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Dan McCoy Profile
Dan McCoy

@dankmccoy

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20,986
Following
1,079
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2,358
Statuses
18,780

Creator @theflophousepod , a show about bad movies. Former (10+ years) writer at The Daily Show. Art on IG at danmccoydraws. Find me

Brooklyn, NY
Joined April 2009
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
"And then I will continue allowing successive periods of 48 hours indefinitely because I'm just the incel who writes 'Dilbert.'"
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
7 years
I don't think he means this title how it sounds.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@ZacharyLevi That's not what people think about when they see "Pfizer is dangerous" and you know it.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
"Phase two, of course, is rage masturbation, because, again, I am just the incel who writes Dilbert."
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
@realDonaldTrump @RedSox You will literally take credit for anything.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
7 years
One of the few times I can say fuck you and the horse you rode in on and mean it literally.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@Zvbear This is the dumbest shit I've ever read.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
8 years
I've invented another caption that works with every New Yorker cartoon.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@AWolfeful Lately I feel like every waking hour is me realizing that my teeth are clenched with rage.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
When it comes to rankin bass, I’d probably go: 1. sea 2. striped 3. largemouth 4. smallmouth
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
We're in that episode of The Twilight Zone where if you push a button, someone you don't know dies, but you get a million dollars. Except, instead of a million dollars, people are doing it for a Chili's happy hour.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
1 year
Fully expect to go inside and find a pelican with a bunch of boxer briefs in its bill, muttering "It's a living!"
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
People talk a lot about failed Hollywood relationships, so it's nice to take a moment to remember that Gonzo and Camilla have been together for almost 50 years.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@kidleoooooooooo @Zvbear Because he's an idiot.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
@realDonaldTrump In America, if you see something you believe is wrong with the country, you have the absolute freedom to say so, and to try and change it. "Love it or leave it" is the anti-democratic sentiment. It is the language of authoritarianism. You are a cancer on this country's ideals.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
I made something that quite possibly only I would enjoy.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
Happy October
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Why did I do this?
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Does anyone know where I can find people with strong opinions about Star Wars?
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Remember: do what you love and you’ll work every day of your life AND grow to have extremely complicated feelings about your passion.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Dear Lord, I want the backstory behind this Alamo Drafthouse order card I found.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
A lot of people don't know that Yogi Bear started looking after Boo-Boo when mobsters killed his acrobat family.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
I got married and my friend made this great gif of me being married. That is all.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@benshapiro It must be hard, being such a dumb, untalented man, and seeing what smart, talented people can do.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
I don't know why the sequel never caught on.
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Dan McCoy
5 years
"You guys wrote 'One Headlight?' Here, have some free mozzarella sticks for the table!" -- the perks of being a Wallflower
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Dan McCoy
5 years
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Dan McCoy
5 years
Dear @AOC -- Idea to defuse Donald Trump's attacks on you: Every time he calls you "radical," just make sure it's accompanied by an awesome guitar sting. You can have that for free.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Me, about to die: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. Peter Boyle as a dog cop named Poochinski. I watched Larry Miller voice a gay bat in a movie about sentient corporate mascots. A cat... who talked?!? All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
Doodlin’
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Dan McCoy
2 years
@tatatatyler @ZacharyLevi Don't be a doof. If he said "drug companies" I'd be the first to agree. But there's a context here that can't be ignored. I'm not simping for anything. I'm against anti-vax sentiment or anything that amplifies that message.
