Dashiell Driscoll
@dashiell
Followers
9,035
Following
2,341
Media
3,039
Statuses
19,080
head of digital After Midnight | writer Saved By The Bell | co-host Zack to the Future | writer/narrator Zack Morris Is Trash & A Very Special Episode
Los Angeles, Ca
Joined February 2014
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Pinned Tweet
I wrote a Breaking Bad script for an episode that takes place in the season 2 timeline (between episodes 210 and 211) on Christmas Eve, 2008.
It's titled "Blue Christmas" and you can read it here:
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Holy shit the lady who played the mom in Home Alone also played the mom in Home Alone 2
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tiny oranges all my homies
in my kitchen in quarantine
🤝
big bunch of cuties
I’ve been neglecting
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Patrice O’Neal’s take on what “Creep” by Radiohead does to white people, specifically at 59 seconds into the song, continues to be the single greatest opinion anyone has ever had about music
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whoever thought of using pre-flight bins to promote Yellowjackets deserves a raise and a wellness check
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Spielberg asked, “What’s the quickest way to get the Jurassic Park audience on board with a dinosaur scientist?”
And the resounding 1993 answer was: He needs to bully some dweeby kid into shitting his pants in the first 9 minutes
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Ben Affleck's back tattoo is, and I'm saying this without hyperbole, one of the funniest goddamn things I've ever seen in my entire life. Holy moly. What a wonderful gift to all of us this is. Truly a great day to be alive because of this obscenely dumb tattoo. (via
@people
)
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Who will be brave enough to let me program a film festival of movies that shot on location in the old Sherman Oaks Galleria
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@thetzechun
Example of this kind of dialogue a writer I worked with would regularly reference: "Susan, we've been sisters for years."
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Getting stabbed in the Dodger Stadium parking lot. A timeless LA tradition.
Los Angeles' Dodger Stadium will become a Covid-19 vaccination site by the end of the week and will no longer offer coronavirus testing after Monday, Mayor Eric Garcetti says.
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@caitiedelaney
Equally fascinating is American Airlines deciding to sponsor a sequel where the entire plot hinges on an incompetent flight crew sending an unaccompanied minor 1,000 miles away from his family
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Absolutely incredible.
The production teams behind the massive tents + stages for Coachella/SXSW and other major festivals are putting their skills and resources to use building coronavirus triage tents
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*hearing The Whale got nominated for best actor*
he’s actually a tulkun and his name is Payakan
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Kid Cudi and Bon Iver in a room together just humming loud as hell
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Silverlake dads waiting to pickup their kids Ava and Ezra from pre-school
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Watched every Shark Tank twice since March and can say with full confidence this guy has the best explanation for his failing business
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Batman didn't start wearing a mask until AFTER his parents died.
Learn from Batman, wear a mask and keep your parents alive.
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Happy Black Friday to the 1,800 people recently looking for 26% off this Alien vs. Predator Fleshlight combo pack
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@BRANDONWARDELL
Adapted this tweet into a feature length screenplay worth millions of dollars, lmk if you want to take some meetings this week
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Kindergarten classes on Zoom have the ability to control whose microphone is on and when, the technology exists I know it
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Creator of Star Wars.
Pioneer of space travel.
Put the pussy in a sarcophagus.
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Someone on reddit did the math to calculate Clark Griswold's 1989 Christmas bonus
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Started using the Notes app to apologize to my girlfriend when I fuck up
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Every guy in Silver Lake is dressed like one of these dinosaur experts
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@awonderland
Ok so I’m 10 feet behind the speaker on the left I’m holding up the pool noodle bring water (sent at 5:15pm)
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Idk why anyone's complaining about healthcare in America when there's a perfectly good Urgent Care in this gas station that's closed at 8pm
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The videography work
@zackfox
is doing on the road with
@Thundercat
rn is nothing short of groundbreaking, inspirational, and illegal as hell
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@SydneyBattle
I have also had this experience.
Ended with someone saying “the good news is we never have to do that again”
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The
@TheWalkingDead
season finale recap is up on
@FunnyOrDie
! THANK YOU for reading these! See you in season 8!
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You know you’re in store for some Guaranteed Good Shit™ whenever Victor Wong is in the building
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I’M SO EXCITED to announce I’m going to be a writer on the upcoming Saved By The Bell reboot!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously. For real. Not a goof or a bit and certainly not a goofy bit.
