Dina
@dinahashem_
Followers
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Following
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Media
254
Statuses
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allah’s lil angel, NYC comic. Watch my new special Dark Little Whispers on Amazon prime
NYC
Joined January 2011
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![Diego Condori [DC]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/942131546810671105/UywBg4aQ.jpg)
I keep thinking about how if Trump were president right now, government support for the destruction of Gaza would be the same, but Dems would be campaigning on the idea that things would be different if they were in power. And many would believe them.
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Sure when I’m older there won’t be any social security, BUT there’ll also be a whole new type of internet that I won’t know how to use 😎
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Idc about Matt Rife discourse but let it be known this is the same man who tried to have me canceled over a Venmo joke in 2019
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Took a full year for this troll to de-escalate from all caps, never stop believing in progress ✨
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Look what the IDF has done. They’ve made Piers Morgan likable. Unforgivable
I have absolute moral clarity. Dropping massive bombs on refugee camps full of innocent women and children is morally
repugnant.
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My mom thinks I’m doing drugs every time I take an evening stroll. She’s not wrong but her certainty is rather arrogant
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A troll has been DMing me to kill myself for a full year. Now I can’t even do it if I wanted to or he’ll think he won
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My bf doesn’t use social media so he often says things like ‘I’m going to ride my bike and listen to music today’ That’s nice I have to go make sure everyone on the internet likes me
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Whenever someone compliments my thick hair/lashes I want to cryptically hiss “Nothing is without its price...” and flash my bush. The townsfolk they scream and scatter as I laugh in glee til solitude is restored
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Annoying when people put ‘female’ in front of things that are understood to be reserved for men, like female wrestler or female comedian or female orgasm
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Hi
@elonmusk
I don’t want to die but I want off this planet, please consider me for an artist residency on your spaceship I love dried foods/have no emotional needs clip below
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CATCALLER: smile!
ME: One may smile and smile and smile, and be a villain.
CATCALLER: drown in a lake bitch
ME: ...Was that Hamlet reference deliberate?
CATCALLER: ya bitch
ME: but Ophelia was the one who drowned; Hamlet said the smile thing
CATCALLER: pedantic bitch
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After 9/11 my strict parents told angsty tween me not to appear ‘too Muslim,’ fearing attacks of Islamophobia. It was the one time I put ON a hijab to be punk rock
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Told a booker I wouldn’t perform for free on a show w/ admission charge, they haven’t responded
Through this, I’ve realized that what I really want is to keep demanding respect til I have nowhere left to perform and I am honorably discharged from comedy
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@jeremysmiles
Horned Statue so basic ‘come respec your stats for a modest fee’ not even gonna make me fetch some larva while you cradle your lost lover’s egg baby
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They don’t call them the liberal arts for nothin’
Watch my new special Dark Little Whispers, link in bio
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Would be cool if Earth slammed the brakes on its rotation and we all went flying, just for a laugh
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When you start in comedy you’re full of ideas, everything is funny if you think hard enough
Then your taste is slowly refined by years of thoughts and attempts and ingesting content
Until finally your taste is so refined that you realize nothing is, was, or should be funny
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I heard Netflix is giving a special to the comedian who does the least IG lives
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I haven’t played Cyberpunk but I did just smoke a weed pen while buying crypto, so can I skip it
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Thank you
@JoelOsteen
Prayer Line for answering important Covid questions from
@SamuelBronowski
and I
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My DM’s are always an amusing roller coaster of bookings, threats, and compliments. It’s not always obvious which will be the worst
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Hi
@GretaThunberg
when I was your age I also protested society by listening to Anti-Flag during the pledge and refusing to wear gym clothes can I please borrow $50
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I am calling for a national bipartisan moratorium on sassy tweets from politicians
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Marisa Tomei at a Jersey strip club in The Wrestler is Meadow Soprano twenty years after Tony’s death
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A troll who previously wanted to kill me has endorsed my career, but
@ewarren
still holding out on
@BernieSanders
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After 9/11 my mom told me not to “appear too Muslim in public” fearing retaliation, 20 years later I’m still being a good girl by drunkenly renouncing god on stage every night
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I feel bad for rich ppl who never felt the camarederie of working a shitty job. In HS my coworker at the community center cafe urinated in a batch of pizza sauce. We secretly threw it out but let him think ppl were eating his pee all day, cus that’s what a real community is about
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“What else can we use to increase the military budget?”
