Fenstanton FC (unofficial)
@UnofficialFenny
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Following
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Unofficial account for the Fenstanton FC men’s. Bunch of idiots & an ambarresment to the Cambs league & local football - Adrian Hayward 2/9/21
Fenstanton, England
Joined November 2009
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Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
Oh my! This is class! The pressure is on!
Love it Beppe!
2
7
44
Playing well below your level. Pumping teams, scoring loads.
It’s the equivalent of big tits on a fat bird, or a six pack on a skinny lad.
It’s doesn’t count for much.
1
3
80
People saying that grassroots football being postponed is bad for their mental health..
They’ve obviously not had some of the refs we’ve had this season - now that is bad for your mental health 😑💀
6
2
67
7
5
57
Before we do our normal piss take tweet, we would firstly like to say how strong the
@OverSports_FC
family is after their sad news and mostly how strong Billy is for wanting to play today. 🖤🤍
1
4
43
Our semi is now a full on boner!
A superb second half sees us roll
@RangersHartford
over 3-1 after being 1-0 down at HT.
Goals from
@liamg92official
x2 &
@Josh_heaford
@shukes__
can you let Freddy Francis out of your pocket for wee later, he’s been in there all afternoon
UTF
3
3
42
Hi
@goddyroversres
I hope you guys are staying home... or is your pitch waterlogged?
Banter. Stay safe blokes
1
0
40
Around 50 members that weren’t good enough to play football at school.
#eggchasers
#pissdrinkers
Around 50 members at
@StIvesRugby
this evening for training - A fantastic turn out 👍🏻🏉
@Max_Dominy
#SupportingOurLocalClubs
#localrugby
0
4
9
0
2
38
Cooorr, you’ve chunked at our tweet haven’t you
@RangersHartford
.. wasn’t really aimed at you lot, just a general passing comment about a number players in the cambs leagues... paranoia must be rife in Huntingdon 🥰
Aston Villa playing well below their level, pumping teams, scoring loads.
It’s the equivalent of big tits on a fat bird or a six pack on a skinny lad.
It doesn’t count for much
3
7
46
1
0
33
Senior B baby.
After 700 years in 1B we’ve finally escaped
2
3
33
The last game of the decade vs
@goddyroversres
is off. The pitch is slightly wet in patches.
The good news is that Oscars Dad can take Oscar down the 3G for a play & a go on the swings.
Now feet up, relax.. and let’s go to the pub with Nan
Have a Merry Fenny Christmas
4
1
32
We host
@W96_res
in the cage of dreams as we look to continue our fine form.
A few lads still under the weather from drinking cocked pints.
1 missing as he is taking his Mrs to Peterborough for her birthday - he obviously doesn’t like her very much as Peterborough is a shithole
1
1
31
A huge win for the boys against high flying
@MarchTownFC
Res 4-2 in a pretty pink kit.
@OllRiley_
got us underway,
@shukes__
with a header after good work from 🐟, grandad
@S_W_hastings
with a goal on his 53rd bday, before
@benhally07
sealed it.
4 in the pink, 2 in the stink
0
3
32
As the bear cage has sadly been left open, and they’ve been released back into the wild, we’ve managed to catch a few.
A new face in Jack Cleghorn. A regular return in Salv Merola & then a Cambs league Ronaldo style return for our all time leading scorer Josh Turner
MOWXFEN 🤝
3
0
29
3-1 win today vs
@OverSports_FC
res. 1-0 at HT but turned the screw 2nd half.
Goals from
@beza_88
@benhally07
& a peach of a free kick from
@sebhall70
The outdoor centres best ever takings behind the bar
Even Jeffery Dahmer came and cheered on the lads
Fantastic day
4
2
27
So the season is wrapped up with a 4-2 win against
@W96_res
with our team drawn out if a hat. Goals from
@shukes__
x2
@benhally07
& a collectors item from
@Streetaldinho
This photo was taken at half time
2
3
28
So we finally start our 2019/20 campaign this coming Saturday
Hi guys 👋😘
@houghtonwytonfc
@FCBrampton
@HemUtdFC
@goddyroversres
@MepalFC
@stivestownfcres
@GamlingayUnited
@ChatterisTownFC
@AlconburyFC1902
@ElyCityA
@SwavOfficial
3
0
28
We finally bloody win! 4-3 vs
@goddyroversres
Goals from
@BenHall93382017
x2
@sebhall70
& a first for
@91KReeves
put us 4-0 up, and it should of been about 8 to be fair.