Dreams really do come true sometimes!
Go Bayside.
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Haven't smoked weed in 2 days and it's crazy how clear my mind is. Like I'm really able to focus on how much I wish I had some weed rn
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@cool_as_heck
Tabasco Landrover is probably the act I'm most excited for at Coachella. I hear their new live setup is not to be missed
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@edgarwright
@panoscosmatos
Best 'Mandy' review I've read so far = "A tragic incident forces a normal man to slowly transform into Nicholas Cage."
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Here's my
@funnyordie
recap of last night's
@TheWalkingDead
mid-season finale! Uncensored video version at the bottom. THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING/WATCHING! See you in February!
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The crowd laughter at Trump's C.I.A. speech sounded suspect to me so I did NOTHING TO THIS AUDIO but add Seinfeld music & you be the judge
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@chrissyteigen
I followed two sisters from Mexico I met at Coachella. Thought I’d unfollow them the next day, 8 months later “wow looks like Shaidelle and Shenelle had a really lovely Christmas”
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I asked this incredible person to marry me and she said YES!! I wore the same Hawaiian shirt and pink sneakers I decided was the perfect look for our first date four years ago and I guess I wasn’t totally wrong bc now we’re spending the rest of our lives together. 🥰🥳🥰🥳🥰
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Cole Hersch is a god damn legend. This whole thread has me fucking dying right now
In 2016 I was cast on a reality dance competition show for influencers. It’s apparent that they only cast me based off the number of followers I had, without researching who I was— because when I showed up for filming, the producers were extremely upset. (1/more)
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Can someone explain to Kanye that even Hitler thought Hitler should kill himself
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Imagine today being the day you discover Ted Cruz sucks
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I wrote a 'Saved By The Bell' script where they learn about masturbation in sex-ed class and make a bet to see who can be the last one to try it. It's called "The Contest" and it's a Tori episode.
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@chetporter
@_ericcurtin
I’ve had to TV for like 5 years and only last week realized I could label the ports so now one is TV and one is Game and before I used to just hit source until I got what I wanted like a god damn animal
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Latest
@TheWalkingDead
recap is up on
@FunnyOrDie
! A little something for all the cobbler heads out there.
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.
@Jxmmi
from
@RaeSremmurd
smoking a blunt alone at home singing along to
@Adele
is 100% how I'm trying to live life every day in 2017
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I live my life in constant fucking fear of accidentally saying “I love you” when ending a work related phone call
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Here's the latest
@funnyordie
recap of
@TheWalkingDead
(with uncensored video at the bottom) see you next Monday!
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@SydneyBattle
They’re the only couple this season I’m fully invested in and believe will be together forever
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Imagine being in the club and hearing the Keyes On Van Nuys, Cerritos Auto Square, and Galpin jingles in less than 100 seconds. Legendary.
(cc
@americanamemes
)
only Southern California people will understand this 🚗
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New
@TheWalkingDead
recap is up on
@funnyordie
! Eugene's Jar Of Pickles is obviously my new favorite character:
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Just remembered those wild six months in 1997 when sunscreen was purple and ketchup was green for absolutely no fucking reason
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@awonderland
I miss the old insta
Straight from the feed insta
Pics of sweet treats insta
Nice dogs to meet insta
I hate the new insta
Three day old news insta
Friends posts you miss insta
Memes look like shit insta
I miss the classic insta
Bad pics of concerts insta
Etc etc you get it
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What the frozen pizza in my oven sees 30 seconds before the timer goes off
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Good morning, I’m doing a podcast with Mark-Paul Gosselaar (for real) where we watch Saved by the Bell together for his first time (not a joke) and my nine millionth (very slight exaggeration)
The first episode is out next week and I hope you listen! Go Bayside.
'Saved by the Bell' star Mark-Paul Gosselaar has never watched an episode of the hit Saturday morning series, until now!
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Here's the latest
@TheWalkingDead
recap on
@funnyordie
! Carl's just here to make friends & Daryl works in mysterious ways.
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Here's the article recap of this week's
@TheWalkingDead
for
@funnyordie
! Video recap at the bottom. Featuring Ezekiel's creepy new friend
@WhitmerThomas
& the greatest car chase in the history of television.
