internet fairy
@chelseachavis
Followers
2,576
Following
256
Media
4,779
Statuses
65,834
facedown in a dark room but make it endearing
whisps of a failed poached egg
Joined April 2009
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It’s nice that people think that I need to be saved because I’m a sex worker but I just got $800 for pretending to fuck a dude in the butt for an hour and a half but mostly I just hit him in the face and pinched his nipples really hard. Now I am home eating graham crackers.
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Dear women: if you don’t want to go to the strip club with your boyfriend, grow a fucking backbone and refuse to go rather than going and being mean to all the women who are working to pay their bills and care for their children. You are a piece of shit.
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My 7 inch stripper shoes are basically portable squatty potties and this makes the strip club a great place to poop.
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Make sure to always make disgusted faces at old men who stare at you. No one ever told them it was rude.
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If you are a man and you refuse to get therapy but seek the restful bosom of a woman’s free emotional labor you are a buffoon.
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Men are not pigs. Pigs are thoughtful and in touch with their emotions.
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In Texas you have to be 21 for men to pay to look at your boobs but you can be 14 and give birth to your uncles child for free
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When men stare at me in public I want them to die. Every time.
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After being a stripper for 7 years I have $5,000 in floor length stripper gowns and lingerie, $3,000 in pajamas and loungewear, TWO pairs of jeans, one left sock and last but not least, $9,648 in European thrift store costume pieces.
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You know a stripper is in an abusive relationship when she suddenly becomes a waitress out of nowhere.
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Are women in general angry enough yet that we’re ready to start stabbing people yet or is that in a few years when they don’t let us own property anymore cuz I’m ready whenever....
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Men who won’t kiss you after you suck their dick are closet gays
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@stehauffrauchen
@itspapichurro
LOL I’m pretty POSITIVE they got it for themselves and just had fun “giving” it to like a 1 1/2 year old since the kid is too young to even understand what’s going on
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Mia: Something you maybe don’t know about me is I love scrapbooking
Me: *screaming at my phone & spilling my pasta* OF COURSE YOU DO YOU PURE ANGEL SOUL
@miamapless
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People think sexwork is just guys handing you money but the fact that I’ve openly offered anal to anyone who buys me the most expensive Roomba on the market proves that this is far from the truth.
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Why are men even allowed to speak to me when they’re not handing me money lol
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@sujataday
Once I was asked by a music executive to write a tv theme show song for 2 black women to sing and when I gave them my final product they asked if I could make it “more black” and I immediately quit because ?? (I think this happened 10 years ago now damn)
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You guys look at me when I was in an abusive relationship with a heroin addict 5 yrs ago verses today 😭😭😭
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I would use tinder to find a girlfriend if every girl on there wasn’t trying to find someone to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend to try and save their relationship
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“I bet tons of guys are giving you money tonight”
-three men who did not give me money
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I feel like I’m really bringing tik tok the content it needs
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Imagine your card declines at the strip club and all of a sudden the stripper stops laughing at your shit jokes. (Oh wait this is actually what I do)
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Girls Instagram caption: “I don’t gotta dance I make money move”
Me: you work at a retail store...
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Customer comes up to ME & asks me for a dance
I tell him how much it is
He says: convince me
I say “that’s ok” & return to looking at my phone & ignore him
He says: NO THANKS
🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
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Life is so unreasonable if I can’t just have sex and eat stuff most of the day why do I have to be here
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Strip clubs that are fake night clubs are the bane of my existence I like old man girlfriend experience gentlemen’s club with carpet from 1993
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I fucked my first strip club manager 5 years into dancing and I stole a kitchen knife from his Virgo ass house.
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To fix the gender bathroom problem all we have to do is have 1 that says “straight men“ & 1 that says “other” & all the straight men who are toxic & insecure would be like “OMG the straight guy bathroom that’s definitely the bathroom I’m going in” BOOM. Done.
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Why is so much of being a stripper men trying to subtly insult me and me pretending I don’t notice
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@JamesCageWhite
Must be algorithm, not personal! Don’t worry James. We support your journey to being a popular game app creator.
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Every time a strange man tells me I’m beautiful I say “I know” so that they go away. Men hate it when you already know you’re beautiful they wanted to be the only one to make you realize it. Ruin their plans by having looked in a mirror before.