@lgreen881
saving a pen on debut, before Goddy rallied to make things spicy 🌶
2
2
25
Merry Christmas Brammo, glad to see you’ve been in the Christmas spirit all season by giving away points as gifts.
Looking forward to having your pants down (again) in the summer
Our friends in the club, outside the club, our volunteers (their volunteers) in fact, anyone who loves the game, we wish you all a FANTASTIC Christmas, we will be back in the new year (if the
@CambsFA
allow it) so party, isolate, party !! love you all (except
@UnofficialFenny
)
0
0
23
0
0
28
First game of 2022 and it’s juicy one -
@HemUtdFC
Res at home, with the keys to the Music Box up for grabs
A couple of players missing for Fenny.
Not sure if Hemingford have big Dan Davidson playing, hopefully he’s too busy flogging shit on Facebook Marketplace
KO 2pm
1
0
28
We win. We actually win a game.
4-1 away against
@WestWrattingFC
Res
Goals from
@liamg92official
x3 - all screamers & a
@benhally07
tap in
Even got
@S_W_hastings
out of the old people home for a run out
6
2
27
2-0 win against a good
@W96_res
side.
Very ugly win, but we done enough to get her back in the taxi and into bed, although we had thumb in a softy.
But 3 points is 3 points
Goals from
@benhally07
(p) &
@liamg92official
Clean sheets by day
Dirty sheets by night
0
2
25
Hunts junior cup final v
@PRFC_TheLions
Tonight 7.45pm @
@WarboysTownFC
Sexy new kit!
Both teams with suspended players
Sleet forecasted
They have a bar
2
1
27
It’s Saturday, Res have an 184 mile round trip to the arse end of Bury St Edmunds. Big Mick has had a semi all morning, and Malley has been desperately been trying to pritt-stick down his Barnet to hide the receding hairline incase it’s windy in West Row!
It’s good to be back!
1
1
25
What rules have been bent? We didn’t think this lawless cup had any rules?
1
0
25
Tomorrow we face
@ElyCityA
at the Demcom Stadium.
We are also supporting the
#RainbowLaces
campaign, captain
@S_W_hastings
is wearing the 🌈band.
Striker Dean Butcher is a huge supporter of all things LGBT, his DVD collection indicates lesbians are his favourites.
Rainbow Nan
2
3
26
Fold Fenny - Many have tried, many have failed.
We are the bollocks.
DJ Sausage, carry on fiddling with knobs - only MCs can get vocal
0
0
25
With todays game being called off, and the
@HuntsFA
not doing programmes for this years final. The Admin has a bit of time on his hands today, so will publish the player profiles on here….
3
1
24
Tomorrow we host
@OutwellSwiftsFC
It will be a tough game against a good side!
Can’t tweet to much about Outwell as the banter got reported by some snowflakes & 2 of our ‘staff’ have received an FA charge over it!
The snowflakes are remainers & labour supporters
KO - 3pm
1
0
23
Confirmed
@HuntsFA
Junior Cup final
Date - 14th March 2023
Opposition -
@PRFC_TheLions
Venue -
@WarboysTownFC
Question - Who wants some?
1
2
24
Bit of transfer news this week. Harry Merola - sorry Taylor has left one relegation battle to join another one for
@GamlingayUnited
where he links up with his ex clipboard coach, who previously managed Haz for a very brief spell at
@OverSports_FC
Res last year
Best of luck Harry
0
0
23
Tomorrow we welcome
@goddyroversres
To Hall Green
Weathers has been terrible - rained a lot recently. This will be a new experience for Goddy as they have never played a game in the rain, after calling off every match between September & when the Rona came along
KO is at 3pm
4
0
24
Hey
@MarchTownFC
@LintonGrantaFC
have been naughty boys. And rumour from big Phil’s house is that they are getting all of their results since Jan wiped
Can we coach share with you for the cup final?
