Dinah
@dinahaddie
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Following
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Statuses
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Canadian. But like, the scrappy kind.
A John Samson show, probably
Joined April 2015
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Pinned Tweet
I have 16K followers and one of them told me I’d get more if I showed my boobs so I thought about it and now I have 16K followers minus that guy.
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Dear American white women,
Please don’t fuck it up this time.
Sincerely,
The Entire Fucking World
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So wait, what happens to all of us Emotional Support Canadians after tomorrow?
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I’m wearing a short skirt and a long jacket today and if you understand the reference, we should probably be friends.
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Had a talk with the kids at dinner about New Year’s resolutions but I guess the 6yo doesn’t quite grasp the concept because she went around the table and told each of us what SHE thinks WE should do better and…..you guys I think she might be onto something.
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42 isn’t too late, right? Too late to go back to school. Too late for a new chapter. Too late for a few adventures.
It’s not too late. Right?
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I put some boxes of stuff to donate in my car this morning and then dropped them off at the donation centre ON THE SAME DAY please clap
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I went in the kitchen to make a salad but I accidentally made a carrot cake and drank two glasses of wine instead.
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Hey America. Canada here. Um. Are you…..you ok? Should we maybe call someone or
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If you’re a liberal who’s fed up with Elon but is choosing to stay on twitter because it’s a great place for slightly broken socially awkward funny people, can you please let me know? I’d like to follow you.
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Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Apparently while I was out yesterday, my 15yo son rode his bike into town and bought a dozen roses and then came home and hid them and set his alarm to get up early this morning so he could put them out for me to find when I woke up.
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@nathanalberson
Pretty, obedient, and teachable. Get yourself a labrador and leave women alone.
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@MrLottaHoes
@sneako
@MrOverpaid
@yourealazyfvck
@Mr_HadiH
@hoesandcash
@kingvakalis
I’m not sure you’ve got a firm grasp on the definition of ‘alpha male’. You know because…. there can’t be….. eight.
In a group.
Together.
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Oh my gosh. Guys. I was tucking in the 4yo at bedtime and she hugged me and said “You smell like joy”.
I MEAN
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Lordy, my heart. These replies.... Wow. You guys are wonderful. Thank you for letting us stand by you for the past 4 years so we could rant and rave and hurt right along with you. Better times are ahead. You’ve got this. And we’ve got your back. Always. xo
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I just wanna work in my gardens and listen to music and read books and go on hikes and burn down the patriarchy and eat the rich and bring conservatives to their knees and seek out vengeance on every person who ever wronged me and make cheesecake.
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@video_jame
I can’t even leave the fucking room without explaining it to someone. AND THEN THEY FOLLOW ME.
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My heart is BURSTING. I keep picturing him riding his bike all the way home with a bouquet of roses. My heart can’t even take it. This kid, man. Best Mother’s Day ever. EVER. 💗
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Woke up this morning to the 5yo standing by my bed and saying “I can’t help but notice that I’d like cookies for breakfast.”
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If I had a dollar for every time some guy on twitter DM’d me to tell me how funny and clever and pretty I am, hoo boy lemme tell you, I’d still be broke.
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I’m wearing shorts and a tank top and the 6yo was looking at my freckles. I told her I have a lot more now than I did when I was a kid and she said “Because they’re all your best memories. Every time you have a nice memory, you get a new freckle.”
YOU GUYS
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Walking the 5yo to school today and she said “I like being with you so much, mommy. If you ever go to jail, I’m gonna come with you.”
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SHE DID IT. My girl did it. It’s official. 4 gruelling years, a global pandemic, and a series of health issues that had her in and out of the hospital - BUT SHE DID IT. My 22yo has graduated with a degree in engineering from one of Canada’s top universities.
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I came downstairs this morning and the 5yo said “You look so beautiful, mommy. You look like a blueberry in a hot bath.”
…
What in the actual fuck.
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I retweet this every time I see Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaxxer bullshit is trending because she can fuck off forever.
Dear Anti-Vaxxers,
This is my son, Grey. He’s smart and funny and kind. He loves fishing and cars. And he has autism. You’re saying that you’d rather risk your child dying, than have them turn out like him.
Sincerely,
Fuck You
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@liz_churchill8
Hmm. Weird. When my dad was in the hospital, my sister and I flew from Toronto to Hong Kong to be with him. You wouldn’t put a little piece of cloth over your face to be with your mother.
