Alyssa 🌻
@alyssaleann
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Interior Designer. Chronic nuance-finder. Amateur renaissance woman. Has never had an original thought. You’ll like my husband more than me.
Joined December 2012
"Are you yourself on Twitter?". no twitter is where i go to be wildly misunderstood by stangers and people i mistakenly though i was vibing with. i am 10% of myself on here.
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A photographer I follow on Instagram has put together that his bronzer use amps up when he’s stressed / close to an election and is tied to his days in the rise of reality tv, and it’s fascinating. (More screenshots in replies)
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smashmouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.
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Gen X vastly overestimates their generational sanity. They are not getting nearly enough flack for their weirdos. Sorry, you don’t get to be the generation of Marjorie Taylor Greene and Elon Musk and act like y’all are super chill martini drinkers.
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Absolutely chaotic tv placement.
Jill and I just spoke to @KamalaHarris — we can’t wait to watch her accept this historic nomination. Kamala and Tim will inspire a generation and lead us into the future.
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(No one cares, I know). We didn’t have alcohol at our wedding and yeah a few people snickered about it and one person didn’t come because of it. But we did an Italian soda bar, and everyone ended up obsessed with it. There are a billion ways to have a fun party.
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Someone I know had a “where is Kate Middleton?” happy hour at their office, and I’m cackling
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Had 17 people over for dinner . You’re allowed to do that. You just ask and people will come. You can even set a theme, like “summer produce,” and have everyone bring some food. And they will!
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It’s kinda devastating the way kids grow out of their cute-but-incorrect word pronunciations and the adults in their life are left using them instead. My mom and aunt still sometimes call ballerinas “wallowinas” because that’s how I pronounced it in like 1998.
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Our neighbors have little kids, so they hosted a “New Year in London” party. They dressed up, played croquet on the front lawn, watched a livestream from London, and were done by 6:30pm central 😂.
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I think this is true *and* it’s darkly funny that all this upheaval kind of boils down to “men can’t take a joke”. Generations of “women can’t drive,” period jokes, being told we can’t lead because we’re too emotional…. Oh, is that annoying? Doesn’t feel great? Interesting.
Unfortunately the “all men suck” branding just isn’t good for getting men to ally with you. Yes, the reasonable and rational men know you aren’t talking about them. But maybe it’s time to realize most men aren’t reasonable and rational.
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Say it in a tweet, that’s a cop-out.Say it in the streets, that’s a knock-out.
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And she finishes her analysis like this: Trump thinks he’s going to lose
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Riding high off of being informed by a friend that the stuffed animal I got her baby has become the baby’s favorite. I feel powerful and chosen.
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A friend’s daughter is reading Are You My Mother? to a bathtub full of foster kittens, and I’m losing my mind at how cute it is
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Last night we were on track to be asleep on time and then, there in the dark, my husband asked what the hell is going on with Kate Middleton.
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Aside from being miserable + rude, people like this display the most boring lack of imagination I can fathom. Absolutely pathetic. And I usually just block and move on, but this time I want to make one thing very clear: I am adored . 🧵
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His inconsistency with it is the more interesting thing to me
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The thing about him being everywhere for almost a decade is I forget how much he’s slid towards weirdness and absurdity
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my boss pulled me aside and asked if I have anyone to sit with me while my husband is in surgery, and when I told her I don't, she offered to come by the hospital and be that person for me. I cried (and said yes).
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Got a text that a friend’s baby has been safely delivered, and I’ve been hootin’ and hollering around the house all evening about it . Is it weird that I was touched to be on the “text within an hour of birth” list?.
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His bronzer use going wild in October of election years / the body dysmorphia of it all. She goes on for a bit about eyebrow/filler blindness and how people really don’t see themselves . But he’s so photographed! I am baffled that he doesn’t see how dumb he looks
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Y’know, the longer I’m married the more I think the most important thing beyond basic compatibility is just that you *like* each other. I’ve been with my husband for almost 15 years, and I still can’t get enough time with him.
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Here’s where it ties into reality tv: he got hooked on it in the apprentice era!
