Pickled Brentford
@brentshizzle
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Following
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I love South Africa. I hate our government. I love my kids, I love my wife, I love animals (but not always in that order)
South Africa
Joined May 2016
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South Africa is amazing!
To vote 18 times you just need an ID and soap to wash your thumb.
But to get a mobile sim card you need to RICA with proof of residence, 234 years bank statements, 86 work references, a DNA sample and your great grandmother's approval.
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Wow! Zuma arrives at commission:
BMW X5 (1)
Audi Q7 (3)
Volvo XC90 (1)
Jeep Grand (1)
Range Rover (1)
Thats R11 fucking million rand just on his cars!!!
Plus petrol, insurance etc
WHO THE FUCK IS PAYING FOR THIS???
How much money did he steal???
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I told my father (Spain) that Zimbabwe is giving the land back, you interested?
His words (verbatim): "fuck them. They destroyed our lives for short term gain. Let them reap long term hardship. I will never trust a promise made by a black government. They screw their own people"
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This is South Africa in a nutshell.
10 staff on my project.
8 black & 2 white
Paid December salaries yesterday.
All the blacks asked "where is Christmas bonus?"
The whites asked "if we work over Christmas can we keep our jobs please?"
Call me racist. I don't care.
This is fact!!
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THIS IS SA PROBLEM:
BEE client asked me to evaluate her business (losing money).
It took me just 3 days.
*4 Directors travel 1st class!
*9 Project managers who can't write their own name (related to directors)
* 100 staff whose attitude is "you can't fire me.. I belong to union"
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My apologies to all who follow me, I am having a hard time.. as a dad.
Today I finalised the paperwork for my 2 daughters to go to a civilised country and finish their schooling.
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I LOSE MY DAUGHTERS because our country has become so crime ridden???
Aargh!!!
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To the 55 million non-white voters.
PLEASE SIT DOWN!!!
South Africa was the richest and most powerful country in Africa under Apartheid. End of story
Our COUNTRY was the richest.
Under ANC rule the black leaders are the richest and our country is fucked.
Prove me wrong!!!
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Dear SA Gov & Tito Mboweni.
You will NOT get one fuckin cent of my tax money for Eskom until you tell me where the stolen funds have gone and the Guptas/Zumas are charged.
NOT ONE CENT!
Come arrest me! My lawyer will lay charges that you are laundering my taxes to support crime!
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So South Africa juat got a R10,000,000,000 loan from IMF for covid relief.
I suggest all Porsche & Bentley dealerships start mopping floors & cleaning your cars, a lot of fat ANC thieves will be shopping soon.
Don't worry about "discount", us tax payers have to pay the loan back
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I have fought in Angola.
I have wrestled a bull.
I have even argued with my 250kg Farmer father-in-law.
BUT having 2 teenage girls and a wife (who have all synced their "moon cycles") and I am hiding in the paddock with my animals.
Wish my wife would give my testicles back.
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Here is little bit of advice to all the "ANC Freedom Fighters" who struggled in the "jungle" war of Angola while sitting in their apartments in London.
You little pansy ass bitches were not there!
I was! And my platoon fucking kicked your asses! And I never lost a man!
SADF!
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Wow... I think the ANC & their thieving looting friends better watch out, something is happening amongst the "voters"
This morning a guy wearing an ANC shirt tried to talk to our workers about the municipal elections.
He was chased right passed his fancy car and down the road!!
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Public Protector: "Did you pre-pay R600 MILLION to Guptas so they could buy a coal mine?
Yes
PP: That's ok. You are free to go
PP: Did you try and help struggling kids learn maths?
YES
PP: You thieving white corrupt piece of lackadaisical shit. You going down bitch!!!
Not my SA
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My most trusted foreman (70 years old and refuses to retire) dragged his 40 year old son in front of me and said:
"I built our house and sent you to school and university - under the white man"
"Now you 40 years old & you blaming the white man because you created nothing?"
Sad
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Now it is getting really bad!!
Every traffic light
Every stop street
Every entrance to shopping malls
Hundreds of ANC voters begging!!
The same people who will vote ANC next election.
Our country is controlled by people with an IQ lower than tree bark.
FACT!!
Prove me wrong!!
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Newest member of the family zoo.
Any name suggestions?
It's a boy
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GOOD NEWS if you white like me & going to be shafted by the ANC.
