Waxe Wod
@WaxeWod
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Called "hot & honest" by Publishers Weekly & "charming as fuck" by a friend. 24/7 caregiver to a stroke survivor. Erotica writer since phones had cords. 🧵 🌈
Heart Attack & Vine
Joined May 2010
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@johnlapine
"Don't Let the Poets See This" sounds like the title of a brilliant poetry collection. ♥️
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@davematt88
@nytimes
All of it. They want all of it. Prayers in school, no gay marriage, no consensual same sex relationships, no birth control, no sex education, no sodomy (in all of its many definitions). That said, they tend to engage in many of the activities they pretend to dislike.
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@megelison
One of my young coworkers dressed as Holland dressed as Rihanna this Halloween. It was an effort from the heart. She sewed her own costume, grew her hair out, and went for it 1000%. On the street, a woman called out to her: "UMBRELLA!"
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#SignsYouAreRich
You like to tell poor people who don't even own a dinghy that they should cut back on their coffees out and avocado toast, while you're kicking back in your private jet on the way to your private yacht.
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I used to write as Alison Tyler. I think I'm going to be someone else now.
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Although I tend to be more concerned about my front story, here is a little of my backstory.
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I misread a woman's bio. I thought it said she was a novella, but it's actually that she's a novella writer. I'm thinking that I am an illegible note scribbled on the back of a junk mail envelope. If you were a type of reading material, what would you be?
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Men who proclaim that they don't even see women who are over 40 don't seem to realize that turning invisible to assholes is one of our superpowers.
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My stunning non-binary, trans LGBTQ kiddo was signed yesterday with a San Francisco modeling agency. No joke. 🤩🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
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Rude customer walks around the store putting down our hick town and our hick clothes and our hick hickness. And then walks up to me and demands: "Where around here can you get wi-fi?" And I look at her with wide eyes and say, "What's wi-fi?"
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OMG! Parker (my 18 year old) just got cast as Kenickie Murdoch in a production of Grease!
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If there was a sitcom based on your life, what would it be called?
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@NataliaHodgins
My husband is permanently disabled after 2 strokes. I've chronicled some of the truly insensitive statements people have made to/about him. I really hate the idea that some people hold onto that the disabled person either just needs to try or pray harder.
People who want Sam to "work harder" to get better will (I am guessing based on statistics) one day be afflicted with something that they will not be able to work harder at in order to get better. I just wonder if they'll have the wherewithal to remember their callousness.
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My dad, trying to lose a few pounds, has given up ice cream. I think 80 is when you should eat all the ice cream you fucking want.
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It was about a buck. The girls were elated. Nobody else said anything. So when I went through, I pulled $10 on top of my purchase and said to him, "I saw what you did, and this is for you." Because I want to live in his world.
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Oh, I want this. For all of the editors out there—especially the ones who have helped clean up my work!
http://t.co/RC0uokhCP8
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My 17 year old trans kiddo got up at 6, drove to the ferry, and is going to be marching in the Pride parade in S.F., and I am hoping that they are able to stay safe. 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
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Am I the only person who finds it surreal that I have to confirm to a robot that I am, indeed, a human?
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Starting my Saturday by saying, Hello, Good Morning, and fuck bigots, racists, douchebags, transphobes, and the special blend of all four.
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@Logically_JC
My middle kiddo's kindergarten teacher was unbelievably excellent. She'd stay in at lunch with Parker to work on reading because Parker was so motivated. An actual crazy father hounded her until she quit the school system mid-year and teaching all together.
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On 12/11, my husband suffered a stroke. I've been trying (my best) to chronicle the situation here. More for my sanity than anything else.
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Dear Rich People,
If you raise the prices on every fucking thing at once, we won't be able to buy the stuff you want to sell us, won't be able to pay the rent you want to charge us, won't be able to afford gas for cars we can't buy.
What's the end game?
Sincerely,
Poor People
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Metropolitan Museum of Art. Because of "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler."
Tell me about where you’d self-isolate if you could
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I just misread a recipe that called for "one can of drained chickpeas" as "one can of damned chickpeas." And I realized that this is the cookbook I need: One can of damned chickpeas, 2 stupid pinches of salt, a spoonful of whatever the fuck that green stuff is in the small jar.
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Reading various articles on aging and (lack of) representation, wrinkles and (impossible) beauty standards. This is me at 53 with my (wet) blue hair. Crow's feet, tired eyes, and all.
