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Clare  Lavery Profile
Clare Lavery

@clerotto

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Creative writer, trainer, lecturer; Culture, Language, Linguistic rights & feminist research French & Italian speaker

UK
Joined May 2013
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Look back on the distance travelled Appreciate each rocky path & unploughed field Remember the effort to get to this view Keep a special place in your heart For those who walked with you Their constance & loyal support are treasures
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Stage one in basic training of the judiciary
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Did she cry too much? Did she not cry enough? The performance of trauma Damned if you cry Damned if you don’t cry Women's emotions are still used against them – especially when they speak their truth | Glamour UK
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
@RebeccaCNReid @FernRiddell So it’s not our “imagination “? So we are not “borderline”? So we have not “misunderstood “? So we know our own minds after all So we have not “misread the signs”? So we are excellent managers of our own lives after all
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
As always a simple poetic response manages to distill layers of harm. Our Catholic community “You don’t wash your dirty linen in public” or “I panni sporchi” in Italy Silencing harms #vawg #SocialJustice #HumanRights #childprotection #TuamBabies #motherandbabyhomes #motherblame
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Women & children have had to manage their own safety for decades. Imagine the mental terror of not being able to trust the police. Thanks Mel B & ⁦ @womensaid ⁩ Mel B: I wouldn't call police over domestic abuse - BBC News
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
DARVO Role reversal is a key tactic of manipulating individuals If the individual is a good actor they can convince those around them, including friends & family members that they have been wronged These techniques are terrifying & damaging tactics
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
It’s not OK if children find the courage to speak out about their abuse only to find that defence barristers transform into witchfinders & destroy their mothers to discredit their testimony #ItsNotOk to do that to children
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Australian study confirms that women are not only impoverished by family violence, but perpetrators are enriched by it as women leave behind property & assets. Not a “separate issue”, as targeted attempts to damage employment & economic stability continue
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
A good country by country summary How societies treat women and children is the true reflection of their social health — and the behaviour of justice systems provides the legal framework to these values.” — Grant Wyeth, The Best Interests of the Abuser
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
How language is used to discriminate #sociolinguistics #Discrimination #Gender
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 months
@McGlynnClare Prepare to be amazed. Turin was pre-medieval. They also don't like women who answer back. You are supposed to do 'deferential'. I did some writing on it years ago. The stories of women. Like visiting a parallel universe. I call it the 'trenches of justice', like Dante
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
6 months
@davidgmandel Absolutely one of my bug bears David The conditions & the context for disclosure are always survivor driven & if it's been bad for a long time they have to climb over a mountain of fear & consequences to tell someone
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
“The victim of abuse is never responsible for the abuse” says The commissioner for Domestic Abuse But how often do we inadvertently hold them responsible? Hidden in the stories we read or hear is the blaming tone Recognise it & stop it
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
The Voice of the Child Statistics show it takes years for a person to disclose childhood sexual abuse. Some find courage in mid life. Some never speak of it. For the fewer brave children who dare to speak up? Too often their voices are dismissed 👇👇👇
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Heartbreaking Enough to break a heart Weaponising a woman’s work against her is a known tactic of abusive men. My partner used my creativity & textbook writing to imply that I had a “vivid imagination “ How Sharon Stone says she lost custody of her son
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
Essential unpacking by an expert police trainer The man is calm & presents well The woman is crying “too much”, apologising for annoying him He’s keen for officers to think she’s unbalanced He’s locked her out The officers are not asking the right questions She’s now dead
@realcrimeprofil
Real Crime Profile
3 years
Our special Ep #332 Gabby Petito: Deconstructing the Body Cam Footage. On August 12, 2021, Gabrielle Petito & Brian Laundrie were pulled over outside of Moab, Utah. The police officer, whose body cam was on, initially stopped their van for speeding 1/6
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
A sterling day for Women’s Rights with an incredible UK result for @DrProudman in a marital rape case & the tenacious @louisetickle able to publish the MP’s name. In Italy the champion of Women’s Rights @lauraboldrini awards Human Rights journalist @luisabetti for her tenacity
