claire stewart
@clastee
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senior comms @wshed . I do other things too. breast cancer (stage 3 grade 3) class of 2023 🎲 all views my own.
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hi friends,
in a sub optimal start to 2023, I have primary breast cancer.
I’ve written the long version here but in short:
I require the full shebang: chemo, surgery, radiotherapy, hormone treatment.
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yesterday I had an ultrasound I’ve been waiting for since December to rule out a return of my cancer. it’s all clear 😮💨 today I could make a teeny tiny ridiculous pony tail with my hair. onwards! 🌺
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I sat in this same chair in February 2023 to get my head shaved after my first chemo 🥴
today I’m here waiting for my first post cancer haircut 😭 I could burst!!
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this international women’s day I want to give a shout out to my all-female surgical team, who removed the cancer in both breast and lymph nodes 🙏 thank you. first pic pre op, other pic hiiiiiigh as hell post op
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one year ago today 😢
deep in chemo. one eyelash clinging on. really struggling.
things really do change. I promise. hang on in there 🤍
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we need a fucking cure.
breast cancer is the 2nd leading cause of cancer death in women.
you might not think it will happen to you.
1 in 8 of us get it.
I am in remission but will constantly look over my shoulder. I know my future is uncertain.
donate to metastatic research now.
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last year I was in the depths of chemotherapy during allotment planning season. I wept watching Luke plant the seeds. seasonal things are hard for me and I thought I wouldn’t be here to see things grow the following year.
I was wrong. I spent a happy day planting seeds today 🌱
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💔 Kate made so many of us feel less alone. I truly thought she would have more time. my heart hurts for her loved ones. stage 4 needs more - please, we need a cure 🙏
If you’re reading this, it means I have died. But do not cry for me. I have lived my life on my own terms, the way I have wanted to. I joined X because I needed an outlet, what I got was so much more. You made me feel validated in my feelings and much less alone. Thank you ❤️
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it’s been a really rough few days post last chemo. I was told by survivors it would be difficult emotionally but didn’t quite understand how tricky it would be.
got peripheral neuropathy now too, so I keep dropping things and tripping. hope it’s not permanent.
bleh.
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my heart hurts from the news about Kris Hallenga.
she did so much for the breast cancer community. she really LIVED her 15 years with stage 4 BC.
when I got my own (wrong) stage 4 diagnosis, I reached out to her and she was incredible. she picked me up.
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hey hey everyone the lump in my right tit that’s trying to kill me has reduced in size by half 🙂
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first day back at work 🥹😭
watershed, and particularly my amazing team, have been incredible.
I am lost for words and need to have a long lie down now 🩵
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adopted these cuties today 😭
please say hi to ginger male Maní (Spanish for peanut) and black female Esper (the Spanish for hope is esperanza so have shortened it!)
🤍🤍🤍
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@baddestmamajama
I gained 37lbs over cancer treatment. I’m now in a medical menopause as it was an Estrogen fed cancer and hooo boy, trying to lose weight in menopause is…. impossible?! I don’t know what to do. wahhh. anyway, at least I’m alive lolol
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🔔 end of active treatment! 🔔
3 Jan: diagnosis
17 Feb - 30 June: dose dense chemotherapy
19 July: surgery
12 Oct - 9 Nov: radiotherapy
THANK YOU all 🩶🩶🩶
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one year in remission 💕
post surgery 19 July 2023 - 19 July 2024
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nearly three weeks with these cuties 💕
on their adoption papers it says “age: baby” 🥹
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@lingerie_addict
it’s just another way of blaming women (like myself) for their own breast cancer. boils my blood.
