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@dawsferatu
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Fiction Editor at APOCALYPSE CONFIDENTIAL @APCON_MAG | Proud InGen employee | Professional
Ohio / Oregon
Joined April 2018
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DAWSON ALEXANDER WOHLER'S SELECTED FICTION AND ESSAYS, 2019 - PRESENT
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so what if...
i hanged myself
in my cell
despite being
under near
constant surveillance
and having no
means to do so... ...unless?
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All my professors went to prestigious universities, studied abroad, have books out, and now teach at a no-name university in the middle of a fucking corn field lmao
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Replace cops with predatory megafauna
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Foucault, whatever his other flaws may have been, was right about these motherfuckers
POV: You are forcibly brought to Gulag Therapy. This is your psychiatrist.
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Inside you there are two wolves
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You did theater in high school? Wow. I had absolutely no idea. You were a drama kid? No, I wouldnโt have guessed
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You know a movieโs gonna bang when this guy shows up
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Youโd think the Rust Belt and Midwest would each have a rich tradition of cyberpunk fiction, what with all the synthetic drugs, petty crime, failing industries, genetically modified foodstuffs, and predatory multinational corporations, but instead all we have is Looperโkind of
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The masculine urge to renounce all human contact and write a multi volume science fiction epic that synthesizes and elucidates every idea youโve ever had
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Slaves built the Bass Pro pyramid
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And are โIsraelโ and โPalestineโ in the room with us right now?
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A lone Dollar General standing in the middle of a corn field is more authentically cyberpunk than 1,000 neon drenched city streets and you know it
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Autofiction should be about the time you survived a shipwreck or went on safari, not how you get scared ordering the McDouble
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Learning somebody you thought you knew skips the Cetology chapters in Moby-Dick is worse than finding out they get their rocks off torturing squirrels at the park
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Asking drunks at the bar if theyโve heard any rumors lately
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Babe, Iโm the co-editor of a niche online lit magโฆ dinnerโs on you tonight
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You have ADHD, anxiety, and depression? Wow. I had no idea. Youโre telling me this for the first time. Wow. I really had no idea. Well, youโre a wonderful woman, regardless
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Hunter S. Thompson ruined a generation of writers by convincing them you could write on mescaline lmfao
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The Infinite Jestification of Blood Meridian
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Once your prefrontal cortex solidifies youโre stuck with the same seven ideas you had before age 25 forever, so you better get all your thinking in now before itโs too late
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Dude looks like one of the animatronic presidents from Disney World
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I look like theyโre about to print all three of my names in the paper
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CAM ON INGERLAND! SCORE SAM FACKIN GOALS!
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If you were an 80s detective what would be your whip and gat?
if you were an 80s detective what would be your whip and gat?
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Iโll never understand why writers are so loath to self promote. If you believed in something enough to see it through to completion, you ought to believe in it enough to put it in front of people. Shilling is half the fun of writing
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โHey, my big booty ass tit princess. I need you to find everyone who has ever seen a dog. Cross check those results against people who like the color greenโthatโs our killer.โ
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Cormac McCarthy wrote genre fiction without apostrophes and lit critics everywhere creamed their pants
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Nobody:
Your unemployed friend on a Thursday afternoon:
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Palahniuk claims to have been inspired to write Fight Club after he came into his office job with a black eye that none of his coworkers made any comment about. He chalked this up to them being atomized by capitalism, but maybe they just thought he was an ass who had it coming
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David Cronenbergโs Animorphs
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Dostoyevsky fans be like โBro, I promise it gets good, like, two hundred pages in, bro, I swear you j-just have to keep reading it gets good, bro, like, itโs a c-classic of Russian literature, bro, please, just keep reading, bro, youโll get so much out of it, pleaseโ
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Writers write because itโs illegal to torture real people
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How fuckin horny you gotta be to draw this?
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Do we really need to reinvent literature or do you just need to get better at writing?