What a strange thing to brag about.
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I think Elon should pay ME $8/mo and put a pink sparkly check next to my name because I am a goddamn delight.
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The 5yo is drinking Pedialyte out of a margarita glass while wearing a Cinderella costume and a Batman mask and this just seems like information I should share.
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Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this ain’t my first rodeo.
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Ok my fellow hosers. We all saw it. You know what to do.
The Emotional Support Canadians are back, baby.
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Seriously though. Lots of love to you guys. We’re not in great shape up here either so I’m thinking we should all hightail it the fuck off this continent.
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@MaryKoCo
Every straight guy reading this tweet: what the fuck
Every woman reading this tweet: well yeah
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4 kids and 21 years of parenting did not prepare me for this morning when I told the 5yo she could pick anything she wanted as a Christmas gift for her big sister and now I’m sitting here wondering how I’m gonna wrap a cauliflower.
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I’m only one person and my voice doesn’t mean much, but as a non-American I’m just gonna offer my perspective. It’s NOT a somber day. The arrest of a former president is NOT a stain on your country. Trump winning the presidency was the stain. THIS is justice.
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The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said “who’s the best mommy in the world?” and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said “grandma.”
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It’s been over 2 years since she died and I still can’t bring myself to put the dog bed away. On a scale of 1 to 10, how broken does that make me?
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ok hear me out, a pub crawl but it’s during the day and we go to libraries
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About to go pick up my 5yo from school and I will hold my breath until I see her little face and then I’ll bring her home safe and sound and later, when I’m alone, I will weep for all the parents who couldn’t do the same today.
It’s the fucking guns.
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You know what I miss? My maiden name. And the person I was when I still had it.
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We got hit with a ton of snow yesterday and there was a post on the Nextdoor app from an elderly couple in town asking for help because they weren’t able to shovel their driveway and dig their car out.
Last night we saw this. These were my boys. ❤️
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Sitting across from the 5yo at dinner and something came up and I knew - I KNEW - she was about to say a bad word. I looked at her and she looked at me and I shook my head and said “don’t” and without taking her eyes off me she whispered “I’m thinking it”.
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So I have a son with autism. We’ve had very open conversations about it with his little sister. Today I overheard her talking to someone and she described it by saying “he just has magic in his brain.”
It’s been a tough couple of weeks. This helped.
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@nathanalberson
Then get yourself a fucking poodle and while you’re taking her for a walk, rethink your whole life.
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I’ve found my people! You guys are so great. Following you all as quick as I can. xo
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I’m not saying I put a cheesecake in the vegetable drawer in the fridge to hide it from my kids, but I’m not not saying that.
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The 5yo just learned that her uncle does standup comedy. We explained what that meant and her eyes got real big and she was quiet for a minute and then with a very serious look on her face, she whispered to me “do you think he wants to use some of my jokes?”
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I spent the morning volunteering in my 5yo’s kindergarten class. I’m here to tell you those teachers should be paid a billion dollars a year.
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my mom found out I have 10K followers on twitter and she was like “but…why?” um BECAUSE I’M A SPARKLING RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE MOM
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There’s an elderly gentleman who lives down the street from me. He’s gotta be in his 80s. I don’t know his name, we’ve never spoken. But he and his wife walked their dog by my house around the same time every day for years. A little yorkie named Molly.
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I just walked into the kitchen and there was a chipmunk sitting on the floor. So that’s new.
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If you enjoy arguing with a 5-year-old at the dinner table when she refuses to eat the potato salad she asked for because “it has too many potatoes in it” well then hoo boy, do I have a kid for you.
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We had to cancel our Christmas plans because of a Covid case in the family, but today we’re all getting together for my son’s birthday and goddamn it I’m wearing the shirt I was planning to wear on Christmas. Because I fucking sparkle, that’s why.
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Good morning to everyone except my 15yo son who’s walking around the house singing Christmas carols because it’s snowing outside. On May 28th.
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I’m embarrassed by how excited I am about my new bedsheets but not too embarrassed that I won’t tell everyone how excited I am about my new bedsheets.
Being a grownup is dumb.
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I’m sorry, no. The Emotional Support Canadians are too tired for this shit again. Allow me to direct you to the Emotional Support Australians.
