Cole Farrell
@colefarrell
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On a journey back to silly goosery. Pokémon, housewives, mental health, weird cat obsession. (see also: @milkmanthecat )
Indiana
Joined February 2009
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There is a 5-month-old adoptable cat named WiFi at my petsmart and I cannot stop thinking about him.
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Late-night home renovation buddy. I do not know a better man.
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Received this comment on a silly video of my cat. It is incredibly sweet and mom-coded. It broke me open in the best way. 😭
I was so worried that I'd be judged for having a cat account. For this comment alone, I'd go create 10,000 more lol
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Every once in a while, I ask Milkman if he's gonna walk out on me because I'm depressed (I've got priors), and each time he says no—if I walk out on you, it's gonna be because of how many times you insist on kissing me on the top of my head each day. 😌
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Today we celebrated a really fun (and unexpected!) milestone:
@milkmanthecat
recently passed 5,000 Twitter followers! He got lots of special treats and a mega-extended playtime to celebrate all the fun friends we've made along the way. 🤗
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I'm sorry for lobbing a message like this at you and then disappearing for days. It's been a hell of a week! We are safe and our world has stabilized. I'm rudderless as always, but I am once again moved by your generosity and swift action! I love you all very much.
Milkman and I need to find a place to move on a very urgent basis. If you’re in central Indiana and have a spare room I could rent for a month or a shelter situation to recommend, please reach out! Thanks so much.
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We are operating under a "no small joys refused" policy over here at HQ and this evening it dawned on me that little man has seized his opportunity to turn Churu tubes from an occasional treat into a Full-blown Lifestyle.™
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I made it past the hour, through the day. If you'll indulge me in one more post about this tough year, I'd love to share my mom’s last gift to me: this gorgeous hand-knitted city skyline blanket. It's massive! 40"x52". Impossible to capture in photographs. But breathtaking.
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Forever trying to find my way without you—missing you extra deeply today. Thanks for how you loved us, pretty lady. ♥︎
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Milkman and I need to find a place to move on a very urgent basis. If you’re in central Indiana and have a spare room I could rent for a month or a shelter situation to recommend, please reach out! Thanks so much.
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I am absurdly proud of this tiny little watercolor painting. It took about four simple steps and I watched the brief tutorial video 100 times, but my silly little art projects are the closest I’ve come to feeling connected to anything in a very long time and I am grateful.
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Today I have been remembering Handsome Gus—the first cat who came into my home and saved my life. Human selfishness (an ex) took him from me, but in time I am learning that I get to hold on forever to what Gus gave. I hope you're thriving out there, my beloved little prince!
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I stand firm in my belief that Shut the Hell Your Mouth is the best tweet we have ever gotten and most likely the best we ever will get. Thank you,
@bennywormcat
!!!
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Depression is a MOTHERFUCKER. To anyone who has lost themselves in it, or lost someone to it, or had someone they love walk out on them because that person was tired of dealing with it—You are strong and the world needs you. We fight together. (🧵👇)
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If anybody needs a bubble blower that looks exactly like
@milkmanthecat
, Target has you covered! I don't need it myself. I DON'T need it. I do not need it. Myself!! (repeat x 1,000) I don't need it, but maybe you do! 😘
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I was soooo ashamed that people I know IRL might think I was a loser. Then life got tougher and went off the rails, nearly every single person I know IRL vanished, and cat friends all over the world still show up for me in most every way imaginable. The gratitude I feel...
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When my mom died, people said "she'll visit you, you'll know she's there!" It's been 153 days and I'm ready whenever...
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Depression's greatest trick is making us feel completely isolated, like we are just lazy or broken or bad. I need anyone who sees this to know you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are worthy of a full, meaningful life. I love you.
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It's selfish to ask for one more thing when she already gave me the world, but: I have endless free time and the same address as before. And Milkman can walk on a leash now! Swing by, sis. Please. Even just for a MINUTE. 😪
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She finished this masterpiece for my 40th birthday, arthritic hands and all. She never presented it to me because I was too sad about leaving the city. My father gifted it to me after she was gone—I will cherish it forever. How lucky am I? And how loved. Miss you, pretty lady. ❤️
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She told my dad it was the toughest thing she ever made with her own hands. And her creative output over a lifetime is tough to comprehend! She made so many beautiful things. She made the world so much more beautiful!
