilk
fay
20 days
“very demu-“ I HAVE A GUN
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@faylikesmilk
fay
11 days
in the middle of the party bitch get off me!!!! in the cut, im rolling up my broccoli!!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
bf asked me to grab his package from the mail. unfortunately i now have to shoot him in the back of the head.
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@faylikesmilk
fay
30 days
i can think of absolutely no situation where a man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie
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@faylikesmilk
fay
2 months
i love when the hangout is so good that i can stand in the corner and go nonverbal
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dudes are always like “yeah i only eat red meat and drink raw milk because the government is poisoning our food” like they weren’t doing a line off the toilet paper holder the night before
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
i am nothing without my caffeine induced morning shit
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@faylikesmilk
fay
1 month
heavy is the boobs that hurts the back
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@faylikesmilk
fay
26 days
i’m all about supporting women until i see a bitch in golden gooses. $600 to look like u walked through some dirt in Justice sparkle sneakers. u r dumb!
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@faylikesmilk
fay
10 days
i’m paying my way through school myself so make sure ur cashapp works by sending to mine 🥰 $faylikesmilk
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