Chelsea Mae
@chelsea_mae_33
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If you’ve ever laughed at me once, you can blame yourself for the fact that I’m doing standup now.
Joined July 2015
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It’s wild how 6 years, eliminating everything and everyone that made you miserable from your life, better lighting, and some fake eyelashes can make you look (and feel) like a completely different human.
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Maybe The Weeknd wasn’t singing about drugs when he said “I can’t feel my face when I’m with you“ and was actually referring to the wind chill in Buffalo.
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I’ll never drink again, and I think that’s really cool for me. 😎
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Nearly 5 months without a sip of alcohol and my two thoughts to share are these
1. I’ll likely never drink again
2. Being sober will clearly not stop me from doing or saying stupid shit
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A new hire told me he went home and told his wife “I knew I was at the right company when the HR lady said ‘fuck’ during our meeting.” 🙃
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My mom and my best friend both told me I’m pretty so now you get to see it too. 💇🏻♀️
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I’ve been sober for 500 days. Everyone should Venmo me $5
@chelpac333
and/or tell me they’re proud of me.
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Hit a big milestone in this whole raw doggin’ life thing. 200 days sober!
✨I haven’t had a drink in 30 days✨ I’ve been doing a lot of reading, listening, and writing about what this means to me. I hope to share with y’all at some point.
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Happy to announce I was the hottest parent at my son’s parent teacher conference
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Buffalo F*od Sl*t promoting Roost the day after they exposed themselves as being the worst has me feeling 🥴🥴🥴🥴
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Can someone lend me $725,000 so I can do something with the old Buffalo Proper?
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Meet Judy Allen. She says “Go Bills!”
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333 days sober today. 11 months tomorrow. I’m getting a sober related tattoo next week, so I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious.
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Second week on the job, and I won Sabres tickets! I like it here!!!!
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I didn’t have “wake up to your CO2 alarm going off on Christmas Eve morning and walk a block to your best friend’s house in 10 degree blizzard conditions while carrying your dog” on my 2022 bingo card, but here we are. Thankful to be warm and safe, but goddamn.
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As I was saying
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Buffalo hasn't hosted an AFC Championship Game since the season that started the year I was born. It’s me, I’m the curse.
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Never under estimate the power of a week. Last Sunday I ran in shorts and a tank top with a boy I liked and today I ran in a winter hat and gloves and his contact has been deleted.
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My boyfriend has terrible handwriting, but a beautiful heart 💞💞💞
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Tweeting about what you want in life works. I won!
I’m going to win a Sabres jersey from a raffle at work! It’s going to be so cool!!
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Here’s a second mirror selfie of the day for all of my new bot followers 🌻
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Happy Summer. Wear whatever you want this hot season, you’re all hot.
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Just your regular reminder that I really love not drinking! Have a beautiful Friday💃🏻
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Me dressed like a Prairie girl, and Slim Jim in a raincoat 🌧🥹
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This man cooked me dinner while I sat there just looking hot and petting his dog. The way it should be.
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Can everyone please clap for me for finding a boyfriend not from twitter and also is not a runner or a musician. I broke my own curse. I deserve cheer.
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I can’t believe I went on a date in April and then just didn’t stop hanging out with him and now he’s my boyfriend and we’re in love and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had and it’s super rad. 10/10 would recommend.
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I may be spending the holiday alone in covid isolation, but my kiddo is healthy and safe, I have SO MANY snacks in my house all for me, AND I’m 90 days sober today… so MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎁🎄✨
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Happy NYE y’all. ✨💕 kissing every one of you through the twitterverse at midnight.
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Death to my drinking career 🗡🥃🍊🌺 ✨ It’s almost been a full year since I had my last drink, so I treated myself to a permanent gift 🎁
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Reunited. Thanks everyone for the kind words. A lot of things have sucked this past week, but very thankful for what we have had.
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53. Both the amount of dollars I just paid to fill my gas tank, and the current temperature of my home. Also the age of my last boyfriend.
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Taylor Swift said all the girlies get some natural light shimmer today ✨🦄💜🪩
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I opened my LinkedIn app at the bar, that’s how I knew it was time to take these shiny pants home.
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This is your regular reminder that the BMI chart is trash. I’m currently considered obsese 💅🏼
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If the Sabres win tonight I’ll go back to being “hockey and hardcore”
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I fucking love running. Sorry everyone in Buffalo who couldn’t drive anywhere today because of the race, but I fucking love half marathons and want to run them until I die.
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Today’s the day I graduate to the next level of being hot… Soccer mom ⚽️💁🏻♀️.
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I haven’t bathroom selfied in a while, but I’m happy and in love and you should all be happy for me.
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Shoot your shot today, if you get denied, just hit them with a “April fools”
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Ran into my short king ex-boyfriend tonight while wearing my tall girl fall boots and as I towered over him I said “this is what it would have been like if we didn’t break up before it got cold out”
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My flag is upside down, but it doesn’t make me any less bi 💖💜💙 Happy Pride!
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I gave birth six years ago today, so I am getting myself a big big drink from Starbucks, because that was really hard and I deserve it. Also, happy birthday to my son!
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I keep my dating app range wide enough so I can match with you and your dad
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1000 days alcohol free. I was going to write some long inspirational post about it, but instead, I am going to write some jokes about it.
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Last July started with a drinking problem and a messy situationship. Going into this July with sobriety and healthy love. Big fan of this for me.
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5 likes and I’ll tweet a thread all of my dating experiences in 2022.
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Ok hear me out, what if I texted all my exes this Thanksgiving saying I’m thankful for them not loving properly because it has led me to a better, hotter version of myself.
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I’ve been on 6 dates with this dude, and y’all…I’ve never felt this way about a man…’s dog before.
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She doesn’t drink, and she’s not Irish, but she never misses a celebration. ☘️🪄🥳
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And just like that 60 days has turned into 120 days sober. 🥳🤩👸🏻
No more drunk eyes, just big goofy smiles.
Long story short// I’ve been sober for 60 days and it feels really great.
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
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