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Most of the QAnon freaks are GenX. A lot of the most wild NIMBYs? GenX. A huge chunk of the Jan 6 and craziest Covid weirdos are GenX. Everyone forgets about GenX and calls all older people boomers, but GenX is in their 40s and 50s now, and they’re chaos. Lead poisoned, I guess.
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This is an entirely different brand of insanity. wtf, mark??
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My husband got fancy headphones for Christmas & wanted to share the experience with me (Not An Audiophile). So he put together a playlist of Taylor Swift songs carefully selected for me to hear the difference in audio quality. He sat there for 20 min & watched me listen to music!.
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Also the person who skipped my wedding (which was only 3:30-7:00pm!) because there was no alcohol ended up in rehab. Personally, I am on team “if you can’t go an evening without drinking, you need to investigate that relationship”. But I was raised Baptist, so 🤷🏻♀️.
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@Imani_Barbarin Immune to propaganda but still extremely susceptible to dis/misinformation would be an interesting development.
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The source for all of these is @ emily_elsie on instagram . (I intentionally left her handle in all the screenshots, but people are asking). She saved all her stories in a highlight on her profile - there are quite a few more than I posted!
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Billboards should be illegal.
Tell me your most radical position that cannot be placed on the left-right political spectrum.
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@LilKittyZoey Her handle is included in every single screenshot as well as a photo of her Instagram page at the end of the thread.
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This man cheers when I find a new gray hair because he’s “so excited to grow old” with me. I am a nesting doll of my past selves. He has loved every version and waits eagerly for the next. I am free of your beauty standards. Trolls cannot hurt me. Look at what I have:
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I have a love that makes me feel like I’m standing on a mountain, twirling in a dress, gently kissed by the warm sun. I have a love that has been tried and found true and stands ready for whatever life brings us next. And it’s what I deserve. /end.
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Apparently one of the farmers in the area my family is from didn’t plant crops this year. Instead, he striped his field for 1500 parking spots and charged $50 a spot for solar eclipse viewing. Sold out!.
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My parents just handed me a stack of savings bonds that my grandparents gave them for me over the years, starting with my first Christmas (1994). Both grandparents are now dead and these bonds all matured when I was laughably broke 🙃.
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@lemonade_grrrl No one can convince me that this isn’t an op to trend on TikTok/reels for a few weeks. Just in this clip there are like 4 sequential 15-second chunks that will be the background to some copycat trend.
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Nope, I’m not thin. This isn’t news to me. And this really bothers some people, but: I am treasured, I am adored, and not to be crude, but I have lots of sex (with the lights on) under the gaze of someone who likes what he sees. Not sorry if that fucks with your worldview.
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This manosphere bullshit is pervasive, so I want to explicitly push back:. People who are aesthetically displeasing to you are living wildly beautiful, joyful, love-filled lives. I’ve never once felt like I needed to earn his love via starvation or cosmetic enhancements.
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The Marie Kondo hate is so boring. None of her “rules” were prescriptive. It was about thoughtful ownership and not holding on to things that don’t serve you or bring you joy. But y’all read headlines meant to make you mad and you stayed mad for *years*.
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Did not expect people to care about this. The soda bar was like this. Bunch of Torani syrups, half and half in a carafe, and some instructions so people would know how to do it. Everyone went wild. This was 8 years ago and people still mention it
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And not in a “wow I’m so great that he can look past my appearance” way. He doesn’t think I’m beautiful *in spite* of anything. He just thinks I’m beautiful. All of me. Tells me so every day.
If I didn’t have mirrors or cameras, I would think I was soooooo beautiful based solely on the way my husband looks at me.
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@thotboyslim she's chatty and unedited in her stories. She has a lot of followers but isn't an "influencer" . I like it, but yeah. this was only like half of them.
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Since we were teenagers, people have commented on the way my husband looks at me. So this troll creating new accounts to DM me that my husband is cheating on me with someone hotter actually made me cackle. No the fuck he is not; this man has eyes only for me
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1) Plus size women are often assumed to be older than they are. Adele wrote *ballads* at 19 and showed up to red carpets with this look when she was in her 20s. 2) Adele also has a kid. Western society doesn’t treat women like full-fledged adults until they’re moms 🧵
Adele gets treated like a mature woman while Swift gets treated like a child.