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I wrote ~500 words (3,000 characters) in twitter threads across two accounts tonight. And while I can guarantee the people who follow me aren't THRILLED, the takeaway is: I wrote 500 words! As a writer who can't/won't write these days, I'm celebrating it as a breakthrough. ✨😘
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When I'm extra lost or lonely or can't seem to find my mom anywhere, I have my few little places I go. The most sacred of these is the parking lot of the shelter where we met Milkman. She has yet to show up there in the way I dream of, but she’s always there. Y’know?
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one of the upsides of my little insomnia streak is the opportunity to observe new shapes
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You guuuuuuuuys, I can’t get over this birthday card from my niece. She’s the best! 🥰
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I err on the side of thinking cats are smarter than we give them credit for, and I tend to bristle at the "one brain cell" bit, so I'm not THRILLED to be asking this, but...what do I do to keep my sweet cat from frantically attempting to slurp up watercolor paint? 🫢😔🎨
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Please reach out if you need resources or an ear to listen or funny cat videos or ANYTHING that can help. My DMs are a judgment-free zone and are always open. 💕
Thank you for your time and attention.
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Big day over here! Milkman has always wanted something to climb (that isn't a TV or forbidden bookshelf) and I've always wanted my own coupon code (even though I'll never have a podcast) and today...dreams came true for both of us!
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This series was a cute little mess that reminds us God created the English language so he could hear Kim Cattrall speak it.
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I know I’m a broken record and even when this isn’t text it’s subtext, but…I miss my mom.
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🗣️ We are finally moving out of the Eternal Army Crawl, y'all!!! And we can get his ‘spacesuit’ on without any flinching. Feeling proud of both of us this morning lol
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This is the weekend that marks one year since The Dreaded Thing. I'm trying so hard to be gentle with myself and escape into my little toys and let the people in my life help hold me up for just a tiny while longer. Telling myself I'm lucky to have a loss to feel so severely. 🫶
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I am reading (with Milkman's assistance)
@jamiattenberg
's "I Came All This Way to Meet You", and it is reminding me what memoir is capable of. Damn.
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Friends! Holy smokes! I knew WiFi had star quality, but I never expected this to reach as far as it did. 😳
There’s a million reasons this isn’t the right time for Milkman to get a sibling (yet!), but sweet little baby WiFi found a home—thank you all for your huge hearts! 💕
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Merry Christmas, pretty lady. I am so lost without you! Thank you for always being in my corner.
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HOW STRANGE would it be to get plucked from your hiding spot in the corner and taken to a house where you are—without any training!—suddenly a fulltime triage nurse, grief counselor, life coach, co-choreographer, and squeeze-toy?? No say in the matter. Give this boy a day off!
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In the toughest moments of my life,
@maryajango
has put food in my belly and a roof over my head. In all my brightest moments, she's there by my side. Happy Birthday to the kindest, most caring person I know! 🎈🎉
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Been down-and-out about pride and feeling kinda sorry for myself as a result. So I’m just making stuff until it passes: a few gay pokemon coloring pages, a long list of things I appreciate about my sister, an effort to open the fancy coloring book that has long intimidated me. 🤷🏻♂️
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Having a non-disneyfied understanding of our pets is what’s best for the animals, but…I would swear on my LIFE that Milkman is intentional about doing things that make me laugh. All the time!
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Queen of tone, queen of timbre, queen of diction, queen of line reads, queen of looking good in whatever Pat Fields puts her in—may we all make language sound so lovely. 😍
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Depression can be sooooo embarrassing, but sometimes you can impress yourself with the adaptability of it all. I just folded three loads of laundry while laying on my side!!
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Sometimes you make a thing and you're loving it and you're deep in the groove and then all the sudden, you just...paint the central figure red. For some reason? And you don't like it one bit. But it is what it is—so you try to learn something from it. 🙄
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To those of you who live with The Heaviness—in any of its various forms—I know how exhausted you might be. Today I am wishing for you a sense of lightness. Reprieve. Relief. Find power in continuing to move, make peace with allowing others to help. 💕
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I'm always weepy for SOME reason, but being weepy about feeling very, very loved is a nice kind of cry. 😌 I’m sorry for all the trouble I cause.
