David Simmons
@WholeTimeDavid
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Writer | Husband | Father | 𝕲𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖙𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝕰𝖆𝖘𝖙 𝕭𝖆𝖑𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 via Broken River Books
Baltimore
Joined February 2009
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Yesterday I wouldn’t let my daughter eat any more candy so she lay down in the grocery store and some old lady walking by gave me a disapproving look for not immediately pulling her up off the floor, and my daughter smiled and looked up at me and said, “You like that?”
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I think there is too much small town representation in horror. I want more big town horror. Population gotta be 500K or more. I’m tryna read a book about a haunted high-rise building the size of Lefrak City or Lexington Terrace with 15,000 people in it, that would be nuts.
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This is my
@StephenKing
shelf that I inherited from my mother. Most of these books are older than me. I grew up on them. I was 9 and my mom handed me Cujo and said, “After you read this, you’ll be a man.”
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Yo big love to
@BrianKeene
and
@marysangiovanni
for how you treated my family. My wife and daughter and I loved spending the day with y’all. Thanks so much for having us!
Vortex Books & Comics
477 Locust St
Columbia, PA
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Yooooooooooooooooooooooo
B.R. Yeager is the greatest for sending me this definitive B.R. Yeager collection, signed by the madman himself!
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Yo I made Brian Evenson’s 2023 reading list. Can’t nobody tell me shit now boaaaaaaa!
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I just want you to know that I’m out here in these streets selling these books so I can quit my 9-5 and tat my fucking face, that’s like 50% of my motivation to write, the rest is because I wanna be for you what Evenson is for me.
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My daughter just learned “Guess what? Chicken butt” and she won’t stop saying it but then I said “Guess why? Chicken thigh” and she was completely flabbergasted. Ngl, I fucked her whole world up with that one. She never gon be the same again.
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Celebrating my wife because today is her birthday ❤️🔥
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Yo I wish some writers would go at each other like these rappers are right now
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Yo writer beef funny as hell cuz it’s always so soft and nobody ever gets physically injured and if you ask a non-lit person if they know about the dude who wrote about his dead wife, or the shordie who tryna copyright the sun, they be like, “I read 50 Shades of Gray once” 😭
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I saw her one time and said GYATTTTTTTDAYUMMMMMMMM and I ain’t left her side since! 💯
Please rt with the story of how you met your s/o. I want to know. Even if it’s “not interesting” 🫶🏼
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This is a tragedy. For the families of the dead. For all of us. Orioles season plus the bridge collapsing bout to make the city go crazy. That was the only hazmat crossing since that’s banned in the tunnel. Ships gonna have to get rerouted to Philly. It’s gonna be a hot summer.
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I’m excited to announce that I have a collection of short stories called “Foul Black Rookeries” coming out this May.
Foul Black Rookeries
Publisher: BRUISER
@bruisermag
🧵 1/
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Ayoooooo don’t do me like that 😭
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3 of my favorite authors of all time at AWP right now. This picture is crazy to me. Very meaningful. IYKYK.
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The Cylburn Arboretum is one of Baltimore’s many hidden gems. A beautiful place that you don’t hear people talk about when they talk about Baltimore. But they should.
I asked my wife to marry me there.
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I don’t have an MFA or any formal education like some of y’all, everything I know about writing I learned from reading Brian Evenson books in prison. I really like words and stories though, and I really appreciate all the love and support I’ve gotten from the writing community.
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When did you first see yourself represented in cinema?
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When I got to the motorcycle part in The Only Good Indians by
@SGJ72
, I had to put the book down, yell, “Oh shitttttttt” and then I ran around the room like this:
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If you my friend and you also a writer, don’t be surprised if I start running through your whole catalog and sending you “and what did you mean by that?” texts in the middle of the night, I do that shit to Brian Allen Carr at least once a week fr.
