daniel tosh
@danieltosh
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Following
120
Media
68
Statuses
114
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#らんまアニメ
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キャスト
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Yoro
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#にじ甲2024
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シャンプー
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IKAW ANG SINING STACEY
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ホームラン
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ドラフト
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声優さん
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声優さん
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PondPhuwin WeAre FinalEP
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#SideM10周年生配信
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MAPPA
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ナレーション
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#レイちゃんと後夜祭
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再アニメ化
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シャイナー
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英雄アカデミー
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Pinned Tweet
for all of you who only follow me in hopes that i will one day start a children’s clothing line, well, today is your lucky day! seriously. and yes, it's all pink! and yes, a portion of proceeds go to charity! check it out at and
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abortions for everyone!!!! pack the courts!!!! ban hats with words!!!!
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i guess this means that miami is now the super bowl favorites… and buffalo can go back to being a city god meant to put in ohio.
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as a floridian my only childhood dream was to get the fuck out.
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as a floridian it’s hard to understand why they don’t want to close the state for good. it’s just empty strip malls with sad chain restaurants where sweaty people order blackened mahi-mahi sandwiches.
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it’s like watching every deal saban made with the devil expire.
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josh allen makes bad decisions. bills mafia makes excuses. dolphins keep winning!!!
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it was too hot to play in florida. it’s too cold to play in buffalo. just let the nfl know where you think you can win a game
#bills
and i’m sure they will accommodate.
#dolphins
#floridatrashtour
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the super sad
#tosh
premiere we shot back in march before the world went to shit airs tomorrow. you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll see pictures of your dead dogs. enjoy what many are calling tv’s most emotional moment ever.
#seasonofmourning
#castroisdead
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dvr’ing the dolphins game today. no spoilzies please. waiting until after the super bowl so i can binge watch their entire magical run.
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two big announcements coming in 15 minutes!
hint: it’s two stand-up tours.
2nd hint: one’s in florida, the other’s in the northeast.
no more hints!
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big day
@miamidolphins
fans!! i believe in mcdaniel and tua!!
can someone send me their peacock login info?
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even though monica said i won’t make mat i still plan to go full out tonight in houston and tomorrow in corpus christi!!
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with the 5th pick the miami dolphins take justin herbert… and he went on to be a bust.
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now you don’t have to live in my house to hear me babble every week. new podcast is out today!
#toshshow
sode 1, my wife’s gynecologist.
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hard to believe it’s already been a week!
sode two just in time for leg day!!
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today is the day! tickets to my new stand-up tour go on sale now! loosen up your bible belts!
#sweetTtour
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beautiful fort pierce tonight!
tomorrow, hollywood/ft lauderdale/miami, see you at the hard rock!!
#floridatrashtour
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huge announcement!
i will be in vegas this weekend performing at the mirage. please, come see me. i wouldn’t ask if this wasn’t serious.
i will also be back in two weeks.
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florida’s prodigal son is coming home!
presale starts now, password tosh
#floridatrashtour
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thanks to
@subaru_usa
for making today national
#MakeADogsDay
! we’ll
be celebrating by tailgating in the garage until we see a squirrel.
#bigday
#ad
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if you think the sounds you hear in a movie or tv show are real, my
#toshshow
guest wants you to know you are a big dumb boob.
#moviemagic
#hollywood
#insider
#noise
#clopclopclop
#crunchingcelery
#wetshammy
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attention ugly americans!! today’s
#toshshow
guest is my sexy friend from france… see you in the comments!
#bonjour
#mercibeaucoup
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tom brady may hate you new england, but i still love you.
presale starts now, password tosh
#leavesandlobstertour
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i’m trying to appeal to a wider audience in the red states, so this week’s
#toshshow
guest is a drag queen from san francisco!
#hideyokids
#sashay
#hunty
#sissythattalk
#ncseventeen
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the
#floridatrashtour
begins next thursday!!! a portion of proceeds will go to fund local abortions. technically, making all attendees an accessory to murder.
let’s see if this hurts or helps ticket sales.
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if you ever needed confirmation that people in california don’t work and have made-up jobs, this
#toshshow
is for you!
#professionalorganizer
#outofthecloset
#containerstore
#shredder
#ocd
#straightenup
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heading to temecula for 2 shows at pechanga casino!! one show will have prizes!
june 10
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excited to admit defeat! i too will be moving to texas… for one night only!!! corpus christi presale starts now, password tosh.
