Chinọnso Nzeh
@chinonso_nzeh
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writer. editor: @cneditorials @blackboyreview. prose reader: @thebeavermag. LL.B (in view). winner: isele nonfiction prize ‘23. open to commissions. work below:
Writer
Joined May 2021
How do I explain that I was jealous of the girl who wore glasses in pry school, lied I had issues with my eyes, went to doctor, faked blurry sight when he pointed at letters, started using glasses, was too heavy for me but had to endure, then developed THE ACTUAL EYE PROBLEM.
been wearing glasses since primary 4, no I’m not okay.
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Stanley E., you and your family members will always be great. Best birthday in primary school. From Nursery 2 to Primary 5, very consistent😭.
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While having Greek gods off, I hope you people have the same energy for people with zero knowledge about African ontology and cosmology.
If you were never exposed to the Odyssey, either via books or even the popular movie “The Odyssey”, then I’m afraid to break it to you but your parents were pretty much uncultured.
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My only pain about the whole “27 on the 27th” is that this did not cross my mind when I turned 11 on the 11th and I cannot do it again. That shit low key hurts me😭.
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To be held on the face and stared into very deeply and kissed vigorously. Want that. Need That.
Breaking my silence:.
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Bare minimum btw🥹.
I’ll always admire men that follow their wives to antenatal clinic. He now knows everything about the pregnancy >>>> .Like sir you know how many IPT she has taken and when she took them?🥹😍🤭.
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In all of this, remember that we learned how to spell antimonopologeographicationalism 🫵🏾.
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I WON THE ISELE PRIZE FOR NONFICTION😭. MOMMY AND DADDY COME AND SEE!!!!
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Me when the SS3 Maths teacher starts speaking past 11:30.
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Read. Please, read literature. Read novels and memoirs and essays and short stories and poetry. They will embellish your life. See, language does something to the soul. Stories give us hope, help us empathize. Allow literature to trickle inside you. It's survival, too.
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One day last year, I was thinking of a way to surprise my parents. Did chores at midnight. Made the house in order. I defrosted the soup around 12 am, put it on the gas, and mistakenly slept off. Woke up to my parents screaming my name and billows of smoke😭. Around 6am.
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So, so grateful for literature, man. Your life go dey scatter but you go just pick book read forget your problems, or if you no forget, you'll immerse yourself in other people's stories. Cool stuff.
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My parents are calling me now and I'm crying. They are telling me congrats and I'm crying. I'm crying because this winning essay is so important to me. I don't want to ever lose my parents. But I will. And I'm crying.
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This period thing reminded me of the time that a pad company came to my secondary school and gave the girls sanitary pads and told them to hide it and call it American bread if the boys saw it so they wouldn't laugh at them. The culture of shame is crazy and should stop.
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I think you should drink water and breathe. This tweet is weird. A baby can say, “Doggy.” The problem is not the toddler; it's you.
I don't understand .A 1 year old child and his first set of words are, 'Mama' 'Dada' and 'Doggy'. Where did the child learn the word doggy from ?.
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Bought amala from this very rude woman. She was so rude that it hurt. But, eating the amala rn, no way I’d be nice with that skill. Next time if she look me bad eye, I go say eshey ma.
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Jessica, it wasn't your fault, but still, you will crumble😭.
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This Grace na foolish girl. She know wetin she dey do with this post. The comment section is so ugly.
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Out of context: did anyone ever have that life-threatening experience of fish bone choking you so terribly? And a morsel of eba was an antidote?😭 That's why I'm so scared of fish, and if I eat out, I ask if the meat is boneless or I'm not buying.
I wanna know what meal traumatized you as a kid?.
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Grace, go and ask them. Or you send them a DM on Instagram. We don't know.
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Idk, man. I think the realest couple were Annanias and Sapphira. But that's just me.
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Cooked this Afang soup yesterday, got praise from family, but I was so full I couldn't eat it yesterday. Today, I ate it, and I'm yet reminded of god’s perfect will for me: a stay-at-home trophy writer husband.
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The funny thing about beauty standards is that when I was much younger, I hated how fat my lips were. So fat and red (they're even less red now). My classmates used to insult me for it. It's remarkably startling how, now, it's one of the things people who have met me compliment.
Full lips go crazy.
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Self-help na just “suggestions and vibes.” Self-help is someone telling you to navigate the world how they see it. It can be helpful. Or not. But fiction allows you to immerse yourself in the stories of people, leaving you to ponder deeply on how you can see the world.
Too many people out here reading self-help books, and not enough people reading fiction.
