I’m confused about why people are folding fitted sheets? You don’t just wash it and put it back on your bed? are grown ups supposed to have more than one set of sheets??
If you don’t appreciate me at my going to Taco Bell alone at 10 pm on Friday night in my Taco Bell sweater, then you don’t deserve me at my whatever I do that’s less trashy than that
Me: hey I’m vegan
My cute mom every time we have family dinner: can you have potatoes? Can I cook your vegetables in oil? Do you eat bread? I got you fruit for dinner
CANT TALK ABOUT THIS ON ANY OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA RN BUT MY BOYFRIEND IS MOVING HERE AFTER A YEAR AND 8 MONTHS OF LONG DISTANCE AND WE’RE GONNA LIVE TOGETHER AND IM SO HAPPY BYE FOREVER
Upset - Come On Eileen
Weak - Come On Eileen
Lonely - Come On Eileen
Sinned - Come On Eileen
Worried - Come On Eileen
Anxious - Come On Eileen
Unhappy - Come On Eileen
In danger - Come On Eileen
Depressed - Come On Eileen
Lack of Faith - Come On Eileen
Need Courage - Come On Eile
two years ago today, Clint and I matched on tinder then one year ago today, we kissed for the first time, and now he’s the most important person in my life and I’m just feeling all kinds of emo about it
Most people: wow its 112° I should wear shorts or a dress today
Me: wow it’s 112° guess you’ll have to pry these black skinny jeans off my overheated dead body
Hello I hate running and will do literally any other workout before it, but today I ran a 9:43 mile which is probably slow for all of you but it’s my fastest ever so congratulate me or something THANKS
I’m at my parent’s house and my dad put on the VHS or Bye Bye Birdie that they gave me when I was 6 and I got so excited and he turned to my mom and said “I told you we could get her to stay longer” and I’m crying
Ran into somebody i haven’t seen in a while and she said i look radiant and instead of being a normal person and saying “thank you” I said “i quit dairy” so I guess I’m that person now feel free to unfollow
Why is Facebook full of people who talk shit about twitter while their whole Facebook feed is screenshots of funny tweets they’ve shared from other pages
“Millennials can never stop looking at their phones and have a real conversation”
my 26 year old client didn’t touch her phone once during her 3 hr hair appointment yesterday and my 84 year old client spent the entire 2 hrs on Facebook looking at memes but
@toastprincess6
Ok I always worry my clients will be hurt if I don’t post them!! But sometimes the lighting was shit or I took them too hastily and the pics are bad but I should post anyway to not hurt their feelings
feeling annoyed that mormons look down on me for drinking coffee and alcohol but conveniently ignore the part of the WoW that says meat should be eaten sparingly in times of famine, wyd
Things not to say when your hair stylist texts you that her brother unexpectedly died & she needs to reschedule your appt:
“Okay.” (Then get online & reschedule for the same week without asking)
“I’m leaving for vaca next week can you get me in sooner?”
“Is the autopsy back yet?”
I had an new client today who was a little older, and when I finished her cut, she said “this was like getting your haircut with your best friend” and I’m still crying about it
It’s
#WorldAdoptionDay
which means i get to be sappy & cry all day about the amount of love i have in my life because my parents adopted me & my brother & sister. i can’t imagine a life without them. 💛💛
Like that scene in the office where Jim asks Kelly what’s new and she tells him about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s new baby, but it’s my family asking what’s new and me telling them that
@mindykaling
had a baby
I came to church with my parents (please bless i don’t get struck down) and a little girl just yelled from the pulpit, “Mary did you know THAT THIS IS SCARING ME”
Hello I am deathly afraid of birds, to an extreme, and I saved a dying one today, please tell me I’m amazing before the anxiety of getting close to a bird twenty minutes ago consumes me entirely
I’ve somehow managed to slowly and unknowingly rip off the arm of my boyfriend pillow in my sleep over the last 6 months, and unfortunately, I think that’s a pretty good representation of my real relationships
A client at work made every other employee at the salon a board with their wedding anniversary dates, and gave me a $30 Taco Bell gift card, and I’ve never been happier to not be married
big month for me - my boyfriend is moving here to live together, but more importantly my STARDEW VALLEY BOYFRIEND JUST ACCEPTED MY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL AND WILL ALSO BE MOVING IN WITH ME
I told my mom I’m gonna wear a jumpsuit if I ever get married and she got so upset and said “oh honeyyyyyy. No. Is it going to say Yo Quiero Taco Bell on it?”