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Okay. I'll give you a bit of happy news. I wrote a love letter to our local record store, and it looks as if the editor of our wee little newspaper is going to publish it and perhaps give me a regular tiny super-positive column (based on an idea I had).
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Some people are so worried that poor people will "take advantage of" the system that they don't realize the system is rigged to take advantage of poor people.
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My husband was in hospitals/rehab centers for three+ months beginning in December due to
#stroke
. I have taken countless photos of hospital signs. Here are some of my favorites.
#fontsunday
Thank you for all the great hospital themed fonts so far this
#fontsunday
. From journals, uniforms, signs, to theatre equipment - keep your examples coming!
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The best thing I did this week was look up my 3rd grade teacher, leave her a message, get a message back, and write her a letter & send her scarves. She was the best teacher I ever had. It feels belated to be sending this 44 years after I was in her class. Better late than never.
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So, this is the first day I have felt remotely human in 12 days, I think. My parents hired a nurse for Sam after the first few days, because I couldn't take care of both of us. I am moving v. very slowly.
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My mom was just transported to the hospital (an hour away) by ambulance. My dad is following. I'm here with Sam. I will keep you posted.
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So I got up early, got all of Sam's morning ablutions taken care of, he's had his meds, had his breakfast, I have two people on hand to help him if he needs help, and I am GOING TO GO GET MY HAIR DYED BLUE. No, really. I've wanted to do this since high school.
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My son just landed his first job. He's going to be bussing tables this summer!
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Did I tell you that Sam qualifies for a food delivery service? We tried it out cautiously, and he was very pleased with the first meal. This will help us a lot financially and time-wise. I'm pretty thrilled.
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So my car was going to cost $2,500 to fix. It had 235,000 miles and was a 2010 model. I took a deep breath and got a new car. I have never done anything like that on my own before. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I did everything solo. My dad watched Sam for me.
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Spoke this morning to the supervisor at the Long-Term Disability. Told the story from the ground up. Who Sam was before. What he's been through. What I've done for him for the past 24+ months. "First," he said, "I would like to commend you on your heroic behavior."
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People who think you can't be intelligent or eloquent if you write about blowjobs can suck a bag of dicks.
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Someone said to me while patting my hand: "All that you're going through will only make you stronger for what's coming next."
Holy fuck. What's coming next? Regenerating vampire zombies? Flying man-eating ottomans? Fire-breathing radioactive versions of my ex-boyfriends? What?
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I finished crocheting my first blanket entirely of yarn ends. I kind of want to call this one, "The Beginning." Sending it out on Monday to someone who has been seriously kind to us. It's a totally crazy blanket.
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I am learning that if you push back on people who are treating you badly after a lifetime of just taking it to keep the peace, folks are confused by your behavior. I've actually started saying out loud, "Look. I am making a valid boundary. And look. This is your response to it."
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Trying to raise the retirement age to 70 while wanting to loosen the child labor laws really does highlight the fact that the uber-rich want your whole fucking life to be simply a cog in the machine. Let kids be kids. Let our seniors retire. Pay people. Stop squeezing both ends.
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"You have blocked The Sun" is probably my favorite notification ever.
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"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"
Do people know this movie reference? Yay or nay?
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Apparently, I'm the type of person to write to the NYT when they're missing a word in Spelling Bee to show them that, yes, the word exists and in fact has been used at least 377 in The New York Times.
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The concept of a rug that strokes you back while you fuck on it is going to haunt me in my nightmares until the end of time.
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My mom fell down tonight. She hit her head and was bleeding. I called 911 and they've transported her via ambulance out of an abundance of caution. My dad followed in his car. I'm here with Sam. I will keep you posted as I know more.
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The "because I can" people out there — the ones who help a stranger out for no reason, the ones who offer a lift, a hand, a smile, a token, a wave, a wink, a step up, a handshake, an attaboy, a you got this, a coupon, a freebie, a pat on the back... thank you. You have no idea.
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Took the garbage out tonight, and found this perfect heart-shaped petal in the path.
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I honestly can't remember the last time I was laid flat like this. Everyone in my family got Covid differently. Fever/headache, GI, cough/sore throat... We avoided the virus for 2.5 years, even when Sam was in the hospital, and we have no idea how we managed to get it.
