Dan
@dnrhds
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30. Liverpool. Welsh. Queer. Leftie. He/Him.
Liverpool
Joined January 2013
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Pinned Tweet
Mum, Dad, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. I think I might be...Guacamole.
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Things the UK can't deal with:
Two inches of snow
Heat over 25 degrees
Drones
KFC running out of chicken
A woman playing The Doctor
Supermarkets closing for Christmas Day
Vegan sausage rolls from Greggs
Things the UK thinks it can deal with:
A World War
A No-Deal Brexit
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Dad: Who has been searching for “big willies” on Google Images?
10 year old me:
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I’m gay but this video makes me want to be a little bit homophobic.
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We have all seen that video of Joel having a lamb shank…
Joel Dommet almost missed his baby’s birth because he was ‘next door having a lamb shank’
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Big Alex Levy energy.
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I was 25.
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Nana: “Doing anything nice this evening?”
Me: “I’m going to see Todrick Hall in Manchester with a friend”
Nana: “Oooh, lovely. Is that with the National Trust?”
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BREAKING NEWS: Reports of a national piss shortage. Appears that the government is taking it.
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Can we blame the British public for not understanding how far two meters actually is when most grown men have genuinely convinced themselves that five inches is actually eight?
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Having a man to spoon would really help to keep the heating bills down this winter.
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Obsessed with this WhatsApp message and accompanying blurred image from my Grandad this afternoon. Chaos.
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Does this count?
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Hair has been cut and brows have been threaded. Almost ready for departure to Chromatica.
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My Mum’s neighbour definitely just saw my entire butt as I streaked past the landing window.
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Decided to take a bit of a risk and go dark on the bedroom ceiling but I think it has paid off…
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I just got roasted by my own mother.
I asked her if she thought I should get myself a double or a king size bed.
Her response?
“A single will do you at this rate”.
Savage.
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I just opened my front door to a charity fundraiser who asked me if my Mum was home…
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I accidentally put a kiss on a text to my mortgage advisor this afternoon so I will be pulling out of the sale, moving abroad and changing my name.
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Sure.
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My favourite thing to come out of lockdown so far? This drag queen has got so drunk that she has passed out on Facebook live, she has apparently been in and out of consciousness for three hours and has more viewers now than she did whilst she was performing.
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Must have missed the news about Christmas parties being allowed or do the restrictions not apply to gays with large followings on Instagram? 🤨
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The choice this Halloween was a clear one. It had to be a strong and stable costume in the national interest. So, I opted for the wheat trampling, immigrant hating, austerity loving, stone hearted, gurning dancing queen, Mayhem herself.
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Just got stuck in a lift for ten minutes with a Romanian twink. The only way is up. Literally.
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After two and a half years and multiple fixed term contracts, I have finally been made permanent at work 😍
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“Gammon” truly are the “snowflakes” and I think we should start calling them “wafer thin ham” for that reason.
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Yesterday, we lost our beloved Grandad Joe. A gentle, kind-hearted man, who was quick-witted and full of Scouse cheek.
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Fanny Wonka doesn’t really have the same ring to it.
Willy Wonka could be played by a woman in prequel of Roald Dahl's iconic character:
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We met in person for the 1st time 4 years ago tonight. Since then we have had 18 failed marriages between us, seen 496 Queens be crowned on Drag Race and drank 5,857 bottles of wine.
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BBC News framing returning to the office as a “return to work” makes it sound like people working from home aren’t actually working 🙄
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I have lost a stone this month so I am having a pizza tonight to celebrate. That’s how a diet works, right?
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