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My brain every second: . I go pierce my nose .Then Tattoo my body .After that I go lock my hair .Take advice from nobody .Make friends with the bad guys.Say bye bye to decency . 😭😭🖐🏾.
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If people spend chronic time on social media, what makes you think that 200 books a year is implausible? Daily scrolling and immersing can amount to 300 pages. If you were raised with books nearly as integral as food and oxygen, it’s possible. It’s 2025 soon; wrap that convo rq.
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Am I a really obedient child, or are my desires and aspirations just coincidentally staying in alignment with my parents?. In this essay, I will-.
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Enough. I sell forms.
Join cult or join LGBTQ community?.
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“Any small thing, misogyny. Any small thing, homophobic.”. That's the point. Bigotry is not always overt; it needn't be violent before it kills. Most times, it's muted; it's casual, and it's in this subtlety the danger lies. It is cancerous. It is, in fact, the root of it all.
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I walk into my room, drained from today’s lectures. I sling my bag on the hanger, slump on my bed, and open my phone; my mail is the first thing I check. An acceptance email for a CNF I wrote in late January. I can't wait for you people to read this one 🥺.
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You're a very stupid adult if you're texting teenagers btw. Very very stupid.
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Because having little to no knowledge about Urashi or Anansa or Sango while writing dissertations on Greek mythology is wild ngl.
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The funny thing is that if it were the mother who cheated, the stupid takes I’m seeing in the CS won’t exist. You people will say anything to justify male uselessness. People are saying it’s a couple affair; the children should not interfere? Do you know the trauma of finding-.
These kids checked their Dad's Phone, found messages between him & another woman cheating on their mom, confronted him as they displayed the messages for everyone to read in the living room. This is a Ugandan Family in USA.
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I'm a writer. Of course, I will romanticize each relationship I get into (and write about them).
I’m a writer. Of course I talk to myself.
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I bite my nephew when he bites me.
What's the most childish thing you still do?.
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You know the funny thing (and also fucking sad thing) about this tweet? Most people KNOW that it is a lie, but because agenda must agend, and because they dislike Reni for that tweet, they’ll contribute to the engagement.
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'May you never lose your wonder' might seem like a cliche affirmation until you truly begin to dey lose am.
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Maybe I'm not man enough for the “male friendship jokes/bants”🥹. Wtf do you mean by your father died and your friends made a joke.
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Same. And it's not just birthdays. I want to buy books and other gifts for my friends randomly.
God please give me money so I can spoil my friends. Let me stop using epistle to disturb them every year😭😭🙏🏾.
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I love dancing (in private) a lot. My favourite locomotive activity aside from running, even though so I'm terrible at it.
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It reflects poorly on your background that saying what is right when it comes to a woman must seem like a sort of request for sex. This line is sooooo cliché and tired. Try something else. And bold of you to think that- (nvm🙊).
@chinonso_nzeh Hustling for crumbs of pussy?.
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Even if Emeka Ike comes out and says he's sorry and in the wrong, these men will not back down. They want him to be vindicated like mad.
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I don't know why people cringe at food combinations. Food did not fall from the sky. As time went by, human beings came together in different groups and said, “This should be great.” It’s all about trial and error. It's not an abomination.
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No, I'm not ghosting you. Yes, you have to double-text me sometimes or send a reminder because I'm forgetful.
Neurodivergence 101:.
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“I wan buy white for school, I dey go check for designers. Olorun maje! God forbid! YABA! I go enter Yaba go pack all the white shirts.”🫵🏾.
White shirt 18k, asin short sleeve white shirt oo.Ah!!.
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This is a terribly whataboutist thing to do: insert the struggles of private uni students when it was about public schools having hiked fees. Yes, you pay millions, struggle even; it doesn't erase the fact that 25k to 140k is unbearable for some people. This one isn't about you.
You guys finding issues with this tweet are actually daft and I’m not even sorry. Someone is thinking about how his and his parents lives would be much easier if fees were lesser and you’re playing the “my problems are bigger than yours card”. No wonder you’re where you are.
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Money.
what's that one thing you want before the end of this new week? tweet into existence.
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“You can't out-feminist me” is such a condescendingly weird thing to say as a man to a woman 😭.
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There's something about writers who grew up in Enugu or stayed there at some point, especially Nsukka. Their writings are just too beautiful.
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Imagine how much happier people will be if we don't impede them into a box. Today is Saturday, and I'm sure today, some queer people got heterosexually married because of societal pressure. This could have been them.
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God will punish the people that made me feel ugly in secondary school. Fuck 🥹.