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@offbeatorbit
the admin of death takes a different kind of energy. it’s hard and painful. very relieved you have good friends around you, plus it’s so easy to forget to eat. hope your meals with them are soothing 💕
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went to buy a box of
@lovepippin_uk
doughnuts for my nurses today. when the person behind me heard it was my last chemo she paid for it all 😭 thank you so much angel! I hope you see this. had a small cry around the corner. people are so kind. thank you 💕
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home now from surgery ✌️
apparently when I came to in theatre I questioned why the hell all these strangers were in my bedroom 😆
feeling 😵💫 but so glad it’s done. thank you everyone for all of your well wishes it means so much.
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was pissed off my radiotherapy tattoos would be my first tattoos so I got in there first ✌️
@ThanksCancer
🎗️
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folks who have had breast surgery / rads: have you ever felt any kind of “fluttering” in the area your cancer was? I’ve started to get this, like a bird shaking its wings (honestly!), and am terrified. only finished rads a month ago
@ThanksCancer
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in bed feeling the feels after my last chemo.
I HAVE to believe I’ll never do that again. it’s so hard. I’m scared I’ll see that chemo ward in my future but I try to squish that fear under hope.
thank you to my 🌻🌼 lovelies for surprising me today & all who have messaged me 💛
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hair growth! three weeks ago vs now. I know to people who haven’t been through chemo this doesn’t look like loads but to me it’s a HUGE DEAL
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breast surgeries on Wednesday. getting wires inserted tomorrow. so today is the last day my body is as it always has been, and that’s sad. cancer is the gift that keeps on taking away for sure.
I’ve been insisting to everyone that I’m not scared but I am quietly terrified 😥
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may have had a small cry putting this up. what a year. merry merry etc etc.
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THANK YOU for all the delightful 40th birthday wishes! 🥰 we had a perfect day pottering around Pensford before the most idyllic stay/meal at The Pig near Bath. thank you so much to everyone who helped make this happen x
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I can finally say “my chemotherapy ends next week” 🤯
I am beyond exhausted. the fatigue that rest cannot budge and mental distress is unlike anything I have ever experienced. this is only the end of the first marathon. but I’m here.
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I am 40 today 🩵
celebrating by getting my ovaries suppressed this morning! you gotta try it! (don’t worry more fun things incoming)
getting older is a privilege.
all love x
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wearing my dad’s boiler suit to decorate the bedroom. not sure he would ever have imagined me in this in my current state with this hairy man in Bristol but I like to thing he’d be proud of me 💙
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new Olympic sport: read seriously out of date journal articles about breast cancer treatment and prognosis, scare yourself shitless, then see how far you can throw your phone across the room 👍
@ThanksCancer
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@RE_McGEE
I feel the same. 50/50 chance of being here in 10 years and although I have found a great community I want to keep it small. every death and recurrence crushes my heart. but I have to try not to run away and “protect” myself. this is life in all of its brutality and sadness 🤍
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oncologist asked me “trick or treat?”
I said this building has had more than enough tricks… treats all round!
@ThanksCancer
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big news: my hair is starting to grow back! check out this lustrous growth! (zoom closer 😆)
because Taxol chemo is more “gentle” (ermm still poison but less toxic than previous chemo) some people get growth before end of treatment.
looking forward to growing my tonsure.
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have applied to adopt this lil dude. Bruno. keep your fingers crossed for us 🤍
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we both cried and held hands and I looked into her eyes and I saw, and felt, hope. she gave me her number and said she would be there for me whenever I needed it.
💕💕 thank you universe. thank you Mary, this woman who appeared at the right time and the right place.
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I did the Bath half marathon today for
@CR_UK
. 13K in, I met my hairdresser Noel (L), he had finished but ran the rest of the way with me. Eddie (81) was struggling so we called the medics but in the end we took him by each arm & walked with him until just before the finish line
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head shave today. kept some (less than pictured) on top so I could get used to the idea. when this starts to fall out I’ll shave it all off and then will be completely bald. but I’ll deal with that later.
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THANK YOU for your incredibly kind donations & lush words, it really means so much.
heatwave + chemo + early menopause is, I gotta tell you, uncomfortable, but I did it cos of your support.
