Divya Venn
@divya_venn
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Following
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notes on writing + love + internet money (for the good stuff, join my email list ⬇️
Joined February 2023
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Hang out with people who are intellectually fearless. Disciplined in thinking, comfortable in chaos. Wouldn’t suggest skinny dipping but they’re game. Understand that we all fall short sometimes which is why you gotta be relentless with yourself. Down to try a cig but the minute
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They lied to you.
Highest ROI skill out there is not coding or trading or anything close to it.
It's being unusually likable.
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@ellebeecher
okay I had the exact attitude as you but I learned the hard way that you have to be very careful about becoming someone's emotional crutch
it doesn't do them or you or your friendship any favors
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@visakanv
i think the quiet moral here is not to build an identity around being the best, only around loving things.
then those who are gifted at that thing become an inspiration, a thing of wonder, not a challenge to your self worth.
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@SchrodingrsBrat
well, one is playing not to lose and the other is playing to win. in my experience adding anxiety a situation never helps the outcome
but the especially true in relationships, where how much fun you're having directly impacts how much fun the other person is having
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@christineist
1. Never refuse social invitations
2. Don’t give advice unless specifically requested
3. Don’t listen to advice except from people who are where you wanna be
4. Keep your distance from insecure people
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@dyingscribe
listen men are visual, we all know this, sexual selection favors beauty over any other competance
but like all sexual selective traits, beauty has turned into a status game between women that actually veers very far from what most men (in my understanding) prefer.
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Imagine you are swapping bodies for a year with the person you love most in the world.
How would you care for that body of theirs?
What will you eat and drink? How will you sleep and exercise?
How much time will you spend in the sun, how much looking critically in the
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@SchrodingrsBrat
this is genuinely so insanely insightful and something lonely men really should think a lot about.
i feel like self-care and "warm" culture that typifies being a girl really makes being single easier.
I'm a huge extravert but I'm very happy in solitude
largely because i take
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@bloodberry_tart
this was my only beef w Parasite. Fantastic movie but the daughter and son had perfect skin, perfect features, healthy hair, well fitted clothes
you can usually take one look and estimate someone's socioeconomic bracket, esp in newly developed countries.
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@PaulSkallas
a tea plantation in Karnataka - not a tourist destination but there was a different feeling to the place. everyone there was so friendly and laid back. i remember thinking the fog felt like the breath of an ancient slumbering god
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@_MedGold
number of guys in the comments acting like they'd turn down any of them is WILD lmao
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A man walked home tipsy from a friend's house.
Cut across a field, tried to hop a fence, and tripped. Hit his head on a rock. Bled out onto the frozen earth until found the next morning.
He was thirty-five years old, earned a stable living. His parents had been pushing him to
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@eigenrobot
twitter is just such A GOOD NAME.
strongly evocative of a thousand voices clamoring, it's quirky, naturally leads to "tweet," which is such a nice way to refer to one person's soundbite on a topic.
the logo was good too.
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Some people are just interesting. Naturally engaging, even magnetic. Effortlessly stand out in any crowd.
It's a quality many crave. I've met a lot of people with deep rooted insecurities around being forgettable.
The unglamorous heart of it is this:
You gotta be little
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@whatgreenlight
it's bc fillers aren't facial fat and don't rest on your face like real facial fat.
They're injected directly under your skin and subtly weigh it down, giving it slightly droopy, heavy look that comes with age as collagen and connective tissue
naturally break down.
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you introduce a friend to something cool
they actively explore it on their own, no nagging or further effort on your part
they come back all excited and tell you how it's made their life better
you can now have mutually enlightening conversations about it
absolute absolute
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@octopichael
i think this aura comes from a very peculiar act of extraordinary determination and grace: to become your *own* fantasy, aesthetic or otherwise.
very different alchemy than becoming anyone else's fantasy
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someone you know definitely needs to hear this.
i used to assume that thinking was how you gain self awareness + figure out the right direction forward.
except:
1) I know people who never ruminate and have 0 awareness
2) who think ALL the time about every aspect of their
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Magic happens when people sense that there's no need to censor themselves around you.
You empathize with sins and tempations. Twisted longings and contreverisal ideas do not frighten you.
There's a rush of warmth that comes with this casual total openess. You become a merry
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@LemonFandango
honestly most people rarely have an experience where everything is planned and they can just enjoy it
Doing this for friends, family, and romantic partners is a great feeling
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@dyingscribe
"SO UNFAIR, ABEL!"