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People think taking me on vacation is a nice gesture and of course it is but you literally need to give me money to go on vacation because I’m not a rich person who can just go on random vacations at your whim and miss out on thousands of dollars why is this hard to understand
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“Baby can I fuck my friends dad one time” -me in a healthy relationship
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@LauraJaneGrace
I love how everyone’s who’s very concerned about trans people playing sports have never mentioned all the violence against trans women out in broad daylight
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“If all else fails I’ll just be a stripper”
MEANWHILE, STRIPPERS BE LIKE
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Every man at the strip club wearing a polo ever: how about you pay me and I’ll give YOU a dance!
Every stripper ever:
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@KNeferhetep
There’s a lot of people who need a connection in order to enjoy sex so they cultivate that only in order to have sex with no other intentions behind it and I always refer to this as soul rape lol
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I’m not a “high functioning” autistic person. Im just an autistic person with a high ass IQ.
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Me: I don't need anti depressants I'll just exercise
Me after 2 weeks: oh look a dead tree I want to kill myself
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NAPOLEON WROTE TO HIS WIFE TWO TO THREE TIMES A DAY IN BETWEEN BATTLES AND I CANT GET A TEXT BACK FROM SOMEONE WHO EXPECTS TO FUCK MY ASS NEXT WEEK
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The more vague the spirituality the more useless. No time, no reality, a simulation, everyone is one, all of that feels nasty to me.
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Louder for the Christians shaming/abandoning/abusing teenage girls for being raped in the back
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Does everyone get nauseous when they’re sleep deprived or is this an autistic person thing
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I’m an
#ActuallyAutistic
adult who:
-went to college at 15
-sang/danced on live tv in asia
-is a traveling stripper in over 50 clubs
-has 6 pop albums
I ALSO HAVE
-meltdowns where I scream & rock
-extreme sensory sensitivities to light/sound
-misinterpret social interactions
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@apurposefulwife
@JoeMande
Is it true if you put it in the butt before marriage you still go to heaven
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I know shit is serious or I’m in danger when I hear a voice in my head say
“I gotta get outta here” but I find it very funny
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Person: if all else fails I’ll just be a stripper LOLZ
Me, an actual stripper, warming up before a shift and destroying their dreams:
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If you tell a man who wants to date you and texts you all the time that you can’t afford your phone bill so you won’t be able to text for a while and he does some thing like ask for your email address you should never and I mean ever speak to him again 😂
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WORST STRIP CLUB CUSTOMERS: THE OVER PROTECTIVE GIRLFRIEND! (oldie but goodie from my comedy Insta)
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My pig pouting after the vet came and gave him a steroid shot while he was in the car
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I just found the Instagram of girl at work who always says “haha you’re so awkward lol haha” and the entire page is basically just her shuffle dancing.
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Healthy relationships suck they’re like “let’s talk about this” and I’m like “….maybe not?”
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Attention oomfs: remember the hot vet who is out of my league I asked him out and he said yes. Please clap.
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HoW dO YoU WaLK iN tHoSe ShOeS?!?
#stripperproblems
#strippershoes
#pleasers
#stripperlife
#strippersbelike
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We are waiting in line not even talking and some french girls called us stupid sluts. I know that just means they think we’re pretty and are insecure but if only they knew how much I like anal.
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@KNeferhetep
I always have said NATURAL ailments can be cured with nature but all the manmade diseases caused by technology and poison and chemicals can hardly be helped by nature because it’s not natural.
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If you’re dealing with mental illness please study psychology, for you. Don’t just take a diagnosis and run with it for years and years on some medication. Yes yes take your meds but keep up with shit. So many people out here thinking they are BPD when they have complex PTSD etc
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Guys think: if she's a stripper she'll do anything for money
Truth: if she's a stripper she knows she deserves $$$$ just for talking to you
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I want 3 boyfriends but they are not allowed to have other girlfriends they are only allowed to serve me but they may squabble amongst themselves over silly man nonsense like playing dnd & the benefits of owning a ride on lawn mower
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@strictfp1
@kathbarbadoro
Our mental health care is very bad not everyone realizes they now have PTSD
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A really hot fireman just gave me $250 to give ME a massage with his big strong fireman hands for 20 minutes I hate my job so much
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Old white men can’t do anything right that’s why we strippers have to help them at the ATM when they don’t understand the placement of buttons compared what’s being shown to them on the screen while they’re sober and we are one and half champagne bottles in.
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In a cafe in Ireland didn’t realize my shirt was see through well well well you can take the hoe out of the club but you can’t take the club out of the hoe
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