Mel Wilde
@WildeButch
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she/her only really on 🐦 to flirt with my wife 😘
Boston, MA
Joined July 2018
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Wide set breasts are normal. Sharing my experience in this thread to help anyone but especially young trans women who worry that having wide set breasts somehow marks them as trans or wrong
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As a c!s artist with a 🏳️⚧️ wife I can assure you it is not hard to make beautiful and affirming art of trans women. You just have to actually make it FOR them and not for chasers, c!shets, or to commodify and consume their bodies for tme's people's entertainment. Not difficult
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I am glad that folks are enjoying this tweet annnnd I will point out yet again that transfems have said almost exactly this before and they get harassed for weeks. I've only gotten praised. I didn't phrase it some super secret cool way I'm just c!s. Listen to trans women
As a c!s artist with a 🏳️⚧️ wife I can assure you it is not hard to make beautiful and affirming art of trans women. You just have to actually make it FOR them and not for chasers, c!shets, or to commodify and consume their bodies for tme's people's entertainment. Not difficult
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I was what they call an early bloomer by age 11 I was my full adult height (5'7") and a B cup. This combined with my social awkwardness and obvious Dyke-ness made me a target. But especially bc my breasts are wide set and even with the pushiest of bras I couldn't get any cleavage
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Back in the early '00's we didn't really talk much about how devastating the media is to young girls self esteem and breasts like mine weren't represented at all. So I grew up thinking I was broken that I just have grown too quickly and it messed up my body
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So if you're feeling bad bc your body doesn't look how you wanted it to look, how the media, or even other women told you is the "right way" you're not alone in that feeling you are not broken or wrong, I promise. Your body is normal and beautiful even if you can't see it yet 🫂
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It really wasn't until my mid/late twenties that I stopped feeling so jealous of other women and started to change how I felt about my body. Mostly bc I started dating women and saw more boobs and realized how much I loved all women's bodies and all the shapes they come in
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I hated my wide set breasts for about a decade. I thought they were ugly and the ever present reminder that I was doing womanhood wrong (SPOILERS I was just Butch the whole time) I spent so much time feeling broken and hating my body
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"But buuut I'm just depicting real life!" No you're not. You're laser focused on making sure your audience knows you're depicting a
TRANS
(hushed voice)
w o m a n
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Identity labels don't exist for the vibe or to make you feel good. They exist so that we can describe our oppression and thus deconstruct systemic inequalities. Women and some non men who love only other women and non men have unique issues under c!shet patriarchy
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I love how many people are finding this to be affirming and it is worthwhile to recognize that many brilliant trans women have said similar things and not gotten this level of reach. Being cis doesn't make me more of an expert on womanhood. Listen to and believe trans women ❤️
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Lesbians are not obligated to validate you no matter what. We aren't required to pander to hypothetical men who might be the exception. We can in fact just focus on making life better for women and non men who suffer in a world that defines our value by our proximity/use to men
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"identity labels are a social construct" YEAH a social construct to define a specific set of experiences that share the same oppression. It's not woke or progressive to redefine lesbianism in a way that ignores why we needed a label in the first place
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PSA you can stop listening to music or reading books made by men and no one can stop you. I started prioritizing listening to women artists and reading books written by women about 8 years ago and I've never once regretted it
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All dating preference discourse boils down to:
* No one is entitled to a romantic partner
* Everyone should self-reflect on their own preferences
* Posting long rants about your preference is almost always about seeking validation for preferences you know are bigoted
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New sticker design! What do you think? Still working on getting my store set up in Massachusetts and I'm making some new designs for my relaunch
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@Coolio_Ash
It helps me sometimes to look at what was fashionable in history bc we have Regency Tits, Bridgerton Boobies if you will, we achieve naturally what women of that time spent a lot of money and corsetry to get People today just don't appreciate Jane Austen knockers like they should
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@rens_twi
Sometimes loving your body is hard. It's ok to just accept your body sometimes. I don't always have it in me to love mine either. Sometimes we are our own harshest critics and it's ok to call that mean little voice in the back your mind a c*nt and tell her you deserve kindness
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This is the science-ification of transmisogyny
@hankgreen
and
@savroge
didn't care that it isn't correct it confirms their bias. Most people are only accepting of trans women if trans women are seen as less than bc they are bullies and cowards who want a convenient scapegoat
Since my beloved activated my bat-signal, I'm going to go through this video and spotlight the egregious things I see.
