california wildlife 💦 ACAB
@daddys_lambo
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Pinned Tweet
what if i’m worth more than u could manage 🤔
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a haircut is truly the most powerful time of the month 😌
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It’s weird to suddenly be at this age where you’re friends find out they’re pregnant and it’s no longer like “omfg what are you gonna do” like damn y’all really want this
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In case y’all missed it, I dragged my corpse ass into my first day of work today and I didn’t even get fired!!!! 😇
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oomf just sent n*t vids and all I can say 😳🤭 wow
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all men do is lie and waste time also they smell
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loml, also if she murders me for the life insurance policy pls no one prosecute, it’s what I wanted 😘
Happy birthday to my best friend & friendship soul mate
@daddys_lambo
! Thanks for being my chosen family & bringing so much light & love to my life!! 💖🎉👯♀️ (ps thx for adding me as your life insurance beneficiary 😂😂)
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my father’s siblings are all becoming grandparents and these fools still can’t parent...tragic
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Dodging half my graduating class at my 5 year hs reunion:
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I don’t need a psych degree to know men are sociopaths
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How am I supposed to take legal documents seriously when they’re written in comic sans
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Why does my family love giving me their unsolicited opinions? First of all, you’re wrong
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The hardest part of loving yourself is knowing that sometimes that means others are going to be hurt
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Omg I was kissed all over my face with jalapeño lips and I FEEL LIKE I’M BURNING IN HELL FOR BEING SUCH A HOMO fml
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My grandma picked up and moved across country with my mom and aunt, with all their possessions and my grandma’s 1964 dishwasher💀, on a greyhound bus. Now I see where this flighty thing I do comes from 😇
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A summer lewk — natural pink glow for weeks after outdoor graduations
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if my ex is reading this…come collect me, i’m done w these streets 🤢
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The L train is really flying today like YES bitch vroom vroom yeehaw lets get this bitch going
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Any Winehouse is a goddess and we should all be ashamed of ourselves for allowing that angel on earth to suffer
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me in catholic school rearranging my lisa frank pencils again during prayer time
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So dickmatized I was sitting in this Uber going to the WHOLE ASS WRONG AIRPORT
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U know where my favorite place to get high is? The greyhound bus. It’s literally the safest environment to be high, all the sudden the seat feels like a sofa and you get rocked to sleep. And then u refuel ur high at the rest stop and get snackies and do it all over again.
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i rly refuse to be the one to cave first but goddamn 🥴
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why do you talk to 38 y/o men?
“we don’t fuck, he just pick me up from Trader Joe’s”
@JUNGLEPUSSY
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gays are rly just recklessly hurtful for no reason like y u gotta b like that
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I come home to SINGLE PLY toilet paper when I left a whole pack of TRIPLE PLY??? Oh no honey this is not gonna work out for these roommates well
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fuck i read all my astrological updates and the stars are rly trying to force me to be a nice bitch 😭😭 i hate it here guess i gotta dial it down for a minute
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The man who works at the front desk at my job, who is black, said good morning to everyone coming in, and the white man behind me responded “Good morning, boy” in the this nasty southern accent and BITCH I FLIPPED I turned my ass around and said “WHAT”
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Walking thru the streets of my mom’s old neighborhood in the village and y’all should hear her going OFF about the gentrification that’s happened and the NYU sprawl like she is singing Joni Mitchell songs in the streets in protest
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Proud to announce that I just added my wife
@coffeeandchisme
to my first life insurance policy 😍💓 god has really blessed me to be able to provide for my wife like this 😍💋💍💏
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i am so burned out from all these “talking” stages, like i am not built for this shit
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OMG my roommate is watching a WHITE SUPREMACIST’s lecture on MY television GOODBYE NO that was put to an end like being homophobic wasn’t enough??? GTFOH BEFORE I KICK UR ASS INTO THE NEXT BOROUGH
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All these young physicians hitting me up on Grindr and u know they got that 💸 slide thru to my unit bb and we can see what’s up 🤑
#ilovesugardaddies
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this boy reallyyyy got a hold of my mind 😳 das crazyyyy
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I’m a lil capitalist heaux for christmas thx daddy jesus
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the way I’m raw dogging this trail hiking w one shoe rn 🥱
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gays b like “i want a healthy relationship 😩” and then have absolutely no respect or effort for anyone 💀 sis which is it
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Rented a Vespa and almost crashed like 3 times in the 3 blocks I traveled 🤦🏻♂️ parked that bitch after people started recording me in the street lmfaooo