I had very nice talks with clients & suppliers yesterday.
It is exciting to find "workarounds" on cash-only dealing, discounts, tax revolt.
New white staff will all be consultants.
I will NOT give up. Family 1st
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Hello ANC. How you doin?
You got your salaries, your generators, KFC big buckets?
That's awesome.
Because client has fired another 7 staff (sole breadwinners) today. He can't even manufacture properly on stage 2, let alone stage 6.
They all vowed to kill your party!
WELL DONE!!!
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This morning I had a breakfast with a black consulting firm that landed a huge government job.
They can't do it, so need to hire me as a consultant to get project done.
WELL DONE ANC!
BEE really works!
Haha.
I guarantee their company will disappear as soon as they get paid!
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For those who are shouting "racist" on my tweets:
In 2020 I am only going to employ my own culture.
I am only going to purchase from my own culture.
I will only give business to my own culture.
This is my own attempt at independence from the ANC fucking up our country.
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I give up with African brains.
Guy I fired last year (he joined union) and went on strike for more money (was earning R850 per day).
Outside my door today, begging to work for R100 per day. He is 32 years old and has 6 (SIX) children!!
Stop fuckin breeding !!
Unions are death!
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Wow... this is why I love Capitalism and an open economy....
My cigarette supplier just called, they are willing to drop the price of my stock to beat retail prices and supply me extra cartons to make up the difference I paid!
You just gotta love the Free Market!!
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I cannot believe I have supported these pieces of shit!!
Am actually ashamed in myself for being such a fool.
@Poplak
@dailymaverick
Go Fuck Yourselves. Hope you go Broke.
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Wife and I had a serious talk tonight.
Both agreed. Will NOT be paying the bond or vehicles or equipment repayments.
When the bank phones for payment, we will ask the bank for "security of contract and ownership".
If our payments are worthless going forward.. then fuck off!
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Chains off. 160kg of pure "kiss my ass"
Followed up with 303 and Glock
Life in South Africa.
Not nice
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This is Sipho
Sipho owns a Bentley & a Porsche.
Sipho is 19 years old
Sipho is in charge of fixing traffic lights in Johannesburg.
Sipho's uncle (coincidence) is head of Public Works.
Sipho has been in dubai for 2 months
Does Sipho give a fuck it takes us 2 hours to get to work?
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AT LAST!
Client I lost 3 years ago because I refused to do BEE or give 10% or only use their BEE suppliers.
Called this morning.
"Please help me. I have been ripped off and 12 months behind schedule."
This is the story of South Africa, under the black ANC!
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QUESTION TIME:
Name ONE thing, anything, that the black ANC has built from the ground up (NOT just renamed) that is complete, functioning and serving the citizens of SA?
Toilets don't count.
After 30 years this list should be LONG!
I have a case of beers, am holding them all.
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So our SA Billionaire Intelligent president says that "poverty has a black face"!!!
NO you fuckin muppet!!
Black population has increased 400 fuckin percent!!! While the rest of us just have 2 kids, blacks have 5!!!
The face of poverty is "breeding what you can't feed"
Duh!
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Back to work this morning!
Don't tell the cops or the army or any leftist snowflakes.
As per some idiot sitting in government my job is not essential.
According to the banks, debit orders, salaries to be paid, school fees, lights & water accounts:
My work is FUCKIN ESSENTIAL!
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I just don't get it. At all.
I am a law-abiding, tax-paying, business-owning South African.
How on earth can I allow the communist ANC to just take away my rights and liberties without proper reason. It's NOT about the.chicken, it's about COMMON FRIGGIN SENSE!!
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We cannot fix or grow our country when 50 million blacks think like this...
When our president closed the country I offered my staff 2 options:
(A) 2 months salary and I close the business
(B) 50% salary and we hope and pray for 15 January.
THEY ALL TOOK Option A
Typical 70 IQ
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So Dali Mpofu from EFF says "mass murder of blacks across our land"
Is he saying that whites are responsible for 57 murders per day?
Or is he saying that blacks are killing blacks across our land?
I haven't killed or raped a single person in my life
Bet 99.9% whites agree with me
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Ok. Our country is heading for "shithole" status.
Who wants to join me?
Namibia!
I will get the best desalination systems from Israel.
Best hydroponics from USA.
We reclaim the desert!
