Dyl
@dylanlewis_
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1,802
Following
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Media
620
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28,931
Im here for a good time not a long time
Essex
Joined December 2013
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I fucking called it
Now Stephen Hawkins has died it’ll come out he was a nonce in a few weeks
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Surely there is a better way of booking a doctors appointment than every Cunt ringing at 08:00am at the same time?
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Here comes all the Snapchat highlights from this year, ‘you was up early’ and it’s me sitting in some kitchen
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The Inbetweeners is being axed from TV for being too sensitive’ well done you miserable cunts hope your all happy
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I get really emotionally attached to certain pens that write really well at work and it really fucks me off when someone nicks them
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If I don’t have a summer house in my garden & an island in my kitchen when I own a gaff I have failed in life
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It’s that poxy time of year where you wear a coat to work then carry it on home because it’s got to hot
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Your umbrella blowing inside out is the most humiliating thing ever🤣
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My sisters 16 going STK, when i was 16 I was buying fifa points on my mums bank card
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You could have a serious turnout in that kitchen you know
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Can someone send me the link for Downing Street tickets can’t find them on RA guide
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Now Stephen Hawkins has died it’ll come out he was a nonce in a few weeks
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Wristband on? Like she’s flexing fast track at Thorpe park
the way stephen bear’s girlfriend is making content about visiting him inside like he isn’t a convicted sex offender is truly wild
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Blokes on my train drinking a bottle of Stella at half 6🤣 breakfast of champions
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Watching something and their lips aren’t in sync with the audio drives me fucking nuts
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Imagine this weekend you would’ve been linking up with the squad pre We Are turnouts smashing loons n drinking on the train up there having a blinder n your stuck indoors🤣 what a cunt
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Childish tastebuds if you don’t eat sushi
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Got a banging bag of dizzle, looking to swap for a semi detached 3 bed?
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Support your circles side hustles and businesses, the whole team should be winning👏🏼🙌🏼
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Having fuck all to do drives me mad, I’d honestly rather be at work
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I struggle leaving turnouts at 4am in the morning let alone 10pm at night
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If people are like this on a night out I’d rather not be out with them
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A 60/70 year old women has just popped a bottle of bubbly on the train and has handed out cups for all her friends to have some👏🏼 07:06, that’s some talent
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Should’ve never started using Tik Tok, it’s got me by my bollocks bruv I’m hooked
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Eating healthy meals is so easy, not eating shit between meals is the killer
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If your in hospital with something minor and you bang it all over socials milking it for attention your a freak, people are out here dying
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What sort of nonce goes nandos and doesn’t order chicken?
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Do you know how fucking weird you have to be for this to even cross your mind🤦🏻♂️🤮
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For anyone that can't speak Ryan ill help, im fully qualified with A* in his language. A shit year, people's true colours have been shown but wanna thank my pals for helping me get through the bad times, deffo need a weird sesh.
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Can’t wait to be sat down in a nice restaurant with a fat bit of steak and some cocktails
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I am getting absolutely trollied the whole of December if were allowed back out🙏🏼
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100%, NYE was only good when you was young and you’d be pissed at a house party
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Girls are actually wired up different this is mental😂
Imagine I sent a girl screenshots of her boyfriend lying to me about them being together & her friends are commenting this on my insta pics from their dog accounts 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 can’t make it up mate
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Why the fuck are we wasting 3 meals a day and a bed? Hang the cunt off tower bridge
Warning: this story contains details of child sexual abuse
A man from Manchester who arranged to rape a 12-week-old baby has been sentenced to six years and eight months in prison.
Read the full story here ⬇️
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Tattoo John, Jimmy Chicken & Ryan Miller
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Lucinda saying “Rrrreeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyyy” actually hurts my ears
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Starting to get sick of my Apple Watch tryna tell me to stand up???? I’m laying in bed bruv shut your mouth
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This Christmas got me realising it really is all about having your family and loved ones around you that means the most and the presents and anything extra is only a bonus, really am appreciating all the little things this year🙌🏼
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@Brandon__W7
Twitter police are out in force today🤣 proper nonces, all fuming their dad wears leggings
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All my life Iv looked forward to being 21 and for the whole year Iv been grounded by some fat wanker with a shit haircut
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2 weeks ago I was made redundant, today I started work running my own job on double the money🤩 everything always happens for a reason
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Me finding a new series that’s the bollocks 🤝 watching it non stop then having the ump when i finish it
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To make everyone’s day, ryan Miller now sleep walks and decided to walk into scotts room and piss everywhere thinking it was the toilet 😂
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My birds moved in with me, got her a job at my company and now has a phone contract in my name, gotta be worth a blowjob
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Your lying if you’ve never gone and sat in the toilet at work to waste some time
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When you've ran out of data but you need to send a tweet thanking Asda for your petrol
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Can officially say I’m a fully qualified project manager running a million pound job come January👏🏼 bigger and better things to come
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It’s not even April and my hay fever is starting to act like a bitch
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Someone have a project x party I beg, what a pointless bank holiday weekend doing fuck all
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I need another series like ‘don’t fuck with cats’ that shit was nuts
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My girlfriend is honestly the fucking bollocks, dunno what I’d do without her lol
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This generation of people are too soft, can’t say fuck all without someone crying like a bitch
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If you ask your friends for petrol money and your both going the same place then your a tight cunt
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Baffles me how people don’t know how to ride a bike or swim? Wtf did you do growing up?
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Birds gotta face like a slapped arse, who shit in her cornflakes🤣 liven up
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Can we all agree the song Replay -Iyaz, will always be a certi banger
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If you heard “everyone take a step back” in rounders you knew you was the boy
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If it’s your boys bday you pay for their meal, standard🤣 tight cunt
DONT INVITE ME OUT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY OWN FOOD.
if you want me there to celebrate your birthday then you can pay the whole tab. if you dont want to pay for 20 people's dinners, dont invite 20 people out for your birthday.
don't @ me i will die on this hill.
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House parties used to be an actual motive, them nights used to go off
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Tommy Mallet is a true inspiration that all blokes should look up to, what a fella
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