*thwhack*
"Abel?"
...
"Abel? Abel?"
*starts hyperventilating"
"wtf just happened oh shit oh shot oh shit oh shit"
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@meghaverma_art
restaurant food is not the same as healthy home cooking. where would you have been if you didn't have a mother or sisters to competently care for you?
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@shoe0nhead
the idea of forever is cripplingly anxiety-inducing for many.
most people are quite unremarkable when you first meet them. it takes a while to see their grace, to find the subtle, hidden details of their lives that can fan companionship into ardor.
their wistful hopes for
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starting to suspect that if you're *actually* attracted to a woman you're kinda into it if her hair is messy
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@dyingscribe
most people's political opinions genuinely do stem from personal emotional encounters and associations but you won't catch them admitting it
callous joke or genuine sociopolitical insight - porqué no los dos?
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@orangebook_
There's no "right" or "wrong" decision. You're just either playing it safe or playing with fire.
When people say someone "did everything right," it usually means they acted with caution. Hedged their bets.
But you can do everything "right" and still lose. People never
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@thedulab
Ever feel like you think too much?
Some people act without thinking. Act to avoid thinking. They’re not used to thinking, it stresses or depresses them. Being constantly in action means they don’t have to.
If you’re always moving you don’t have time to worry about whether
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how to use twitter to make and stay in touch with extremely high quality friends:
1) find accounts whose thoughts you like
2) add to list
3) treat every tweet like a text they sent you
4) like + comment accordingly
off to follow my own good advice.
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@eigenrobot
reconciling yourself w mortality is pretty key to living life well
nearly everyone i know how has a deep-rooted panic around impermanence
refusing to think about it actually leads to pretty subpar frameworks ngl
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Our world is suffering from a lack of warrior-poets.
The warrior-poet is the father you wish you had and the man you hope to marry. There's not enough suffering to forge this kind of person. Or rather it's the wrong kind of suffering.
People are tortured mostly by the insides
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Hello, I'm Divya. I'm 23. I've had trouble focusing my entire life.
Every time i've actually worked on a thing CONSISTENTLY for 60 days I've seen staggering results.
I think most people don't do this their entire lives and therefore never experience the power of it. But I have,
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a reminder that you still haven't met all the people who're going to love you
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@uga_today
@ellebeecher
Not one hug, I’m talking about regularly being someone’s only source of affection/touch
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the secret killer of committed relationships:
Couples can actually weather extreme hardship with infinite love and patience if both parties see the turmoil as external and totally unavoidable. When life is a battlefield, you protect those you love at all costs.
However,
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"Talking about sex is embarrassing but life without good sex is depressing. Being embarrassed is better than being depressed." - a very old, very wise woman
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quickest way to someone's heart: do for them what they always do for other people
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Procrastination is the arrogant assumption you are owed another chance to do something you were already given the chance to do
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@ChrisPalmerMD
Unfortunately the IRL the diagnosis would be some form of attention disorder and the treatment plan would be Ritalin.
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@mrsballs69
i find this aspirational actually. Being stylish 24/7 doesnt have to require effort if you're meticulous in planning out your wardrobe. It's not hard to throw on a pair of pants and a matching sweater if they were planned to be worn together.
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@Alkibiades_
if i'm ever single and dating i'm stealing this idea and taking prospectives to a salsa class
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@uga_today
@ellebeecher
Idk what to tell you bro
regularly hugging people whom other people don’t want to hug (which is exactly what this is about) leads to exactly that
I think the sentiment is highly commendable (I myself functioned like this for almost 1.5 years until shit inevitably got messy
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@dyingscribe
Key issue here is phrasing : “would never” hookup or do fwb. If she had said “wouldn’t just” he’d have been happy.
For all the people I was *actually* very attracted to, having *just* a casual fling w them would have been preferable to never experiencing it at all.
She
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If you don't flirt constantly with your longtime significant other what are you even doing
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@michaelcurzi
Not that I would know but it does seem like all guidance/advice for boys in their formative years is negative.
“Don’t be creepy, shy, weak, mean, too emotional, sensitive, an incel, a simp…”
Negatively framed advice (”Don’t do X”) as opposed to positively framed advice (”Do
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@lillybilly299
@VenemousTurnip
I actually disagree that this is oppressive.