This is about six minutes in: an elision of monotherapy E, which suppresses T well and is achievable on gel or injections. Video does not mention gel.
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As an artist I have a duty to try to understand all of the impacts of my art not just the impact I wish it might have or my intentions. I have a responsibility to look at the wider implications and cultural context my art exists in. How my art is being used and who is enjoying it
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If your art is in a public space it is absolutely your responsibility to be certain that you understand how that art is going to be viewed by the public. Shrugging off what other community members say about the impact of your art is either lazy or uncaring
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My Butch-ness is inseparable from my womanhood and sense of femininity and for this Butchtober I wanna talk about it
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I wish people would take pride when an artifact (a book, movie, etc) from our childhood starts being seen as problematic bc it is a marker of how much we've grown as a community that things "good people" enjoyed are coming under critique. And to be clear they SHOULD be critiqued
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@MedicTrommasher
@shojokakumellie
Bc bi women dating women face more homophobia than bi women who date men. Yeah all bi women face bi erasure but bi women who are married to c!s men do not have to worry about their marriage being criminalized, or to double check before kissing their spouse in public etc
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Absolutely agree that there are many disingenuous afab folks who want to be held as the exception almost always to hide how they are being violent towards transfemmes. Marginalized people absolutely can be bullies who weaponize their oppression to obscure their transmisogyny 💯
I dislike the way the definition of “TMA” seems to be continually expanded in a way that dilutes and therefore makes useless the entire concept
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The horizon zero down remaster is an excellent example of bad representation. Not just bc the art is poorly done but bc it was done to support all the c!s men who were mad that they couldn't sexualize Aloy enough. This change wasn't made with women centered as the audience
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Art exists in conversation with community and society. If bigots can use your art to harass members of your community you have an obligation to mitigate harm. Mitigating harm can look like a lot of different things but it doesn't look like refusing to acknowledge critique
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First off go listen to Fae bc YES 🙌
Secondly this crops up a lot in Butch Femme discourse with people saying Butches (like me) are GNC but Femmes aren't and it's the stupidest brain worm sh!t every single time. And it pisses me the frack off
why is it that cys women can be GNC if she… idk… cuts her hair short, wears leather and has big muscles but a trans woman growing tits via hrt is assimilationist and gender conforming?
do ya’ll even understand the world around you?
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😂 ok not ONLY praised but seriously this is a bland take. I didn't tell anyone to only listen to the trans women I'm mutals with or to only make a certain kind of art. I just said to listen to trans women and make art for them not just about them. If that makes you mad... 🤷♂️ Idk
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If you're mad bc I'm a c!s person saying this. ME TOO. Please PLEASE listen to trans women instead of me. But assuming the worst about me or my intentions is only a story you've come up with it's not actually an accurate reflection of me. The world sucks but I am not your enemy🖤
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@Faerynnistired
My unpopular opinion is that Shonda is following a similar trajectory as folks like Joss Wheddon. They made a big hit that pushed SOME boundaries and now refuse to update their activism while clinging to the idea that they are woke bc they make a small % of bigots uncomfortable
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Apparently this art was of a c!s woman that he turned into a man on purpose and as a Butch c!s woman I'm just going to make it clear that there are ABSOLUTELY problems with masculinizing c!s women in media without providing enough context
I made this to show how easy it would be to not degender the model while maintaining the gist of this artist's style. I didn't hyper-feminize the model I just didn't hide what was already there. "Stylistic choices" is not an excuse
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@alyraejepsen
@shipsposting
@GS_Maxxx
Nope it's usually incredibly competent and highly productive women in high stress jobs who need to roleplay so they can let go of having to be the decision maker in every aspect of their lives. You're missing the whole picture by focusing on a single aspect of a complex situation
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@MedicTrommasher
@shojokakumellie
What you're likely struggling with right now is that as a bi woman who is married to a man you are both privileged and marginalized and you maybe don't like the idea that you might be contributing to the oppression of LGBTQ+ folks bc you have privilege. If so unpack that feeling
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Does it make you uncomfortable that you enjoyed a piece of media that normalized r*pe, SA, misogyny, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, classism, etc?