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bonus tiny emergency pod! my private open letter to aaron rodgers.
#kimmel
#children
#covid
#toshshow
#jetswillalwayssuck
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the townies have spoken! second shows have been added in knoxville and johnson city, tennessee. you are welcome!! tickets on sale right now!!!
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on this week's
#toshshow
i reveal the hollywood secrets behind how i maintain my tv-worthy hairline. spoiler alert: it's pricey.
#balding
#prp
#injections
#rogain
#48isthenew43
#beautifullocks
#hairforlife
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i’m not the host that reality tv deserves, but i’m the one it needs. let’s find out who’s
#thegoat
may 9 on
@primevideo
@amazonfreevee
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texas, colorado, and some random casino near napa, come see me live!!! presale starts now! password tosh
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since so many commenters love my sweaters, let’s talk to the woman behind my
#fitsanddrip
on this week's
#toshshow
#fashionicon
#lewk
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orlando and st. pete 2nd show added! presale password tosh. if you must storm the stage, please do so during my opener’s set.
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on tonight's new
#tosh
, i uncover how us a-listers are taking your money.
#celebritysidehustles
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here at
#toshshow
we believe that everyone deserves a second chance, which is why i think we should hear
#billymcfarland
out about fyre festival. what could go wrong?
#disaster
#trainwreck
#itsmurda
#prison
#cheesesandwich
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witnessing today’s
#toshshow
guest communicate with my dogs cured me of my skepticism
#telepathy
or
#bullshit
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heading to do shows in the two majors of the pacific northwest, spokane and tacoma! tickets on sale now!!
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san diego! 2nd show added nov. 24th!! a true thanksgiving miracle!!!
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leaves and lobster tour begins tonight! burlington to nantucket and 10 other lucky cities!!
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big news in the world of texas entertainment! 2nd shows added in austin and dallas!!
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now, let’s make my life complete.
@MiamiDolphins
please, please draft my nephew!!! i’m at the hard rock tonight doing the
#floridatrashtour
. come by and we can talk $$$.
.
@FordhamFootball
's Tim Demorat (
@tdemorat
) just threw his 6th TD pass, giving him 53 TDs this year.
He now holds FCS record for most passing TDs in a regular season, passing Jeremiah Briscoe (2016). Averaged 4.2 passing TDs per game this year!
Hopefully more in FCS playoffs.
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i’ll be performing tomorrow in kentucky. bucket list complete!
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the long long long wait is finally over. we are releasing the first episode of
#thegoat
a week early on
@primevideo
's youtube channel! if you love reality shows or hate them and love me or hate both, this is the show for you!!
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the middle of july! no better time to be in vegas!! see you tonight at the mirage!!!
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my latest
#toshshow
guest’s dad can beat up your dad. unless your dad is muhammad ali.
#georgeforeman
#cooldad
#undefeated
#leanmeangrillingmachine
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the tradition continues! xmas in reno!! free eggnog at the meet and greet!!! tickets on sale now!!!!
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the professor is in on this week’s
#toshshow
! join me for this marginally intelligent conversation about artificial intelligence!
#geniuslevelshit
#thefutureisnow
#willsmith
#noodles
#deepfakes
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on this week’s
#toshshow
I break bread (cookies) with a fancy michelin-starred chef.
#outoftouch
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today's
#toshshow
will explain why there's always a trailer parked in my driveway, besides that i'm from florida
#whitetrash
#airstream
#diy
#glamping
#adoption
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i love talking shit, but let’s put the toilet humor aside and focus on toilet learning with my favorite plumber. this week’s
#toshshow
is the perfect morning listen while pushing one out.
#squattypotty
#turd
#andygump
#shitshow
#tradeschool
#poopcast
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#toshshow
coming to you live from tahoe for the xmas special! make sure to watch this week’s episode. we’re both too good-looking to only listen.
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Imagine waiting years to be adopted. That’s why we created National
#MakeADogsDay
on Oct. 22nd, to help Underdogs find loving homes. Please consider adopting an Underdog today.
#SubaruLovesPets
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gainesville has been added to the
#sweetTtour
on sept 25! presale starts now, with password tosh!!
#chompchomp
#fsusucks
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xmas comes early, or late! i’ll be performing in los angeles along with every other comedian!! may 4 at the dolby theatre!!!
presale starts now, use code tosh
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you don’t need to be famous to buy a car without going to the dealer, you just need to watch this week's
#toshshow
! time to embarrass my father with my lack of car knowledge!
