Yes I’m in your room. Yes I climbed through your open window. Yes I watched you sleep like a little sweet sweet baby angel. But YOU liked my story post. So what’s with calling the cops?
The men of old couldn’t fall asleep because they were in a wet fox hole with the battle of tomorrow on their mind… I can’t fall asleep because I can’t get Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter out of my head.
I don’t think people understand… if I was only taller, faster, stronger, a better shooter, better defender, could jump higher, had a higher basketball IQ, I’d literally be in the NBA.
Some of these idiots on this internet thing need to be put down like an old family dog. What happened to humans understanding people have different senses of humor.
Imagine not liking Italian food then choosing to eat at an Italian restaurant everyday and insisting on leaving a bad review. Thats what it’s like when you leave hate comments on content you don’t like.
People who can fall asleep 5 min after going to bed have a super power. My brain is like: “Ready for 3 hours of thinking about everything wrong you’ve ever done in your life?”
Mob mentality is the downfall of individualism. People love to throw stones on an accusation, but won’t give you an ice pack for your bruises when they find out they were wrong.
The ability for people to have zero critical thinking skills astonishes me. They will see things people clearly made up and just go with it because they can’t think for themselves. Assume the best in people… because the alternative is extremely toxic.
Kinda just depressed today…
Dated this girl named Abby in the second grade. She moved schools. We lost contact but technically never broke up. Well just found her on Instagram and she’s married. Unfaithful whore!!
Mom you a real one for letting a doctor slice you open to allow me to come out of you. Sorry I didn’t come out naturally, just seemed a little gross to me at the time. Like that’s where my dad put his you know what… and idk just couldn’t do it. Happy Mothers Day!
So I was scrolling through instagram and noticed my high school crush is engaged... and I feel real offended because I’ve been pretending to date you in my mind for YEARS and it’s a little rude that you would just throw that all away... but whatever... DO YOU I GUESS
I asked my Grandma (who’s been married for 45 years) “what’s the secret to a long relationship?” She looks at my Grandpa and says, “Long relationships start with a long ———” My Grandpa responded with “Ayyoooo” then they high fived... and now I want to throw up...
My parents are such jokesters. When I was 4 they told me “we are getting a divorce” it’s been 20 years and they are STILL keeping up with the bit hahaha. You guys got me!! you can get back together now 🥲
In middle school I told my friend to go tell my crush I liked her. Later in the day she passed me a note that said “Sorry we can’t date your head looks like a fish bowl.” And I still think about it to this day. WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN CYNTHIA?? Not cool...
Anyone wanna come over and watch Netflix together? Then continue to develop feelings for each other that leads us to dating for two years? Then slowly fall out of love, eventually hate each other, break up, and remain emotionally scarred?
There are two types of people. Ones who unpack their suitcase immediately after vacation and ones who wait so long they’re already packed for the next one.
In high school I asked my girlfriend what kind of flowers I should get for prom. She said “Depends on who you’re going with” that’s the day I found out my girlfriend was my ex girlfriend...
My 5 year old cousin asked me if me and my girlfriend were still together... I said “no we broke up” he said “it’s because you didn’t learn to love her feelings”.... I looked at him for a second, then pushed him down and walked away... I don’t need to hear that.