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Told by the Family Court “You don’t look like a victim “ So what does #EconomicAbuse look like for someone like me? Access to Wi-Fi at home? Having money for lunch even though you’re a professional? Having access to a car disrupted? Survivors speaking at @EIDAorg
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Food for thought on gendered us of kindness Marelle Sturrock's Murderer Is Described As 'Kind' & 'Gentle' – We Must Stop Eulogising Violent Men In this Way | Glamour UK
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Indicators support far better data collection is needed to understand this picture 👇👇 Financial stability & housing are closely linked. How does home loss impact? ⁦Women who suffer domestic abuse fare much worse financially after separation: new data
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@janetbutlermale Let this be a lesson! If you find yourself with a sulker, run a mile (I did) Great photo Janet. Love that you made the most of it.💐💃💐💃🇮🇹
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
My partner created a storyline of parental alienation in Italy to hide a whole host of stuff. He said in his character assassination, as part of the grand narrative, “Clare is difficult to contain “ The UK disagreed I’m having difficulty containing myself today. Send cake 🍰🙏
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Change makes people uncomfortable
@DrProudman
Dr Charlotte Proudman
1 year
As a female barrister advocating on behalf of victims of male violence, I've faced misogyny & threats from barristers. From being called a c*** to attempts to disbar me, they've thrown dozens of complaints my way. I won't be silenced. I am speaking up to advocate for change 🪡
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
A Manager said to me “This is a workplace, don’t refer to Domestic abuse” In an unrelated context old absences directly related to dealing with serious events were resurrected as “unacceptable” “a pattern” I was required to justify them & apologise 100% 👇
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Let’s remind ourselves tomorrow in black & white just what ladies had to do to get the rights we all take for granted 💜🤍💚💜🤍💚💜 #IWD23 #GiornataMondialedelleDonne
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
This sums up Evan Stark’s recent study of the dynamics of #coercivecontrol with children as a weapon “The terrible thing is that when you have children & love them very much, the abuse can be perpetuated through them. To protect them, I have kept quiet”
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
In Italy one woman is killed every 3 days The toll this Summer has been high 🇮🇹 #chiamateloFemicidio Femicidio: Violence against women in Italy | Women's Rights | Al Jazeera
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 months
'Training should be mandatory' for social workers dealing with coercive control Particularly as coercive control is a risk marker for child abuse Join the dots. Its about 'ownership of women & children' as Objects
@SheraFamily
SHERA Research Group: Health Law Rights Support ©
2 months
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
@DrEmmaKatz Stanley Cohen’s work on ‘States of Denial’ helped my understanding of bystander behaviour (he applies his theories to Domestic Abuse reception,betrayal trauma in organisations & war crimes/genocides. Not a comfort per se but helps you survive the blast so to speak. Seeing systems
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
‘Control over money is a form of power and, in many cases, an integral part of the abusive dynamic. It must also be an integral part of the solution.’ Opinion | Why do women stay with their abusers? Money is one overlooked reason. - The Washington Post
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Psychologists & Judges in the dock Alsalem’s critique of “the failure of child custody processes to use child sensitive approaches that focus on the best interests of the child “ Urgent reforms needed to protect women and children says UN expert | OHCHR
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
8 months
What progress! When we were calling for this 10 yrs ago it fell on deaf ears “wild ideas” just went mainstream along with the thousands of other women’s suggestions & their excellent research & activism Yes it’s terrorism Yes it’s organised
@Channel4News
Channel 4 News
8 months
"There are a lot of men who are a threat to women and children." Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley says in order to effectively tackle violence against women and girls - the police requires the same resources used to deal with terrorism and organised crime.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
I suppose you could say that Domestic Abuse survivors are like canaries are to coal mines. Canaries, like survivors of abuse or toxic homes, are more sensitive than normal to toxic cultures. They spot them sooner. Lived experience is their inner radar
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
I'm watching "One in six women experience economic abuse by a partner, new report finds" Invisible crimes that the police sideline Very much part of coercive & controlling behaviour via @ITVX
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 months
@drrachelhewitt @suecramptonhill This will resonate with all those who have experienced coercive control & post separation abuse. There are some who can’t let you walk away civilly. Good piece Rachel