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Insomnia thought: my sister and her husband were kind enough to let me stay in their basement when I got dumped, and I was so sad I barely came upstairs for 6 weeks. These days, I can't imagine anything I'd love more than getting to interact with my niece and nephew every day. 😭
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Missing ‘em all today, deeply. Missing my mom. Missing my ex. Missing people I haven’t even met yet. So I’m just putting my big ‘ole head down and making more mediocre art and probably self-soothing with some sort of cheesebread. One way or another!
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Two whole years since the dude I loved woke me up to tell me he'd be taking the cat and keeping the furniture and that would be all. After a decade of thinking about someone every two minutes and getting antsy if I was away from him for two days—two years feels like…something.
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Highlighted passage:
“Grief can be forever. We are taught to seek closure in this country, we are encouraged to move on quickly. We are judged, possibly, for not getting over things fast enough. But grief can be for your whole life."
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...save me, jellycat ginger plush.
jellycat ginger plush, save me...
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My niece and nephew are just the world’s best, kindest little people. They are at Disney World this week, and every single photo looks like they are going to explode with joy, and the whole thing makes me so happy. 🥰
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For years now, I wake up most every day and say THIS IS THE DAY I'm gonna be alive again. A real, human person!! Then I try very hard, but somewhere between like 2pm and dusk, it becomes clear that Alive-Again Day will most likely have to be tomorrow or a little beyond it. 🫤
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This evening marks my attempted return to a beloved pastime (the humble jigsaw puzzle) since I had the procedure where they tethered this lovable little orange tyrant to my body. 🐈 Here's hoping he will curl up and rest and let me while away the hours in peace LMAAAAAAAOOO
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Seeking treatment is not weakness. Saying you need help is not failure. It is HARD, and it is BRAVE. Especially because treatment itself, even when it works, is rarely easy, fast, or affordable.
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I’ve made my Apple obsession known, but be honest: have you ever seen a more perfect living being in your LIFE?! If you have, I’d like to see it.
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I should've asked
you questions.
I should've asked
you how to be.
❤️🧡💛🥲💚💙💜
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Learn from my mistakes: do NOT go into LEGO® spaces on the internet and casually mention that you sometimes superglue two pieces of a build together if they are prone to coming apart. I assumed brick-ily autonomy. I was wrong. 😳 I will do better!!!
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There’s fierce lightning and thunder here today, and I’m thinking about how my mom was INTENSELY afraid of storms (and not much else). None of us had any idea until a couple years ago—she hid it her whole mothering life so she wouldn’t pass the fear on to us.
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is my throat sore from covid or is my throat sore from being home alone for a few days and singing through Kelly Clarkson’s catalog almost EXACTLY like she sings it??
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I spent 6 pretty pleasant years without social media (~2 of them while quarintined) and I think I’ve been making up for it with all these posts the past few days. To everyone who hasn’t left yet, I love u and I promise I’ll be done soon! 😘😘
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@sewistwrites
As someone who is currently moving through the coming-unglued stages of losing my mom, I have learned the absolute most powerful thing anyone can do for me is to respect my stated boundaries. And repay them in kind!
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If you live with depression or other mental health issues, PLEASE tell yourself your life is worth fighting for, even if you can't believe it right now. If you've never experienced it, please educate yourself on how you can help. Strengthen your empathy muscles every single day.
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When all else fails, there is a specific type of joy you can eke out of seeing a person get all lit up about a thing they really love. It’s like you can borrow a bit of their joy without them losing any of it.
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I was deeeep in The Pit, then I remembered the library! I escaped for a bit and grabbed too many books and now I have to relearn how to read something that doesn’t plug in to the wall. 😳
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When they start giving me the “she’s in a better place” speech
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I can’t stop laughing that my brilliant friend Fritz found a way to opt out of veterinary x-rays… 🤣
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I'm thankful for Aaron Dessner, and my silly little songs I can play over and over and over, and library books, and my sister, and this beautiful rainbow my sister saw, and pain meds, and internet friends, and coloring pages, and my talkative, needy little nuisance of a cat. 🩵🌈
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I was born preterm with infant jaundice and, as a sickly, bright-orange baby, a stuffed Garfield was my first toy. 😭
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Lying awake, once again. And once again thinking about the sleeeeeepy Squirtle I met at the store. Save me, sleepy Squirtle!!!