Would have agreed with you at one point but honestly nothing is easier than holding someone accountable + inspiring them when they are instrinsically motivated.
You can't make people do things they don't wanna do. You end up a nag
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I will always have infinite sympathy for people who aren't well adjusted bc they've never seen well adjusted.
a friend once told me - people like talking to you bc nothing fazes you. Men especially like that they can tell you shit that they'd never normally tell a girl they were
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@Scearpo
"discomfort you feel the first time you get stuck in a mundane conversation under the influence of mind altering substances and for the first time you really truly acknowledge that you’re going to die one day."
ascerbic and elegant as always. Also get out of my head.
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Realized the subconscious criteria l use to sort guys my age into men or children.
Plenty of immature guys i like very much as friends but the mere thought of being romantically involved w them gives me the ick.
It's the responsibility and accountability i see them taking in
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understanding this was how i became a lot saner + well adjusted very quickly.
mental maladies (despair, depression, self-loathing, what have you) feel like personal, relentless torments when you're in the eye of the storm.
like demons you're trying to escape all the time but
It's a sad fact that because mental illness is so full of false hope, impossible desire, and imaginary grievance, the basic flavor of sanity is disappointment
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@Indian_Bronson
the best argument for not having sex w too many people has nothing to do w sex being dirty or bad or reducing a person's value.
sex is fun and wonderful and in an ideal world everyone is having tons of it all the time.
but it does set off a chemical cocktail in your brain. you
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men will spend years using all their courage and brilliance to make a lot of money to win a beautiful girlfriend whom they can then ignore to obsess about memecoins.
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A lonely child raised by the internet and a lonely child raised by books are two different creatures
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want to change your life but don't know where to start? that was me six months ago.
mid 2023 I started using the internet for joy and for profit, and my life has transformed beyond imagining.
everything i've learned, all in a short, snappy email:
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@DefenderOfBasic
Sunshine and exercise improve baseline dopamine levels. Circulation is boosted too, so you have more energy. A happy brain starts w a healthy body
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have you tried actively pursuing failure and rejection? it's the necessary price for growth.
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I used to be depressed
isolated
unfocused
volatile
and directionless.
a binge eater, a shopaholic, extremely socially anxious.
all in all, a peak useless human being, destined for nothing.
I was smart. I knew it, everyone knew it. I clung to that fact to feel good about
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@thedulab
in my experience everyone who has a strong sense of purpose + integrity has an noticeable aura, no exceptions.
it's ineffable, has little to do w style or extraversion, it's something in the way they stand and move. once they open their mouths it's obvious.
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i can tell you're insecure about your intelligence because you dress up your ideas with unnecessary jargon or convoluted language
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I try not to swear because swearing is the opposite of eloquence.
Swearwords are basically filler words for people who don’t think they use filler words. You might think swearing is funny/provocative/creates emphasis but it’s actually the exact opposite.
You say “That’s
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why would i spend money making fixture upgrades to an apartment i'm renting and in all likelihood will not stay forever in?
firstly, i take issue with the core assumption that things are trivial because they're temporary
no less importantly, I love this apartment. i've scrubbed
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@the_aiju
Have you always been the emotional laborer - as in you had good instincts for it - or did you have to learn very intentionally?
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@ask_aubry
no girl will say yes to someone she sense will take it bad if she says no.
it's not the action, it's the person. if there's weird energy you feel it.
post just proves she read him right. the real answer is don't fixate on people so powerfully.
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there's really only four ways you can spend your time:
1) moving the needle: working on a business, creating content, building your network, reading, learning a new language or a new skill
2) maintenance: a 9-5 you don't plan to stay in, chores, etc.
3) health: sleep and
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lot of things make sense when you realize that it's not the value you contribute
it's the value the other party PERCIEVES you contribute
If they feel good about it, you're solid.
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feels insane that i was ever afraid of failure. should have been knees-to-jelly terrified of not trying
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imagine spending your whole life quietly suspecting that you're unusually good at something without creating a portfolio, putting yourself out there, and confirming it.
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Gentle reminder that vitality is built in the small everyday habits.
Getting that extra hour or sleep. Saying no to the fries. Taking the time to drink that third bottle of water. Foregoing that glass of wine.