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Yo if you see one of these stickers in Baltimore or DC, take a pic and tweet it to me and I’ll send you a signed copy of Ghosts of East Baltimore or Ghosts of West Baltimore
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Finished my third novel today and took my daughter to Disney on Ice. It was a good day!
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I wish y’all outsiders would keep our name out your mouths. Baltimore has the 8th largest police force in America and the bridge is the responsibility of the MD transportation police you dickhead dayroom dummy.
This ship would have been piloted by a Maryland-licensed pilot. Apparently it lost power and was adrift. At first, I wondered why cops weren’t at either end of the bridge stopping traffic. Then I remembered that Baltimore’s mayor defunded the police, and they have no cops.
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I ain’t never fuck with Batman like that cuz I don’t understand how the Bat Signal works. How is he supposed to know where to go? That signal is in the whole sky, that’s vague, there could be crimes happening slightly to the left.
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Yo my short story “Food Is Poison” made the
@TenebrousPress
BRAVE NEW WEIRD shortlist. If y’all wanna read that joint in the meantime, here it go:
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Whole time, we’re here today with Juno Simmons for her 1-minute review of
@horrorsong
’s “The Wingspan of Severed Hands”
@WeirdpunkBooks
2020
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I’m at a doctor appointment wearing an EyeHateGod shirt and this old Auntie just asked me, “Whyyyy?” all upset-like
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Yo people who complain about their social media feed are dumb as hell, boa. You curated that shit yourself. All I ever see are guns, sneakers, books and people who are experts on both black metal and southern rap music for some reason, and that shit is the best ever!
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I got my MFA in the streets, lor boaaaaa!
(Money, Fentanyl, Ammunition)
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I was on some way different shit before I wrote books
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All this discourse about a $350K advance ending up only being $267K got me thinking I don’t give a fuck boaaaa, that’s a whole brick of fentanyl with 70K left for gold and ice. I’m just sayin!
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This shit weird as hell. You should be taking your babies to parks with playgrounds and museums and arboretums. Not fake-smacking them in the back of the head.
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Yesterday I was ostracized and attacked by the other Broken River Books writers for not knowing who George Romero is. Grant was distraught that I refuse to watch movies that came out before Alien and Kelby asked me if I was in prison for 50 years instead of 3. 😭
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Hi Rick, my name is David Simmons and I am a horror writer from Baltimore. I am not a killer drummer or a person who spends nights in Tampa and I apologize for that. However, I do consider myself an expert on the movie Whiplash. AMA
@WholeTimeDavid
Dude I watched your solo last night in Tampa. You killed it brother.. 🤘🤘killer drummer.. keep Rocking 🤘
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I’m so happy I can’t see what y’all like anymore, it would always really disappoint me when I would see my favorite authors like some lame shit
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Juno mad at me because I told her she can’t wear two different types of denim at the same time because we not from New York and now she keep saying, “Yes we are! We ARE from New York” but we are not, so I can’t be on no gentle parenting when it comes to this.
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One thing for sure, two things for certain, I’mma be out here in these streets hustling these books every week because I believe the best way to become a successful writer is by selling books to people.
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There’s a reason for this. Let me tell you about my time working in the hot wings industry. A thread 🧵
The carrots and celery sticks that come with chicken wings taste better than regular vegetables
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I used to kick it with this girl who’s uncle was a bank robber and he got out when we were like 20 or 21, and I thought he was gonna teach me how to rob banks and shit but he mostly just asked me for cigarettes and to drop him off downtown because he couldn’t get a license.
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I’m excited to share with y’all that my new book, Ghosts of West Baltimore, is out today!
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I have this idea for an online service where you outsource your beef to somebody who can actually fight and then they come through and knock out whoever you got a problem with. It’s gonna be called OnlyHands.
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This my 1-minute in the car review of
@ElsbyCharlene
’s “Violent Faculties” which I loved so very much.
