Sarah 🥨
@cosmopterix
Followers
11,953
Following
713
Media
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Statuses
13,885
Not a botanist. Pennsylvania extremist. Pretzel aficionada. DM's for friend zone only.
Joined August 2021
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Pinned Tweet
Gm. A soft morning glow filters through the gills of these Gymnopus mushrooms as the warm, rusty-red tones of their tall stems and fanned-out caps add color to the misty forest scene.
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I’m not monetized and I choose to post photos of fungus and pretzels despite the fact that I have a 10/10 rack.
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There is no Dana only Zuul
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Phone call from my dad today:
Dad: “Happy birthday! 42, huh?”
Me: “Yep, that’s right.”
Dad: You know the composer Mussorgsky (begins to hum first movement of Pictures at an Exhibition)
Me: “Yes, of course. You used to play that all the time.”
Dad: “Yes, well…he died on his 42nd
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What if I told you that nobody finds the fishing girl ugly or unfeminine and there are just a bunch of large accounts coordinating to provoke you for money and attention.
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@WajahatAli
Being so committed to impressing liberal wine moms that you dox the wife of a guy who applied to donate his liver to your sick child.
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There is absolutely nothing you can post on this website without someone being a dick about it. Nothing.
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Fetterman was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy in 2017. He did not take his medication or schedule follow-up appts, then nearly died of a completely predictable stroke this past year. He didn’t even “fight” to make sure his family had a husband and a father.
In the Senate, I’ll fight for the millions of Americans who (like me) aren’t perfectly healthy.
All Dr. Oz has ever done is exploit them.
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She had her Twitter account restored and she’s acting like she just got released from a Russian penal colony.
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Friends, I have sad news to share. After a long series of health struggles, my mom died today. I was fortunate to be with her when she passed. Words of support would mean the world to me right now.
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@alfranken
So basically what you’re saying is, you believe the Supreme Court decision was correct. But you yourself don’t seem to understand this.
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I just found out that my dad discovered my Twitter account and read through it. Excuse me while I die.
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I watched this action movie “Terminator” for the first time, and Arnold just blew me away with “I’ll return at a later time.”
I'm watching this western movie "Tombstone" for the first time, and Val Kilmer just blew me away with "I'll be your huckleberry."🤣🤣🤣
So many stars in this movie, very entertaining flick!
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Just taking a moment to say an early Merry Christmas! It’s now high jolly season! It’s been a joy to laugh and share with all of you throughout the year.
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I don’t think there could possibly be a funnier outcome to this story.
Oh shit the kids grandfather is legit tribal council member… enjoy bankruptcy chucklefuck.
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@BidenHQ
Or you could put politics aside for one day and enjoy the company of your loved ones.
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Happy Independence Day, friends. I’m about to take a nap at the cookout.
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Ron Filipkowski doesn't like it when you point out that he resembles the person whose looks he's making fun of.
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This you?
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I’m a Haley Voter, and a Republican…and I’m supporting Kamala Harris for President.
@HaleyVte4Harris
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@NoContextBrits
In other words, we solved a problem while you helplessly complain about it every year.
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Give this man his damn alligator back.
America is no longer a free country. At least not all of it. The New York State government is taking away this man’s beloved pet alligator he’s had for a Jesus lifetime. I don’t think even Stalin would do something so tyrannical as this.
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I had the day off from work today and no plans. Instead of being productive around the house, I watched all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and drank 11 diet root beers.
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Yearly reminder that if you post one of those Thanksgiving food charts that says “one of these has to go” you are a Communist. You can have all the food you want. You are an American.
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Merry Christmas (a few days early) from me and the pretzel tree.
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@SenFettermanPA
The oversized toddler is refusing to wear pants until he gets what he wants.
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Gee, sorry that we stopped working on our TPS reports for 20 minutes to see the rare and awe-inspiring natural spectacle.
The solar eclipse will cost America almost $700 million in lost productivity
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Good morning, may you enjoy your Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t resist a nod to St. Valentine himself.
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@alfranken
Ok. Then please go on the record stating exactly at what point in a pregnancy you and your party believe they should be banned.
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@WajahatAli
You don’t care. You were butthurt over a tweet and that’s why you brought it up. No amount of deflection will absolve you of the disgraceful and dishonorable act of attacking a friend’s wife instead of resolving your petty dispute man to man.
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Frens, we are being persecuted for our sacred traditions. They even got our Mayo King.
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You use your entire account to criticize women’s looks but you have the physique of a Central Park mime.
U can’t come at me when u are wearing an embarrassing amount of makeup in your profile pic
@cosmopterix
so take this loss and move on wow!
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@itouchcoral
@mtaibbi
It was not “totally ok” to the many people who warned that this type of surveillance would eventually be used to violate American citizens’ constitutional rights.
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@JuddLegum
@RonDeSantis
Wait until you hear about the things public schools spend money on!
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Decided to hand out copies of the Constitution instead of candy for Halloween. The kids love this.
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Every time the idea comes up that Joe Biden is a kindly old man who has grown forgetful, I remind myself of what he did to Clarence Thomas while he had his full faculties.
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When people don’t feel as if they can ever save enough money to buy a house or retire, they are going to turn to simple pleasures that make their lives enjoyable.
Dave Ramsey says you're wasting $5,000 a year if you 'spend $13.70 a day on things you don't need,' like a cup of coffee or takeout lunch, per YF.
Do you agree?
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I am once again reminding people that “penultimate” means second to last. It’s not some kind of super-duper ultimate.
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First selfie since Twitter verified that I do, in fact exist (they took my money.)