Suit ironed. Fenny Firm reassembled
4
0
25
No game for us today, we were due to play
@FcBuckden
but the game has been moved for some reason.
Our ressies take on
@HemUtdFC
A at the Pav (they have a bar) so how about coming down to cheer them on against a team with a geezer who has a Boris Johnson barnet
0
0
23
Who likes a juicy semi?
@RangersHartford
do you like a good semi?
Because that’s exactly what we’ve got today!
Hunts cup SF at Hinchinbrooke 3G - 1.30 KO
Toughest game of the season so far, with Hartford bang in form & scoring loads
Who’s semi will turn to a full bone?
0
1
23
It’s El Classico this Saturday as we head to
@houghtonwytonfc
which actually means something for the first time in a few years!
H&W are on the up with Miltz and Lloydy in the dugout.
Nan is coming along and hoping for another fumble in 3JBs toilets with
@Stevejeffs21
✊🏻💦
2
2
24
Tonight we travel to 1B elect
@wimblington_fc
in our second league game.
Both games last season were as tight as Fennys purse strings (unlike Wimbos 💰)
It’s an evening kick off so who Knowles what will happen. (Hoping to get some commission for this tweet)
6.15 KO in Wimbo
1
2
23
The main thing is we got to see just how stiff
@S_W_hastings
is for one last time as he has officially retired from Saturday football.
Poor old Sammy is now going to have to hide the bananas & watch double drop Guinness on Saturday.
It’s been a pleasure having you at fenny Twos
2
1
23
Today outs season draws to an end as your 3rd place heroes travel to
@W96_res
in a bit a draw names out of a hat line up. Even thought results suggest we have done this since February!
Congrats to
@wimblington_fc
&
@OverSports_FC
on promotion and a run of form that was unreal
1
1
23
2 things fell in today’s 2-1 loss to
@OverSports_FC
Res.
Aeroplanes in the first half with all the ‘offside’ flagging & the red mist in the second half.
Both teams had silly boys on the pitch and Over had a silly boy in the dug out.
Embarrassing behaviour in a friendly
3
0
23
It’s 10 unbeaten for the boys after todays 5-0 win vs Gt Paxton
Not bad considering half the team was hanging and lord nine inch was poorly.
Goals from
@benhally07
@beza_88
& a hat trick from king
@91KReeves
on his first game back
1
3
21
First gear Fenny squeeze past
@SwavOfficial
on pens after playing turd all game.
@sebhall70
& crowd favourite
@shukes__
with ‘the shits’ goals in a 2-2 draw.
@lgreen881
was the hero for Fen, with Fenny wannabe Archie’s arsehole falling out when he had the chance to win it
3
4
20
Looking for players. But must be a certain criteria.
Must like bobbly pitches & drinking
DM us if that sounds like you!
3
0
22
As
@squeezefootball
is running plenty of polls, we thought we would run our own. Who is your favourite member of Blue?
@simonwebbe1
@OfficialLeeRyan
@AntonyCosta
@MrDuncanJames
and please comment your reason why you chose them
#AllRise
#OneLove
Simon Webbe
57
Lee Ryan
123
Antony Costa
34
Duncan James
331
20
10
23
Local darbs vs
@HemUtdFC
reserves tomorrow.
A true Music Box El Classico.
Will the hard months of graft - us slicing the balls on to their training pitch every 10mins pay off? We will find out tomorrow.
Kick off is a 2pm
0
1
22
It the Creaking weekend!!
We travel to Wisbech this Saturday to face
@AFCWalpole
in the Creake Charity Shield. 1.45 KO
This is being played at a college, but luckily the pitch more than 100 yards from the school, so the lads on the register can play!
Nans not a nonce!
1
2
22
We’re back but following the res this year as Senior B put too many miles of the ford fiesta.
Big
@NickMil41701834
is cooking whilst looking like Dahmer. A good old skulling of
@SwavOfficial
res this afternoon. 5-1
But friendlies are like big tits on a fat bird - don’t count
1
2
23
3-0 down inside 15 mins from a cross and 2 pens against bottom of the league. I know what you’re all thinking ‘that’s proper fenny’
But some bollocks were found, 3-3 at half time, before a last minute winner.
