ALY TEE ♡
@alyteeofficial
Followers
5,232
Following
673
Media
341
Statuses
3,691
retired lawyer, current egirl. DM fee is 1 million dollars
texas
Joined November 2016
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Pinned Tweet
“sexy spongebob isn’t real, he can’t hurt you”
sexy spongebob:
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Stardew Valley is NOT a cozy game. I have 46 farm animals and they are All Mad At Me
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Hi I’m an attorney at a non profit. I help domestic violence victims get away from their abusers. I get paid less than a bartender. And I would really really like tuition forgiveness on my $200k law school loans.
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just found an old picture of me wearing a nicotine patch as pasties. WHY
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I was not meant to have a job, I was meant to lay in bed topless all day
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your soulmate will love all your tweets. keep posting every insane thought you have
your soulmate saw you tweet something kind of annoying and now youll never find love and are doomed
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My dog is a golden retriever mix and I always thought he looked exactly like a purebred golden but today I went to the dog park and saw a purebred right next to him and he looked like we ordered him on Wish :(
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Is every woman on the planet's boyfriend unworthy of her or am I just a lesbian
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good news everybody, I've figured out how to hurt tall men
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“young men are having less sex” okay did they try being hot?
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I announced that I don’t fuck with Harry Potter cause I’m not a child or transphobe and someone very loudly left my stream and unfollowed me everywhere so here I am Saying It Louder. Fuck Harry Potter and JKR. you should unfollow if you don’t agree
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I can’t do porn because if I posted hole and only 8 ppl liked it, I’d have to kms
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she’s officially retired from being a lawyer forever can She get a W in the mf chat???
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anybody feeling sick rn? jw
You gotta be a sick individual if you attracted to women over 30
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my favorite genre of Content is women who r obviously trolling and men who think women are too stupid to understand their own jokes getting so mad it makes their post go viral lol
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it’s rly easy to show u have giant boobs on the internet in a nonchalant way but it’s very difficult to show u have a giant ass on the internet in a nonchalant way and I think that’s unfair
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Hey my wife and I saw you from across the bar and we absolutely hate your vibe. We're gonna kick your ass
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I’m the first lawyer in my family. I had no financial help w my law school education. When you envision a lawyer, you should think about people like me too.
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I made a JOKE Tiktok that I don't believe Ohio is a real place and Ohio has found it and they are very upset
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if ur a guy and youre thinking of shaving ur mustache DO IT
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REMEMBER this holiday season: your parents can’t criticize you because everything wrong w you is their fault
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I've been a licensed attorney for 7 months and today was my first time in court alone and I didn't even Fuck Up or Cry
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I'm not a healer main bc I'm a girl I'm a healer main bc I'm a bottom
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I can't think of a redder flag than when a man plays an instrument
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The feminine urge to eat 15 little snacks instead of an actual meal
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I'm a Dominoes pizza tracker truther (it's not a timer, Thomas is really putting my pizza in the oven right now)
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FYI I was grinding ginger island and Mr. Qi quest in winter. if u don’t know my burdens, you can’t judge my struggles 😤
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the aquarium is a perfect date for a quirked up girl with ocean creature autism tbh
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oh you want the girlfriend experience? *goes through your phone and starts a big fight*
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how do I say “I want to wear ur skin” in a really low key chill way
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ok as a person who has waited a lot of tables, I actually hate when people try to stack up their own dishes because 95% of the time they do it wrong and in a way that makes it very difficult to carry without dropping something
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I got laid off from Twitter this morning with no notice. I was the lead software engineer responsible for the feature where a new guy with a single digit follower count messages you “hey” every 38 minutes
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there is no better way to terrorize a man who is 6'4 than by editing his wikipedia page to say he's 5'6
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“can you explain this gap in your resume?” yeah that was my goblin mode era
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@kelspluscoffee
i am a blanket hog and this is the only way i can sleep harmoniously with others
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damn that’s crazy cause every woman in gen x and y has disordered eating from the days when emaciated was the ideal body type.
maybe women’s bodies should simply not be subject to trends
like i actively miss the days when these were the female bodies that were promoted as ideal
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I hope u see me as not only the girl of your dreams but also the girl of your nightmares
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