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Please, if you read a writer’s work and you loved it, send them an email or comment on it. These things move us when we are at our lowest. It makes us want to be better. When I read beaming reviews, I always want to become better; to grow in my craft. Biko.
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I'm a simple babe. When I'm sad, I go to Reni’s page to re-read the comeback quote tweets she gave those men😭.
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Do you want a submissive stay-at-home husband who cooks and cleans and writes decent prose/stories? Hit me up. Unilag is very unserious.
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“Buts it’s you and you can’t know the difference. So I’m sure we all get it.” There’s a certain kind of entitlement firmly braided in your bullying. What does your statement even mean? Who do you think you are?.
Ore there’s discipline and there’s abuse. Statistics has shown that parental abuse occurs when your mum or dad ends up with another person. Buts it’s you and you can’t know the difference. So I’m sure we all get it.
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No one is talking about how these sets of men doing the arresting are the core patronisers of sex workers.
“Don’t cover your face” — Delta state government exposes ‘Ashewo’ Quarters in Sapele, recovers ill!cit items
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When we say queer lives matter, this is it. Even in their death, there's no full respect accorded. Who the fuck is behind Instablog? And the comment section? Queerphobia is so disgusting.
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Omg I thought it was egg sauce 😭.
My first non-family social event attendance in Lagos in a very long time. I have said I will go out more in 2024.
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Dollar is 1200. But “let us be gay,” which was contextually used, is the problem? Okay nau.
JUST IN: Reps ask FG to ban Queen Primer textbook, say it contains ‘sexual perversions’ | TheCable
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Tiny brag: I still have a lot more but my shelf can only contain this😭.
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Stop killing women. Stop killing women. Stop killing women. Stop killing women.
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Women have really suffered, man. I do not understand what it feels like to negotiate my fullness every day with oppressors. This is so painful. A large number of men are so wicked and whataboutist; it hurts!.
Chimamanda's brand of feminism isn't extreme. At least, she understands certain things about marriage that most of these woke women don't. However, one woman I forever respect is Buchi Emecheta. She knew her place. Even her writing reflected it. Know your place as a woman.
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Oh? I did it again. Do editors spy on my tweets?😭 Happy birthday to me and my forthcoming essay wtf.
The funny thing is this: on my birthday last year, I got an acceptance mail. Today again, it happened. Beautiful coincidence fr🥹. And I've been eyeing this mag for a while🥹.
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Law students/Lawyers are acc really funny and I'm so serious.
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Yes. And this is why I'm learning, however slowly, to not send anybody’s daddy, because this life is mine, and all my time has to be well-spent and *truly* lived.
Our time on this earth is so brief. We might as well be brave.
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Nawa ouh. Some people dem too do ouh.
We Believers need to be very careful about jumping on trends. Yesterday, I found out the source of the ‘very demure’ trend is a trans person. Guess what?? Due to the popularity of it, this person has made a lot of earnings, which would be used to finance his full transition.
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I love midnights so much. I love the quiet in my room, the muted swirling of the fan whirring cool air, and the washed-out creaking from outside that amps up the beauty of midnight. I love to read and write at midnight. The world is serene; I'm at peace.
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“Search me, O God,.And know my heart today;.Try me, O Savior,.Know my thoughts, I pray. See if there be.Some wicked way in me;.Cleanse me from every sin.And set me free.”.
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I loathe that thing people do in the comment section under tweets exposing cases of sexual assaults. “Cook.” “I dey first row for the gist.”. You are a grown fool, and you should desist.
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🤭
Writers that know they are fine should indulge me with photos 🫠. Do it! 👀.
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The number of people that have tagged me here. Okay okay I'm breaking my silence. He's my brother. He chose not to answer Nzeh 😌.
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Defs being bullied for being effeminate. But I remember taking the boys in my class to the toilet to “show them my prick” because they did not believe I was a man. So I wanted to “prove it.”.
What’s the wildest experience you had in school ??.
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December said, “Wait, I got good news for you.” I've been staring at my mail for minutes 😭😭❤️.
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I need you people to leave queer couples alone. I beg you. At this point, you don't have to like what they do (they don't GAF btw), just leave them alone. Piling on a queer couple’s me and mine photos and wishing them dead or a short-lived relationship is so foolish. You are mad.
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I'm curious; how does one “join” LGBTQ?.
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I hate when the bolt driver’s car scratches or the engine scratches the floor 😭. The awkward silence that follows. The concealed rage he feels. I'm sorry sir I didn't mean for this to happen 😭.
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