#kickthetires
#belowsticker
#vroomvroom
#martyday
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not sure what sode this is from, but goddamn did that fall hurt!
#thegoat
@amazonfreevee
@primevideo
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i’m here in south carolina for night one of the
#sweetTtour
! if you can’t get tickets tonight in charleston, don’t panic! just take a pedicab to columbia for tomorrow’s show, tons of seats still available!!
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if you're as tired as I am of waiting for nsync to reunite, today's
#toshshow
guest has just the thing to tide you over
#boybandproject
#tributeact
#coverband
#1999
#millennium
#byebyebye
#otown
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in a town where no one has a real job, meet my favorite conlanger! unlike the oscars,
#toshshow
celebrates the real heroes of all the nerd shit i’ve never watched.
#klingon
#highvalyrian
#dothraki
#yulish
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yo
@melkiperespn
, get my nephew
@tdemorat
on the big board (or big board adjacent!!) are you watching what he’s been doing? he’s got the intangibles…
strong arm ☑️
nfl body ☑️
sexy mustache ☑️
creepy uncle ☑️
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new
#toshshow
is your super bowl lock of the week, also chiefs moneyline!!
#degenerate
#swiftie
#betthehouse
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this week’s
#toshshow
is for my fashion forward bougie bitches.
#highfashion
#vogue
#vanityfair
#dresstoimpress
#catwalk
#inseam
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don’t tell me there are no jobs because on today’s
#toshshow
i talk to a guy who turned his doodles into moola.
#cartoonist
#madmagazine
#newyorker
#wallstreetjournal
#heathcliffhasgoneofftherails
#marmaduke
#andycap
#dilbert
#peanuts
#broomhilda
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double the laughs, double the aloha!!
2nd show added in Honolulu
password “tosh”
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if messing around with rattlesnakes in joshua tree sounds like a swell idea, then you will love this week’s
#toshshow
. as foretold by the prophecy.
#highdesert
#inklife
#venom
#igotasnakeman
#tonydanza
#wrangler
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pitch a tent and gather round the
#toshshow
campfire. this cowboy dedicates his life to rescuing wild horses and has some wild stories to tell.
#offthegrid
#wildwildwesthollywood
#ridehard
#yeehaw
#saddleup
#champingatthebit
#winplaceshow
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this week’s
#toshshow
like wu tang, is for the children!! and i believe the children are the future!!!
#snoo
#pediatrics
#swaddling
#shushing
#swinging
#sids
#bassinet
#gagagoogoo
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presale starts today for my annual spectacular reno show dec 17th,
godspeed!!
password: tosh
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showbiz alert!
2nd shows added in concord, nh and ft myers, fl!!!
tickets on sale now with password: tosh
#leavesandlobstertour
#floridatrashtour
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today’s
#toshshow
guest makes sure my bag is correct after every show.
#getthatmoney
#tourlife
#standup
#livenation
#ticketsstillavailable
#showbiz
#sellout
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this week’s
#toshshow
is for all nba and gambling fanatics!!
#gatornation
#htown
#grindcity
#truetoatlanta
#forthepeople
#whiteboy
#ballhard
#retireyoung
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last minute valentine’s gift! blow your partner away! new tour dates go on sale now! presale password “tosh”!!
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grocery store joe launched an entire career with two minutes of screen time on the bachelorette. imagine what 30 minutes on this week’s
#toshshow
is going to do for him!
#reality
#bachelorette
#bachelorinparadise
#dwts
#thegoat
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today’s
#toshshow
guest is the only man I have let into my mouth since college.
#grillz
#icedout
#alligatorjesus
#miami
#takashi
#upperleftincisor
#cubano
#streetcred
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indianapolis 2nd show added june 13th!!
presale password tosh
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come be apart of the greatest show in the history of vegas! there will be magic!!
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today's
#toshshow
guest jams as much technology as possible into rich people's homes, and he knows my passwords!
#smarthome
#crestron
#champagneproblems
#triggerwarning
#epsteinhadcameraseverywhere
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late show added in nashville, tennessee! tickets on sale now!! please, pass it on!!!
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another bonus
#toshshow
emergency pod! it’s not all sunshine and palm trees here in malibu
#drama
#intheairtonight
#valentinesday
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