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Can’t tell you how delighted I am to see this one taking off. I’ve watched it at least 10 times. (PS You should follow me, I’m fun).
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Tonight I found out that my husband applies body lotion to his legs “cricket style” which involves applying lotion directly to his legs and then just… rubbing them together. Like a cricket.
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Is it wrong to be a little annoyed if you’re having a longtime vegetarian guest over, ask them if they’re okay with Parmesan, they’re like “oh I didn’t know Parm isn’t veg, leave it out” and now you have to go buy new cheese for a rule they weren’t following until today?.
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@emilykmay 🙈 it’s definitely been a financial priority for us (and NO we did not go into debt for this, but yes, our house is quite small). But I will say: even being a (not-houses) interior designer, finding my own style after years of designing for others was tricky!
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There’s never a bad time to get ≈ $2000, but these would have been very handy during the year my husband was selling his plasma so we could afford groceries!!!!!!!!!!.
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And you should, of course, follow me 😌. Occasional political posting, but mostly flowers, pottery, musings on life and marriage, that sort of stuff. I like to think I’m fun!
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My mom listened to Focus on the Family, so we weren’t allowed to get the HPV vaccine. They thought it was preferable to leave the threat of STDs and cancer over our head than let us even imagine sex could be risk-free in some way.
Scotland has detected no cases of cervical cancer in women born between 1988-1996 who were fully vaccinated against HPV between the ages of 12 and 13.
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Of all my amateur hobbies, I’m most pleased with my ability to turn Trader Joe’s flowers into something pretty special
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@taymabelitini It’s so frikken funny. I keep laughing when I think about it 😂 whoever edited did an A+++++ job to get all 3 acts in 67 seconds.
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sometimes I joke about my parents not really liking me and people will say, "what? noooo". and then I get to hit 'em with the story about how when my husband asked for their permission to marry me, they told him he could do better than me.
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My mom asked if we shoveled and I said no and she was aghast and I said “shoveling is for people who intend to leave” and she said “you’re not going to leave for days??” and I said “mom they don’t plow the streets here and these people can’t drive in the snow” and she just sighed.
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You don’t even have to have enough chairs. People will come anyway and make it work. You can hold a baby while their parents eat. You can introduce different people you like to each other. And the house will clear out late and you’ll be left with a quiet, full, happy feeling.
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This is the starter home my grandparents bought in a basic, middle class suburb of St. Louis in the early 1960s. They paid $13,000.It’s about to hit the market for almost $300,000. This is what a starter home costs now
People are skipping over starter homes, and jumping straight into 300k+ Mortgages. That’s one of the reasons they’re financially failing. Your first car shouldn’t be a Bentley.
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I spent the last Trump admin working tirelessly to be The Most Informed Person in the Room, and honestly, I don’t have it in me to do round two. Knowing things did nothing. I didn’t convince anyone of anything, he got eviler & stupider, and somehow even more people wanted that.
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Peony season is about 5 seconds long, but don’t worry: I took lots of pictures
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My current working theory on stay at home parents is that there are a lot of people who are a temperament match for it and a lot of people who are a skills match for it, but not actually that many people who are both.
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If I didn’t have mirrors or cameras, I would think I was soooooo beautiful based solely on the way my husband looks at me.
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@boobeebah123 I don't have kids either. But I still smile and wave at them, because they're future adults and I hope they'll turn out kinder than people like you . It costs me literally fucking nothing to be pleasant to a baby.
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How is no one on here talking about Kaos on Netflix?. Jeff Goldblum as a paranoid, cruel, careless Zeus. A black and white underworld. A tangle of classic myths in a modern-ish “Greece”. It’s so engaging and dark and gooood. I want 5 more seasons right now
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I usually listen to music on the one good speaker (passenger side) in my 2013 Honda civic, so yeah, it was a noticeable improvement 😂.
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@AITA_online Yeah, the weddings in Game of Thrones are famously excellent parties, very fun. I can see why they’d pick that theme
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@AITA_online early in our marriage, my husband and I came up with a code word for "I'm no longer laughing. stop right now." and it's something everyone should consider figuring out. and if you're with a person who would ignore that? find a different person.