Good. Sit with that.
Don't be a little wimp and try and hide from it by making excuses for why it was justified this time 🙄
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"I'm a good person thus the things that I love are good always let me now excuse all these shitty things..." NO absolutely not.
Demonstrate your "goodness" by listening to critique and choosing community over an aging piece of media that's primary value to you is just nostalgia
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If a c!s queer tells you (trans women) that you are privileged for your "male socialization" 🙄 just ask them if they feel privileged for their heterosexual socialization
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@alyraejepsen
@shipsposting
@GS_Maxxx
Doms for for-fucking-ever have taken care of submissives who are big deal decision makers irl and come to a Dom specifically to be taken care of and told what to do. This is not new you just don't like the packaging which is fine no one is asking you to get on all fours and bark
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Yup. The number of queer folks who are visibly disappointed when I correct them on my pronouns or assert that I am in fact just a cis woman. Or who try to tell me that I don't know myself and it's just a matter of time before I transition. 🙄 Y'all sound the same as conservatives
I'm gonna need you all to stop assuming butchness is a precursor to ftm transition
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Putting the responsibility of deconstructing gender norms for women disproportionately on the shoulders of trans women is never actually about deconstructing gender norms it is only ever about punishing trans women, silencing them, and denying them full access to womanhood
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Just a reminder it's not too late to start doing whatever you're dreaming about 🖤
I didn't identify as a lesbian till I was 26
I didn't start my art journey till I was 29
I didn't identify as Butch till I was 30
I didn't find my wife till I was 33
It's not too late
🖤🫂🖤
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@alyraejepsen
@shipsposting
@GS_Maxxx
Most of these folks (not all are women) struggle with constantly taking on too much and not knowing how to advocate for themselves. They also usually have deep rooted trauma of not getting their needs met and this is a simple way of letting go of all that
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I made this to show how easy it would be to not degender the model while maintaining the gist of this artist's style. I didn't hyper-feminize the model I just didn't hide what was already there. "Stylistic choices" is not an excuse
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@LootPuppy
The best response I've found with this is to ask c!s gays if they think they were socialized straight and if they're willing to say yes to that to then ask them if it was a privilege 🙃
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Hey y'all just a reminder that the persistent belief that any goal you achieve is a bad goal bc you were able to succeed and that the only correct goals are ones that are unattainable or that require you to break yourself in order to succeed... Yeah that's trauma babe
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@ChloePlays_
@LootPuppy
You acting like lesbians are EVERYWHERE in media is hilarious. You are framing this as us in competition and that is pretty weird. We don't have to think about fictional characters the same way there's literally room for everyones head cannon if you'd stop being so weird about it
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@shojokakumellie
10000% the number of people I've heard say socially constructed = fake 🙄 omg
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Preemptive blocking is a gift you give to yourself. That is self care right there. I've yet to have someone complain about me blocking them who wasn't just mad that I wouldn't let them hurl abuse at me. It is not a flex to performatively accept abuse in the name of appearing woke
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@seeuspacec0wgrl
🫂 that dude was trash. I'm so glad you found someone who loves your whole self. My lady holds a similar space for me and it feels so good to be able to lean on each other
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@LootPuppy
Also like the big reason they get called bi as far as I can see is bc they dated men before getting together which is stupid. Most lesbians dated men before coming out. They just don't like to think that their Harley/Joker shit is creepy AF
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Navigating queer spaces as a c!s Butch is sometimes challenging as many queer folks assume I am trans masc or will eventually transition and while I dont mind someone assuming that at a first glance it is irritating to be condescended too after you've asserted that you're a woman
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THIS! As a c!s Butch I get plenty of people trying to push me into a "male role" but it is NOTHING compared to my transfem Butch friends. I've watched several transfem Butch friends navigate how to be Butch while dealing with constant m!sgendering and masculinizing and it is BS
the dangers, ime, of dating as a transfem butch is people getting very weird about the fact that i am a masculine trans woman and the sentiment that i make them feel more feminine in contrast. it’s actually triggering >.<