I’ll be thanking everyone individually but just have to have more of a wee lie down x
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some days I truly don’t think I have a future.
was my first evening alone for a long while yesterday and I sobbed and sobbed on the phone to my brother.
the fear and grief with this disease is breathtaking sometimes. I’m so tired and sad.
anyway. at least I had a mince pie.
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got a date for my surgery 😵💫 it’s all very real. I mean the chemo and hair loss and menopause and ovarian suppression and blood tests and what not are all “real” but the surgery is when the cancer (the bits they can see at least) gets evicted from my body, hopefully for good 🤞
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thank you for all the messages and love 💞
my brother made it down from Scotland for the bell as well as my best friends and Luke. I look like I’m laughing for some reason in that video, ha. emotional doing it in front of a waiting room of people too. oh boy.
🔔 end of active treatment! 🔔
3 Jan: diagnosis
17 Feb - 30 June: dose dense chemotherapy
19 July: surgery
12 Oct - 9 Nov: radiotherapy
THANK YOU all 🩶🩶🩶
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a massive thank you to everyone who continues to show up for me 🧡 I’ve had a terrible few days. radiotherapist yesterday had to take me into a side room so I could cry it out. the team at BHOC are so sweet. thanks to them and my support network 🩵
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THANK YOU to everyone who has congratulated us! we are so very happy. I’m sorry if we haven’t responded to you individually, this post got over 2.7K likes for some reason! all our love ❤️
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a guy at my gym who hasn’t seen me since treatment began said “I know lots of people who have died of cancer!” chirpily after I explained what was what.
all you can do it take a quick breath. it’s pretty common this reaction actually and I understand it. panic.
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✅ chemo 1 of 16/17 done.
home now with the armloads of drugs and injections and mouthwashes they give you.
check your boobs / pecs / chest, folks!
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last chemo earrings from Lauren and Thomas 🧡💜 can’t wait to wear these next week!
PS I’ve been very slow to reply to messages, chemo fatigue kicking my ass. if you sent me one thank you so much, I appreciate it, I’ll reply soon 😘
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happy birthday to me. here’s to the last year of my 30s 😵💫 my mum had a 19 year old (me) at this age?! wild times. pizza then trash tv then an early night, ha.
HBD to my birthday twins lil kim, yul brynner and richie sambora from bon jovi.
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today I said to a pal “I’m going to assume I’m ok unless I’m told otherwise” and HOO BOY this seemingly simple statement is PROGRESS my friends!! not sure how long it’s going to last but let’s roll with it shall we?!
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my incredible brother and a small crew of his friends are doing the three peaks challenge (Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon in 24 hours!) for me 🥹 TODAY! they have been training for months.
if you’d like to donate to support them the link is here:
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celebrating 13 years together by eating back garden pizzeria pizza in, uhhh, our back garden 🍕❤️
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my dear friends Hollie & Paul made me a chemo countdown calendar (starting from 20 weeks counting down) with some durational FACTS.
I love it! (I love Zelda hence the background)
I’ll share the digital versions as the weeks go on 🗡️
Week 20 (almost 2 weeks ago):
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I did it! Without stopping! Wearing black clothes with a thermal layer in the sun was a MISTAKE and it was not pleasant but I made it. I have raised £630 for
@SARSAS_uk
- THANK YOU everyone! 😘
Last time I’m posting this fundraising link!
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we had such a brilliant time
@FWFilmFestival
last year being guests of the festival. it made me forget about my cancer.
we are so grateful still (thank you!) so, obviously, I bought a pass IMMEDIATELY when they went on sale today. go buy one now!
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a survivor pal recommended having a different friend sit with me at chemo each week. great advice. I was lucky: the hospital only started accepting guests again after Covid in Jan.
thank you to everyone who sat with me, it was truly a privilege spending time with you. all love.
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saw potential wedding venue today!