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Dan McCoy
2 years
“FAMOUS MOVIE QUOTES” (No. 17 in a series) #famousmoviequotes
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Dan McCoy
5 years
When I die, please take the approximately 450 hours of me podcasting, and use that data to put my consciousness in a toaster or something. A toaster that's constantly being berated by his two best friend toasters.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
Things I've turned around on entirely now that I'm middle-aged and not a kid: - Getting socks as gifts - Oatmeal - Sitting outside quietly, just kind of looking at trees
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Dan McCoy
4 years
I made Beef Wellington, in honor of my podcast co-host, @ElliottKalan . #MasterOfMisdirection
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Dan McCoy
5 years
Last night I sang the line "I love vaginas" on The Daily Show. Apparently when my (sweet) mother was informed, she said "Oh, hell. At least he gets residuals." And while I *don't* get residuals for singing, I'm impressed by her surprisingly sophisticated understanding of showbiz.
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Dan McCoy
4 years
Hey everyone. I don't know you, but if you follow me, you're probably mostly nice. Keep at it.
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Dan McCoy
6 years
Welp, got fired from my first acting gig in forever. Apparently Mercutio's first line *isn't* "Its-a me, Mercutio!" :(
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
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Dan McCoy
6 years
@realDonaldTrump Thank God you weighed in with your fire expertise! And on the most useful forum! Quick, Mr. President, if you get over there, you can still help!
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
“I’ve heard of pigs in a blanket, but BLANKETS in a PIG?” —what I would say if a pig ate all my blankets
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
6 years
(Buys thing) "Maybe *this* is the purchase that will take the pain away."
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Dan McCoy
2 years
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Dan McCoy
3 years
Some woman I passed on the street pointed to my Flop House t-shirt and said “I love that show!” Apologies, kind passerby, for not identifying myself as being ON that show, but it would involve admitting that I was wearing a shirt for my own podcast.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
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Dan McCoy
2 years
Leaving aside the racial issues, this... might not be the best name...
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
“So, Regular Moff Tarkin— where do you see yourself in five years?”
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Dan McCoy
4 years
I’ve been concerned that catastrophically poor messaging from the anti-science Trump years and the generally awful science reporting in the media has made the value of “less effective” vaccines dangerously unclear. These paragraphs from the NYT really help:
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Dan McCoy
5 years
I guess this has definitively proven that, were I in jail, I would not use that time to get jacked.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
@stkirsch oh well if you EXPLAINED to her
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
Imagine being this pathetic.
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Dan McCoy
6 years
I 🖐🤚 DON'T 🖐🤚KNOW 🖐🤚HOW 🖐🤚TO 🖐🤚 CLAP
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
October 1st — somewhere in Middle Earth, Aragorn logs on to Twitter and changes his name to Scarygorn.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Finally getting serious about this podcasting thing, with help from @JustinMcElroy , @travismcelroy , and @griffinmcelroy .
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Dan McCoy
3 years
Look, I just need some validation, so CHECK OUT THIS MOTHERFUCKIN’ OLIVE OIL CAKE I MADE.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Guys, I don’t have a joke, but I met a hedgehog and MAYBE IT’S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
7 years
Time Magazine wanted to take me to prom, but they asked me to promise that we'd go steady first and I was like "get off my dick, Time Magazine, no one owns the wind."
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
I’m watching a Lifetime Christmas movie where the lead is a podcaster. WE’VE FINALLY MADE IT.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
If someone gets the vaccine, be happy for them — don’t quiz them about how they qualified. It’s quite likely they might be uncomfortable sharing medical info. I see the slow rollout causing a fair amount of sniping amongst folk who should know better. The goal is health for all.
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Dan McCoy
5 years
"Will sir be watching 'Geostorm' again tonight?" --Gerard's butler
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
WHY IS THIS IN THE NEWSPAPER?!?!?!
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Dear Hollywood — I would like to see @hodgman as an old west doctor. Or lawyer. Or banker. Some sort of profession in the old west. Not cowboy. Sorry John.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
Audrey gave me these creepy socks. Am I Jellicle now?
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Dan McCoy
5 years
My girlfriend found the 21st century's H.P. Lovecraft, and he's writing Yelp reviews of New York subway stations.
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Dan McCoy
5 years
The fuck is this movie about? A gang of menswear bloggers?