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I’ve got all 4 kids making gingerbread houses and drinking hot chocolate, cookies in the oven, beef stew simmering on the stove, Bing Crosby xmas music playing, all the twinkle lights on, and a fire going.
You guys. My house is wholesome as fuck right now.
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Instead of asking people how they are, I think we should just ask them what music they’re listening to on repeat these days.
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Let’s be clear about one thing. Melania should never get one goddamn ounce of pity or sympathy and neither the fuck should Usha Vance.
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The groundhog went out this morning and saw its shadow so it’ll be 6 more weeks of who are we fucking kidding this is Canada it’s gonna be cold as balls until fucking May for the love of god get me outta this frozen ice chamber of death I’m not kidding help
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Oh nothing, just at the ER on Christmas Day with my eldest daughter who’s in the hospital for the third time in three weeks, this is fine.
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It’s always pretty fun when you have a tweet that resonates with folks, but to connect with so many awesome new people because of a great song by a great band? I mean that’s just…*chef’s kiss*.
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@machineiv
Sometimes I argue with fellow Canadians about the ongoing stereotype that Americans think the whole world revolves around them. And then I come across something like this and I’m like…. ah.
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I’ll keep shouting this from the rooftops for as long as I have breath in my body. This should’ve been the end for him. This fucking moment should’ve ended it all.
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Live your life in such a way that someone will stand up at your funeral and - with tears in their eyes - start a eulogy by saying “man….she was one cool broad”
Because this just happened at the funeral home today and hoo boy, what a moment. ♥️
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The 5yo - whose name is Mae - had her skating class last night and she earned a ribbon and moved up to the next level. When she got off the ice, she said “that’s why they call me Mae… because I’m ah-MAE-zing”
You guys, I like her so much.
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Hug your people. Go for walks and hold their hands. Love big. This whole thing… this whole life thing… it’s all so very temporary.
xo
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My oldest daughter is 20 and she’s away at university. Tonight she texted me and told me I have a grandchild.
Because she bought a hamster.
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Any Americans shitting on Canada right now because of the smoke after subjecting us to your bullshit for years on end can kindly take a fucking seat, I’m so serious Canadians are not in the fucking mood.
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@HoarseWisperer
My oldest graduated from high school yesterday. I was so young when I had her. Still in university, single, and terrified. Back then I never could’ve imagined this day. But here we are. And now she’s heading to university herself. My heart is bursting. 💗
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Also let’s not lose sight of the fact that all this started because I was wearing a super cute outfit.
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I’m making cinnamon applesauce and now my whole house smells like I’m a good mom.
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Yikes, just found some classified documents in my 5yo’s lunchbox.
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friend 1: I got my PhD!
friend 2: I got my book published!
friend 3: I got tenure!
me: I got a giant stash of distinctive looking gift wrap which I’ve kept hidden from the kids since they were babies and I use it every year for the gifts from Santa
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Walking up to the counter and saying “hey Gary, you got any drugs for me today?” was a fun way to find out my pharmacist doesn’t have a sense of humour.
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7:30am and I was the first one up. How very civilized. And truly lovely.
Merry Christmas, all. xo
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I’m wearing a short skirt and long jacket again today, in case anyone’s having a hard time deciding which playlist to listen to.
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Tell me your stories about starting over in your 40s. I need to know it’s possible.
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Got the 5yo ready for school and when it was time to leave, she opened the front door and stepped out on the porch and yelled “RELEASE THE BEAST”.
Words fail me.
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I hate it when not-depressed-me makes plans that now depressed-me has to follow through on.
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People who think Canadians aren’t cool haven’t spent enough time with Canadians. There, I said it.
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@MSNBC
The English language doesn’t even have words that could accurately describe how much I hate this man.
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So wait, now it’s Spoutible that everyone’s switching to? I can’t keep up. Can you guys just come over and hang out in my backyard and every once in a while I’ll open my kitchen window and shout out random thoughts?
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Spending the first day of 2023 on the Pacific coast in Costa Rica. Lemme tell you - it does not suck.
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There’s a woman in her 50s who lives down the street and she clearly just got some kind of Segway/electric scooter thing for Christmas and she’s currently riding it around the neighbourhood in her bathrobe and slippers and this makes me so happy.
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