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
This post separation abuse wheel is part of ⁦ @jennski_27 ⁩ Phd research into #economicabuse . I’ve just sent it to a friend. Take a highlighter pen & colour every line of your experience Keep it & show it to people dealing with your case It’s a reminder You’re on this
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
So are you living with a man that uses Chanel moisturiser, buys top brands, weekends in luxury hotels whilst his partner & children are left without food, using budget products, begging him for money for school books? All the police see is the big house & a posh suit @SEAresource
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@LucyGoBag True for whole of Europe. Old friend in the Alps sent me WhatsApp saying she’s going to take in Ukrainians. The area has already been a humanitarian corridor for refugees. Syrians & Afghans have settled. Yes, but it’s an area where NGOs reported 75% disappearance rate of minors
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
The Human Rights abuse: Coercive control Excellent article from @aernstvi & Evan Stark Described as a 'form of hostage taking' that limits action & agency How to deliver more justice requires a new approach via @FR_Conversation
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
The UN Rapporteur reports on use of ‘parental alienation’ in custody cases. The report draws on cases from multiple countries & is available in 6 languages 👇👇 This is a global trend & not just concerned with English speaking countries A/HRC/53/36
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
6 months
@davidgmandel Found that in education students who are upset make “coded” disclosures about a whole range of concerns. Picking up on that as a guidance tutor is important & handling it sensitively, as you describe, is key to supportive practices
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@beth_kitson The blindness of self justification
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
5 years
@JeanHatchet Although I am rather ashamed to admit that The parish priest calls you to his house to let me know he disapproves of going to police about "private Family matters" Then refuses me communion on altar at my daughter's first communion Ashamed for the Catholic church, not of myself
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 months
@louisetickle Disjoint Cognitive dissonance Call it what it is Make it make sense I lay on the kitchen floor for 24 hours when I read our draft judgement. I think I took to new levels the phrase “heart cried out” We now need to have accountability for such malpractice to stop going on
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 months
@hansummers Think of the numbers of women who didn’t report because they knew the playbook & it would increase the chances of losing custody to an abuser. The Moral distortion is system induced torture for women & children
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
I support 100% this campaign & the work of @BarnettAdrienne & @DrProudman in this regard. My abusive ex partner was not awarded contact & this made a substantial difference to my children's future.
@Right2Equality
Right to Equality
1 year
✨ Excited to be launching a new campaign at Right to Equality to end the presumption of contact and remove parental responsibility from parents! Stay up to date with our campaign, events to come soon. 🥳
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
5 years
@JeanHatchet This is the indirect harm of village mentality. The village stops inviting your kids to playdates or birthdays. The cruelty is quite a blow.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
#LanguageMatters Intentionally homeless It’s no victim’s choice to become homeless It’s a perpetrator’s choice to make the home too dangerous to live in There’s nothing intentional about fleeing home in search of safety Paradigm shift needed in training
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
‘Subconscious’ bias is hiding in the questions of judges, police or other professionals & “ experts “ Before narratives are crafted Before line of argument is drawn The line of questioning both steers & reveals the bias of questioner (Fricker 2007)
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
“A stable, affordable and quality home is everything – it’s the bedrock to education, work and good health.” The good work of Penny Neate Domestic Abuse Affordable housing Humanity
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
A year again with this lesson on a loop
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
I have known this with my bones I have known this with my heart And I wouldn’t change a thing
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
7 months
The renowned theorist & academic Prof. Evan Stark died last weekend. His last seminar was as generous & interesting online in January. He came to Durham twice & was a significant influence on practice & policy, impacting justice systems & legislation.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
Toxic workplace cultures & bias. Systems need reform Call in the plumbers & mechanics ⁦ @SaraNAhmed ⁩ ? Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
9 months
“The Family Courts is a highly traumatising experience … abusers will try to paint their victims as abusers… We seek to ensure only qualified experts in the courts“ Baroness Newlove House of Lords
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
