lionel stressi
@ameliasamson
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co-host of @thehoelyhour , a @bluewirepods podcast. very hot, funny and humble
Seattle, WA
Joined May 2009
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IMPORTANT CONTENT PLS STOP WHAT UR DOING 🚨
This is Ozzy. He is so sneaky. If you see him, it's already too late. 12/10 would accept my fate
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I’m going to start calling make-up sex “fighting Satan”
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I think the reason that some men are so angry about women being so attracted to Pete Davidson is because it means that personality IS important, which means that they have to face that they have personalities that repel women.
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Steve on Love on the Spectrum US is the purest and kindest soul and if this man doesn’t find love then I’m suing
@netflix
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Slid into his DMs on TikTok, Twitter AND Instagram and he took me to a baseball game like I was his mom’s friend’s daughter that he was forced to hang out with for the day. Follow your dreams, ladies and gents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Girl, what are you talking about? Studying abroad is awesome!
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There’s nobody more annoying than people from the east coast when it snows in Seattle. WE HAVE HILLS AND NO INFRASTRUCTURE TO HANDLE SNOW, CHAD. TAKE YOUR FLAT PHILADELPHIA PLOWED AND SALTED ROADS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS
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In the most disrespectful way possible: fuck your second amendment rights.
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Normalize making sure someone whose attention you want saw your thirst trap
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I started a 3 month leave from my 9-5 yesterday to focus on my passions, and in the first 24 hours: a video of mine went viral, I got verified on Instagram, and I talked to a producer about a project I’ve been dreaming about 🥹 the universe wanted me to know I made a good call 🥹
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Ok I’m sorry but Machine Gun Kelly cheating on ***MEGAN FOX*** is all of the evidence we need that you being cheated on says nothing about whether or not you’re good enough for the person that cheated
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I just made this my photo on here and I feel pretty in it so I’m sharing it bigger because I feel pretty in it
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I was replying to Ben Shapiro so I know this isn’t true
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Twitter feels like the only safe space for these thank you for being some down ass bitches
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My momma woke me up every morning saying “it’s a beautiful day, just for you”, and today I got it on me permanently in her handwriting 🥲
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Had to explain “thirst trap” to my parents after I took these 3ft from them
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The bartender said “he seems boring” and gave me his number tonight while my date was in the bathroom and I have never felt hotter
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I promise, wholly and completely, that nobody thinks your loud fucking car is cool
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Wordle 1,052 X/6*
🟨⬜⬜🟨🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩
Nobody talk to me for a fucking week
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@DrewAfualo
My profile just went private automatically. I think it’s glitching :( go to your settings!
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Women can enjoy sex and be open about enjoying sex without it being an invitation for you to objectify her, pass it on
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Start of the pandemic vs now 🥹
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This dude on the plane next to me just scrolled past one of my TikToks. This is my villain origin story
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I wanna date someone that hates going out so I can just watch movies at home with him on a Saturday night is that too much to ask
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The worst part of this adderall shortage is being expected to call multiple pharmacies with no adderall in me
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Remember when Elon Musk said if someone could lay out how he could solve world hunger he’d donate that amount of money and it was $6billion but then he didn’t ever do it, and then he bought Twitter for $44billion? Billionaires are a disease ☺️
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I’m either getting hotter or I’m getting less self-critical but either way y’all are missing out
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Find someone that is down to do a hard-launch via JC Penny photoshoot
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I signed a phat NDA so please forgive the redactions but I got an award in an all-hands at work and I’m really happy 🥺
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This dude I’ve been seeing kisses me before he leaves for work and I’m just trying to decide: white or cream napkins for the wedding?
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It’s really great I’m not dating around anymore because my nighttime routine has increased by about 29 steps this year and I am not skipping any of them for some guy that hasn’t washed his sheets in 3 months, ykwim?
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There’s a special place in hell for people who update you on what your ex is doing unprompted
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bringing a guy into my room and immediately turning on my humidifier and white noise machine and doing my 10-step bedtime routine with “to catch a predator” on in the background and then my cat coughing up a fur ball in his shoes and then me falling asleep immediately
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Omg I got it
I just applied to live in my dream home pls send positive vibez ✨🥺🤞🏼
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My grandma died when I was 9, and they released monarch butterflies for her at my cousin’s wedding. All of them flew away except 1 that landed on the sunflowers I was holding in her honor and just hung out for a bit. Since then, I’ve seen a butterfly whenever I’ve needed one.