How UFO sightings went from joke to national security worry in Washington
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The media is trolling us when they make this a headline when everyday we should be enraged & unified in the streets cus our govt transferred billions of dollars to the elite class instead of giving us all livable checks, healthcare, & guaranteed housing during a global crisis
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I was always taught I had less rights than men & threatened with disownment growing up, now I’m threatened all the time for daring to tell jokes about Islam. It’s not Islamophobic to talk about the problems, especially those of women oppressed in the mideast everyday
#LetUsTalk
In Canada I was forced in hijab at 9, niqab at 19. I was disowned & threatened w death because I chose what to wear on my body. In the West I’m told sharing my story will cause Islamophobia. I’m a woman from Mid East and I’m scared of Islamic ideology. Let us talk.
#FreeFromHijab
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Not cool, many hardworking racist artists could’ve been paid to draw this instead of using AI
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My all time favorite troll was a guy who offered to pay for my flight to Florida so he could kill me, but I only use PayPal and he had something called ‘Zelle’ and I didn’t have enough space on my phone to download it long story short he kinda just lost interest/I’m alive 💔
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It’s hard having an antivaxxer in the family, but
@SamuelBronowski
and I got professional help. Please share to spread awareness.
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Extremely annoyed I have to retire MY pedo jokes cus of these comics who are so unimaginative that they had to actually be pedos to write theirs
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Going viral is like falling in love, it only happens when you’re not trying, then you’re like wow this is actually not fun
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This is a nation of people who are largely decent—but contented by convenience, superficially informed, prone to manipulation, bored by logic, and excited by arguing using emotional appeal and/or public shaming as a primary tool.
And ruled by demons from hell
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If you watch a movie I recommend, I'll assume you're in love with me. You spent 2 hours to let me know you respect my opinion? If you read a book I recommend I’ll file a restraining order
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As an Arab I’m torn cus Biden will wage war in the Middle East, but Kamala will increase acceptance of Islam by putting everyone in prison
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My ex was from a country that requires military service upon adulthood, when we first met he told me he dodged it by saying he’s crazy. It took me 2.5 years to realize he wasn’t lying
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I have a joke about stand-up but it’ll take up a decade of your life then become obsolete
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Day ? of being at mom’s:
I smoked a tiny bowl thru my window but she came in & asked what’s that smell
Already high & unprepared I said it was a candle
She asked where is it, I said “it’s gone now”
Today I try again w/ febreze
She came in & said ‘are u doing “that smell” again’
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Is it wrong to hope this is Epstein’s plane
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Hairdresser:
You’re a comedian?! What’s the craziest thing that happened at a show
Me:
Once I told a joke, then my family and I got doxxed & I got thousands of death threats for a year
*cutting stops*
Hairdresser:
Does that happen to comics often??
Me: ..Not often enough
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If I made a political statement and someone said ‘stick to telling jokes,’ they’d be more supportive than my family
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When are we gonna get the They Live sequels, They Laugh and They Love
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Comics use humor to ease the pain of tragedy, and some people don’t like that
But compared to other things people do to ease their pain, like drugs and murder and suicide and blogs,
jokes seem pretty good
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Some of my best roast jokes from
@TheStandNYC
battles, in retrospect a far healthier outlet for bloodthirst than using Twitter
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A guy DM’d demanding ass pics and another guy wants feet pics, a ripe opportunity to send the wrong one to each and create a vintage Reese’s moment
Hey you got your ass in my feet!
Hey you got your feet in my ass!!