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Theyโve got me working security at SUB ROSA
Buy a ticket, pay my bills
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Why does this guy look like Norm Macdonald?
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You need to be spooky maxing. You need to be telling ghost stories around the campfire and creeping through graveyards after dark. Ghouls, goblinsโฆ itโs gotta be a monster mash
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โWait, so JFK was actually killedโsorry, ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅโby an underground coalition of mobsters, CIA agents, and right wing mercenaries and not by Lee Harvey Oswald? Wow, babe, thatโs crazy. Youโre so smart. Anyway, can we go back to your place after I eat these lemon slices?โ
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Itโs official, old buddy. Iโm twenty.
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I already canโt get pussy, and youโre telling me I should read Infinite Jest? Fuck outta here ๐๐ฅ๐ฏ
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The Department of Defense has done more for the arts than any โlit magโ
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(Re)watching (with a girl lol later virgins):
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30 years from now, Penguin will put out an โOutsider Voices: Twitter Literature in the 2020sโ anthology and none of us will be in it
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All the cool kids are doing it
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Thereโs so much fucking garbage on Netflix
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Girl books are called things like, โAll the Turtles the Light Cannot Reach on the Trainโ and boy books are called things like, โAmerican Gothic Bluesโ
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I think I could pull off David Koresh glasses ngl
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Iโm a man of my word ๐ฅ
After class, Iโm gonna go to the salon and ask them to cut what I have into a mullet
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I gave up drinking so I could focus on being depressed
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If you have a favorite philosopher something has gone horribly wrong in your life
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BREAKING: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says the CIA rigs elections and assassinates leaders who refuse to comply with their agenda.
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Do you guys actually read more than one book at once?
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Dear Slim, I wrote you but still ain't callin'
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Writers ask me for advice all the time, so here it is: Buy a gun because Iโm coming to get you
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QT you and who would play you in a movie.
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If I buy a pack of cigarettes for the table, will everybody smoke some?
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I fucked up my build (got an English degree)
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I suspect about 75% of you are insufferable to be around irl
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That 4/10 e-girl? You know, the one Iโve been Venmoing hundreds of dollars to? Turns out she has a boyfriend
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Saying John Milius is your favorite screenwriter is just saying you like movies
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Bolo tie acquired
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Itโd be really cool if pregnant women had an Oven Light style switch you could flick on to see the baby
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I watched Gummo and Blue Velvet for the first time today and they were both so incredibly my shit I think people have probably thought Iโve been emulating characters from them for the last three years
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Why go to college when you can misread the canon for free on your own?
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Heโs having a panic attack
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Howโs that for a mail day?
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I want to read some masculine fiction. Stories that really throb and glisten. Stories with a pronounced dick vein. Think you got what it takes? Huh? Are you gonna give it to me? Give it to me hard or donโt even bother, man
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I donโt sleep with women
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I leave for one fucking week, man
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I started reading The Satanic Bible expecting to find in depth instructions on how to open a portal to Hell or whatever, but instead itโs just page after page of shit like โAre you ๐ฑ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ข๐ก enough to cut toxic people out of your life?โ and โBuddhism is the real Satanism ๐โ
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TOOL sounds so good when you ainโt got a teenage stoner in your ear tellin you itโs deep
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This is what Americaโs all about
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Publishing a book is a form of psychic warfare on your friends and family, all of whom will have to pretend itโs good regardless of its actual quality
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Yโall act like you ainโt never seen a pudgy white dude sitting by the lake sipping tea before
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Eighty books in two years... I shouldโve been having sex instead
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Does anyone still cook Roast, potatoes, onions, and carrots anymore?
Do people still read the big orange Cheever book of short stories? Some good stuff in there.
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Itโs tough being a type of guy
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Did you hear that? That was the sound of the glass ceiling shattering, because this white boy just got his bachelorโs degree in English and sociology ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐
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Itโs March 18th, you mick bastards
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For the low low price of $59.99, you too can dress like a member of the Intellectual Dark Web
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