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As a teen, my family told me I wasn’t “a people person”. In design school, my professor told me I shouldn’t practice in the South because people wouldn’t like me. Yesterday, my boss told me that she’s impressed with how well I handle client communication and presentations 😊.
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One of the most infuriating things about being plus size is that even the companies that make my size don't carry it in store. So I *have* to shop online, and the era of free shipping is over nearly everywhere. I have to pay money just to try on clothes.
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@lauren_wilford My theory was that everyone is done with pop music sounding exhausted all the time, but yours is better.
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My personal take on the break point between the generations is: if you remember 9/11 you’re a millennial and if not you’re gen z. (It usually hits around 1996).
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My mom is such a good gift-giver. She knows I’m a bit of a minimalist and don’t usually want “stuff”, so she put together a box of high(er)-end consumables for me. Related: anyone have a favorite risotto recipe?
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A top 3 part of traveling for sure
In awe of how my wife will arrive in a new city and immediately seek out local ointments, textiles, a bolt of fine cloth etc. It's like travelling with a merchant from 16th century Antwerp.
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Not to be crude, but I got a new top and my husband has never been as feral or useless during dinner prep as he was tonight. I know I’m not hot, but he certainly does not.
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Remnants of my niece in my speech (and Joey’s):. Fuggle (snuggle).Bobo (boba).Fridge milk (as opposed to breast, but idk we just kept it going!). Walking over to someone eating dessert and going “mmmmm!!” with eyebrows raised and a “are you gonna share?” vibe.
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I personally try to keep my commentary to noting societal trends and believing that men are capable of wonderful things, because they are. I love men. But notably, most of the “men suck” chatter is related to behavior: abuses and abdications. Not their immutable characteristics.
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A coworker just said "it's weird talking to people without kids, cuz it's like. everything they want to talk about just seems inconsequential". If I ever say shit like that, lock me in a closet until I'm less annoying.
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@rebelHart2 Nowhere in the thread did I mention voting, but you’re totally right. So it’s a good thing “use of bronzer” doesn’t even crack the top 20 reasons why I won’t be voting for him.
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There are a lot of ways to have a happy marriage, but most of them involve a lot of time together. Making dinner, traveling, nights with babies, the small dark hours in bed, holidays, weekends… pick someone whose company you enjoy, whose words and silence you never tire of.
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Beth Moore refuses to cower, self-censor, or twist herself into knots trying to be understood by people who insist on misreading her every word. That she does so while remaining open, joyful, and loving is one of the more impressive feats of a public figure that I’ve ever seen.
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in case this gets out of my normal orbit: the world missed out on a few acres of soybeans, it's fine. no heirloom tomatoes were harmed in the making of these solar eclipse memories.
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“Who cares???”. Literally millions of people; you’re not cool for being unimpressed. During totality, our moon completely blocks the sun, there’s a 360° sunset, weird shadows, animals think it’s nighttime, big temperature drop. There is nothing like it.My photo from Missouri:
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@atlmeagsnow She earned her reputation, but I would never trust mark again. Blocked and reported, removed from the group chat.
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I also wonder how much of this is a result of the genders bumping into each other’s social media zones. Women are talking to *each other* in ways they probably always have. But for the first time, men can “overhear” it because of the nature of social media.
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Gonna be real here: my husband had said this too, and I think y’all are (mostly) wrong. It’s obvious when men are being creepy, and a funny face as you pass a baby doesn’t clock as creepy to sane people. Babies seeing men smile at them is probably a small societal good, tbh.
I am a father. I constantly repress my reflex to smile at children when I am alone in public so I am not perceived as a threat.
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I think a lot of “good men” (my husband amongst them, fwiw) are annoyed by the tone of some of this commentary but realize it’s not about them or even for them and move on. More people should do that regarding all sorts of things.
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the internet keeps trying to sell me on long denim skirts, but I was a homeschooled evangelical in 2004, so I've already done that look and it was Bad.
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It’s a little silly when you’ve pledged your whole lives to each other… but we regularly look at each other and just go “I liiiiike you 😊”. It feels like it should be an understatement, but it’s the best.
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