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To anyone and everyone who is feeling sui-cidal: I made my first try when I was 19 and now at 35 I am so so so grateful I didn't succeed. It does get better. This huge feeling will pass. Life will take you in unexpected directions if you just stick around long enough to find out
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Please note I am not a cop so if you experience being Butch differently that's totally cool I ain't here to police your identity. Nor am I going to debate mine. I invite you to just listen and so comments will be limited
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My girlhood was defined by being told that I wasn't doing "girl" right. My mom wanted a girly girl and I was forced into what she saw as appropriately feminine. Butch was a word that for the first time ever described the whole of me without separating me from being a woman
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And while I am grateful for the work we're doing to normalize masculine women the very traits that are usually identified by others as masculine are the ones that make me feel most a woman. It ends up feeling sometimes like we're policing the same gender binary in a fun new way
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Read it. Read all of it. I am so profoundly grateful to have the chance to learn from such powerful women. If you read this and feel defensive especially if you live in the West I'm begging you to take some deep breaths and read it again. ❤️
A brief statement.
I'm not interested in perpetual relitigation, minutiae, or flagellation without end. This is what I have to say, and no more. Absorb it, consider it, understand it--or don't, and block me. I'm done answering for imagined sins.
Read:
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Society loves to tell women that they simultaneously aren't enough and too much. Women, especially lesbians, who don't fit in with stereotypical c!shet feminity get degendered and othered. It's vital for us to have words like Butch and Femme that affirm our gender as queer women
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As a society we haven't decoupled the word masculine from what we view as stereotypically male. Being called a masculine woman always separates me a little from other women. It says these traits here don't belong to the word feminine and is often used to say I am less of a woman
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Breaking the gender binary can look a lot of ways and for me it means embracing the idea that my assertiveness, my dive head first into life mentality, my muscles, my style, my work ethic, my Butch essence is inherently female 🖤
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@DrMichaelAnn
@mutt_g1rl
A 1000% it is awful. I get praised for what gets transfems harassed for weeks. It's disgusting
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I highly recommend reading this thread and remembering that even c!s women feel weird and not enough. So holding yourself to the standard of being perfectly 💯 sure and comfortable to be worthy of womanhood is dumb and self harm. You are enough exactly as you are right now ❤️
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Instead of seeing myself as parts that were separate (this is my fem side this is my masc side) I could be a unified whole. I wasn't doing woman wrong or trying to be like a guy I was just Butch and it was such a relief
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@alexisdead_jpg
Add cultural context. Give her a bag with pins one can be the trans flag. Give her a cat ear headband on her headphones. Make her wear Mulan tshirts and read comics of Mystique. You can drop hints through the interests and hobbies and types of things she likes
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@mochiCh8
@aletheia327
We're all socialized under c!shetero patriarchy. How that actually looks is dependent on intersectional factors such as race, socioeconomic class, religion, etc. "Male socialization" is a terf dog whistle used most often to demonize trans women not to critique c!s men
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The Butches I met as a young lesbian unlocked something as their confidence, swagger, bluntness, gruffness, their big hands, beaten up pocketknives, dirty boots, and worn leather jackets all folded into their womanhood seamlessly as Butch. I saw myself whole in their reflection
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@MedicTrommasher
@shojokakumellie
You are valid in your bisexuality and no one can take that away but it is not responsible for me or anyone else to center your experience bc this is a triage and your experience is not as marginalized as bi women who are married or in relationships with women
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@LootPuppy
And like whatever they wanna head cannon them both as bi. Fine. Do that. Us head cannoning them as lesbians doesn't take anything away from that. But y'all getting weird every time people have the audacity to call two fictional women dating lesbian is something to unpack
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Pro tip if your wife is having a rough day making her favorite cake helps
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"It-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face..."