4-3
Goals from
Alpha
@OllRiley_
x2
Fat striker
@liamg92official
x2
1
1
21
On to the semis we go!
1-1 draw vs
@cottenham_fc
4-2 on pens.
1-0 at half time after we missed 4 glorious chances, Cottenham scored a screamer.
Dominated the second half a deservedly grabbed an equaliser through
@liamg92official
2 saves from
@lgreen881
in the shootout
UTF
3
1
21
A big happy 40th birthday to the man behind the big weapon on our profile picture -
@S_W_hastings
A Two Touch XI took on Hemingford vets yesterday. Not sure what the score was, all I know is Twos couldn’t finish his dinner, even if he was starving!
Happy birthday Twos!
1
0
22
Big big win for the fenny helmets 2-1 vs a solid
@AlconburyFC1902
side
Both goals from
@OllRiley_
In other news
@shukes__
asked his lady friend to be his girlfriend 🥺💍
3
2
22
The kit man is finally washing the kit from our last game (19th December 2020)
It’s still ringing wet from all them
@HemUtdFC
Res tears
#DavidHayyyynessssss
2
1
21
WE ARE MASSIVE
2-0 win against
@cottenham_fc
Goals from
@OllRiley_
and
@shukes__
Considering we’ve been dog shit all season, we may actually stay up after rising like the undertaker in the last 3 weeks
0
2
22
BRAMPTON IS YELLOW!!
Brampton 1-3 Fenstanton
Fenny continue their hoodoo over Brammo with a great win against last seasons champions.
Goals coming from
@BailsParr11
(P),
@BenHall93382017
@beza_88
‘chipping’ in.
Good luck to
@FCBrampton
in next seasons Senior B campaign
3
3
21
The Music Box is Yellow!
In a proper ding dong, Fen deservedly beat
@HemUtdFC
Res 4-3
@Elliott_B_
scored from a different postcode, and
@butch31lfc
doubled the lead. Big Kenny put us 3-1 up, 2 Hem goals looked to of stole a draw.
But a 16 year David Haynes screamer made it 4-3
3
0
20
HORSE COCK HAT TRICK!
We absolutely batter
@benwickfc
6-0 after finally looking like a team for only the second time this season!
Goals from
@OllRiley_
⚽️⚽️⚽️
@91KReeves
⚽️
@benhally07
⚽️
@SalvMerola
⚽️
The 3G ghosts laid to rest.
1
2
20
We win our first game of the season against a decent
@SawstonRoversFC
with
@sebhall70
scoring our goal with 5 to go.
Certainly not a classic, boring game. 0-0 written all over it before our goal.
Decent boozer with a naughty boy in the corner
0
3
21
Fuckkk. Nan had a table booked at The Black Rock.... well I think she said ‘Black Rock’ - she mentioned something about massive portions of meat that melt in her mouth. Im guessing she meant steak..
Tomorrow’s game at home to
@fenstantonfc
has been called off as the pitch is waterlogged
#UTB
🔴🔵
0
1
3
1
1
21
Oooof what a big win for us.
2-1 vs
@BuckdenFC
1st vs 2nd
Both goals from
@OllRiley_
with Alphas second one being an absolute thunderbastard!
Average first half, and miles better 2nd half. Buckden couldn’t answer the intensity
UTF
1
4
20
Christ. Do you want some chips with that salt. You didn’t have a shot inside our 18 yard box. But it’s the refs fault.
Don’t buy shit wheel out goals, score your pens.. but ultimately beat us when we are playing shite
💙full time💙
Great game for the spectators! Unfortunately we’ve been beaten on pens! The boys battled hard all game, but our opponents were there to match us all the way. The ref was today and we didn’t have enough to beat 12 men! We go again next week!
#UpTheSwavo
13
1
9
2
0
18
Another weekend
Another win
Another
@OllRiley_
hatty
We beat
@EynesburyRovers
res 4-1
Big credit to the Eynesbury, as the scoreline flattered us and they had some good young players.