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Anyone got good invoice templates? I got a lot of men wasting my time that I need to start monetizing off of
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If y’all don’t have 14 mimosas at bottomless what are y’all doing
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i spend time w my friends’ grandmas and they’re so kind, and then i’m like...wow my nasty grandma reallyyyy ain’t shit
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Y’all....I’m at the bus depot in upstate New York....and it’s literally just me and the Amish.....how do I continuously find myself in these kuntry situations
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I fucking love New York sample sales like bitch lemme walk out of here with a whole ass houseful of linens for $40
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it’s all flirty bimbo vibes until he sends you that song that your ex used to sing to you 💀🫡
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why do some of these new bitmoji outfits feel like they need a good tailor...and y’all still putting this shit on ur virtual bodies...let me be petty abt this for a minute
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Y’all really invest in family? Lol that’s one fat disappointment coming ur way
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me quite literally the other day: a pisces man could never keep my attention 🥱🥴
also me, waking up next to a pisces this morning: yeah so we’re making this a regular thing right
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for y’alls reference 👁👄👁 anyway if anyone want me lmk
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when ur depressed but ur trying to have a good time
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forgetting about the Academy® while I watch Ray Donovan and sip lemonade for my 10th class period in a row
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if y’all hear the scooby doo theme song coming from my room for the fifth hour in a row....mind ur business
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Love of my life in case y’all were wondering xx~~
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Being high and having to filter what what I say made me realize what a bitch I am without filters
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queer gods bless me 🙏🏼 trynna finesse some free Chance the Rapper tickets
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**TW: sexual assault**
what I'm
#angry
about today
sexual abuse and violence against queer men is REAL, and that is continuously denied within the mental health system. The effort to delegitimize and gaslight queer men who have been victims of sexual assault is disgusting.
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WHY DO Y’ALL HAVE TO WAKE ME UP WITH A LEAF BLOWER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST ‼️‼️‼️ wtf is wrong w y’all
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this 6’5 straight man really just pushed in front of my 5’2 friend at this drag show…i don’t know if u were planning on catching hands tonight u clown but here we go
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I WILL be walking down the runway at my wedding wearing pure virginal WHITE like the good girl whore I am 👼🏼 off-white is for base level hoes
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How is it that I’ve been in California for almost 3 weeks and gotten NO dick??? This is unacceptable, qualified candidates slide into the DMs
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I need a bf mostly so someone can turn on the heat every morning at 5 and turn it back off at 8
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Just got asked on the street if I’m a local artist? No I’m just gay
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DO NOT CLAIM TO BE A PSYCHIATRIC PROFESSIONAL IF YOU REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND, RESPECT, AND TREAT QUEER ISSUES AND TRAUMAS
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If ur gonna be a snake at least be a smart snake
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This is the kind of homemade video that you might find
@coffeeandchisme
making at 6pm on a Saturday evening while waiting for her 13th load of laundry to dry
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Damn y’all ever about at the climax of a situation u’ve been waiting for...and then it just dies. Like wtf, we about to be at the good shit
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hope y’all like stretch marks bc that’s wtf ur gettin w me
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I am NOT here for the degrading comments and uneducated homophobic responses to my trauma from my psychiatric medical providers, especially when I reached out in a moment of desperation for interventional care.
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The only time they say anything to me is when I get ice cream and they come up behind me and say “OH TWO ICE CREAMS WOWWWW” like YES BITCH THEY’RE ON SALE AND A BITCH LIKES HAAGEN DAZ POPS fuck off
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alright which one of u boys is tryna go on a cute camping trip n fuck in the woods
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i love walking around in my nice undies and catching my ass in a mirror 🥸 like hello yes we get it you want to be posted on the private story
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Too high in this greyhound inhaling pieces of my truck stop Ritz™️ peanut butter sandwich crackers wbu
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giving me scooby doo energy the way the earth ATE my shoe in a real life SINKHOLE 😳
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it’s all bad when i run out of patience, like it may feel like i blindsided u when i finally cut off the bullshit, but i always give plenty of warning so take that shit srsly if u want me to take u srsly
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there are rly ppl who just walk through life like 🙈🙉 blows my mind 😳
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not stopping a natural consequence isn’t being mean, it’s just letting their dumb ass energy handle itself
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