🔥👀🔥
WHATTHEFUCKDIDIJUSTREAD
“butch is already an accepted gender and transitioning to butch as a trans women is still conforming.”
okay that’s a wrap people! the discourse is so fucking ridiculous at this point. have fun larping radicalism i guess
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A concept I think a lot of my theorist mutuals should know about if they don't already is The Race to Innocence. As things continue to deteriorate in the US I think it will become increasingly relevant not just between c!s women but between marginalized communities as a whole
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@An_Aria_Blooms
Yep. Every time I hear someone complaining bc their bf wasn't welcomed at a sapphic event I think "what did he do?" Bc chances are high he did something shitty and I will not give men the benefit of my doubt.
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Cried directly into my wife's eye tonight. That tear hit nothing but air and her eye. New level of intimacy unlocked! we're literally crying each others tears now 😂
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@shipsposting
No one tell this person about cottagecore lesbians!!!! Lol ah yes being playful and having desires that don't fit into the modern urban cynicism was the villain all along!
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C!s women of color especially Black women face masculinizing as a way to deny them full access to womanhood. As do disabled and fat c!s women. If you want to play with gender in a fun messy way be careful of who might be getting unintentionally hit by your mess
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@MeowFurTeddy
@NinaNyxa
@chickytenderr
@palestar_nai
@voidblossomed
It would be dumb to say that I have privilege bc as a lesbian I was heterosexually socialized just bc I was expected to be straight. It would be denying a whole lifetime of abuse for not being straight. But that is exactly what you're saying to trans women
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Just a reminder trans fellas... women, especially trans women/femmes, don't owe you access to them romantically or sexually, you are not entitled to a date just bc you're a "nice guy". Also if you're focusing on dating in general community spaces you're probably being a creep.
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A lot of cis women who are chasers want someone they know they can abuse without consequences and then play the victim knowing society will take their side (purely bc they're cis) and then let society continue the abuse on their behalf even after their trans partner has left
People saying "the best of both worlds" about trans women always meant "we can deride you as men AND talk down to you as women."
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Using afab is a choice. A choice meant to exclude
Love how many posts that are about “normalize afab bodies!” feature bodies that look exactly like mine and those of other trans girls. Did you know some of us are also fat with curves?
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How do I ✨ respectfully ✨ tell other queer folks I'm befriending to not put me in the fuckzone? Part of what stops me making friends is navigating this undercurrent of sexual expectations. I've had a fair number of people disappear once I make it clear sex isn't on the table
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Showing off my custom hat from Daughter of Mercury Metalworks! It's literally the coolest thing I own now. Go check out her stuff on 📸 gram
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THIS. c!s women constantly find ways to make trans women second class /lesser women with sh!tty phrases like "welcome to womanhood", using afab for experiences that trans women have too, and believing that trans women don't have girlhoods or were socialized male. Frack that sh!t
Even if trans women DID have a biological advantage at sports - which we do not - it would not matter.
Our womanhood is not secondary to c!s women's - we are as much women as c!s women are, and we belong in women's spaces as much as c!s women do.
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I'm just saying if you love
@ChappellRoan
bc her songs are such an upbeat profusion of queer women's / lesbian joy you'd probably also love:
* Be Steadwell
* Super Knova
* Yani Mo
* Ms White
* Kehlani
Just in case you are getting a little tired of H-O-T-T-O-G-O 💀
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Part of my personal philosophy around social media use is to not engage in public call outs of other marginalized people or publicly argue with marginalized people who outright disagree with me bc the negative impact on them is usually greater than what I intend or want
Personally, I believe in this approach, even in a small public setting, ie a group chat, Discord server, organizing group, etc. The power balance is constantly tipped against the trans woman in these scenarios.