@Circomedia
is so fab. friendly, flexible, creative, FUN and rooted in their community. we loved it. hope we can make it happen🤞
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I’m so happy the Watershed comments board is back but so sad I haven’t been involved in bringing it to new life because of this stupid disease 😞
I set up the test board for Antichrist and the permanent one on the old site on the stairs and I LOVED walking by it every day 💕
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😭😭❤️
my hairdresser Noel is running the London half marathon today dressed as a whoopee cushion to raise £ for
@PennyBrohnUK
! Noel shaved my head pre chemo (first pics) and made it a positive and empowering experience.
please donate!
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heard the news about the Princess of Wales immediately before I met a dear friend who is in remission. it took us 22 years to reconnect but we did, unfortunately through this disease. all my love to everyone who is going through cancer, patient, thriver, carer or otherwise.
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in 199-?? during a school art class in we were asked to design a logo for our area. unbeknownst to all of us the free child labour was to be used on the local signage. anyway, my design was selected and it’s still there today! Luke insisted on a pic. graphic design is my passion.
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I’m receiving some free counselling with BUPA via Macmillan.
spoke to my therapist for the first time today - she just happens to be an 18 year survivor of breast cancer 😭 she got it at 37 and was told she’d be lucky to survive 5 years. in yer face cancer!
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I finish active treatment on Wednesday 😵💫
I’ve been in treatment since February. it’s been a long, brutal slog. but my final radiotherapy session is on Wednesday afternoon.
then I “just” have to take various drugs for 10 or so years and, errrr, hope all the treatment works 🤷🏻♀️
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this week continues to be 🤯 lady working security at Inverness airport stopped me and said “I was where you’re at 5 years ago”. breast cancer too. she wrote a book. she gave me her Cancer Card. more hugs, tears.
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let’s hear it for my GP who both increased my anti depressant to the maximum dose AND told me “can I just say you have a great shaped head” 👏😎
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hey! I wasn’t going to fundraise for my race for life 10K cos didn’t think I could hack the emotional labour but you know, I’m training during fucking chemotherapy and it’s for cancer research so I think it deserves a couple of posts! 🎀
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yesterday I started a new chemo (Taxol) which means I no longer have to do some of the things I had to with the previous chemo (EC).
no more dexamethasone (steroid anti-sickness) or filgrastim injections (to prevent low neutrophils). I could give back my sharps bin! felt good.
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@sproutness
chemo # 16/16 ✅
special guest: Luke 😍
picc line: out
end of chemo 😭🩷😭🩷
/END OF THREAD
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I truly didn’t know the extent of fear until now. I am frightened beyond belief.
I feel like I am in a glass box that separates me from my loved ones: we are together but apart. I will never be oblivious or carefree again. It’s grief, for sure.
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well it was an absolute shit show getting here (thanks baggage handling system in Bristol breaking down), and Luke is very sick, but we got here, miraculously. fingers crossed he feels better soon and can enjoy this beautiful place.
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big time blues 😞
feels like everyone is out living their best lives and I’m slowly fading away. I don’t know who I am anymore or what life I have to go “back” to when the time comes.
this isn’t getting easier. so fed up.
someone discover a cure already. that would be great.
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when I was single, I wouldn’t really think twice about asking ~romantic interests~ on a date...
but asking people you want to be FRIENDS with to coffee/a drink/lunch?! holy moly why is it so hard? it’s like being in school but even WORSE. I’m thirty-friggin-six years old.
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going to hospital for important results soon 😬 mother in law has sent me pics of “back up Mary and St Theresa” so surely all going to be ok. all the blessings behind me! keep yer fingers and toes crossed for me folks x
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haemoglobin levels low yesterday. not so much I needed a transfusion but enough to comment on. so was made this ENORMOUS iron-filled meal this eve topped with a mountain of leafy greens, hospital won’t know what’s hit them next week, ha!
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if you see me in person today, please just look past the particularly crazy chemo growth hair, I left all my styling stuff at home! 🤪 x
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