Wonkette
@Wonkette
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Can Somebody Hold Nancy Pelosi's Beer While She Dick-Punches Trump Some More? via @EvanHurst.
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@realDonaldTrump Hi. The Moon is a satellite of our EARTH. It's not a part of Mars, you big dummy.
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@Jakeandbake336 Fact: Jake is wrong, it is not liveable, which is why so many work 2 or 3 jobs just to survive. Rather than coldly accuse people of wanting luxury, we should pay people enough to live. Thank You for coming to our TED Talk.
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Nepo Baby Anderson Cooper Is A Better Friend To Trump Than He Was To Kathy Griffin.by @RobynElyse.
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Dear Pissed-Off High School Kids: If Adults Threaten To Punish You For Protesting, FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY via @EvanHurst.
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We look forward to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who cried about a mean lady making fun of her eyeshadow, explaining that "Horseface" is not sexist
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@realDonaldTrump You as President is like the nation has given birth to the largest and dumbest child in all of creation, and all we want is a DNA test from Maury proving We Are Not The Father of this DUMBshit.
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Hi, Everyone!!. It's me, @BravenakBlog!!. I'll be here doing Social Media for Wonkette for as long as Rebecca lets me and doesn't change the password. Also, you will probably be seeing more tweets, and interactions, so. Don't be afraid to stop by and say, "HEEEY!".
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GOP: "Tamir Rice was old enough to know better than to play with a TOY gun in a PARK where kids like HIMSELF played. He got himself killed.". Also GOP: "Kyle Kashuv was only 16! That's too young to even know what racism is! You're destroying his life, Harvard! LET HIM LIVE!!".
Some people out here who think police murdering a black 12 year old with a toy gun is justified suddenly get really into forgiveness and grace when a white teen loses his chance go to Harvard.
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Kamala Harris Is President Of The ‘Ellen’ Show, And It Is GOD-DANG DELIGHTFUL! via @EvanHurst.
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Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman just told Trey Gowdy to STFU, reminding him that this is not his dumbass Benghazi committee. When he agreed to STFU, she said "Hallelujah" OUT LOUD! . This shit continues to be lit.
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In The Matter Of Diamond And Silk's Very Real Lawyer v. Wonkette: Bring It, Sh*thead.by @jamielynncrofts.
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Imagine what Jeb would say if Obama had said #stuffhappens the other night? Or after 4 Americans died in Benghazi. http://t.co/RwIVUlkw0A.
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Hey, remember all the times those Duggars warned us how evil gays threaten children? http://t.co/jRviwfWm8R
http://t.co/CfbKh3XRki.
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Love it when a SCOTUS nominee is listing the 5 freedoms of the 1st Amendment and forgets the one about petitioning the government, part of which is . the thing she does for a living.
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Elizabeth Warren, We Love You So Fucking Much. You Are So Fucking Wrong Right Now. via @EvanHurst.
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British spy Chris Steele is more of an American patriot than Devin Nunes or Chuck Grassley will EVER fucking be.
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KAMALA HARRIS: This is the sixth time we have started one of these goddamned debates with 40,000 minutes on healthcare, and we still haven't had one fucking discussion about reproductive rights and abortion care and I am pissed off about it!. MODERATOR: Let's talk about jobs!.
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Michigan Just Did A Universal Basic Income For New Moms In Flint
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CBS replaced “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour” with "Hee Haw," and that just about says all you need to know about network TV at the time.
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Reminder. This is a guy who is currently suing an imaginary internet cow for hurting his feelings. via @EvanHurst
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Dear Mia Love, . We traded you for three white women and Channing Tatum. Good luck getting a Fox News gig, you might wanna get a blond wig for the interview. via @BravenakBlog.
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Ivanka Taking Daddy’s Seat At The G20 Seems Totally Normal If You Pretend We’re A Monarchy Now.
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She disrespected YOU, not AMERICA. I know America, Sir. I've worked with America. I'm good friends with America. You, Mr. Trump; you are not America, sir, and you never will be.
. invited Megan or the team, but I am now inviting the TEAM, win or lose. Megan should never disrespect our Country, the White House, or our Flag, especially since so much has been done for her & the team. Be proud of the Flag that you wear. The USA is doing GREAT!.
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Remember how Trump "won" by 70,000 votes in three specific states? Weird, huh. Wonder what Paul Manafort's spy friend did with that polling data Manafort kept passing along.
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Critics now claim that Harris is too much of a weed-smoking, hot-sauce chugging "fun auntie" to be taken seriously as president. Wasn't she a hard-assed cop just days ago? by @SER1897 .re: @SenKamalaHarris .also @mayaharris_.
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Sniveling Piss Wipe Tom Cotton Gonna Call The Cops On Your Nana For SAYING WORDS TO HIM via @EvanHurst.
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Defiant Hillary Clinton Still Releasing Book Tuesday, Even Though At Least 10 Men Think She Shouldn’t via @EvanHurst.
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NO QUID PRO QUO! NO QUID PRO QUO! JUST KIDDING HERE IS THE QUID PRO QUO! GET OVER IT!
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While Teaching, Elizabeth Warren Was Only Making 67 Cent on the Dollar compared to an Equally Qualified ($1000/hr) Man When She Worked On Legal Matters. There. We Fixed That For You.