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Good afternoon! I enjoyed experimenting with perspective in this Burr arch covered bridge in the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch country. Built in 1869, it’s still in service for road traffic. I ❤️ PA’s covered bridges—we have a total of 219 remaining, by far the most of any US state
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Gm. I shrieked when I stumbled unexpectedly across a colony of about a dozen Yellow Lady’s Slipper orchids (Cypripedium parviflorum) growing wild in the woods yesterday. I’d been looking for them for years. Here’s one of the most majestic of the bunch.
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@neontaster
You would think this attack would be used as a high profile example of how progressive policies are leaving mentally ill addicts to run amok, but no. We have to do the conspiracy theories.
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@redsteeze
Nobody is condemning his health struggles. We’re condemning the people who put him in office despite knowing he was unable to fulfill his duties, further endangering his life.
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“I won’t put on pants until you give me my binky!”
If those jagoffs in the House stop trying to shut our government down, and fully support Ukraine, then I will save democracy by wearing a suit on the Senate floor next week.
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Really glad I didn’t freak out last night and post this one terrific picture I have of my boobs.
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It was all fun and games to dunk on dipshits until they started getting paid.
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I’d listen, but I’d rather shove a hot poker up my ass.
MAJOR LIFE UPDATE - for the remainder of the strike
@StephenAtHome
,
@JimmyFallon
,
@SethMeyers
,
@IamJohnOliver
& I are joining forces for a new podcast called
@StrikeForceFive
. Hear the first episode tomorrow 8/30. ALL proceeds (thanks to
@Casamigos
and
@MintMobile
) go to support
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People who are not well-read will always answer this question with “Catcher in the Rye” which is because it’s the only book they remember reading.
Quick. Tell me.
What's the most *over-rated* Great Book?
I want your opinion.
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Lol, ESPN hid my reply.
"No matter the road ahead, we are here for you. We will leave no one behind.”
-Prince Harry after accepting the Pat Tillman Award for Service ❤️
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@nypost
She is gorgeous, of course, but I promise she is not too perfect to be called mid on Twitter.
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I, too, am harassed on the daily by a creepazoid at the gym. My only regret is that the camera wasn’t on a tripod angled perfectly on my ass when this gross violation occurred.
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As someone who has been extremely critical of Fetterman, it’s only fair that I give credit where credit is due to him for being stalwart on this issue. The hostages must be released.
I was profoundly moved to meet with survivors of the October 7th massacre and families of Hamas’ hostages.
Together, we began to post photos of the hostages outside my office to stress the urgent need to bring them all home.
My office is posting every last one.
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It’s been a year since my boomer mom passed, and I’m telling you, she was a machine on Facebook. A nice photo of the neighbors’ kids with the Easter bunny? Paganism. A meme with a quote wrongly attributed to Abe Lincoln? Shared. Someone must carry this mantle. It has to be me.
Today I’m going to boomer scream at all of the people who are wrong.
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In Butler, PA, there’s a non-zero chance his ear is being treated with Windex and Vick’s Vapo Rub.
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@David_Leavitt
@caesar_pounce
I hate it when I can’t buy an electric toothbrush for a penny.
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He’s growing on me like a fatty tumor on the neck.
John Fetterman was confronted by a protester at a campaign event last night for his support for Israel.
He responds to him by saying “The joke is on you. I had a stroke. I can’t fully understand what you are saying.”
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I'm not going to argue with this person, I just find it strange that a 38-year-old man has decided his life's purpose is to tell people on Twitter that food prices aren't affecting their budget
Speaking as someone who has never met a senator, much less worked for two, and has to budget to make rent, I can't tell you how much the cost of a representative basket of groceries has risen in the last two years off the top of my head. That's not how real people buy groceries.
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Good evening. No nature walk tonight—I couldn’t stop thinking about getting a hamburger.
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I like to keep my eye out for beautiful patterns in nature. This fallen tree was a stunner.
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He’s not upset that he has to pay for his blue check. He’s upset that we can get one, too.
“It’s America’s public square. That’ll be $96 a year for front row seating and a megaphone.” — New Twitter
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Nobody wants your unsolicited opinion on what you don’t like. Be jolly or stfu.
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The face of a boy who is mad that I didn’t give him my cheese.
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With humble regret for my offensive behavior, I am free from Twitter jail. I have apologized to poor Jarvis.
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I use my account to post pics of things I see outdoors. I’m aware that aesthetically pleasing subjects like flowers and colorful butterflies will get a better reception than snakes, spiders, and less glamorous insects. For those of you who do not enjoy the latter: I don’t care.
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Leave him alone.
Rescued bald eagle ‘too fat to fly’ after gorging on a raccoon
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The people have been clamoring for more pretzel content. Vox Populi, Vox Dei.
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@WajahatAli
Today, journalists were shown footage of a Hamas terrorist attempting to behead an Israeli man with a shovel. Is that an example of genocidal rage?
I just saw indescribable, raw footage of Hamas’ massacre along with 100 other international journalists, provided by Israeli authorities. Here are the notes I took:
1: Hamas terrorist screaming Allah Akhbah as he frantically tries to behead a dead man with a shovel.
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@JeremyRedfernFL
“I’m sorry you had a bad experience” is what a restaurant manager says to a patron whose pasta wasn’t cooked to al dente, not what a doctor says to a teenager whose body was irreparably harmed.
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I guess the strategy is to try to make Oz look like a bully for doing well in the debate.
In a memo sent to reporters, the Fetterman campaign seeks to lower expectations for tomorrow’s debate with Oz: “We’ll admit — this isn’t John’s format … if we’re all being honest, Oz clearly comes into Tuesday night with a huge built-in advantage.”
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I thought this was that Olympic break dancing video at first.
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