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Pinned Tweet
Nothing prepared me for the complete dumbing down of our species
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If I don't get banged at least once this summer outdoors in a sundress I'm giving up on adulting completely
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I definitely don't have daddy issues but you can fuck me like I do
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Get yourself a funny girl that also likes to have sex and watch it transform your world
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I'll fuck on the first date because if he doesn't know how to use his dick there's no reason for a second one
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My thighs are much thicker than my patience with men these days
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I'm becoming more and more unimpressed with a lot of shit as I age
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My type is a guy who has their shit together, that makes me giggle and also likes to fuck me senseless
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Need a guy who isn't afraid of death because if I sit on his face with my ass it's a real possibility
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If he doesn't want to eat your pussy like it's his last meal don't waste your time
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If you're not exclusively fucking me or paying my bills I don't care about your opinion of my life
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"You have a pretty pussy" is a top tier compliment in my world
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I'm a handful but I love hard and have a pretty mouth so pick a struggle
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There's something precious about men who aren't afraid to love
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Relationship goals include someone who is never too busy for forehead kisses or morning sex
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Guys want a horny chick till they get with one and realize that it takes some actual work on their end
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Vibrators don't talk back nor break your heart so cheers to that
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Date someone who calls just to hear your voice because they miss you
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I'm no longer negotiating who I am with others and neither should you
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I often meet people and silently wonder how the fuck they've made it through life up until this point
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I'm not above bending over in front of you mid argument to get my point across
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The more I experience humanity the less desire I have to be a part of it
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If you're not gonna eat my pussy like your life depends on it we can't be friends
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Get yourself a short sarcastic funny girl to keep your life interesting
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Men that enjoy eating pussy will definitely do that thing you like
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The people that think they "know" God better than you do are usually the worst people in your life
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My toxic trait is the ability to detach emotionally the moment I feel completely unwanted
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Not enough people get hit in the face with a shovel these days and it shows
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Some people come into your life to teach you exactly how you never want to be
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If he doesn't worship that ass what are you wasting your time for
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Cold weather is the perfect kind of weather for snugglefucking and other acts of debauchery
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The best people come into your life in the most unexpected situations and ways
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If you ever want to fall in love I suggest just setting yourself on fire instead
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If she doesn't scare the shit out of you at least a little bit, she probably isn't the one
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Bring back love letters, phone calls and face to face conversations...when we used to communicate as people
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My vibrator died and I was forced to use my hand like a Neanderthal so I don't want to hear about your problems today
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I would do just about anything naughty for a honest guy with good intentions that was just for me
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The sweetest friends in life are the ones that find you when you weren't looking
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I find you highly addictive and also extremely irritating so it must be love
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The sexiest thing a guy can do (besides knowing how to actually have good sex) is to be honest and keep his word
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Unconditional love doesn't equal unconditional tolerance of bullshit
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All you need is a few good people to have your back and all the other idiots in the world are completely irrelevant
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I'm beginning to think that none of us know what the hell we are doing
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It's your story and your life and you can change it at any time
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The dirty thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis would make most people blush
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If you're gonna make me wonder where I stand with you constantly... I'll see myself out
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Time eventually reveals how much you mean to someone regardless of what they tell you
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The nice thing about hardly ever having sex is that I'm basically a virgin again so at least I have that going for me
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Physical attraction is a bonus but a soul level connection is the real jackpot
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The word "forever" is clearly subjective and open to interpretation
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Time doesn't heal a broken heart, it only teaches us how to co-exist with the pain
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Telling me to go choke on a dick isn't the insult you think it is I assure you
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I want what I want and I'll make no apologies for trying to achieve it
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You can love and respect her and still wanna glaze her face like a donut because balance
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"Everyone will ignore you if you just play dead" is the most solid relationship advice I've given this year
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Men that help you rebuild your self-worth instead of tearing it down...I see you and appreciate you
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Apologies are best said when accompanied with any type of bakery item
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Quality over quantity is a concept that extends to personal relationships as well
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Sometimes, all you need is just one person to support and believe in you
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I'm tired of healing myself from shit I didn't deserve in the first place
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How I observe you treating others is all I need to know about you
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Kissing is one of the most intimate things you can do with another so don't waste your lips on someone who doesn't appreciate them
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