In 6 years we will be feeding the whole of southern Africa.
In 8 years we will be exporting!
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It's ok Eskom and ANC. We really don't mind the Load Shitting.
All of us decent, non criminal, non rioting, non burning, ordinary hard working, tax paying, service paying, rates & taxes paying people really appreciate how much YOU ARE FUCKING US AND OUR BUSINESSES!
No more tax!
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A serious alert to the black ANC government!
It's very bad "on the streets", not in your mansions.
I have had to block all my ex-staff WhatsApps and texts.
"Please I beg you sir"
"My family needs"
"My children are starving"
"I will work for R100"
You voted for it, you got it !
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This is second month I have paid bond to lawyer's escrow account.
Every time bank phones me I refer to my "relationship manager" who has failed to give me "proper legal standing" on expropriation and my security of land ownership
They are getting pissed off at me
Take a Stand
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Well ain't that a humdinger.
Arrive at client and he is crying in his coffee.
How the fuck can you steal a 100KVA generator!!!
The whole thing!!
1.5 Tons!
His wife is filling in emigration papers for Mauritius as we speak.
40 people jobless
Sad state of affairs in South Africa
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When a "billionare" president with less than 30 IQ who couldn't manage a shampoo bottle tells me that my farming cannot be done between 9pm-6am
Then you know this country is being run into the ground by black fuckin idiots with no concept of building a future. Our kids are fucked
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So lets say that you have a house, and I have a house.
So I go to work and while I am gone you jump the fence, rape my kids and kill my wife.
What the fuck you think is going to happen when I get home?
I will erase you and your bloodline from the planet.
FAFO. Simple.
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Can Afriforum please help me sue my parents for having a white child.
And making me get 90% at school or I got a hiding!
And not affording my varsity fees so I had to work at a butchery every day to afford to study.
And my baldness!
And for telling me "son, shut up and work!"
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So the ANC laptop crashed?
I am an old bald decrepit techno-phobe.
My laptop crashed once, I removed hard drive, put into a case, attached to wife's laptop and ran recovery overnight.
4am next morning I had 95% files back and was working.
You FUCKIN THIEVEING LOOTING LIARS
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To all fellow South Africans, I am sorry.
Just polled 60 out of 84 staff.
100% going to vote fuckin ANC!!
I asked why? Considering corruption and service delivery etc.
Answer: "Eish, because we must."
So a person with the IQ of a tree gets the same vote as me?
SA is finished!
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Apparently a socialist billionaire president is going to speak to South Africa tonight @ 20H30 (22H67 maybe?).
Go speak to "YOUR" people, leave me out!
I wont believe a word you say.
I am doing my own thing.
I will support "my" people.
You took my liberty.
You can fuck off!
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When you tell me you will approve an order but want a R10,000 "commission" paid to your wife's account.
And you put it on a fucking email.
You deserve to get fired and prison. Dumbass!!
Or get a job with the ANC
Why so much corruption with black people?
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When someone who I did NOT vote for, but I PAY HIS SALARY, tells me what I can and cannot purchase from a shop.
Then I will do the same.
You want my tax money?
You can kiss my ass.
Why can't I buy a text-book for my kid, but I can buy a Lottery ticket??
What IQ do you have???
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All you woke liberals can kiss my ass! I just experienced the height of racism!
One of my staff wants to invest in 50 cartons of smokes. I must put up the capital, I must help with transport AND I must meet the supplier... because the supplier doesn't trust blacks!
He IS BLACK!
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My boss once told me to get to a site at 3am to sort out the shit.
It was an 800km trip.
I was so angry I burnt my house, stole my TV and threw all my garbage onto my drive-way.
In reality..
I said "yes sir" & fuckin did the job.
Something our "majority" don't seem to understand.
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So Rugby is a "white dominated sport" according to blacks in SA.
Do you agree then that soccer is a "black dominated sport"?
How many fuckin world cups has your black dominated soccer team won?
This is why you have issues! You know the truth, you need to hate white for excuses
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We arrived at our usual traffic lights going into town.
My wife counted 26 (TWENTY SIX) beggars. Not people looking for work, just standing and begging.
Was never like this 26 years ago.
We wonder what changed?
Oh, right, must be the damn white people in Orania !!!
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This morning I had to sign the termination papers with our "BEE consultant" at his little 6 bedroom shack in Steyn City.