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John Ratcliffe would now like to question Adam Schiff about the whistleblower. Schiff reminds Ratcliffe we're in a big boy hearing & he is supposed to be questioning WITNESSES. Eric Swalwell reminds Ratcliffe that anyone who outs whistleblowers are un-American pieces of shit.
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Mr. President, You Are Not Above The Law.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but the president is not above the law.
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ISSA: Why did you text that Trump would be a destablilizing president?!?!?!. STRZOK: I said that after Trump literally said he was going to destroy NATO, which he is doing right now. ISSA: I DID NOT FUCKING ASK FOR A SERIOUS ANSWER TO MY QUESTION!.
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Trump White House So Mad Everybody Thinks Matthew Whitaker Is Dumb Unqualified Meathead Dickbrain via @EvanHurst.
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Just another day in being held hostage to the tertiary syphilis gremlins who live in Donald Trump's brain. (Allegedly.)
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Katie Britt Walks Back Lying About Border, Wonders Where Her Oscar Nomination Is
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Judge Orders Fort Lauderdale To Stop Arresting Kind Old Hippie Who Feeds Homeless http://t.co/oPsC35qPpc
http://t.co/qC2OlcMrsq.
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Hey men, know what's more expensive than birth control? CHILD SUPPORT
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Meme-Famous Anti-Immigrant Lady Arrested For Stealing An Elderly Person's Hotel Points
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"Hi, I am Peter Strzok. I protect America from Russian spies. But right now my time is being wasted by some paste-eating fucknugget traitors."
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Maggie Haberman paid for a laser light show, but all she got was an extremely grave and important moment in American history
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If your dad talked like Lou Dobbs and Gregg Jarrett, you'd take him to a neurologist
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RT @DoktorZoom "And you may find yourself in a beautiful Oval Office. http://t.co/RFonGqqgad".
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Tulsi ends her answer by being an asshole and asking why Elizabeth Warren thinks she is ready on day one to be president, but the moderator told Tulsi to go fuck herself and now it is a commercial. #DemDebate.
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OH MY GOD LOUIE GOHMERT ACCUSED PETER STRZOK OF LYING AND THEN ASKED HOW MANY TIMES DID HE LOOK INTO HIS "WIFE'S EYE" AND LIE TO HER AND THEN A CONGRESSLADY SCREAMED SOMETHING ABOUT LOUIE GOHMERT BEING "OFF HIS MEDICATION" HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING
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Maybe they should start Breitbart Fashion: For Women Who Also Think Women Are Stupid.
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"My fellow Americans, I am very proud to announce my latest failure."
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Also we are all Raja Krishmoorthi throwing shade at Elise Stefanik behind her back:.
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Silly Donald Trump Forgot To Invite Veterans To Big Veterans’ Meeting, DOY DOY DOY via @EvanHurst.
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Defense Inspector General Says Trump Lackeys Took Revenge On Vindman Brother For Impeachment. Yeah, No Sh*t. by @5DollarFeminist.
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Steven Mnuchin DID NOT Yacht-Party With Oligarchs And 'Accidentally' Lift All Their Sanctions, YOU SHUT UP. by @EvanHurst.
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Democrats Gonna Have To Learn To Win Without Florida. So Will Republicans Once Climate Change Swallows It LOL.by @EvanHurst.
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Mike Pence Is Just A Boy, Standing In Front Of The Federalist Society, Begging It To Not Kill Him.by @GaryLegum
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As Professor Evan Hurst said in the ChatCave, “She’s just straw manning sane people’s arguments for gun control by saying we ‘blame the gun.’ She’s a fucking moron and should stub her toe daily.”
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If you're drinking, make a toast to Robert Mueller, may he live forever and bring all these motherfuckers down
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Trump Reacts To Scary North Korea Nuke News By Bitch-Tweeting About Hillary via @EvanHurst.
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Breaking News!!!!. House Judiciary Committee voted 20-12 in favor of holding Mr. Barr In contempt.
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Can people stop calling her stylish and elegant now?. Let's not forget her hideous clothing line, sewn from our grandmothers' couch cushions by hostages overseas for pennies an hour.
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Trump Really Scared Of Jail If He Loses, So Confirm His Fears And MAKE HIM LOSE by @EvanHurst
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Carly Fiorina is going to drive the terrorists into the ground like they're a tech company. #GOPdebate
http://t.co/13oVyIIoOU.
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@realDonaldTrump You were the weakest link. Goodbye!. No, really, though. We're taking up a collection for a new fainting couch for you. What color would you prefer?. We know you already have Smelling Salts, because you were sniffing it very hard and loudly during that. whatever it was.
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Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children http://t.co/8LxGh0mGxX
http://t.co/FwZvqRaH5k.
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Take note, THIS is how you call for unity. Not by just yelling at people about unity. #DemsInPhilly.
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He says he's going to build concentration camps and keep migrants there, but don't call him a fascist or compare him to a Nazi
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Hey, Remember When Nancy Pelosi Killed 45,000 Americans By Passing Obamacare?.by @DoktorZoom.
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Wonkette's Legislative Badass honoree Rep. Elijah Cummings, who has subpoena power now and ain't that a shame, just dropped a giant request for documents on new White House Counsel Pat Cipollone. via @5DollarFeminist.
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Noted Adulterers The Gingriches Sent To Vatican In Diplomatic Move Of The Century via @KillerMartinis.
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