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Day 6 of quarantine and the cat has filed a petition to unionize.
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Depression and its consequences claim more lives each year than war, murder, and natural disasters combined. It is a public health crisis. It affects someone you love. It demands empathy and a deepened understanding from all of us.
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He reminds me of this every day!
Rebmemer this todaye: some times the Best love is the love you , give your. Self !!
(cw: video contains some flickering animation)
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I am fine. Or, I will be. I have people who love me, and a family that breaks their backs to give me the care I need. I'm sharing this not because I want help or sympathy, but because I feel compelled to share my own struggle to help others in any possible way I can.
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I live with treatment-resistant depression. In spite of countless different prescription treatments and therapies, a supportive family, a heart that LONGS to experience the fullness of life, my own brain tells me every day that I no longer want to be alive.
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I've launched a house-wide initiative called Card of the Day!®, where I pull a
#pokemon
card and show it to my dad and tell him all about it and he lovingly pretends to care and we all leave happy. Can't recommend this enough!!!
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Today, by every metric, feels intensely like a Shut the Hell your Mouth day. Am I right?!
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Well, in terms of adjustments, ADHD ➝ AuDHD sure isn’t too many new letters!
ㅤ
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She took Sunday off from being my motivator/nurse practitioner/protector/rizz coach/docent through the Bravoverse/emergency mom just so she could host a super thoughtful day for me. It was lovely to feel so alive! Xx
(Also… adventures and peace? Yes, please!!!)
Happy birthday to the very best brother.
@colefarrell
I hope today is filled with happiness and the year ahead brings new beginnings, adventures and peace. Love you LB.
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One of my party tricks is being able to recite from memory the opening sentence of each of the 10 novels Toni Morrison published throughout her lifetime—in case you were wondering why I don't get invited to many parties. 😜
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Be more curious than judgmental and you’ll be amazed at what can happen!
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For the longest time, I couldn't stomach seeing his picture. I am grateful to slowly reconnect with memories of him. That instead of a painful, forever forgetting, I may be able to find a fuzzy, fleecy little nest bed in the corner of my heart where he can curl up and stay.
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I knew so precious little about caring for cats when I applied to adopt Handsome Gus in 2019. I am by no means an expert (yet!), but I am PROUD of my expertise. All I want in life is to meet every cat in the whole world, and help a few if I can. Baby Gus will always be the first.
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Happy Trans Day of Visibility! May you feel seen and respected and loved and nourished and safe and free! 🏳️⚧️
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This face. Are you kidding me? Look at this face! 😭
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We’ve had a rough couple nights managing my dad’s blood sugar. I can now spread peanut butter on crackers with my eyes closed. The cat is catch-and-kicking a fast food gift card he found…somewhere? Telling myself I’m gonna pitch one hell of a sitcom someday!!!
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From Natl Inst of Mental Health: 50.9% of people with mood disorders receive "some kind of treatment"; only 19.6% receive care that is "minimally adequate." 25 MILLION Americans suffer from depression each year.
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You gotta ignore the mistakes (sry for the browline and 5 o'clock shadow, Charizard!), but between lessons from my niece and some consistent practice, my coloring skills are improving! I’m embarrassingly proud of that Blastoise lol
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to the people who teach slow-moving, friendly art tutorials without conveying the notion you have to go out and buy a bunch of stuff to be happy: i love you immensely.
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maaaan, things were going SO WELL until I got to kitty herself. don’t look at the cat! we are learning. 😌
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I am gonna make good on what he sparked in me. Somehow. But today, I'm grateful to connect with him, even if it's only in my camera roll.
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Got rescued by my amazing family again and again. Adopted a cat that can't be taken from me and never leaves my side. Gained a little, lost a lot. Not quite a throwaway, I guess—maybe just a wash. Thinking I'm gonna aim to do it a little differently this next time around.
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