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The season finale
@TheWalkingDead
recap is up on
@funnyordie
(with video at bottom) and thanks so much to everyone who reads these! This marks 3.5 seasons of article recaps (and a season of videos) and I greatly appreciate that folks are still on board
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Long overdue ZTTF update!
We tried to get season 3 going on a new network, but unfortunately couldn’t make it work.
Not saying it won’t ever happen, but it’s likely not happening now.
We’re so proud of our 50 fun episodes! THANK YOU all listeners & guests!
Go Bayside 🐯
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Article recap of this week's
@TheWalkingDead
for
@funnyordie
(with video at bottom) is here for your zombie pleasure
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Here's this week's
@TheWalkingDead
recap on
@funnyordie
! Eugene has a serious drinking problem and he better get it under control by Coachella.
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Literally did not realize that was
@RossMarquand
and I saw that movie. Five times. In a row.
#TheWalkingDead
's
@RossMarquand
tells
@EW
how he landed his super secret
#AvengersInfinityWar
cameo and how he kept it a secret from everyone.
ALL the spoilers ahead:
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One step closer to my dream of an insulin + weed pen combo so I don’t have to carry so much shit in my pockets
California is going to make its own insulin.
It’s simple. People should not go into debt to get life-saving medication.
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Aaand here's the article recap of last night's
@TheWalkingDead
on
@funnyordie
(video at bottom) see you next Monday!
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Here's the article version of this week's
@TheWalkingDead
recap on
@funnyordie
(uncensored video at the bottom) and it features Jadis' special hamburger meat recipe!
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Here's this week's
@TheWalkingDead
recap for
@funnyordie
! Eugene has pickles & Negan's got bars.
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Oh you went to an Escape Room for fun? Ha ha cool. BITCH MY WHOLE LIFE IS AN ESCAPE ROOM
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Here's this week's
@TheWalkingDead
recap article on
@funnyordie
(with uncensored video at the bottom) for your zombie reading pleasure. Rick Grimes is wetter than ever and New Carl is earning his name. See you next Monday!
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This week’s
@TheWalkingDead
article recap on
@funnyordie
(with uncensored video at the bottom) for your garlic sardine mac and cheese puking pleasure
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What the fuck does Amazon think is going on in my apartment
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I have 3 conspiracy theories I strongly believe in, and one of them is that iPhones get an update when a new iPhone comes out that makes old iPhones shittier (slower, constant typos, battery drain) so you buy a new iPhone. You cannot convince me otherwise
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The Most Ridiculous Things From This Week's 'Fear
@TheWalkingDead
' Premiere/Crossover Extravaganza is up on
@funnyordie
for your viewing pleasure
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Bad Trip (from the twisted mind of
@EricAndre
) is the hardest I’ve laughed at anything in a very long time
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STRONGEST MARIJUANA ON EARTH: I can make any movie amazing.
SUICIDE SQUAD:
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HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH how did you just now figure out to do this
@awonderland
i can't breathe hahahahahahahahahahhahaha
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A lot of folks have been asking about the ol’ ZTTF podcast! Pretty much every single day!
We are still on hiatus, but I promise I’ll be the first to let you know when there’s an update.
In the meantime, PLEASE KEEP ASKING ME EVERY DAY IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE I NEED THIS PLEASE
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Sorry for the delay! This week's Fear
@TheWalkingDead
recap is up now on
@funnyordie
featuring a very dirty Alicia!
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Zack to the Future will be back Wednesday with a brand new episode to kick off a new season!
🥳🐯🥳🐯🥳
It’s the one with this hall of fame creep
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Now feels like a great time to mention I’m available for staffing opportunities!!
Also working on this wildly fun show with the most insanely talented team was one of the greatest joys of my life, thanks to everyone who made it possible and tuned in! Go Bayside 🐯
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Someone came by the office tonight and got a casual candid photo of me working on a Sunday. Last
#TheWalkingDead
recap of 2017 will be up on
@funnyordie
tomorrow!
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Don’t panic if you didn’t make a 30 under 30 list. It’s not the end of the world. It just means you’re old or a failure or both ❤️
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Ok but the fact that it’s somehow currently April 2021 is actually a pretty good prank
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