Bec Hill
@bechillcomedian
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The one with the flipcharts. Comedian, TV presenter, author, co-host of @aproblemsquared , and all-round cool dude. She/They. Non-followers muted
London, from Adelaide
Joined July 2009
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HAPPY TRACKLIST
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JUNG HOSEOK IS BACK
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STRAY KIDS COME TO PLAY
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#السوبر_لمصالحه_الجمهور
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ソロデビュー
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Pinned Tweet
Hello! I'm Bec. I'm a comedian, writer, presenter and (sometimes) actor. I like silliness, wordplay and making flipcharts. Here is a thread of stuff I get up to. Please RT or follow if you like it! Xxx
I mishear Non Je Ne Regrette Rien...
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My translation of Edith Piaf's "Non Je Ne Regrette Rien". Catch me live near you!
#paperpuppetry
#thanksforwatching
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Interview: "What is it like being a female comedian?"
Me: "A lot like being a male comedian, but you get asked that question a lot more."
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For all the dudes who cried when BBC introduced its "minimum 1 woman per panel show" rule. Meet Dr. Michael Kimmel:
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The Danish footballer Kasper Schmeichel is receiving a lot of praise for his performance today.
Less can be said for his brother, Michael, who everyone always sounds very disappointed in.
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Welcome to Bec-a-snatch. For one day, you have 5 mins to make each decision for me. There will be a photo, followed by a poll. First one:
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DOC: It's your kids, Marty. Something gotta be done about your kids!
MARTY: What's wrong?
DOC: Your daughter's a terf and your son's an incel.
MARTY: Wha-?
DOC: ON TWITTER MARTY.
MARTY: Twi-?
DOC: THE MICRO-BLOGGING SITE!
#BackToTheFuture2018
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This one just hit 22 MILLION views on Facebook! 😱
(I need to start charging per view.)
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Sometimes I think about all the stuff I did as a child - gymnastics, swimming, kick-boxing, indoor rock-climbing, camping, dancing, drama, etc, and feel so lazy as an adult.
Then I realise I would do those things today if someone else still booked, paid, and drove me to them.
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"This IS Art Attack!" yells Neil Buchanan, throwing his arms open. The camera pulls out, above the trees, above the houses, further and further, past the stratosphere until eventually it stops, revealing Earth is the ultimate Art Attack and Neil Buchanan was God all along.
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New theory: people who use "dark mode" on their phone also do not like "the big light".
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I really wanna make another one of these. What other misheard Christmas songs should I include?
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32 years later and this still reduces me to stitches. Absolutely cracking kids TV.
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Men are taught:
- Sharing feelings is "feminine" and bad.
- Physical strength = self-worth.
- It is THEIR job to support a family.
- They are somehow "less of a man" if a wife earns more.
The patriarchy is bad for everyone.
Don't let the system win guys.
#InternationalMensDay
Men who live in the UK:
12 men each day take their own lives;
7/10 murder victims are male;
90% of rough sleepers are men;
95% of the prison population is male;
84% of suicides linked to the recession were men.
We need do to better. This is not OK.
#InternationalMensDay
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This thread is the sort of reason I never left this platform.
So about a year ago, I was putting my little guy to bed in his crib and I noticed a strange detail on the solar system poster up on his wall …
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✔ Using tablets
✔ Writing in emojis
✔ Obsessed with cats
You call them millenials.
I call them Ancient Egyptians.
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<Mario calling his Mum from jail>
MUM: Who is this?
MARIO: It's a me! Mario!
MUM: Oh! What's up sweetie?
MARIO: I am arrested!
MUM: Oh good. I slept well too.
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Apparently kids are taught this acronym in school now:
T.H.I.N.K. before you speak.
T - is it True?
H - is it Helpful?
I - is it Inspiring?
N - is it Necessary?
K - is it Kind?
I feel like I need this to pop up every time I go to post online.
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Hello! Can you please Google the phrase "Taskmaster Bec Hill"? If enough people do it, eventually my name will automatically show up whenever anyone Googles "Taskmaster" and the producers will have no choice but to book me.
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"WHY AM I SO ANXIOUS THESE DAYS?!" she pondered, while scrolling through photos of friends with better lives and listening to another podcast about horrific murders.
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If I had a pound for every time we left the EU, I'd have 89p.
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This is how I announce I've just had sex.
Falcon 9 and EchoStar 105/SES-11 went vertical last night on Pad 39A.
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My mate made me aware of this and it made my day a little happier.
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It's just a jump to the left
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This one finally hit its first million views over on Facebook! No, I do not regret anything.
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Merry Christmas to all my fellow auditory processing disorder "sufferers" xxx
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This new flipchart now has over 12 MILLION VIEWS on Facebook!
Here's Part 1 (Part 2 below).
Full vid now available on YouTube:
Come see me LIVE:
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A man just got on my train wearing a blue shirt and a red waistcoat and everyone is trying to show him their tickets.
The first few times he tried to explain he is not the conductor, but he gave up and is now just checking and nodding as he walks down the carriage.
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Full disclosure: this is the second dance. The first one, Mum didn't press record and let me dance for ages before telling me. Payback for the prank we played on her earlier. We shoulda taken her photo in front of the ship.
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Just in case you need it today, I made a gif of
@SusanCalman
running ahead of the servers to drive the toy train on
@BBCTwo
's
@GBMofficial
.
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Scarface must have been really good at knitting to earn that nickname.
