aubrey
@aubreybell
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Pinned Tweet
honestly aliens have probably hovered above us so many times like "oh no, too much drama"
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if I say "I could eat" we’ve got about 32 minutes tops before I am flat out a different person
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I love hitting a paywall and being like "guess we'll never know"
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oh boy ever spill a little bit of your coffee and realize the thread you are hanging on by is actually quite thin
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everyone should get 1 interview with oprah to talk about their boyfriend
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a guy hurt my feelings and my friend was like “wait that potato looking motherfucker?” and now I’m cured of it
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more jobs should be about knowing a bunch of weird stuff and being kinda flirty
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waiter: everything good here?
me and my friend: (both just cried) 👍👍
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today this is about $58
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the vibe at every job right now is what makes people start fight clubs
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therapy is helpful because every two years I figure out what happened five years ago
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anthony bourdain in beirut in 2006
The U.S. Embassy is not evacuating U.S. citizens at this time. There is a commercially available flight that U.S. citizens who expressed interest in departing Lebanon will have to book and pay directly with the airline.
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Today in
@thenation
we have a piece by Lujayn, a 14-year-old girl in Gaza, that has floored me every time I've read it. It's about what happened when an Israeli bulldozer came to destroy the house she was staying in, and you must, must, must read it.
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well I ruined having a cheeseburger by thinking the whole fucking time
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ideal party situation … clutching your friend … nice guy doing his own thing nearby
Winona Ryder, Michelle Pfeiffer and Martin Scorsese (1993)
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the shift from “believe women” to “okay well now you’re just complaining” is truly staggering
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NEW: top foreign policy experts have learned killing 17,000 children leads to recruiting for those fighting the guys that killed 17,000 children.
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these blow up on impact so kind of a two birds one stone situation
Irvine, California unveils first Cybertruck police car in the U.S.
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idk if this is unique but lately I have been getting mad about things that have been over for a long time
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hey fuck you
Bad night's sleep? Study says don't start your day with coffee
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Danny McBride "can't stand" movie theaters that serve dinner during screenings.
“I hate it. I also don’t think it makes sense to combine booze with movies. You’re going to have to piss. Doesn’t alcohol make you want to get up and get loose? You don’t want to sit there, drink
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have seen three guys on hinge already say they’re looking for their own leslie knope so actually maybe I just won’t have sex again
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huge day for people who hold two thoughts in their head at the same time
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does anyone else look at a skeleton and think “I don’t think I have that”
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I wish I could write a book but unfortunately I am stupid and all I can do is text
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I think it’s okay to smoke weed by an elementary school if you went there
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you ever run into an ex like “I’m wearing your socks but it doesn’t mean anything”
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“we were SO overwhelmed with interest for this position” omg were you I’m so sorry
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ah fuck I accidentally showed them I know how to do 3 months of work in one day
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on a walk bf crawled out of a puddle gf
Men in horror movies are always like wow, a sexy lady just emerged from the woods/bog/cave/lake etc. and wants to kiss me? Nothing suspicious about this!
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oh were we using euphemisms
Let's drop the euphemisms: Donald Trump is a racist president
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when the coaster gets stuck to my drink while I am drinking it… why…. are you humiliating me
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just once I think it’d be funny if alex trebek was like “why do you know that”
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kid found a caveman and then brought him to high school
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wow this hit so I guess while you’re here we all should work on cutting ourselves some slack
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I do not envy the person who will inevitably have to ween me off tater tots
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using someone’s first name like this is one of life’s greatest pleasures I bet it’s incredible you have the same one
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oh fuck sorry
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when a recipe calls for “GOOD olive oil” they need to just be happy I am here
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hitler shit. if you care
“Give us the tools faster and we’ll finish the job faster,” Netanyahu says to underscore his appeal for fast-tracking U.S. military aid. (Which is currently already flowing fyi)
Mark Kelly applauds, among several other Democrats.
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how do you live with a mind that thinks the words “genocide trap”
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agree
A massive sinkhole in central Turkey... Thoughts?
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hearing anthems for a seventeen year old girl in public is like getting stuck in traffic but emotionally
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nice I’m glad
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huh in jaws a big shark is eating everyone, but the mayor doesn’t want to close the beach because they’ll lose money. huh
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when a documentary starts with typewriter typing you better have your fuckin seatbelt on
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"this email address already has an account" log me in then I don't know
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no 5 people I care about less in this world than the ones the library says are waiting for the book I’m reading still
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coming to terms with that fact I’ll never really be rich because there’s no way I am going to double cheek kiss anyone’s disgusting husband
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whenever I fight with my parents it’s like, I’m sorry?? I’m you???
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I’ll say “fuck it, we’ll do it live” about just like, putting garlic salt on something
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my kink is margot robbie shrugging and saying “I haven’t seen it”
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I think a company should warn you if they’re about to change the recipe for the jeans
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when a movie doesn’t have enough exposition in the first 10 minutes
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it seems stupid that I can't have jake gyllenhaal's phone number. it's just a phone number
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