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@cachedeposits
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Following
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an intimate relationship with someone is really just a study on everything that’s wrong with you.
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there should be an app that gives you $100 every time you leave the house and go for a 3 mile walk. universal basic touch grass program.
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imagine owning a device as aesthetically pleasing as an iphone and then hiding it behind a case. embarrassing. the way you live your life in fear is embarrassing.
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it doesn’t matter how many planets are in retrograde, the problem is you ❤️.
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did everyone always “need” coffee to wake up, alcohol to wind down, and magnesium to sleep or are people just malfunctioning at an alarming pace.
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the person you reject when you’re 25 bc you think the grass is greener on the other side is probably going to be the one that got away.
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@muglersdaughter only reason this isn’t viral af is because nobody knows what dimorphism means.
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normalize age gap friendships. the youths could use wiser friends and the olds could use the company of someone who keeps them young. a win-win.
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you know you’re ugly when you sit across from a homeless man on the MTA and he doesn’t start jerking off.
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after dinner tn we spent about an hour listening to my cousin talk about how amazing his tesla is and then we all headed home (to new york, from connecticut) while this man drove 35 mins in the opposite direction to find a supercharger bc his car was dying.
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it has come to my attention that most men believe that if you like their ig story, it means you definitely want them. oh no.
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worrying about people stealing your meme is scarcity mindset. a guy like me, i can always come up with a new banger whenever i want.
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adulting is realizing you’re more like larry david than you think.
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Visa to acquire Plaid for $5.3 billion using AmEx points to completely offset the expense.
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rsvps should include “hibernating” as an option. a soft-decline meaning you’re not uninterested in the event, you’re just uninterested in going outside.
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apart from yourself i think you need one more person to have delusional confidence in you. a parent, a sibling, a childhood friend for example. success hits different when you celebrate with someone who truly believes in you and watched you become who you are.
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we laugh about boomers attending “facebook university” and “whatsapp university” but what about all the people in their 20s and 30s earning degrees from tiktok and using words like “gaslighting” and “trauma response” as if their life depends on it?.
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like this tweet if you’re happy, optimistic, and generally enthusiastic about life.
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BREAKING: President Trump has signed an executive order banning the use of music in static Instagram posts.
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maybe if i dress up as an index fund someone will finally hold me.
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normalize inviting mutuals to your wedding. we’ve literally witnessed you at your best and at your most unhinged. at your canceled, even.
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@MikeBeauvais [Ivy League school swim meet]. COACH: . KID WHO OBTAINED A FRAUDULENT SCHOLARSHIP:
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you don’t need to acquire a doctorate-level understanding of everything that happens in the world. go outside.
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“he’s so humble” no he just looks like shit.
Twitter founder and former CEO Jack Dorsey who is worth $5,7 Billion photographed in Kenya this week.
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i’ve been in buenos aires for 2 days and have lost 10 pounds eating only steak, choripán, and empanadas. something is deeply wrong with american food.
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something about the trajectory of this website is making me feel like a child of divorce.
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somewhere, a brown guy just got dumped. he’s so mad. he’s throwing his phone. and then picking it up. he’s punching a wall. he’s getting in his m3. he’s driving too fast, blasting bewafa (lo-fi), crying. life is a movie fr. then his boy calls, says bro where r u come to the hook-.
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you can just do things.
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the feminine urge to have a baby immediately after holding a baby.
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Brian Eno really hit the nail on the head . Nostalgia is a huge selling point, clearly
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how costco serves a hot dog to customers who have an executive membership. thought i’d share since you peasants wouldn’t know anything about that
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good morning to everyone, but especially to me, because it is my birthday.
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somebody ate ass and logged it as a meal on myfitnesspal. generic ass is 5 calories per serving.
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If I were President of the United States, I would first and foremost ban the use of Memoji as contact photos.
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