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I just applied to live in my dream home pls send positive vibez ✨🥺🤞🏼
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What a fucking idiot hahahaha
Andrew Tate’s video in response to Greta Thunberg allowed Romanian authorities to confirm he was in the country, and arrest him in human trafficking investigation, due to the pizza chain shown in the 2-minute rant.
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“Ladies, don’t let anybody tell you that you’re past your prime. It’s never too late.” - Michelle Yeoh, I am obsessed with you
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Ok but men act like they’re dying when they have the sniffles
Elon Musk says he felt like he "was dying" after he got his second COVID booster vaccine, and that a cousin of his suffered myocarditis, an inflammation of the heart, after getting his shot.
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I wanna marry someone that also wants to do nothing on New Years except drink champagne on the couch together with our dogs
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The bad news is that the guy who I knew would break my heart broke my heart, but the good news is that I knew that he would
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I’m sitting on my roof and my two neighbors who are partners are sitting on their roof and it’s moments like this that I realize how badly I want someone to just do everything with like sit on a roof talking about nothing
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Been texting guys I’ve had sex with asking what kind of car my vagina would be and the answers have not disappointed
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I feel so bad for gate agents right now who have nothing to do with any flight cancellations and are being treated like they personally ordered an ice storm to hit the week of Christmas
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I love that Brits say “you alright?” instead of “how are you?” because you either say yes or no. They’ve decided it’s not worth their time to hear a longer answer than that.
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We had to call 911 at our 100th episode party for
@thehoelyhour
, and I set out to find one of the responding firefighters. Just found out that they turned my sketch into a fUCKING MUG AT THE STATION
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I’m like reaaaally looking forward to the day that I feel like I’m worth sticking around for
But in the short term I can’t wait for a few days from now when I hurt significantly less than I do right now lol
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you up?
Anarchists, Agitators or Protestors who vandalize or damage our Federal Courthouse in Portland, or any Federal Buildings in any of our Cities or States, will be prosecuted under our recently re-enacted Statues & Monuments Act. MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. Don’t do it!
@DHSgov
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@realDonaldTrump
Slams CNN and NYT as “fake news” on a daily basis; quotes CNN and NYT when it benefits him
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The boy that slept over left to grab us coffee and now he’s making me breakfast. I’ve reached the final boss
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I just told my dad to put sunscreen on because I need him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and he said “well hurry up then”
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hi new chrissy teigen friends thanks for being interested in my other tweets too 🥺
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A trans woman being kept in a men’s prison is dangerous and inhumane and a human rights violation, so starting your tweet about Nikita Dragun like “I’m not a fan of hers, but” is corny and self-righteous.
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Okay I’m sorry but my parents’s posts for each other for their anniversary 🥺
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I was throwing darts at a bar last night with 2 of my guy friends and this random man said WITH FULL sincerity “you should let her stand closer so she has a chance.”
So I won purely out of spite standing from the same distance as them and let him know on my way out lol fuck you
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Me trying to not say “any plans for the holidays?” to every single person I come into contact with
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The amount of c*vid misinformation I’ve seen on my Trending feed since the ownership of this app changed hands is disgusting
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“I know I posted lyrics about cheating after deleting every photo of me and my fiancé but you all are dumb as hell for thinking there was cheating”
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The sluttiest thing a man can do is remember a small detail you told him that one time
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🎶 I never strayed iF vAcCiNeS wOrK
too far from tHeN wHy ArE yOu
the sidewalk sTiLL wEaRiNg MaSkS
🤝
Because of you
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I feel like everyone hating on this
#HalftimeShow
is over the age of 45 or under the age of 27
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I once matched with a dude on Bumble who was 6 foot 9 and I messaged him “6’9” is my favorite height” and he said “why” and I did not expect him to ask that and I could not recover from it
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Got day drunk, took a nap, and I’m now sitting on my bedroom floor hungover trying to hype myself up for the bars.
This is 28
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Comedians in Cars Driving Their Girlfriends To High School
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I laugh every time my chest makes a farting sound against a dude’s chest during sex. It’s just never not funny
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35 years later, my mom will still point to my dad and say “isn’t he cute?” to everyone in her vicinity randomly throughout the day, and my dad still cries every time he starts talking about how much he loves my mom. And I won’t settle for a love that’s anything less.
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Got a bunch of plants earlier and FaceTimed my parents to introduce them to their “new grandkids” and they’re so ready for me to get a fucking partner
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People that relax at home in jeans: how many bodies do you have hidden under your floorboards?
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Omg a crow just took a peace offering snack from me omg omg it’s happening
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