Shout out to young Reece Parr who scored his first goal, and was shagging the night before.
2
4
20
Tomorrow we have a tough tie against
@GShelfordFC
Res in the Cup.
The pitch has made a recovery after last weeks shit show. 1 end will look like Hunstanton beach, Sandy and full of dog shit.
Kick off is at 1.45
@chrisgethins
is sharpening his studs
Tell your nan
0
2
21
Big shout out to Chatteris for coming down the boozer after!
One thing that we can take from this season. We are very inconsistent on the pitch but off of the pitch we are the best drinkers going
Win or lose on the booze
If we draw, we will drink some more
2021/22 out 🍺🎤
1
0
19
Fair play
@EmmaRaducanu
At 18 most of our team were going to the LEL, drinking WKD blues, wearing Ben Sherman, stinking of Joop and having 8 wanks a day in their parents spare room.
You’ve just won the
#USOpen
0
0
21
3-2 win vs
@OverSports_FC
after being 2-0 down and being shite for 20mins
@beza_88
the 🐢with the first,
@benhally07
with the equaliser.
Then
@_BrandonHaynes
showed brother younger Ryan that he his the king and asked them to bring him head of David next time for a real challenge
0
0
20
Five star Fenny get the first win ok the board.
A dominant performance see us come away 5-1 winners vs
@OverSports_FC
Res.
@benhally07
x2,
@OllRiley_
@SalvMerola
& a 50 yarder from
@beza_88
Solid for the boys and Ballsy now has fanny on the back of his head.
2
1
19
We are taking requests for friendlies.
Same rules as tinder for us!
No under 16s ❌
No Russian catfish ❌
Occupation - full time mummies❌
Within 35 miles ✅
Can travel or accom ✅
Enjoys romantic evenings ✅
Hot Saturdays ✅
Communial showers ✅
Slide into our DMs
0
1
21
@squeezefootball
Lad with the chin upfront for
@OutwellSwiftsFC
scored 2 and was relentless all game
1
1
20
The first time was so nice…. We had to do it twice.
Fenny 5-0
@SwavOfficial
@SwavOfficial
0-4
To back to back wins for the Fenny.
Goals from
@OllRiley_
X4
@beza_88
@SalvMerola
@Streetaldinho
@benhally07
& Jack Cleghorn.
These wins mean we can’t finish bottom & Swavo do
0
2
20
A lovely little jaunt over to
@WestWrattingFC
Res this evening. Good club, good bunch of fellas, like a beer, had the tunes blaring. Shame the ref was a rare breed. See you next season 🤝
4-3 win. Goals from Greef, Olly x2 & and OG
2
1
19
Merry Christmas to all the teams in the area and all the people we’ve made cry this year
Christmas number ones!
0
0
18
Old is gold. 8 missing
Bare bones FC win 1-0 away at
@benwickfc
in a game we would of lost last year.
The back 4 had a combined age of 138
@sebhall70
with the goal.
Big turn out down the Three Tuns in Doddington after
Speedy recovery to
@Htaylor18Taylor
0
1
19
The triple crown completed over Lt Paxton with an 8-0 win.
Goals from
Big Alpha
@OllRiley_
x3
Thirsty Hally
@benhally07
x3
Top shagger
@Parr1Reece
Captain holiday
@Josh_heaford
Could have been more
2
4
20
Today we travel to
@houghtonwytonfc
for a friendly. Our plan to host a festival at Crystal lakes might of backfired as both teams are missing players.
Both teams still have the old guard playing. As the Smooth FM aren’t at the festival
KO is at 2pm
Jeffsy buying the beers
1
0
19
A 2-2 draw with
@SawstonRoversFC
for the first team today.
2-0 down again, but we clawed it back to 2-2 in the second half with goals from
@samcoulsonmagic
&
@beza_88
Another 5 🟨 keeps us firmly in pole position in the disciplinary charts in Senior B
1
1
18
Big congrats to
@FCBrampton
&
@houghtonwytonfc
on 1 & 2 in 1B
It’s a shame our arsehole fell out after Christmas.