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I only recently discovered that the on/off symbol (pictured) represents a 1 and a 0 - as in, binary for on/off.
Anyone got any other symbol revelations that blew their minds?
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8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN
THURSDAY 11 FEB
9PM CHANNEL 4
Here I am in Dictionary Corner having the time of my life with my little mug and crayons. No idea what happened on the show. Spent the whole time doodling. Loved every minute.
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We re-watched all of Seinfeld very quickly and last night I dreamt a new episode. It was so vivid that I immediately wrote it down after I woke up. Here it is to the best of my memory. Bear in mind, I came up with this WHILE UNCONSCIOUS....
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Got a new 20 second song for you to sing while washing your hands...
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So You Might Have Coronavirus and You've Been Quarantined
a.k.a.
Why I Had To Cancel My Gigs This Week: A Thread
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Ah yes. Pubs and bars. I've always found their clientel to be the most respectful of personal boundaries.
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Bic Hill
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ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'm...
-on The Jonathan Ross Show on XMAS EVE!
-going on tour!
-in an exhibition!
-selling books!
-coming to
@nextupcomedy
!
-sending a newsletter with details! Sign up here:
Here's David Tennant addressing my Mum after filming Jonathan Ross:
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Watch out! It's your favourite Die Hard-related Christmas song!
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Overwhelmed by the response to my spot on
#CatsDoesCountdown
tonight 🥺. Thank you so, so much! For those asking where there's more: for clips and for shows, or scroll through this 👇 thread! Again, thank you ❤❤❤
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I love Bill Nye.
Or to go by his full name, William New Years Eve.
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Staying with a friend who has a small baby. Forgot they have a dog too and freaked out when I heard incredibly fast, tiny footsteps running up the stairs.
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OTHER COMEDIANS: I'm going to write some cutting-edge topical jokes for Twitter.
ME: I made tiny donuts for my hamster so he wouldn't feel left out when I ate mine.
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INVESTOR: We like your seafood company, but it needs a new name.
ME: What's wrong with Bear's Tongue Trout Faces?
I: It doesn't sound yummy.
M: Fine. Dog's Tooth Haddock Breasts.
I:...
M: Lizard's... Butt... Cod Dicks.
I:...
ME: Bird's... Eye... Fish... Fingers.
I: Nice.
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The older I get, the more I start to believe that "giving 110%" or "going above and beyond" is a capitalist ideology created to keep people from appreciating the true value of their own time and labour.
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What's the most pirate letter?
P.
Because it looks like an "Arrrr!!" but it's missin' a leg.
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DHL rocked up with a delivery while I was accepting a parcel from DPD and I just blurted out: "Sorry! You're not supposed to know about eachother!"
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"We don't need feminism."
Gillette puts out a commercial asking men to hold other men accountable for harassment.
29,000 likes.
235,000 dislikes.
Yeah. There's no problem here.
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My husband didn't want to play German music while we ate German food. But I said to him, "HEY. If you can't Handel me at my wurst..."
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If there's one thing the The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me, it's that eating too much will one day make you beautiful.
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Like this tweet if you think these seats shouldn't be listed as window seats. I request a window seat because
@VirginTrains
make me travel sick. So when this happens, it's not only a worrying journey for me, but also potentially the person in front of/next to me.
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Despite being natural enemies, this excavator has adopted an abandoned road roller and is raising it as her own.
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<starts carefully winding the mummy costume back on to the toilet roll>
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Oh yeah, and this hit its first million views last night over on Facebook.
It's been a busy few days!!!
Every second of this video from
@BecHillComedian
is comedy GOLD! 👏😂
#TheHitList
continues tonight, 6.20pm,
@BBCOne
and
@BBCiPlayer
.
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Gonna start pronouncing "doing" the same way as "boing".
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Sure, they're cute now. But wait until there's 30-50 of them.
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Worried that instead of learning another language with Duolingo while on the toilet, I'm instead training myself to poop when I hear Japanese.
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Just asked
@standupmaths
what shape this table is and he didn't know. So I looked it up and now we can't stop laughing.
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For
#ITVPalooza
, I made this dress entirely from scraps and rubbish, in honour of Makeaway Takeaway.
(See the rest of the thread for what I used and how...)
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If I ran a bar, I'd have a sign on the wall with the sign-language for each drink on the menu so that you could order without having to yell. Plus it would teach everyone some simple sign-language.
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Let's take a moment to appreciate how great John Hurt's acting was in Alien.
I didn't know he had it in him.
#AlienDay
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The majority of charity gigs don't pay and the ones that do, don't pay enough. They're usually tougher, at weird times and without the normal structure required to make a good gig. Yet despite his success,
@MrNishKumar
still does more charity gigs than anyone else I've ever met.
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Can anyone convince me why a 2-property cap per person and the prohibition, or nationalisation of all companies whose sole purpose is to buy and rent out residential properties would be a bad thing for the public as a whole?
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I thanked the tour guide. Then took this to the counter of the shop and said this is my favourite bit from my favourite Shakespeare story: The Princess Bride.
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I never watched Bake Off, but I will now. I want to see Fielding tell someone that their flan contains too many memories from another realm.
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Hi
@DavidKHarbour
. I thought it would be funny if I put you as the 2nd traveller on the Two Together Railcard.
Turns out you can ONLY use it when travelling TOGETHER.
Please join me for a discount day trip on the train next time you're in London, so this wasn't a waste of £30.
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Pudding is so excited about Halloween that he has already put on his costume! He is a vegan sausage roll.
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