Professor: You are failing Ethics Me, pulling out my wallet: or am I?

Still working my way up to the handstand

Being fat is a lot tastier is all I’m saying 🤮

Bisexual women in fantasy: Don’t lie I know you’ve had a crush on Brenda for a while. I invited her over for drinks tonight 😈 Bisexual women in reality: No No No do not make me speak to her she’s too hot I’m just a potato aaAAaaHHHHH!

@KatieDeal99 I’m on her side with the counterfeit Poptarts one. Texture and taste are always slightly different

Because I constantly overextend myself out of obligation only to be treated the same as those who do the bare minimum.

@nycbunnymadison I remember the grump very fondly

@ADHDForReal Abnormal

@BadMedicalTakes Put this mf in the burn unit with the kids and see how long he lasts.

@creepydotorg The shape of the tattoo made me think his nips would be higher than they really were and I was squinting at the pic like where they go

@ADHDForReal Goddamit every single tweet from this account is my life

@bitcoin1zation I have done this with items I forgot were down there and came back later to pay. It really does happen especially when you’re exhausted after work. Luckily my local store knows I’m braindead at certain hours and is cool about it bc they know I come back

@CalltoActivism The district manager of our local doughnut shop is just as qualified and his kids actually talk to him

@steuer Me: There is no way I am actually neurodivergent. Also me, yelling “ Goddamit” at every single adhd for real post 😂

@unreMARKLEble I’ve seen piss pools, leather dogs blowing each other and a naked guy tied to a pole getting whipped on the dick. The difference is that I went to a kink fair, where I agreed to view sexual expression. Consent is everything in bdsm so all I see here is attention seeking

@WholesomeMeme Nothing stings quite like learning the cat has been cheating on you with another family

@PopCulture2000s Not a damn soul wanted to know that she’s into objectification

ADHD is extensively researching a particular piercing and learning that it’s one of the hardest to heal, then impulsively getting it anyway because it’s the only thing you thought about for 2 weeks ( #antitragus)

@GigaBasedDad No amount of propaganda will convince me that babies are a good idea

@RatsPicnic I want the whisker potato

“ I shouldn’t drag politics into this thing but I think ghosts are just a bunch of boo sheet” and other formal complaints filed against me at work