Ben Leary
@benlearyy
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Pinned Tweet
imagine being an actress auditioning for the role of Reba in "Reba" and Reba McEntire walks in the casting office...those girls must have packed up then and there
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we teach our spinach to shrink itself. to make itself smaller
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miss hearing a hookup go pee and being like ok come through strong stream
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social media interns didn’t write that dumb tweet!! it was a team of 5 adults with the original tweet idea being developed in a slack channel, then pitched to executives and then workshopped in a 50+ email thread!
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I saw "Funny Girl" on Broadway and Lea Michele, who plays Funny, she gave everything
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what’s an irish version of an eiffel tower? middle seat on an aer lingus flight?
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fire island is waking up from day drinking next to a cold cut sandwich at 10pm and everyone is like “we are going to see Bootsy Galore but don’t want to, also someone has been missing for 24 hours”
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oh you know her scripts are marked the fuck up. absolutely unreadable
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boom clap / the sound of his stream / the beat goes on and on and on and on and
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my mom thinks I’m friends with jennifer coolidge because I post photos of her to my instagram stories. absolutely running with it
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“go piss girl”
- me letting a student go to the bathroom if I were a teacher
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I made a drink for my bf and he hates it because it was vodka, simple syrup, emergen-c and water
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asking a shirtless 6' 5" man built for war if I can have my sunglasses back on the dance floor
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@christress
reba looking back at the girls before she heads into the room (didn’t look at script beforehand)
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if the euphoria characters had an lgbt-focused coffee shop to hang out in, they’d probably wouldn’t get in this kind of trouble!
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tired: dating a chef who cooks you dinner
wired: dating an anesthesiologist who puts you asleep before you even need to eat dinner
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rom-com where two gays go to Istanbul for a hair transplant but the doctors mix up their hair follicles and they get each others memories via osmosis and rush to find each other in the city (wrapped in bandages which is where the humor comes in)
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today we not only celebrate those who’ve come out, but also the brave actors who risked everything to play gay onscreen 💕
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florence pugh is elle fanning for gays who’s kristen stewart is tessa thompson. she’s basically the laura dern of the gays who haven’t given maggie gyllenhaal the attention they’ve granted natalie portman
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waiting for the bottle of wine I’m getting from work in lieu of a bonus
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due to a scheduling conflict, lady gaga will be replaced by broadway powerhouse millie bobby brown as biden’s inauguration singer
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never shoulda smoked that shit now i’m at the 2:45 azealia meet and greet
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meghann fahy studied this in preparation for her white lotus finale scene
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velma “losing” her glasses every time she doesn’t want to do something
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this man on the train kept yelling “i’m gonna smash your face through the glass f*ggot deadass” and I was like uhhh but then he pointed at me and said “not you. I’m just saying in general” and I was like “ok slay”
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me in a nyquil-coma at 4:30am trapping a mouse in a pizza box and throwing it into the hallway
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there can be 100 couches in a showroom and 99 of them don't believe you
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fell to my knees. I don’t particularly care about the white lotus industrial complex, but I’m so happy she’s going to be exposed to so many people as a performer. she will be recognized and heralded for the virtuosic actress that she is. millions will watch The Leftovers. crying
Carrie Coon is reportedly in talks to star in ‘The White Lotus’ Season 3.
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when a comedy show has more than 7 performers, that’s a hostage situation
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what if we all pretend it's 2014, Girls is premiering and every sunday at 9pm we live tweet the episode and share screengrabs and memes. NO think pieces allowed!
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I’m american. I learned all my history by driving in a ford truck to every statue plaque in america and reading it, memorizing it, internalizing it!!
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I wish when I open up the Twitter app it would just be the book I’m reading
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couldn’t quite put my finger on the vibe of nicole kidman’s undoing look but have now identified it as “halloweentown lawyer”
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always upsetting when you’re talking shit about someone and mid-sentence your brain is like “this absolutely stems from a place of jealously” like shut up can I just have the night off??
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they hung this one up high so the twinks would stop stealing the posters
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when I got my first ipod I had three albums I worshipped and one album to throw off the scent
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forced to quit comedy for a few months and suddenly got a bf...definitely something to look into here
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nyc is a horny place but it’ll never top when I lived on a south african wildlife preserve with a barrel-chested ranger, a hot dad professor who’s butt I saw and a ranger named Tamzin who would off-road to chase lions
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santa’s kids would’ve gone to nyu. and you would’ve thought they were on financial aid until they went home to the north pole and started posting pics of their gumdrop mansion with their 100 elf maids like “these mf raised me 💕”
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you might think that he’s being gay, but he’s actually just british
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hi I’m willy wonka and today I’m taking you through a day in my life running a small business
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this coming an hour after ryan murphy committed $500,000. oh they hate each other
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they know every word to misery business and they'll take your lunch money for gum
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accidentally said “bonjour” during my layover in spain after 10 days in france
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my parents sent me to a camp six summers in a row where we literally just dug up dirt all day - in hopes I would identify as a top and it almost worked
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read that using your phone before bed is bad so I’ve taken to printing out 10-15 pages of twitter at work to review before sleep. to like someone’s tweet I just color it in ☺️ to retweet I draw it on a blank sheet.
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chasten: sir, may I have the night off to visit my family it will only be...ok..yeah ok never mind actually it was dumb
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liberals are like “I’ve been using my 11:11 wish to vote out trump for 4 years, what have YOU done?”
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my therapist asked what I was doing with my hands and I unfortunately had to reveal that I was playing with three broken matches, a bottle cap and a rubber band. like a child in the dust bowl
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@chunkbardey
she was the haley lu richardson of her time. a sorta kate lyn sheil for the lauren ambrose generation
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