I’m sure our paths will cross again
Big love to the
@AFCWalpole
&
@OutwellSwiftsFC
on promotion.
Make sure the Angel and the Crown have plenty of Guinness in!
1
1
18
BRAMPTON IS STILL YELLOW!
@FCBrampton
0-3 Fenny.
A delightfully Baltic evening saw us beat Senior B royalty on their own turf - for the second year running.
A brace from big corey
@Josh_heaford
and a late clincher from
@beza_88
done the damage!
Thanks & good luck to Brammo
2
1
19
Our captain Two Touch must of predicted this, as he has been wearing a gimp mask in the bedroom for years
Experts have warned having sex could spread the virus - so masks should be warn during the act...
10
2
7
0
0
19
Fenny host recently promoted old foes
@houghtonwytonfc
tomorrow morning.
A few players missing but a couple returning - standard pre season stuff.
Kick off is at 11am as it’s scorching.
Everyone - Remember water
Gingers - Remember that factor 50
0
1
19
And big ups to the
@fenstanton_firm
who made the long trip to watch the boys.
Also a shout out to a couple of Swavo lads who turned up last night… something they failed to do on Wednesday night
0
0
18
Quarter finals baby!
We travel to a side bang in form and a side who are right up there in 1A -
@cottenham_fc
Cottenham also have former fenny hero
@dribbler_
in goal, who would love to give us a good ‘Seal-ing too’
Hopefully alphas recovered from alpha duties!
13.45 KO
0
0
18
Tomorrow is the box derby vs
@HemUtdFC
who currently hold the keys after the covid cup pumping.
We’ve recruited the king of the Music Box
@TurnerJosh
on our quest for glory.
Sadly
@S_W_hastings
is at the Dereham invitational surfing championships
KO is 3pm at the Pav
2
1
17
You’re playing a betting homosexual this Saturday?!
No mate! We are playing Gamlingay Res!
After a unexpected weekend on the piss, we are back in league action at home to
@GamlingayUnited
in the last 3pm KO of 2019.
Nan is putting her bets on
1
0
18
A good 5-0 win for the boys today be Gt Paxton in the Hunts Cup
Paxton had chips before the game at 2pm.
Fenny had cigars in our mouths at 3.30pm
Paxton also didn’t pay your bar bill, so our gaffer paid it - cheers boys
Goals from
@OllRiley_
x3 &
@sebhall70
0
4
17
In the 9 team mini league which is now 1B we travel to
@MarchTownFC
A for our 3rd and final meeting.
A couple of contrasting performance from both teams in the 2 games.
Like pulling in Bangkok - who knows what the result will be?
KO is 2pm at some place called Estover
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Tomorrow we face
@eatonsoconfc
reserves in an away game but at our pitch.
Eaton Res play a couple of leagues above but are playing the tournament how it should be played. Ringer free and with a barebone squad 🤝
Kick off is at 6.15
#WakeMeUpWhenSeptemberComes
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A lovely little bounce back win! 2-0 away at a decent
@ChatterisTownFC
side
Guinness on tap, and sarnies put on after the game! Good little set up over there!
@liamg92official
with both the goals, before he lost his shooting boots in the second half!
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This is the entrance to the famous Hall Green Lane, the moistness obviously hasn’t dried out from last weeks exciting game!
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Game called off as the underfloor heating failed at the cage.
We head into 2023, dropping only 6 points and not losing a game.
Top of the table and a throbbing semi to look forward too
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Fenny travel to
@SwavOfficial
this Saturday in a match where the winner gets to claim owenership Fen Drayton.
Yes you have a big services.... but do you have a
@SUBWAY
- No
Swavo have improved a lot in recent weeks so will be a tough game
Nans going for a footlong!
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Roses are Red
Brampton is Yellow
When we beat them pre season
They were feeling quite mellow
Happy Valentine’s Day
@FCBrampton
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Tomorrow we welcome
@OverSports_FC
Res to HGL as we look to build on last weeks point.
Over have a couple of ex Fenny players and none other than moody mirror selfie taker - Harry Taylor,
We never seem to well against Over & it’s usually quite spicy 🌶
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