It’s really important to remember: People tend to have low patience
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@BrufdPsoma
@MedicTrommasher
@shojokakumellie
This is not what "oppression Olympics" means. If we fail to talk about different types and degrees of oppression we miss the nuance of each others experiences and marginalization which means we can't effectively fight our oppressors
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My wife (from the new England): yeah let's go to the beach I'll bring my new bathing suit 😍
Me (from Washington State): Bathing suit? 🤔
My wife: yeah we can go in the water! 🥰
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO IN THE WATER? 😱😮😵
Both of us: ITS THE OCEAN?!?!
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Also... being newly Out is a relatively (hopefully) small part of our experience as Queer folks yet it is held up as the most important piece to represent in media despite the fact that coming out stories are literally everywhere and this is dangerous especially for trans women
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As a fat cis Butch I love to talk about how my positionality has given me some insight and a lot of empathy for my lady love who is trans femme. I would never ever claim that my experience is even close to the same or that I have the right to talk over her. Ever.
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At a certain point you have to recognize that the issue isn't that they don't understand the issue is they just don't care. And while we can fix ignorance with well reasoned arguments, we can't logic someone into empathy if they are committed to not caring
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@NightPunks
Maybe the fact that so many trans women are finding what I said affirming should indicate to you that you are missing a crucial piece of understanding. Maybe get curious why instead of dismissing what they say as just their personal experience
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Butch women are still women. Yes even transfem Butches. Equating us to men or defining Butchness as male coded stereotypes has gotta stop. We do not exist to satisfy your fantasy of having it "both ways". Especially not transfem Butches. If you wanna date a man just do it already
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"But female musicians are harder to find" at first yeah but then you start finding cool artists that you never would have known about who are making far more interesting songs that actually speak to your experiences as a woman
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I cannot emphasize enough how much I love fresh veggies from the farmers market. I walked home hot, sweaty, and smelling like crushed basil. PERFECTION!
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As a visual artist I wholeheartedly second this. Gen AI has nothing without the labor of folks like me and Fae and countless other artists and writers. If you use generative AI for any purpose, literally any purpose, you are stealing from small creatives
generative AI shit (including writing) is perfectly fine and actually i’m a selfish bitch for wanting gen AI to burn.
fuck you, that’s how i live in this shithole of a society that doesn’t seem to be changing any time soon.
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@alyraejepsen
@chickytenderr
If you remove things from their meaningful context it is very easy to conflate them especially when you're making a bad faith argument 👍
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Free Palestine.
Daily Crow-Affirmation: May my heart remain soft
Today we're taking a tiny break from our Halloween fun to recognize the ongoing effort to free Palestine
See thread below
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Butch tip for soup season: keep a gallon freezer bag in your freezer and fill it with your veggie scraps from regular cooking and when it's full use it to make a simple homemade stock. Trust me it will taste 10000% better than store bought stock
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Transmisogyny that comes from within the queer community is like TERF NOS. It supercharges their bias. They found the queer-o who they'll quote for years and hold up as proof that they aren't transphobic it's just science! Get fucked the lot of you pick-me cowards
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Thank you to my lady love
@DrMichaelAnn
for being the first person to ever to respect what I wanted and give me a lovely day without it being at all about my birthday. Thank you for understanding and loving me exactly as I am ❤️
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FYI anyone can carry narcan and it's very easy to learn how to administer it. I used to live in a much rougher area and I carried it around bc we'd get overdoses in my neighborhood fairly often. Harm reduction is community care
My pharmacy writes narcan prescriptions at request and we sell needles over the counter. We do that to reduce harm. Yall would do a lot better if you just let people do what they want and just helped them do it safely.
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