8 (count them EIGHT) Mercs in his garages, including SLS AMG & G-Wagon.
Not bad for 31 year old whose mom rubs shoulders with our Gov elite.
I must work harder
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So this idiot says whites earn 3x more than blacks
Nobody asked me for stats
I pay my guys R168 per hour. Last month they all earned minimum R40K (with overtime)
After company bills and expenses I went home with R27K
So you talking shit!
Come speak to real people!
2020 they fired
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OK..stop the crap
So let's say I am a "settler"
Employ 64 staff
Pay for 485 social grants p/month
Pay rates & taxes (but get no service)
Donate (orphanages & SPCA)
Now let's say the blacks have owned SA for 30 years.
What have YOU built & contributed?
Just TAKE!!
Rather Settler
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Let me try that again..
Why don't black people try and prove all whites wrong..
Come on..
Improve your country, create jobs, have law and order!
You are in control of everything, so what is stopping you from showing the rest of the world how successful you can be?
You just can't
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Aaaah shit man...this is wrong.
We have a local mechanic, always helpful, joyful, full of jokes at the pub.
Will fix a tractor at 2am if needed.
Committed suicide yesterday.
People carry hurt deep, but don't show it up front.
Why didn't he ask for help?
It's not weakness.
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Bwahaahahahah!!!
So the United States acts against criminals (Guptas) before our own fuckin muppet government.
Well done Billionaire businessman SA President Cyril. You did Fuckall.
Embarrassing much??
Friggin ANC bunch of criminals yourselves!
Honour amongst thieves, right?
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Can the minister of police please contact me, want to turn myself in. Major family party last night. No masks, no distancing, lots of hugs & kisses. Brandy, beer & wine DON'T mix well.
Also my 92 year old grandmother has a message for your "Baywatch" brigade, "go fuck yourselves"
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Had beers with biggest client last night (bad news better with booze)
London shareholders will cancel my contract (in fact will cancel $30 million contracts) if Cyril says "expropriation without compensation goes ahead" and if he doesn't take action on corruption.
I'm fucked!
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I just watched a guy pull loose cigarettes out of a box with his bare hands, exchange cash with another guy (who must have been desperate and put smoke straight in his mouth)
Hey shit-for-brains Zuma and ANC... explain again how cigarette ban is halting this farce?
IQ 70 rules!
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My wife and I feel very excluded from politics and having any say in South Africa's management.
We are therefore going to burn a tractor tyre and throw some bricks in our driveway.
Hopefully neighbours will see smoke and join for a Brandy or 12.
This "rioting" shit is fun!
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R20 to the Pound
R16 to the Dollar
For fucks sake, wake up Black ANC useless government. This would have been an enormous opportunity for South Africa!
If you had crime under control we would have a BILLION tourists walking out streets spending cash like water.
But NO. Fuck it up
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Today I had to decide between paying for 5 years university fees for my daughter...
OR
Filling up a tractor with diesel so that I can feed millions of social grant takers
Fuck you ANC, you have destroyed South Africa with your stealing and IQ 70 backwards mentality
#VoetsekANC
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And here it starts!
I warned my staff... "if you join a union you will not work here"
They didn't listen.
All other staff salaries paid.
According to termination agreement I can wait until 1 second to midnight on 31st Jan to settle union staff.
AND I FUCKIN WILL !!
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How is it possible in this day and age that the black ANC + EFF + BLF supporters still believe that it is GOVERNMENT money???
IT IS NOT!!!!
It is TAXPAYER money! My money that I pay to government to fucking steal or give your grants for breeding.
Without us, you have FUCKALL!
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I had a contract, 240 staff.
After 2 months was chaos.
Fired the 8 (non white) project managers.
Called in 3 white project managers.
Cut staff down to 100.
Beat deadline by 60 days
Under budget by 12%
Face facts people!
WE GET THINGS DONE!
Without stealing!
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My bank gave me a 25 year contract.
As long as I make all payments and do not breach the "contract" then I will have property ownership.
If my farm is taken away, then surely the BANK is in breach of our contract? Now I can't have ownership.
So I can sue for BILLIONS!!
Great!
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To the ANC & EFF & your voters.... YOU ONLY HAD 1 JOB TO DO!!
Take this amazing country and make it better, build the best and greatest country in Africa and then say to everyone...