It's a vigilance that no one thanks you for. Hard to cultivate an
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@Aella_Girl
if a one time application can permanently alter the microbiome, i feel like this could easily be transmitted to someone else like mono
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if you don't have any destructive coping mechanisms you're already ahead of a lot of people
I had several and getting after past one after another I know exactly what to expect + what to do when I realize an instinct of mine is shitty
You can't bully your mind into behaving,
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a big disconnect between men and women that rarely comes to light:
Girls are very into it when other women are all over a guy they're dating. Obviously he's meant to brush them off, but it feels like winning. It's solid proof that she got a good one.
Men do not like the idea of
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Have you ever felt put off or simply not attracted to someone you’re with? But still think you’re good together and want to be with them?
You might have an incredibly compatible, functional, healthy, respectful relationship but without desire and passion something always feels
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do you consistently take on the least pleasant task? risk being the bad guy and make the tough call? notice the impact you have on those around you?
Can you control ur emotions?
Do you instinctively help out the weak and vulnerable?
Or do you hang around grinning waiting to
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Confidence isn't about thinking you're the best, it's about not caring whether or not you are.
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femininity and masculinity are powerful concepts.
feel like this triggers people because they take it personally. "what a man or a woman should be."
no. it's like yin and yang.
they're baked deeply into our social worldview, they exist in relation to but not opposing each
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a $50 knife sharpened diligently will outperform a $500 Japanese rippled steel blade you don't maintain consistently. this tweet is not about knives.
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@retirementkeys
literally only realized 6 months ago that girls and guys have near-opposite reactions to "someone else is eyeing my person"
poor theory of mind goes both ways
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getting comfortable around people is weird. everyone approaches it differently.
i've just met you but we're having an unusually open convo. you seem to be into the same things, you've got a general good vibe. that's all it takes - we're pals. let's grab dinner, meet my other
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the people who are hurting often don't want to accept help.
it's easy to see this in children - with adults it's better hidden but no less true
it's difficult, especially when you have deeply rooted feelings of being unwanted, to bring this gap.
to remain warm and cheerful
A child is sitting on a curb, tear-stained, with a skinned knee. You approach him- "Are you okay?"
He yells "Go away! I'm fine! Leave me alone!"
what do you do?
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If I have to keep reassuring you that I actually do, in fact, like you, pretty soon I'm going to stop liking you.
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biggest relationship red flag:
When you and your partner gravitate towards totally different kinds of people.
"I just don't like his friends," is a bigger problem than you think. Maybe he acts differently around you, but that's not the "real him."
Harsh truth: everyone
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@datepsych
i'm guilty of liking chaotic men/"bad boys". I've never dated/slept with anyone like this, but the attraction is undeniable. It's a case of correlation, not causation.
What's actually attractive is the energy, the confidence, the emotional independence, the charisma, the drive
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@scottdomes
this reminded me of a similar epiphany I had a few months ago! very well put :)
someone you know definitely needs to hear this.
i used to assume that thinking was how you gain self awareness + figure out the right direction forward.
except:
1) I know people who never ruminate and have 0 awareness
2) who think ALL the time about every aspect of their
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charisma hack
#4
:
always be 15% more energetic/enthusiastic than everyone else in the room.
feels weird at first but you'll quickly realize that it makes you far more likable.
firstly, your apparent comfort in standing out makes you seem more confident AND more genuine
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@meekaale
@dyingscribe
this actually really tracks w the the correlation i see just anecdotally between depression and issues being productive (like ADHD)
i was def hardcore depressed until i learned to manage my focus/attention/productivity issues effectively. now i feel like being happy isn't that
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cats are so cute and soft and pretty and graceful😍💕
I just want to snuggle them all day long and give them kisses😍💕
*cat gets irritated, asserts its independence.
scratches, bites, runs away*
🤬‼️⁉️
bitch-ass cat😠
....oh THAT'S where the misogynists are coming from...
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i've seen it happen - it's the people who staunchly insist on their own goodness and rationality that end up doing weird dark things that don't hold up to scrutiny.
nothing puts a time bomb on negative emotionality like shame.
being casually open about your uglier emotions
-
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the essay i've been most excited to write - the most important things i've learned in the last year and half - is OUT.
it took me longer than the others because it had to be just right - to my subscribers, thank you for your patience❤️
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if I was a therapist step 1 would always be:
go spend three months in a third world country. we can discuss any problems you think you have after.
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