Coming from
@CLASHBooks
2/2024
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Yo I’m watching this movie called “Whiplash” and this boa is definitely taking the drums too seriously, I believe
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If you missed my story in
@hobartpulp
called “Percocet Helps” about how Percocet helps, you can read that joint right here
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Yo BR Yeager’s writing is the type of shit that make you commit crimes and then when you get caught, if the police don’t kill you first, you blame it on his book.
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This book I got coming out with
@apocpartypress
next year is my favorite joint ever, being in the main character’s headspace for so long has turned me into an animal, now everyday I’m ready to crash out like:
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Baltimore low key one of the best food cities in America because corporations are afraid to invest in the city so we have very few chain restaurants, which means you end up with endless unique and local one-off joints but y’all can keep going to Atlanta and DC for food.
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My new book comes out tomorrow and I’m very excited to share it with yall!
My favorite author, Brian Evenson, had this to say about my shit:
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@AutumnK2022
Respectfully, if you cryin off a 1-star review, you not really built for this writing shit.
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Everytime I’m in the dispensary I’m just so shocked I used to get locked up for this
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I can’t listen to no Cole or Kendrick. I’ve tried. I’m not saying they aren’t talented, I just prefer listening to music about selling drugs and killing people.
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I recently watched Mandy again, and although it is still my favorite movie, we must admit that it is basically a movie about a goofy showing his goofy-ass mixtape to a lady who need to wash her hair, and then she laughs at him, and things really escalate from that point.
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First thing I’mma do when I become a famous author is buy my daughter some Cuban links with ice, second thing I’mma do is bring back serious literary beefs with other writers where we spin blocks and shoot at each other like Jean Lorrain and Marcel Proust
If I ever end up in a position where I'm riddled with accolades and power and you catch me spending my time putting down new writers, I sure hope I'll have friends who love me enough to tell me I'm causing harm to everyone including myself.
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Boa when I get that Joe Hill money the last thing I’mma be worried about is some reviews. I’mma be tew busy at the jewelry store! FYTB?
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I fuck with this cover even more than the original. This book is top 10 for me and one of the reasons I write
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Whole time, all I wanna do is love my wife and daughter and write books and use the money I make from those books to buy more Jordan 5’s and gold jewelry.
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Yo I can’t wait to do my reading at KGB tomorrow cuz it’s a short story about Dundalk and I’m finna gesticulate wildly and do the accent for y’all
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Yo me and my daughter crushed a whole box of strawberry fig newtons today those joints are amazing I don’t even have time for punctuation right now expressing this shit to you GYAT
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I don’t fuck with the saxophone. It don’t sound good and it’s real condescending with all those buttons and shit.
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I’m grateful to have a story in this joint. Get your copy today ❤️🔥
👽💀 RELEASE DAY FOR BRAVE NEW WEIRD 👽💀
Congratulations to…us! F$&k it, we’re patting ourselves on the back all day long, along with the 23 incredible storytellers who grace the pages of this collection of the BEST NEW WEIRD HORROR OF 2023.
Available now in our webstore🖤☠️
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Yo I’m really excited to speak to the kids at the Monarch Academy this Wednesday. I’ll be talking about losing access to education, the incarceration system, and how books made the difference of getting free and becoming a writer.
So grateful to
@WriteOnSteph
for this!
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Brian Allen Carr said I need to read Jesus’ Son by Denis Johnson so after I put Juno down for her nap I’m finna do that.
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Sometimes I think the greatest short story ever written is “Skullpocket” by
@NBallingrud
. Other times I think it’s “Life Without Father” by Brian Evenson. I think both are really important.
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Signed copies of Ghosts of East Baltimore and Ghosts of West Baltimore are now available at Vortex Books & Comics.
Stop by today.
477 Locust St, Columbia, PA 17512
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This is a good time to remind you that you can purchase Ghosts of West Baltimore. See why Brian Allen Carr said I was the Joyce Carol Oates of Charm City
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