We had to give up our home twice. We were dividing our time between our family home in the Alps & a Georgian farmhouse in the UK near his work.When his behaviour escalated we left UK but he portrayed me to Italian “expert “as mad.We then left Italy to seek help from the Uk police
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
The DON’T DO it strategy isn’t working The DON’T SAY It strategy is a gag The DON’T MENTION the scars, the lies, the money, the house ….. This DON’T DO it = His Master’s House & His Master’s rules New toolbox? Thanks for efforts ⁦ @BarnettAdrienne ⁩ ⁦ @SheraFamily
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
“I have to be like an actress & pretend threats are funny” The courtroom skills victims have to learn to be safe Imagine having to acquire such skills knowing your 6 year old’s safety depends on it? All to fit with reactions of an untrained judge? #VAWC
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
9 months
To fully understand the seriousness of unregulated “experts” imagine that in months leading up to this murder, Donna had left with the kids & the expert evaluation for the Family Court found her fear irrational & diagnosed her as paranoid/BPD because he presented as “nice guy”
@JMoncktonSmith
Prof Jane Monckton Smith OBE
9 months
Sample chapter from In Control
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
10 months
@damien_page We are in the age of 'The Apprentice' It's all performance, selfies, make-overs, brands & leap frogging at the expense of others whilst saying you are a "team player" Vaccuous That is bound to discourage more thoughtful & innovative people. Loudness is equated with knowledge
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@JMoncktonSmith @DrJessTaylor My partner said both his exs were unstable Both left & cut contact He continued contact with their mothers long after they refused contact He tried to contact my mother by phone & by letter during FamilyCourt He declared to the judge that he “had a special relationship with” her
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Self medication with cake is the preferred option This is an Italian lemon cake I baked for Merenda The cake also brings joy to others It is eaten in company & brings people around the table Isn’t that the best medicine for all traumas & disappointments? To see the warmth
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
8 months
Damning report on the State of the UK treatment of women & children. Released preliminary findings from last week’s #UN visit ⁦⁦⁦ @UNSRVAW ⁩ Entrenched patriarchy Misogyny No time to lose as UK declares violence against women “national threat”
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@HRAtkinson1 A heartwarming story. Just boxing up belongings to move & can’t take everything but one of the most precious things we keep & pass on are photo albums. I’m always trying to give my grown children some digital copies of old photos. In a fire many would rescue photos
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
It’s tonight ⁦ @ForumBooks ⁩ ⁦ @homewith4indies ⁩ Matt Haig For all you pomegranates, pineapples, passion fruits & persimmons
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@DrEmmaKatz @MENDFamilyCourt Mothers bear the brunt of these faulty systems. Mother blame is embedded in our cultures but never more so than in these Alice in Wonderland courts. “Off with her head” If you can keep your head through that process you’re not a survivor, you’re a warrior
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Useful article @EIDAorg @CCChatMagazine on coercive control in workplaces. Toxic workplaces may be doubly toxic for survivors of coercive relationships in the home. A revisiting A haunting This should be an important part of HR & Management training
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
We are taking a closer look at framing women as hysterics Well it’s about time the realities are exposed & men think twice before trying to silence women with claims of ‘histrionic’ disorder. 👇👇👇 @DrJessTaylor @concettaperot @Purna_Sen @NataliePage31 @centreWJ @CRiVADurham
@luisabetti
DonnexDiritti
2 years
A mother who has not seen her daughter for 10 years because she has been diagnosed with a histrionic disorder: the effects of Parental Alienation. Inquiry by @La27ora @Corriere and traslate by #donnexdiritti for International Women web journal ⬇️
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
It’s well documented that women face huge hurdles in getting support to leave abusive relationships Minimisation by services Ostracism by friends & family Silenced by police & courts Those are unbearable injustices because they are denial of respect
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
“We’re Not Allowed to Have Experienced Trauma. We’re Not Allowed to Go through the Grieving Process” The trail of collateral damage left behind child sexual abusers includes an “ambiguous loss” that is “indefinite “ Hidden harms with very little support
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Good news to wake up to on a Saturday morning @ForumBooks ‘Things are definitely opening up’: the rise of older female writers
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
@SophieRunning A reporting fail, a twisting of narrative from all angles. The journalist displays a thought process similar to the false reasoning behind Family Court narratives. Both consider potential consequences to offenders as sufficient excuse to downplay harms to their close ones.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
6 years