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Dan McCoy
5 years
In Jungian psychology, there are 5 archetypes: the "baby," the "sporty," the "scary," the "posh," and the "person who is defined entirely by their hair color."
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Dan McCoy
3 years
Husker Du or Husker Du Not. There is no Husker Try.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
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Dan McCoy
11 years
Insane Clown Posse is really giving a bad name to all the rational clown posses out there.
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Dan McCoy
2 years
I like cats because they share my exact friendship style. I'm skittish around you until you've logged a ton of hours in my general proximity, at which point a switch will flip, and I'll be warm and affectionate for as long as I can personally stand, at which point I will go nap.
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Dan McCoy
5 years
These "Muppet Babies" claim that they "make their dreams come true," and will "do the same for you." Do NOT listen to them. They want you to sell dietary supplements. It's a pyramid scheme.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
Dungeons and Dragons has both one of Michelle Rodriguez's best and worst performances. Best: Holga Worst: Woman in PSA thanking you for coming to the theater who wants to be there and wouldn't desperately rather be doing anything else.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
"Not what I'd hoped." --Paddington Bear reviewing the song "Lady Marmalade"
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
"I don't understand how journalism or 'sources' work, because -- and this is the key thing to understand -- as the incel who writes 'Dilbert' I am woefully unqualified to comment on any of this, and will interpret any bad attention for my idiocy as confirmation of my genius."
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
If you’re not hamburger helping, you’re hamburger hurting.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
“So, anyway, I’m sorry that Richard Williams hit Chris Rock.”
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Favorite jellicle cats: •Skimblebuns •The Mazorkulous Mister Borkulous •Merriweather Mustardshanks •Old Mrs. Calamity •Florida, the Beautiful Cat •Gray Gumblebutters •Tiddlevomit, the Whisky Cat •Comptroller Claws •Mr. Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity
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Dan McCoy
4 years
New buddy comedy.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
This was arguably a waste of time.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Movie idea: J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis pee in the same fountain and switch bodies. Title: “Look Who’s Tolkien Now.”
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
I may have said this before but I reject the premise of movies where Santa is real but adults don't believe in him, because why *wouldn't* adults believe when kids across the globe are getting GODDAMN PRESENTS the parents KNOW FOR DAMN SURE THEY DIDN'T BUY?
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
This is our new kitten, Panda, purring. That is all.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
TFW your podcast player’s time bar is 75% to the end and you’re sad that the show’s almost over, but then you realize you’re listening to @blankcheckpod , and that tiny remaining bar is actually 45 more minutes of a three hour show.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Value I get out of my herb garden: 20% -- Fresh Herbs 80% -- Standing in front of my herb garden, looking at my herb garden and smiling
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Yeah, I’m into some pretty underground stuff.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
Hey @NewYorker , I did this for you gratis.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
4 years
You shoulda heard what he said.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
1 year
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@lindayaX
Linda Yaccarino
1 year
X is the future state of unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we’re just beginning to imagine.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
“A blow job from a puppet is a hand job from a puppeteer.” —Audrey
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
"Wake up, sheeple!" --Dr. Moreau on his kids' first day of school
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
And now, with our In Memorium... MORE COCAINE BEAR!
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
I wish that — just once — back when David Bowie was still with us, his band would’ve started the intro to “Changes,” and Bowie would’ve stepped up to the mic and sang “Ch-ch-ch... Chip and Dale’s—Rescue Rangers...”
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
Doctor: “Is your cough productive?” Me: (gestures to wall of ghostwritten James Patterson novels)
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
2 years
I'm a regular goddamn Martha Stewart over here.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
1 year
Ha! I done got blurbed.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
5 years
Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger. Come to think of it, nobody better lay a butt on my Butterfinger, either
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
McCoy & Katt, a new cosy mystery series coming to BBC America.
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@dankmccoy
Dan McCoy
3 years
I drew this. So sue me.
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