need to banish the gut reaction i have to everything as ‘i’m in trouble’. phone buzzes, i’m in trouble. someone gets my attention at work, i’m in trouble. its awful being mentally built like a neurotic horse
it is particularly perverted when tram cops pounce on high schoolers. like yeah it’s so important to the nation that 15 year old sophie who works 4 hours a week at coles pays this fucking $300 fine you putrid cunts
never have i had more strangers on here tell me to go fuck myself or call me a stupid cunt. sorry my bad for forgetting the cardinal australian rule: be a huge cop
it is particularly perverted when tram cops pounce on high schoolers. like yeah it’s so important to the nation that 15 year old sophie who works 4 hours a week at coles pays this fucking $300 fine you putrid cunts
let me speak my truth. the ‘naur’ thing is so annoying not bc it’s wrong we do say ‘no’ in a funny way. but bc that’s the most unreasonable way to spell it and also gives me such a sickening insight into the way americans themselves think things are pronounced
so mortifying to call in sick to work when you’re excruciatingly mentally ill and cannot face the little emails job. sorry boss i relinquished control to the demons and if i have to stare at a spreadsheet for one more second i will be killing myself in the office kitchen
failing to see the point of australia after experiencing a week in tokyo where having fun and enjoying yourself is essentially free, and cigarettes are $4. have you ever experienced eating a hotdog on the balcony of a museum while staring at the imperial palace? i mean good god
it is nuts to me how mushroom forums are full of people asking ‘found this in my backyard, safe to eat?’ w a pic of the most evil looking fungus you’ve ever seen. are you missing the animal part of your brain that keeps you safe? will i find you cradling a poison dart frog?
a few nights ago at the bar i was clearing a plate of food from these two ladies but there was still a full slice of cheese on there, i asked if they wanted it, and one of them looks and me and squints and says 'why don't you take that to have out the back'
do your parents also just not tell you anything. i speak to my mum pretty regularly and i’ll always ask ‘so what’s news?’ and she always says ‘oh nothing new!’ anyway last night my dad was like what do you mean she didn’t tell you she got her gallbladder removed last month
Meet Charlie the Virtual Veteran, an AI-generated soldier produced by State Library to help connect generations with Queensland’s wartime heritage. See history come to life as you chat with Charlie and ask him questions about World War I. Get started:
i genuinely think there is no better feeling in this world than being four wines deep sitting in the passenger seat of a car being driven really fast. that’s bliss. that’s romance. that’s love. that’s glamour
okay after the aurora last night i think that if i was subject to that frequently enough i too would go insane and try to get up into it in order to kill god. lord asriel i understand the vision now
BREAKING: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has been referred to the International Criminal Court as an accessory to genocide in Gaza making him the 1st leader of a Western nation referred to the ICC under Article 15 of the Rome Statute.
100+ Australian lawyers back this move
okay EVERYONE SHUT UP! thank you to those who, like me, are normal and believe in free public services and defending kids from cops. to everyone else: the pinworms in your brain have completely taken over and there is a moral void in you which will never be filled
i now totally understand why people in the UK and stuff go fucking ballistic after soccer games and light flares and set shit on fire. this is nauseating i’m going to go out into the streets and punch on
weeping on camera because my fancy son won't get to experience perverted levels of sexual demonology with the boys during his teenage years ensuring he emerges the most munted version of himself possible
thank you ma'am. oh my golly gosh thank you. for i am but a lowly serf and you ma'am have given me the keys to the kingdom where i may eat your old sweaty cheese in the grease trap and when i think of god i think only of you
a man and a woman just walked past me and she is YELLING at him ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE. ITS TWO GAY COWBOYS AND ITS VERY VERY SAD’
2020: if you do not get a covid test you are a dunce and a dullard and a grimy slag and a fucking leper
2022: if you get a covid test you will be shot in the skull by a government funded sniper while waiting in line
Moon Dog Footscray is shut down for which reason:
a) patron is flung off the bucking bull, snaps their neck and dies, building shut down indefinitely
b) they didn’t measure the load bearing capacity of the floor and 800 people crash into the earth
c) firebombed
palestinians have been herded into rafah only to be carpet bombed into dust, while ads play at the
#SuperBowl
telling you to “shop like a billionaire” on products made through child labour, fuck this shit, fuck this SHIT
a lady at the bar reading the menu and said ‘$11 for a gin and tonic? that’s very cheap… i wonder why so cheap’ and i was like :) you and i have led very different lives beloved
we have to destroy the miserable english. we must crush the rotten chauffeurs of colonialism into a fine dust. a matildas win will spur a divergence from the monarchy. we will be free
after i served our landlord with a breach notice we finally got a guy out to look at our fucked bathroom and it turns out that there is no waterproofing below the shower whatsoever and every time we use it we fill the wall and floor with water ❤️
what interviewing employees need to understand is that yes the overwhelming autism i bring to the environment is off-putting but it does in fact make me a very diligent worker
i would like to shout out the guy i saw the other day just brazenly smoking crack out the front of footscray station at 8:15am for his noted efforts in trying to keep a cap on rental prices in the area. i need you to work harder though brother
i’m so hungover. why does my photo from last night have 10k likes so many strangers being so lovely thank you strangers. i need a huge post mix sprite STAT
this is so 18 year old girl of him truly. i have done exactly this lying on almost every street corner in brisbane. he just needs a little cigarette. get up barnaby it’s your song next in the karaoke booth!
if we cannot have a couple of people over for dinner but we can go into the office i am going to cut absolutely sick. i am going to hang from the rafters at parliament house and shriek like a harpy. i do not care for emails. i care for dinners
you want to enjoy yourself in melbourne? that’ll be $200 minimum without a coke habit. and for what? a bottle of 7% pet nat served to you by a frail 24 year old who couldn’t care if you live or die? culturally bankrupt country
everyone should get a stimulus package if they earn under $110k/pa for the purpose of ‘little treats’. this will be called the ‘treaties for sweeties economy boost’
okay everyone please stop fighting in my mentions and calling me a cunt and implying that i get raped and that i never reproduce. i don’t care. i hate cops and i always will. ESPECIALLY ticket pigs. GOOD NIGHT ❤️
had a girl in class just open her presentation by saying “alright i’ve always wanted to say this. i’ve waited years. According to My Dad,” and she really could say that because her dad wrote the dictionary of critical theory
catching strays for saying that public transport fake coppers are mangy freaks. shockingly these comments are also coming from mangy freaks? birds of a feather…