"You see! Apartheid was wrong. We have done better than the whites! We can build"
EPIC FUCKIN FAIL
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Is it just me?
Or has our youth become just a whole bunch of snowflake pansy-ass little shit-swizzle girly boys?
I had 4 broken arms and 17 different diseases before I was 6 years old. By the age of 10 I was working and had a Ford XR6.
My nephew is 32 and living with his mom!
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I am so sick and tired of these white gangs roaming our country and killing & raping black people.
And then these whites burn schools & hospitals & libraries. What is wrong with these racists?
We must ban a flag. This will stop murders of black people.
Also Toyota & DSTV sucks
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My wife is angry!
On 25th I scrounged all my cash and settled salaries, leave pay & severance pay. Staff retrenched.
Tonight the wife of union fucker (IQ 60) phoned my missus, begging for food. 5 kids.
This ANC lover vanished on 25th with his R157,000.00 payout.
This is SA!!!
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Meeting with Chinese company.
Buy raw material from SA, transport to China, process & return it to SA cheaper than I can buy from local company in Port Elizabeth.
Reason? Union strikes, productivity, Eskom costs and taxes.
Hmmm. Well done Cyril. You have ZERO idea about business.
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My boss sent me to site to "find the problem, fix it immediately and get project back on track."
R600 million deal. I worked 24/7 for 3 weeks and we came right.
Our "so-called" PRESIDENT was in charge of Eskom "war room" to fix.
DID FUCKALL !!!
And THAT is white privilege!!
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I have an idea.
Bear with me on this one.
Because the ANC (blacks) hate us whites so much, and we are to blame for everything.
PLEASE give us our own homeland. Anywhere. We don't care.
Then in 5 years see how many Schools, Universities & Hospitals we have + Security.
I dare you
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Just drove past a Porsche dealership and I began to think...
"maybe I should support Zuma for just 10 minutes"
Could do with a nice new 911 Turbo, you know, to keep the hunger at bay.
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Daughter (had hundreds of friends over) invited "gentleman caller" to meet me before possible date.
Locked all dogs up, except for her personal guard dog.
10 meters from car dog was antsy.
Dog went nuts & charged. Even attacked his car
First time ever
I trust the dog.
No date
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Well done.Socialist ANC , telling us what we can and cannot buy.
My staff were at wits end, asked me for help.
2 phone calls and they got their smokes.
All that money has gone to EFF and Mazzoti. All you have done is try be "clever", instead you have proven how stupid you are!
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I could have employed 5 people on this new project.
Unions
Expropriation
VAT
Eskom bailout
Instead I told my wife I will work 20 hours a day and do all the work myself.
No way am I giving others opportunity only to be screwed by this "non-racial" rainbow government.
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Excuse me Sir Billionaire SA president who takes all his salary (unlike a USA president who donates his)..
How many fuckin houses have you built in Alexandra township since you promised 1,000,000 houses five months ago??
Fuckall !!!
You BEE thick ass 30% big talk no action twat!
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Dear Jacob "fucknuts" Zuma.
I was sick once.
Once!
And my father beat my ass out of bed and beat my ass to school and made me write the exam.
I was 14 years old
What the fuck MAN are you that you can't face your accusers?
Come one MAN! Prove to everyone that you are innocent!
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Dear ANC
If the United States sent 3000 marines (yes just 3000) to South Africa and they targeted all the KFC outlets near our military bases..
Our defence force would be FUCKED!
I have watched first hand US Marine training. It was like our old "Recces".
Today just fat lazy fucks
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WELL DONE YOU FUCKIN IDIOT president of Shithole South Africa!!
I will NOT pay a single supplier!!
I am FIRING every single staff member (24)
You and your black IQ 70 friends have FUCKED THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
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People of Africa & Zimbabwe.
When your leader(s) go to "colonialist" hospitals because they have fucked up and looted their own country beyond repair, then tell me again how much respect they deserve for "building" great countries!
Rhodesia was awesome,
Zimbabwe is a shithole
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Does anyone else in South Africa think its time for a Coup de tat?
Round up all these ANC thieves, get them out of our lives and get our country working again??
I am getting to the stage where I either start my own army or just give up and swim to a desert island & eat bananas.
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My 2 cents:
Two years ago I took over a failing business (run by family member).
