fay
@faylikesmilk
Followers
3,187
Following
295
Media
190
Statuses
7,949
allergic to milk. warm beer advocate. dm fee $1 billion | $faylikesmilk
Joined August 2011
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Pinned Tweet
i always pull up to the function with a bag of quartered tortillas in case i start getting too drunk
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i may be a 4 in california but i’m an 11 in this north texas bucees right now
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today is my first day of school after a 3 year long leave of absence that i really thought i’d never come back from!!! yay me!
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@LeeFjilm
so basically i always pull up to the function with a bag of quartered tortillas in case i start getting too drunk. hope this helps!
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@Kengoallnight
the bouncers at my local bars literally know me as tortilla girl, but we should ALL be known as tortilla girl
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eating pussy is the second best thing a man can do with his mouth. first is shutting the fuck up!!!
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@ForeProphet
guerrero. cheap and filling. id never waste a good tortilla from the tortilleria on a night out
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most fuckable types of people:
1. trader joe’s cashiers
2. australians
3. oomfs on the other side of the country
4. airport crushes
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you delete your posts because they didn’t get enough likes. i delete my posts because i am an ever changing divine feminine entity who cannot be held by her thoughts from 10 minutes ago.
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dudes with no furniture be like “get the fuck out of my house” bitch fuck you and this dance studio
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goodmorning are we rocking with the eric cartman sleepy time shirt
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men on twitter be like wow this is a photo of a beautiful woman! i should sexually harass her.
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just had sex in a way that could set feminism back about 50 years, give or take
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they should create a beer that doesn’t make me want to bounce on it
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you’ve obviously never had a fuckable co-worker before
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this is what senior photos in yakima look like, change my mind
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BOO!!! did i scare y’all??? i’m a job application
Every now and then I get added to some girls groupchat and no matter when I check it's just these brutal roasts of people they've never met before
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i screenshotted the Twitter Men Spreadsheet before i was kicked from the group chat
enjoy
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dudes with mustaches and patchwork tattoos be like “you’ll never find another man like me” as if trader joe’s doesn’t exist
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sorry i can’t, i’m drinking beer with my cows and admiring the beauty of nature
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before you dm me look in the mirror, and if u see a man staring back at u, don’t dm me
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my favorite part of going to trader joe’s is picking out what lingerie set i’m wearing under my clothes
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days before rodeo on streaming…juul bringing back flavored pods…terrifying presidential ballot… welcome back 2016
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what are y’all smoking on in texas for everyone to be going 115 on the fucking highway
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u gon suck whatever i pull out of these saggy butt brandy melville sweatpants
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“do you sell content” no im just horny on main. please stop asking.
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once i found 6 bottles of poppers in my exs nightstand and he convinced me they were essential oils to help u relax
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ok
@faylikesmilk
Such a strong independent woman. That's why you beg for donations on the internet!
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bitches would fuck a squirrel if it had a mustache and traditional tattoos
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firmly against body shaming until someone pulls up with an outie bellybutton. what the FUCK is that!!
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just popped 4 Benadryl, the hat man better be oiled up and ready for me
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my family (conservative) is currently discussing that Jim Carrey is actually Joe Biden in a mask because Joe Biden is dead. reasoning for this is the new Biden has the same height and mannerisms as Jim Carrey. they are 100% dead serious.
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just found out i have to do math in this class. cant fucking believe this.
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actual shorts being sold at brandy melville. how the fuck do i fit my cooter bronson in this
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Swifties being convinced that blonde lady is a good person when she surrounds herself with people such as Brittany Mahomes, Matty Healy, Blake Lively, etc… y’all r DUMB!!
Brittany Mahomes seemingly addresses backlash after liking Donald Trump’s post:
“To be a hater as an adult, you have to have some deep rooted issues you refuse to heal from childhood.”
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they laughed at me for bringing tortillas to the club but guess what they were all asking for fucking tortillas
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the first photo my ass has ever looked small in. cant believe this
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planned on doing the stairmaster for 5 minutes and then when i stepped on the stairmaster i told myself my entire family would die if i got off before 30 minutes
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have you ever taken a computer science class
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so many men in my dms yet none in my cashapp. this is why none of u get responses.
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finally clocking out. another long day at the sitting on my ass and drinking beer factory
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beautiful woman on the timeline existing:
her dms: I'm over here stroking my dick I got lotion on my dick right now. I'm just stroking my shit I'm horny as fuck man I'm a freak
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it’s white boy summer? ok ‘white boy’, show me your garage refrigerator.
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just got kicked out of trader joe’s for squirting when the cashier asked if i had any plans this weekend
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wasn’t gonna drink tonight but dua lipa keeps posting photos with her new man
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“i found your twitter” okay but have you found kindness? have you found friendship? have you found love? have you found how to see the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wildflower?
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only listening to good music on campus because there’s one of those “what song are you listening too” tiktokers here
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in the middle of the party bitch get off me!!!! in the cut, im rolling up my broccoli!!
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bf asked me to grab his package from the mail. unfortunately i now have to shoot him in the back of the head.
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i can think of absolutely no situation where a man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie
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i love when the hangout is so good that i can stand in the corner and go nonverbal
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dudes are always like “yeah i only eat red meat and drink raw milk because the government is poisoning our food” like they weren’t doing a line off the toilet paper holder the night before
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i’m all about supporting women until i see a bitch in golden gooses. $600 to look like u walked through some dirt in Justice sparkle sneakers. u r dumb!
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i’m paying my way through school myself so make sure ur cashapp works by sending to mine 🥰 $faylikesmilk
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