Dan McCoy
@dankmccoy
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Following
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Media
2,358
Statuses
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Creator @theflophousepod , a show about bad movies. Former (10+ years) writer at The Daily Show. Art on IG at danmccoydraws. Find me
Brooklyn, NY
Joined April 2009
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Garbage
• 1189006 Tweets
Joe Biden
• 569263 Tweets
River
• 375870 Tweets
Yankees
• 215989 Tweets
Gaga
• 157480 Tweets
Dodgers
• 156229 Tweets
Mineiro
• 117516 Tweets
Luka
• 85021 Tweets
Monumental
• 84430 Tweets
ポケポケ
• 67769 Tweets
Borja
• 58207 Tweets
#RoçaAFazenda
• 57993 Tweets
Camila
• 52951 Tweets
Deyverson
• 51897 Tweets
Gallardo
• 51855 Tweets
Game 5
• 45190 Tweets
FAYE 1M7 JOURNEY
• 44974 Tweets
ヤンキース
• 44945 Tweets
CLIKCLAK MV OUT NOW
• 44923 Tweets
Volpe
• 44117 Tweets
#BABYMONSTER_CLIKCLAK_MV
• 37973 Tweets
LINGORM N2U LIVE
• 30395 Tweets
#nicetwoMeatuxLingOrm
• 28079 Tweets
Luana
• 26582 Tweets
Colidio
• 15777 Tweets
Milito
• 15446 Tweets
Meza
• 14723 Tweets
Everson
• 13771 Tweets
Zion
• 13662 Tweets
初恋の日
• 12548 Tweets
Solari
• 10975 Tweets
"And then I will continue allowing successive periods of 48 hours indefinitely because I'm just the incel who writes 'Dilbert.'"
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@ZacharyLevi
That's not what people think about when they see "Pfizer is dangerous" and you know it.
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"Phase two, of course, is rage masturbation, because, again, I am just the incel who writes Dilbert."
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One of the few times I can say fuck you and the horse you rode in on and mean it literally.
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I've invented another caption that works with every New Yorker cartoon.
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@AWolfeful
Lately I feel like every waking hour is me realizing that my teeth are clenched with rage.
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When it comes to rankin bass, I’d probably go:
1. sea
2. striped
3. largemouth
4. smallmouth
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We're in that episode of The Twilight Zone where if you push a button, someone you don't know dies, but you get a million dollars. Except, instead of a million dollars, people are doing it for a Chili's happy hour.
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Fully expect to go inside and find a pelican with a bunch of boxer briefs in its bill, muttering "It's a living!"
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People talk a lot about failed Hollywood relationships, so it's nice to take a moment to remember that Gonzo and Camilla have been together for almost 50 years.
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@realDonaldTrump
In America, if you see something you believe is wrong with the country, you have the absolute freedom to say so, and to try and change it. "Love it or leave it" is the anti-democratic sentiment. It is the language of authoritarianism. You are a cancer on this country's ideals.
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Does anyone know where I can find people with strong opinions about Star Wars?
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Remember: do what you love and you’ll work every day of your life AND grow to have extremely complicated feelings about your passion.
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Dear Lord, I want the backstory behind this Alamo Drafthouse order card I found.
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A lot of people don't know that Yogi Bear started looking after Boo-Boo when mobsters killed his acrobat family.
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I got married and my friend made this great gif of me being married. That is all.
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@benshapiro
It must be hard, being such a dumb, untalented man, and seeing what smart, talented people can do.
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"You guys wrote 'One Headlight?' Here, have some free mozzarella sticks for the table!"
-- the perks of being a Wallflower
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Dear
@AOC
-- Idea to defuse Donald Trump's attacks on you: Every time he calls you "radical," just make sure it's accompanied by an awesome guitar sting. You can have that for free.
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Me, about to die:
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. Peter Boyle as a dog cop named Poochinski. I watched Larry Miller voice a gay bat in a movie about sentient corporate mascots. A cat... who talked?!? All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”
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@tatatatyler
@ZacharyLevi
Don't be a doof. If he said "drug companies" I'd be the first to agree. But there's a context here that can't be ignored. I'm not simping for anything. I'm against anti-vax sentiment or anything that amplifies that message.
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When I die, please take the approximately 450 hours of me podcasting, and use that data to put my consciousness in a toaster or something. A toaster that's constantly being berated by his two best friend toasters.
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Things I've turned around on entirely now that I'm middle-aged and not a kid:
- Getting socks as gifts
- Oatmeal
- Sitting outside quietly, just kind of looking at trees
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I made Beef Wellington, in honor of my podcast co-host,
@ElliottKalan
.
#MasterOfMisdirection
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Last night I sang the line "I love vaginas" on The Daily Show. Apparently when my (sweet) mother was informed, she said "Oh, hell. At least he gets residuals." And while I *don't* get residuals for singing, I'm impressed by her surprisingly sophisticated understanding of showbiz.
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Hey everyone. I don't know you, but if you follow me, you're probably mostly nice. Keep at it.
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Welp, got fired from my first acting gig in forever. Apparently Mercutio's first line *isn't* "Its-a me, Mercutio!" :(
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@realDonaldTrump
Thank God you weighed in with your fire expertise! And on the most useful forum! Quick, Mr. President, if you get over there, you can still help!
