cortez walls
@cortez_walls
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get cho goofy ass on . com
Chicago, IL
Joined December 2018
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@TheLifeuvJR
Best believe the manager will be hearing from me bout that $47 drop she didn’t pour me. run me mine. IDGAF
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@RacismInventor
@yungnastybitch
@TylerIAm
Orders whiskey neat at Walgreens. I HAVE THE MONEY. GO GET IT.
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Is life worth living should i blast myself?
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$5 at the bar in this fucking JEWEL. im slamming 5 of these bitches then going to brunch. Grocery store bars are unreal.
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Stop giving me alcohol. please. I’m trying to better myself. 😵💫😵💫😵💫
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Cut water margarita and a Sara j compilation to send me off. y’all be good out there. Ciao 💯❤️
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Nothing and I mean nothing beats summer time chi.
I can’t wait
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7734598922
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She blowing that bitch
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If you’re gutted over someone not seeing your value it’s probably because you’ve giving them the power to do so. remember, they were all strangers without any say so before. Make them a fucking stranger again
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If we can’t get drunk at the Mariano’s bar together why would I take you to Gibson’s
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First guest: can I get quevos ranchos for my husband?
Me: no I’m sorry we don’t sell that but something similar is available for brunch.
Guest:well you have the ingredients right? Why can’t you just do it
Me: we got butter milk and eggs too but don’t sell cookies now do we?
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No moaning just eye contact and macaroni stirring like a true psychopath
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Thinking about that one time I was running offensively late to work and I told my boss it was because my driver made a wrong turn somewhere. Sent him this 😅😅😅
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This year I’ll be spending less time in the clurb and more time making pasta from scratch
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🥹
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I’m getting a haircut and drinking henny all day tomorrow. Just block me right now
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quarantine recipes had us wildin’ because why the fuck was I drinking whipped coffee everyday? I swear I almost passed away
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I gotta stop fucking with girls with drug dealer ex boy friends lmfao. It’s been an alarming amount
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@Staank_Daddy
You asking the wrong questions when you eat pizza with no cheese.
The beef gotta be DRIPPY MY BOY. no fork straight hands
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If you’re STILL tapping quickly through muhfuckas stories, you hate them niggas. Just unfollow lmao..
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I’m surely gonna get banned from Lyft for telling my driver: so what you wanna do is get in the lane where the cars are moving because I actually have somewhere to be
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Everytime I see this I get so fucking mad. let ppl fucking go through it man. this moment might mean more to him than you’ll ever know
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Smoked 1 weed last night and got the best sleep of my life
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Going to pick one of my favorite artist up from the airport. This is surreal.
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“I didn’t ask you to do this?” Go get your own fucking food then. Wild to be so privilege to be a position to press a button for on site delivery and trust that your shit isn’t being tamper with yet lack compassion for those you need. YOU TIP FOR CONVENIENCE.
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The first 4 seconds of this isn’t real
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4th time I’ve heard a girl isn’t allowed to hang with me because the BF restricts it. Lol ok….
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But I got banned from Uber for the same shit
Frank Sinatra stepping off of a helicopter with a drink in his hand, 1964.
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Comes back with extra dirty martini for a 69 year old woman
Me: this drink so damn dirty we started an onlyfans for it
Old lady: ????
Me: I’ll go grab my manager
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This is madness. Why are they OP
Orcas can weigh 8 tons and jump 15 feet out of the water.
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If you see me drinking hypnotiq and Hennessy mind the business that pays you…also call the fucking police
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Gave a guy a drink with a flower(edible orchid) in it and he was took by it.
Him: why is there a flower in my drink
Me: better now than when you’re dead amirite 💯💯💯🫡🫡
Tip: 10%
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pre bday check in. I’ll be 32 this year. I feel fucking great.
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Who the FUCK is keeping the blue man group in business? Also should I apply?
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Boss: we gotta work on your resting bitch face in the morning
Me: or don’t schedule me in the morning…
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Had to check a couple middle aged whites after sayings some racist shit to me. crazy how mfs get quiet when you threaten to slap the shit out of them in front of they family 🥰
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having to laugh at corny jokes made by suburban moms shortens my life by a year every fucking time
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My mother is actually the sweetest person I’ve ever know. I’d be completely ruled by fear and rage if she hadn’t shown me the true meaning of compassion. I love you, mom; selflessness was truly the best lesson you’ve taught me ❤️
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So why it’s so fucking cold today?
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Idgaf you’re a NUT if you put your shirt on first after the shower. The fuck you walking around the locker room looking like Winnie the Pooh for…😒
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I rebrand every 7 minutes because I have ADHD
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Yes.
y’all snort coke, do drugs & drink alcohol every weekend but cow milk is where u draw the line? 🥴
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When forgot your phone at her crib AND SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD
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It looks like this right now
People in America 🇺🇸 is this how Chicago looks like for real 😳 ?
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Posting less or more doesn’t mean shit. I’ve annoyed ppl (projections of things they don’t like about themselves or wouldn’t do personally) and I’ve be praised by ppl I have never fucking met.
spew in the abyss or don’t; who gives a fuck?
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