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I ended up in the ER last night with what turns out to be a massive ulcer. Got home at 6 a.m. Absolutely knackered.
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As someone who spent the better part of her career writing for publications like Penthouse & Playgirl, I don't find dirty words offensive. I find poverty offensive, & hunger, and defensive architecture & any situation in which a group of bullies work to hurt those less fortunate.
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My trans kid just said, "Allowing trans people to exist does not in any way hurt anyone." 🏳️⚧️ 💙
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Someone asked me how I was doing yesterday, and I mildly explained the situation and said my life was pretty sad right now. And they said, "But I imagine being a caregiver is very rewarding." I didn't really know how to answer, so I said, "Yes, you can imagine that."
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Literally nothing prepared me for what being a 24/7 caregiver means.
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No filters. Just a dark bathroom. This is always the face I make to my phone. I haven't cut my hair in 13 years or dyed it in 18, but I'm thinking of going cobalt.
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My mom is ill. We may be going to the hospital. So if I go missing for a bit...
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Today Sam is going to attend in-person physical therapy in SF for the 1st time. His helper will take him (which will cost $300, instead of $800 for a wheelchair van). I don't have to go, which means I will have six hours (the longest stretch I've had in 20 months) to fuck around.
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Sam's been longing for burritos. My dad bought the ingredients, watched videos on how to assemble, and made him one with great success. My dad just said: Tell him he can order day or night.
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I was able to participate at a local craft fair today! I sold one of Sam's paintings and several scarves and made $85! My dad stayed with Sam. I came home in the middle of the day to help. It was pretty awesome.
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Hey beautiful people. I want you to know that I'm very grateful to have you in my life. ❤️
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I make a lot of people uncomfortable. But I don't seem to make you uncomfortable. And I'm grateful for this. ❤️
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Best part of being a grownup, to me, was sex (lots of sex) and being able to do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Like going grocery shopping at midnight. Or drinking coffee at 2 a.m. Fucking, coffee, and midnight snacks, ammiright?
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According to several articles I've read, re-opening the economy too early could cause hundreds of thousands of unnecessary deaths. But hey. Rich people will get richer. So there's that.
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I woke up feeling sad (again), but Ziggy assures me that she loves me.
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I went out to lunch for the first time since Sam got sick. Empty restaurant. We were the first ones there. You're probably getting tired of my all caps, but it WAS AWESOME. Lunch with my eldest. Talking about her being a mom and me being a grandma. How cool is that?
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I'm not trying to be a wiseass, but if there truly was a liberal indoctrination occurring in schools, wouldn't we have more funding for shelters, food banks, low-income housing, lunch programs, libraries, teacher salaries, clinics, and the like?
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A woman came into the store this week, furrowed her brow in distaste, and asked me, "Is this all there is?"
"Existentially?" I asked. "Or commercially?"
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Mesdames et Messieurs, I am going out. I have been gifted two hours. I am taking those hours by the wrist, and I'm tossing them in the passenger seat, and I'm going to drive my two hours out to some secluded point and watch the sunset and fuck them so they'll always remember me.
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I told you we now qualify for meals to be delivered, and that even better, Sam loves the meals? Well, we now are going to be able to get 14 a week. I am over the moon!
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I GET TO GO OUT FOR THREE HOURS. Dude. It was offered, and I have accepted with open arms and an open heart. And now I have on lipstick and a Rolling Stones teeshirt, jeans with rainbows on the back pockets, a pair of kick-ass hoes, and a will to live.
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I've had this idea before, I'm sure, but a dating app for kissing. Just kissing. That's it. Kissing until your lips are bruised and your body's electric and you don't even remember your name or where you parked your car.
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Today is 39 months since my husband's two massive strokes. We're both still here. ❤️
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Shoutout to all the
#caregivers
who had a long fucking day and are going to have a long fucking day tomorrow but are still going to dig deep inside themselves and find whatever mojo they have left in order to square their shoulders and face all the challenges awaiting. You rock.
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People: You should try cold showers for your health.
Me: Oh, my god, no.
Hairdresser: You should take cold showers to preserve your blue hair.
Me: *never takes a hot shower again*
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Sell your car and take the public transit but don't be late for one of your three jobs or we'll can you and don't plan on any overtime or unemployment you fucking loser you should have worked harder, not gotten sick, not chosen to be so poor. —tips from the nobility to the serfs
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