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“I’ve heard of pigs in a blanket, but BLANKETS in a PIG?”
—what I would say if a pig ate all my blankets
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(Buys thing) "Maybe *this* is the purchase that will take the pain away."
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Some woman I passed on the street pointed to my Flop House t-shirt and said “I love that show!”
Apologies, kind passerby, for not identifying myself as being ON that show, but it would involve admitting that I was wearing a shirt for my own podcast.
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Leaving aside the racial issues, this... might not be the best name...
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“So, Regular Moff Tarkin— where do you see yourself in five years?”
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I’ve been concerned that catastrophically poor messaging from the anti-science Trump years and the generally awful science reporting in the media has made the value of “less effective” vaccines dangerously unclear. These paragraphs from the NYT really help:
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I guess this has definitively proven that, were I in jail, I would not use that time to get jacked.
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October 1st — somewhere in Middle Earth, Aragorn logs on to Twitter and changes his name to Scarygorn.
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Finally getting serious about this podcasting thing, with help from
@JustinMcElroy
,
@travismcelroy
, and
@griffinmcelroy
.
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Look, I just need some validation, so CHECK OUT THIS MOTHERFUCKIN’ OLIVE OIL CAKE I MADE.
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Guys, I don’t have a joke, but I met a hedgehog and MAYBE IT’S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.
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Time Magazine wanted to take me to prom, but they asked me to promise that we'd go steady first and I was like "get off my dick, Time Magazine, no one owns the wind."
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I’m watching a Lifetime Christmas movie where the lead is a podcaster. WE’VE FINALLY MADE IT.
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If someone gets the vaccine, be happy for them — don’t quiz them about how they qualified. It’s quite likely they might be uncomfortable sharing medical info. I see the slow rollout causing a fair amount of sniping amongst folk who should know better. The goal is health for all.
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"Will sir be watching 'Geostorm' again tonight?" --Gerard's butler
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Dear Hollywood — I would like to see
@hodgman
as an old west doctor. Or lawyer. Or banker. Some sort of profession in the old west. Not cowboy. Sorry John.
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My girlfriend found the 21st century's H.P. Lovecraft, and he's writing Yelp reviews of New York subway stations.
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In Jungian psychology, there are 5 archetypes: the "baby," the "sporty," the "scary," the "posh," and the "person who is defined entirely by their hair color."
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Insane Clown Posse is really giving a bad name to all the rational clown posses out there.
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I like cats because they share my exact friendship style. I'm skittish around you until you've logged a ton of hours in my general proximity, at which point a switch will flip, and I'll be warm and affectionate for as long as I can personally stand, at which point I will go nap.
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These "Muppet Babies" claim that they "make their dreams come true," and will "do the same for you." Do NOT listen to them. They want you to sell dietary supplements. It's a pyramid scheme.
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Dungeons and Dragons has both one of Michelle Rodriguez's best and worst performances.
Best: Holga
Worst: Woman in PSA thanking you for coming to the theater who wants to be there and wouldn't desperately rather be doing anything else.
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"Not what I'd hoped."
--Paddington Bear reviewing the song "Lady Marmalade"
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"I don't understand how journalism or 'sources' work, because -- and this is the key thing to understand -- as the incel who writes 'Dilbert' I am woefully unqualified to comment on any of this, and will interpret any bad attention for my idiocy as confirmation of my genius."
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Favorite jellicle cats:
•Skimblebuns
•The Mazorkulous Mister Borkulous
•Merriweather Mustardshanks
•Old Mrs. Calamity
•Florida, the Beautiful Cat
•Gray Gumblebutters
•Tiddlevomit, the Whisky Cat
•Comptroller Claws
•Mr. Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity
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Movie idea: J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis pee in the same fountain and switch bodies. Title: “Look Who’s Tolkien Now.”
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I may have said this before but I reject the premise of movies where Santa is real but adults don't believe in him, because why *wouldn't* adults believe when kids across the globe are getting GODDAMN PRESENTS the parents KNOW FOR DAMN SURE THEY DIDN'T BUY?
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TFW your podcast player’s time bar is 75% to the end and you’re sad that the show’s almost over, but then you realize you’re listening to
@blankcheckpod
, and that tiny remaining bar is actually 45 more minutes of a three hour show.
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Value I get out of my herb garden:
20% -- Fresh Herbs
80% -- Standing in front of my herb garden, looking at my herb garden and smiling
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X is the future state of unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we’re just beginning to imagine.
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“A blow job from a puppet is a hand job from a puppeteer.”
—Audrey
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"Wake up, sheeple!"
--Dr. Moreau on his kids' first day of school
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I wish that — just once — back when David Bowie was still with us, his band would’ve started the intro to “Changes,” and Bowie would’ve stepped up to the mic and sang “Ch-ch-ch... Chip and Dale’s—Rescue Rangers...”
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Doctor: “Is your cough productive?”
Me: (gestures to wall of ghostwritten James Patterson novels)
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Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger. Come to think of it, nobody better lay a butt on my Butterfinger, either
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McCoy & Katt, a new cosy mystery series coming to BBC America.
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