Huge debt (like SA)
No turnover (like SA)
Top heavy management (like SA)
Just before lock-down the company broke-even. BUT the decisions were hard.
How can a "billionaire" President not know this?
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So, let me get this right...
I go to my brother in law (bottle store owner)... can't sell anything.
We walk 20 meters (in same shopping centre) to my nephew's bar and we can buy brandy and beer.
Who the fuck is voting for these fuckers in government. How stupid can you be???
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So the "educated", "brilliant billionaire" president of South Africa makes a speech & LIES 3 times.
For the whole world to see.
But it's ok. He is black so facts don't matter.
Whites in SA we are in deep shit & it's getting deeper every day.
We have to come together & make a plan
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3 "persons" with no race, or gender or any religious belief tried to "occupy/expropriate" our property this afternoon
My wife released the dogs and assumed her firing position.
I am so proud!
2 warning shots and 11 boerbulls sorted the "non-race non-affirmative action"
Thank God
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I just found out why the BEE company needs me!
1. 5 year project
2. All operations as per international standards (not African shit)
3. Performance appraisals every 10 days.
4. Signatory is ACCOUNTABLE
There you have it!
They are scared of doing the actual job.
I will do it!!
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Dear Trump, I have your speech ready:
Dear ANC/EFF/SACP,
I have seen the state of your defence force, you couldn't fight a dose of the flu.
If you touch one hair of a USA citizen or touch my embassy, I will send just one Marine to fuck you up.
Now sit down and FIX YOUR COUNTRY!
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Oh shut up Zuma!!
My wife tries to kill me every day with her cooking!
But you don't see me going on national television and bitching about it!
Add chili sauce, grow a pair and fucking stop lying.
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Ex-black staff:
Tea-time, Lunch Time, Overtime, sick time, Travel time and 8 hours per day.
White staff:
If we work 24/7/365 and get the job done then we get paid.. right?
Yup!! Because then the client is happy and pays us!
SIMPLE FUCKIN ECONOMICS!
And I will give bonus!
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I park my 15 year old Hilux next to a brand new Porsche Cayenne.
20 year old gets out of Porsche (maybe 24).
I say "nice car, what do you do for a living, can you give me some tips? You obviously very successful"
Kid hurries away.
Now tell me what I should think about BEE!!
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Can I make one small suggestion President Cyril and Tito:
Split the R500 Billion on half...
R250 Billion for "our people"
R250 Billion for the cost of the inevitable Commission of Enquiry to find out in which ANC pockets the first R250 Billion went.
Prove me wrong!!
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So Toyota! MTN! What do you say now????
Has Steve Hofmeyer been in front of the Human Right's Commission? Nope!
But you found him guilty!!
Julius wants to kill white people (just not yet) and he is ok to sponsor????
You have made a big mistake with my attitude towards your brands
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Didn't Almighty President "with no balls" promise life-style audits 2 years ago?
Give the job to my wife. NOW!
She audits my phone, all the bank accounts and the cash in my pants.
She even knows how many testicles I have left (after marriage)
99% ANC would be in jail in 2 days
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Wife and I did a "test run" to see how self-isolation would work with us....
4am Morning farm drive. Good
6am Breakfast. Good
7am "so what now?"
8am First argument
9am Second argument
10am "I am going to my mother, don't call me"
11am Brandy & Coke & dogs
Isolation is GREAT!
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ANC has fucked South Africa.
I have 18 client "suburbs" loaded on the APP & have to sit for an hour every night planning trips and times around the blackouts.
Never thought I would use Excel for this type of crap.
3rd world shit hole and getting worse by the day.
#VoetsekANC2024
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IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!
Thanks to the USA, they have opened a door for my personal TAX REVOLT!
They have found sufficient evidence of "state capture". This is theft of state funds (my fuckin taxes).
By not prosecuting, the SA government is party to this theft.
My lawyer is cooking!
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What bothers me the most is that my kids' future is in the hands of communist idiots that I DID NOT vote for!
My staff are shitting, their families are shitting, my wife went from brunette to grey overnight.
And now she is asking if I am worth more dead... than alive.
More beer
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Billions in the Rescue Fund....
Ok, can anyone please show us a successful application AND the actual funds you received (don't even try to photoshop an old EFT)
Let's see how much of these Billions are looted by the ANC!
I bet 99% goes to "management costs & admin expenses"
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