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Biden won!!! Called my Arab fam and they were like “we’re all gonna die” and I’m like will you shut UP let us have this day 🙄
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A few years ago I tweeted a joke about SpaceX selling trips to space for a more private child sex trafficking experience and now that the Elon & Ghislaine photo came out I would RT it except I deleted it at the time cus no one liked it so I’m tweeting this instead
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The Federal Bureau of Investigation also really needs your help to find updog
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These freaks only believe in free speech when it suits them, when it doesn’t they’re happy to viciously slander and crush you into silence. They’ve decided that lobby money is speech, bombs are speech, but speech is violence if it doesn’t benefit the state.
These Little Gazas are disgusting cesspools of antisemitic hate full of pro-Hamas sympathizers, fanatics, and freaks. Just look at what’s going in these Little Gazas:
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@Ariel_Comedy
Is that club security simply saying “come on buddy you can’t do that” ?? Infuriating, should’ve been thrown out long before they had a chance to almost maim you, you’re the real killer tho 👏👏
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Most ppl here don’t want discussion or problem-solving they wanna be made rich & famous for being a ruthless champion of the topic of the moment cus they’ve learned the language of the elite which is grifting dummies (partly result of shitty schools) who can’t see through the act
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Everyday it becomes more embarrassing to be called a comedian. We need to reclaim the word clown, they may be less hated at this point and we’d get our own emoji
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You want me to ‘kill myself?’ The thing that didn’t kill Epstein??
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Even trolls can let go of their hate, let us learn & be kind to each other 🙏
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The girl sitting next to me in this cafe has been meditating for 15 mins
I fart remorselessly, giggling
as her nose muscles twitch
This is not the Nirvana
that she asked for
This is the smell
of teen spirit
(I’m 30)
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Hey
@Apple
for the millionth time can you please make a dead baby emoji. This time it’s to make a serious counterpoint about the horrors of apartheid thx.
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I was waiting in line to order pizza and the hot girl ahead of me asked for a slice and the cashier joked, “That’ll be 1 million dollars please 😉” She giggled and paid.
Then I ordered a slice and he said “$3.75.”
...
Joke’s on him I’m reporting him for price gouging
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Never played Ocarina til now and need some help, how do I play as this character
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I don’t get ppl who feel the need to fill awkward silences, they’re a great time to zone out of your meaningless convo & ruminate upon the fate of Tony Soprano
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My mom just found my stash of mini liquors but instead of getting upset she mischievously said, “I used to enjoy a bit of wine myself”
Dropping acid at the dinner table to see what else she’s into
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Feeling nostalgic for NYC trains. Once I sat near a crazy old guy as he described in detail every blowjob he ever had. Then he said “I bet you have a pretty pussy!” I imagine him on now empty trains, asking where hath all the pretty pussy gone, but only the rails screech back..
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There hasn’t been a push for more female Arab/Muslim representation in entertainment cus DJ Khaled is our only rep and he hates pussy
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My fave thing about standup is telling a large crowd that I’ll kill myself if they don’t follow me on social, then after the show I have 3 new follows
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The idea of ‘punching down’ is subjective. For example, I believe that anyone who is no longer living is definitely in a better place. So jokes about them are technically punching up
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Conspiracy theory: there’s someone at Twitter whose only job is to ensure I never go viral
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It’s crazy that we, the users of social media, could bankrupt a bunch of millionaires right now if we all just deleted our accounts. Wouldn’t that be fun, like way more fun than watching your tweet go viral while in the Chipotle line wrestling with whether to pay $1.80 for guac
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Watch, share, help dethrone
@djkhaled
as the only Arab most people can name, his anti-pussy policy does not represent us.
Link in bio for rest of clip
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Laughing at the idea of John Lennon being around today and pushing the anti-war, peace & love agenda? In our current society?? We’d be like fuck OFF with your privilege John
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This is pure discrimination,
@elonmusk
must be stopped from firing good people.
#twitterlayoffs
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The world is an open mic you have to let awful people say awful things so you can have your turn to say things you believe are good but are also awful
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Quietly watching who’s gonna complain about SNL jokes who haven’t complained about their govt currently funding mass murder 👀
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Sweden & the rest of the Scandinavian peninsula have a higher standard of living because their high taxes go toward highly effective social services rather than serving the endless engine of a military industrial complex which both harms us & exports crimes against huma
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