@hannahfearn Having had 3 peaceful home births in the Alps with a trusted gentle Italian midwife to hand, there's a lot of good sense in this piece. Nothing beats the calm of your own room, a bowl of minestrone when needed & time to get to know your baby. Ditch the blow dry & clothes. Bravo.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
9 months
Building pyramids with paper cups in ‘team building’ won’t fix structural inequalities or toxic cliques in workplaces. The control & grooming tactics of workplace bullies are similar to child abusers & cults Work ‘wellness’ programmes? Not a solution
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Morning toast to the hundreds of strong women in this country who contributed to raising awareness of post separation coercive & controlling behaviour. A hearty hurrah! For the amendments to the Serious Crime legislation Take a sip of Lady Grey tea 💐🌼🌻🌸💐🌼🌸🌻
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
It’s not about the money It isn’t about the house It’s not about the locks It’s control ⁦ @SEAresource ⁩ ⁦ @nicolajanesharp ⁩ ⁦ @DrEmmaKatz ⁩ ⁦ @SafeandTogether ⁩ ⁦ @SheraFamily
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
@JMoncktonSmith It matters. This week’s intervention of @DrEmmaKatz @profjoanmeier @SheraFamily looking at the impacts on health of extreme control & Family Court abuse also includes voices of many fearful mothers who got away & said ‘I thought he would eventually kill me & get away with it’
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
How can judges work out that the court process has been called to bully someone? If they have no up to date training on spotting control in relationships? Abusers use hearings to maintain power & control when they see their power slipping away How can the Judge spot this? #DABill
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
@AnnOlivarius Thanks for sharing this. When my feminist lawyer asked a newly appointed police psychologist her opinion at the start of our case with them, she replied “Well the Father presents well but the Mother cries too much” It was the most shocking summary of profound bias
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Shame dies when stories are told in safe places
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
5 months
@DrEmmaKatz Thank you dear Emma. So well put. Akin to: Victim: Can somebody get some super bolt cutters & remove that ball & chain he put round my neck!!!? Society: Oooooh You're a big girl now, Can't you get the chain off yourself dear with your nail file?
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
11 months
The handling of investigations of violence against women & children needs urgent attention The failings of forces create safety risks & change lives We had dealings with 3 forces & they all damaged TRUST #16Days Durham Constabulary apologises to victim
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
4 years
Independent panel of judges announced to head tribunal examining discrimination against women via @davidhencke
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
#LanguageMatters Many have abundant evidence of this & understanding of cases has helped in the development of this framework. This will protect more abused children & their loving mothers. It’s also a protection against mother blaming With immense gratitude & hope for future
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
#LanguageMatters #WordsMakeWorlds Narrative framing is crucial to perceptions of crime #MediaAccountability 👇👇
@MichaelGLFlood
Professor Michael Flood
2 years
How the media represent men’s murders of women influences how they are perceived. When the crime was labeled as “love killing” rather than a “murder”, male readers in particular saw the male perpetrator more as a loving person and had higher levels of victim-blaming.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
New Finnish study highlights post separation economic abuse patterns Damage to property Withholding share in property Employment sabotage
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
I stood on this beach with this view 15 yrs ago. Just arrived from Italy, no home, no money & no job. I began again & fought for my kids & a new life. Today I opened an email that will force us to begin again. Look at the sea We can begin Everything we need is inside
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
@David_Challen @MailOnline Not surprised. When men physically, psychologically & sexually harm their children the state often thinks like a tabloid way & looks to their mothers to blame. So little Little daughter was harmed because Mummy was good at her job? We’ve seen this played out globally Enough
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
1 year
Calls in Ireland for inquiry into how mothers & children are treated in Family Law cases. Recent criticism highlights failures of due process resulting from use of ‘parental alienation’ in cases
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
3 years
@DrJessTaylor @SkyNews So right. It’s down to the Language used in the research.
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
2 years
Solvitur ambulando (Latin) It is solved by walking
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@clerotto
Clare Lavery
7 months
@DrProudman Excellent work. Good to see defamation of mothers held to account because far too much of this type of manipulation has been allowed into proceedings & minimised to the detriment of safety or due process. The premise that 'if you throw enough mud, some of it will stick' must stop
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